Child care costs are breaking families—and moms know it

I always thought I’d have at least two kids. I really did. But here’s the honest truth: I’m seriously weighing that decision against child care costs alone. That’s the kind of ‘mom math’ so many of us are doing behind the scenes, and honestly, it’s starting to feel less like a family decision and more like a financial surrender.

According to a new report from WalletHub, married couples in the U.S. are now spending over 13% of their income on child care. For single parents? That number skyrockets to over 51%. Fifty. One. Percent. That’s not just a budget line item, that’s a broken system.

So let’s say this out loud: The cost of raising children in this country is pushing parents, especially moms, to the brink.

Related: Childcare costs are impacting every aspect of moms’ lives

The invisible cost of doing everything right

I’m part of the 66.5% of families with both parents working full-time jobs, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And like many of you reading this, I work because I love my career and because our family needs the income. So opting out of child care entirely? Not even on the table.

But the sticker shock is real. In New York, the most expensive state for child care, a married couple will spend between 11% and 12.8% of their income on care. For a single parent? That jumps to between 38.4% and 44.7% of their median income per WalletHub.

And this isn’t about luxury daycare centers with yoga and farm-to-table snacks. This is standard full-time care, which has gone from “working parent support” to “barrier to entry.”

You shouldn’t need a six-figure salary to afford a second kid

Even in states with a relatively high median income, like Washington and California, the percentages just don’t add up. Washington’s median household income for married couples is $142,866, yet child care can still eat up to 12.6% of that. In California, it’s as high as 12.3%.

And in states with lower median incomes, like New Mexico, where married couples earn around $99,636 and single parents just $31,822, it gets even worse. Single moms there spend over a third of their income just to secure safe, reliable care for their kids.

When moms like me sit down and think about expanding our families, this is the math we’re doing: Do I have the support? Do I have the space? Can I afford another $2,000/month in child care?

It’s why family planning has become financial planning. And it’s also why so many women are pausing, reconsidering, or even mourning the family they once imagined.

Related: Childcare is not considered ‘affordable’ in any US state—and here’s where it’s most expensive

Moms are fed up—and they’re right to be

This is where organizations like Moms First are stepping in and saying what we’ve all been screaming in our heads: This system wasn’t built with moms in mind, and it’s time to rebuild it. Whether it’s through advocating for paid leave, tax credits, or universal child care options, we need structural change, not more mom guilt.

We need real solutions that don’t require us to choose between a second child and a stable financial future. Between keeping our careers and keeping our sanity. Between being “good moms” and being able to breathe.

Until then, we’ll keep having these impossible conversations at the kitchen table. We’ll keep making spreadsheets and trade-offs. But let’s be very clear: Child care in America is not just unaffordable, it’s unsustainable.

And we deserve better.