“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente

Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?

This quick read is for YOU…

Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.

With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.

There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”

He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”

The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”

. . .

If that story resonates at all right now, it’s time for a few wake-up calls:

1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.

Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.

And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.

2. We all do too many things that don’t need to be done.

Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…

Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.

And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…

Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated I’m losing control and I don’t know where I went wrong.

And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…

I read a couple articles on Apple News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one small “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.

How do we protect against this vicious cycle?

We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.

Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”

The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.

We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!

You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.

Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.

In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly.

Now it’s YOUR turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

One of the most destructive daily habits I carried with me for a long time and I think is a very common one for many people was the thought habit of catastrophizing.

What is catastrophizing?

This is when you build up a nightmare scenario of how everything could go totally wrong in some situation and imagine a big catastrophe in your mind.

You may have a presentation tomorrow and your mind starts to pull up a scenario where you have left your notes at home, you make a fool of yourself, you are embarrassed in front the whole company and your boss yells at you for 20 minutes after the meeting.

Scary stuff for sure.

So how did I learn to handle this one?

Let me share 7 steps that have really helped me out.

Step 1: Loudly say stop to your inner critic.

The catastrophe that has started to brew in your mind comes from your inner critic.

He is telling you: “You will fail because it is what you always do.”

Or that you have not prepared enough.

Or that your boss will not be pleased with your presentation for some reason or other.

Or all of that.

So stop the inner critic quickly. In your mind, as soon as these thoughts pop up, shout:

“NO!”

Or: “NOPE, we are not going down that path again!”

This will disrupt that train of thought and help you to start feeling more level-headed again.

Step 2: Focus on your breathing.

After disrupting the thought be still for a minute or two. Sit down if you can.

Focus on just your in-breaths and out-breaths. Nothing else.

This will calm your body down from the stress and it helps your mind to think more clearly and to return to what is happening right now in this moment instead of being lost in future nightmares.

Step 3: Look to the past for the truth.

Think back to your past.

How many times in the past have these catastrophe scenarios that your mind throws at you actually become reality?

Never or very few times I would imagine. That has certainly been the case for me.

So remind yourself of the actual facts from the past to calm yourself down even more and to draw yourself back to the more centered version of yourself.

Step 4: Talk it through and get input from a level-headed friend.

In many situations in my own life the first three steps have helped me to snap out of the catastrophe scenario and to think more calmly and clearly.

But sometimes that combination isn’t quite enough. Maybe there are still some lingering negative thoughts and inner tensions that could start snowballing again.

If that’s the case then one thing I like to do is to let the catastrophe out. I talk it over with someone close to me.

By doing so, by just venting and having someone listening for a few minutes I can often see the situation for what it truly is. And so I calm down.

Or the person listening can help out me out a bit more if needed and lend me his or her perceptive.

That helps me to ground myself in reality again and it has also helped me many times to find a solution or a first step that I can take to start changing this situation into something better if that is needed.

Step 5: Stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

Another thing that often helps me is to ask myself a question that lets me zoom out and see if I’m honestly just making a mountain out of a molehill here (or out of nothing at all).

So I ask myself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

The answer is usually that it won’t. Even though it might at first seem that way when you’re in a stressed out and anxious headspace.

Step 6: Say stop to yourself when you know you simply can’t think straight.

When I’m hungry or I need to go to bed and get some sleep then I know from experience that I’m vulnerable to catastrophizing and pessimistic thoughts.

So what do I do?

I tell myself this:

No, no, no, we are not going to think about this now. We will think about this situation or challenge later, after getting some sleep or food.

Doing that simple thing helps a lot.

Because when I’m not hungry or I’m well rested once again then my issue that I was getting worked up about will most often be small to non-existent when revisited with some clear-headed thinking.

Or it will at least be a lot easier to find a solution or a plan to improve things if there’s actually a real challenge here that I need to face.

Step 7: Reduce any weekly input that pushes these disaster scenarios into the forefront of your mind.

The people and the other sources out there like TV, social media and various websites or forums have a big influence over your thinking.

So be careful about what you let into your head on a daily and weekly basis. Ask yourself:

Is there a person or source in my life that strengthens my catastrophizing habit?

Examples of such sources could be someone who is very pessimistic or news online or a social media platform that you find is feeding too much negativity into your mind.

When you’ve found something like that in your life ask yourself:

What can I do this week to spend less or no time with this person or source?

Then take action on that and spend the time you’ve now freed up during this week with one or a few of the most optimistic sources / people in your life.

Do this – in the coming weeks or months – with as many sources as needed to piece by piece build a healthy environment for yourself and for your thoughts.