Christian living – Live Laugh Love Do

Still People-Pleasing? Do This Instead

admin — Sun, 28 Sep 2025 13:09:10 +0000

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“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

One of my earliest memories of people-pleasing was around the age of four when my older cousin took me to one of her college classes. As she introduced me to her friends, I remember the intense feeling of wanting to be liked. It was as if I was center stage, putting on a performance in hopes of gaining their applause.

Fast forward fifty years and I still find myself getting caught in cycles of people pleasing. I’m more aware of it now, and better able to realign my thoughts, but the desire for acceptance is still a very real issue.

Sadly, our preoccupation with people’s approval hinders us from the freedom we have in Christ—the freedom to love and serve others. Often, we miss divine opportunities to pour into people because we are so consumed by what they think of us. This isn’t something we like to admit, but it’s true.

If you’re still people pleasing, here are a few things to do instead:

Remember Your Audience

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 (ESV)

Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Live for an audience of One.” When I think of this, I picture an auditorium with one person in the front row—Jesus. As I stand on the stage of my life, I have nothing to prove, nothing to perform. In fact, I envision welcoming Him onto the stage, allowing Him to be front and center.

Through Jesus, we have the acceptance we most desire, as Ephesians 1:3-6 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved” (NKJV).

My friends, we will never be more loved, accepted, or approved of than we already are. And because we live for an audience of One, we are free to share our gifts and talents without the need to perform. We don’t need the applause of man or the standing ovation of the world. We only need Jesus as center stage of our life.

A Prayer to Remember Your Audience:

Gracious God, when I’m tempted to perform for others, remind me that You are my audience of One. Please remain front and center in my life, keeping my gaze fixed on You. Thank You for loving me, choosing, me, and accepting me. I am blessed to live a life pleasing to You. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.

Remember Your True Desires

When trying to break the cycle of people-pleasing, it can be helpful to remember your true desires. What fulfills you most? What gives you peace and joy? I’m not talking about superficial desires that often involve man’s approval, but instead, your true desires that bring lasting fulfillment and contentment. For example:

-Spending more time with God through prayer, Bible study, and worship

-Loving your spouse openly and lavishly

-Cherishing time with your family, pouring into them as God leads

-Valuing people, making them feel seen and heard

-Serving the Body of Christ with your God-given talents

-Doing your work with excellence and integrity

-Taking good care of your temple—mind, heart, body, and spirit

By listing the most important things in life, you’re redirecting your thoughts away from self-centeredness to others-centeredness. Anytime you’re caught in a cycle of people-pleasing, you can remember what matters most and realign your focus.

A Prayer to Remember Your True Desires:

Heavenly Father, please help me stop chasing after superficial things. Remind me of what’s most important—loving You and others. Whenever I get caught in an unhealthy cycle of people-pleasing, redirect my thoughts back to Your will. I truly want to live to please You and serve others with the heart of Jesus. In His precious name, amen.

Remember Your Focus

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

People-pleasing is often rooted in insecurity, and there’s a reason the word insecurity starts with the letters “i-n.” When we go through life with an inward focus, we lose sight of our God-given purpose. It’s like holding a pair of binoculars the wrong way, which causes our view to be narrow and limited.

In contrast, if we turn the lens upward, toward heavenly things, we see the world from a godly perspective. We yearn for the things of heaven instead of Earth’s fleeting achievements. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10) A kingdom perspective can work wonders in turning us away from people-pleasing and toward a life focused on pleasing God.

A Prayer to Remember Your Focus:

Lord, please turn my focus away from my insecurities, which so often lead to people-pleasing. Expand my view to see the wonderful future You have planned for all eternity. From a kingdom perspective, renew my purpose to serve others with the gifts and talents You’ve given me, storing up treasures in heaven. As Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” I offer this prayer to You today, in Jesus’ holy name.

Get Rid of Doubt and Fear

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

From my experience, doubt and fear are the biggest culprits when it comes to people-pleasing. We doubt we’re capable enough, which leads to fear of failure, which leads to striving for man’s approval.

Recognizing what drives our people-pleasing tendencies is an important step towards lasting change. Here are a few helpful questions to ask yourself:

-Who am I afraid of disappointing right now?

-Am I doing this for recognition or because it’s the right thing to do?

-Would I still perform this act of service even if no one noticed?

-Am I doubtful people will accept me, or am I trusting my acceptance in Christ?

Removing doubt and fear is a huge step in the right direction. With the fear of man gone, and God’s peace in its place, we are free to interact with our families, friends, and coworkers with calm assurance of our acceptance in Christ.

A Prayer to Remove Doubt and Fear:

Gracious God, please help me recognize when I’m people-pleasing through doubt and fear. In those moments, help me stop and take a deep breath, remembering the assurance I have in Christ. He is my portion and my prize. In Him, I can do what You’ve called me to do without worry or fear. Thank You, Lord, for removing my anxiety and replacing it with Your peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Step into Christ-Confidence

“For they loved human praise more than praise from God.” John 12:42-43

There’s a big difference between self-confidence and Christ-confidence. The first includes continuously building ourselves up in order to feel worthy or successful. The second involves living from the victory Jesus achieved for us through His finished work on the cross.

My friends, it’s by His strength that we are empowered to live and move and breathe. So why do we consistently do things in our own strength, depending on others for acceptance and approval?

One definition of approval is the belief that someone is good or acceptable. The Christ-centered definition, however, is that we’re made good and acceptable through His righteousness. Wow. What a difference Christ-confidence can make!

1 Thessalonians 2:4 says, “We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” This verse sums it up, doesn’t it? Our people-pleasing ways are brought into submission when we surrender our hearts to the King of Kings. He is our focus, our desire, and our devotion. All that we say and do is for Him and because of Him, and when we finally grasp this truth, people-pleasing will become a thing of the past.

A Prayer for Surrender:

Gracious Heavenly Father, I have spent far too many years seeking man’s approval, and I’m ready to step into a new way of doing things. I surrender myself to You now. Please turn my focus to heavenly things, reminding me this is not all there is. Please remove the doubt and fear that have held me hostage and replace them with Your peace. Help me step into Christ-confidence and the knowledge of who I am in Your Son. Let His finished work be my focus and the grace upon which I build my life. I pray these things in His precious and holy name, amen.

More resources for your journey:

Why People Pleasing Is Not What God Wants for You

How to Break the Cycle of People-Pleasing

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Motortion

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Learning to Let Go of a Grudge

admin — Fri, 13 Jun 2025 07:14:32 +0000

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“I tried to hold your hand, but you’d rather hold your grudge” (“Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet?” by Relient K).

Letting go of a grudge is hard. As this verse from Relient K’s song says, sometimes we prefer to hold our grudge rather than let go of it. Holding onto grudges is not healthy for us. By refusing to let go of a grudge, it will only consume us from the inside out. If we want true freedom and peace, we have to let go of our grudges. If you are looking for ways to let go of a grudge, know that it is not as simple as following a three or five-point process. Rather, grudges can take a long time to let go of; however, we are not alone in our struggles.

Giving the Grudge Over to God

Letting go of a grudge cannot be done apart from the Lord’s work in our lives. In other words, we can only let go of a grudge if God helps us. The main way He helps us is by taking the grudge from us and allowing us to let go of it. God does not want you to hold onto a grudge because it will only cause harm to you. You can give your grudge over to God, and He will help it stop ruling your life.

Whether we are aware of it or not, grudges tend to dictate our lives. Instead of extending grace, mercy, and forgiveness, we choose to continue to hold our grudges. The Lord wants us to forgive the person who wronged us. The Bible tells us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). As this Bible verse tells us, we are to forgive because the Lord has forgiven us.

Forgiving the individual does not mean what they did is okay or forgotten. Rather, it means that you are giving the situation over to God. This can be difficult, but you cannot truly forgive someone and let go of a grudge without giving it over to God. We can trust God to hold space for our pain and trust Him to take the pain away. Your grudge has caused you much pain and has probably damaged other relationships in the process. Maybe you were upset with a friend and held a grudge against them, and as a result, now you don’t talk to anyone in your friend group anymore.

As we can see, there are a lot of problems that can come as a result of a grudge, and they might not be easily fixable. However, what we can do is give the grudge over to God and ask Him to help us let go of the grudge. Tell the Lord that you need His help because you are not strong enough on your own. The Lord will help you, and He will carry this burden for you. Give your grudge over to God today and ask Him to help you forgive the individual you are holding the grudge against. You will find true freedom and peace once you are able to do this.

Not Allowing the Grudge to Rule Over Us

As mentioned, grudges have a way of ruling over our lives. God does not want us to be a slave to anything, and this includes being a slave to our grudges. Even if we think we have the upper hand, the grudge is actually the one in control. As believers, we do not need to let our hearts grow with bitterness, anger, and rage. Instead, we need to try to cultivate forgiveness, mercy, and grace. We will not be able to cultivate these things if we are allowing a grudge to rule our lives.

If you are familiar with holding grudges, you know how painful they can be. We might think we are causing pain to the person we are holding a grudge against, but the truth is, we are only hurting ourselves. The person you are holding a grudge against probably pays no mind to the grudge you are holding against them, and they might not even be aware of it. Instead of allowing your life to continue to be controlled by anger and hate, choose today to not allow your grudges to control your life.

The Lord can help you if you ask Him. Nothing is too hard for Him. Everything in our life is a choice, and the only way to be freed from our grudges is to have God’s help. We have to willingly choose to ask Him to help us let go of our grudges, allowing us to have freedom from the grudges that we hold. Many of the grudges that we have could be decades in the making, but we have to let go of them. If you continue to allow the grudge to rule your life, it will only continue causing pain, anger, and misery.

Extending Grace to the Other Person and Yourself

When you are in a place where you can truly let go of a grudge, you will find that it is important to extend grace to the person you hold a grudge against, as well as to extend grace to yourself. All of the pain that this individual caused you is seen and valid. In no way does letting go of a grudge mean that what they did is okay or not severe. What they did caused you much pain, and in no way should this be invalidated.

All of your pain is validated. Through your pain, you have become more aware of the anger and hate that can rise in your heart when someone hurts you. Maybe this person was someone very close to you, and you loved them very much. Try to look past the wrong and forgive them as the Lord has forgiven you. The individual probably does not deserve the grace you are extending to them, but neither did we deserve the grace God extended to us by sending His Son to die for our sins.

This is one of the harder parts of following Jesus—we have to actually follow His teachings. By all possible means, the Lord could have cultivated a grudge against all of us because it is our fault that He had to die for our sins and suffer on the cross. However, never do we see the Lord holding a grudge against us. The Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit never hold a grudge against us. Instead, they forgive us because they love us. We need to see this as a model to follow.

It is us as humans who caused the fall and caused sin to enter into the world. While there were consequences for Adam and Eve’s disobedience, never does God hold a grudge against them. Instead, we see the Lord descending from heaven to repair our broken relationship with the Father. This is what we must do as believers. We have to extend grace and mercy to the person we are holding a grudge against. Even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness and grace, we still need to extend it.

In the same way, we also have to extend forgiveness to ourselves. It is difficult not to be so hard on ourselves, but this is something that we must do. After we have moved forward from a grudge, we might feel regret and anger that we allowed a grudge to consume so many years of our life. This will cause us to feel anger and resentment within ourselves, yet we must not feed into these feelings. Instead, we need to extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness to ourselves.

It is hard to let go of a grudge, but with the Lord’s help, it is possible.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images-Monkey Business Images

Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/.

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The Un-Fun Blame Game | iBelieve.com

admin — Mon, 02 Jun 2025 09:45:13 +0000

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We own a 1994 Suburban that still runs great. We use it to haul bricks, wood, and sometimes the grandkids across town. The vehicle keeps going, and we’re grateful to have it. When parked next to newer, efficient vehicles, however, I see the glares of strangers and imagine them blaming me for melting ice caps and homeless polar bears!

Facetiousness aside, most of us have been unfairly blamed for things. I call it the un-fun blame game, which seems to be growing in popularity. Fingers are pointing, accusations are flaring, and people’s words are more condemning than ever. Especially on social media, this has become a firestorm of activity, dividing families, communities, and countries.

While it’s easy to get caught in the blame game, we’re called to sit this out as Christ-followers. Here are a few Scriptural reminders to help us keep things in perspective.

Satan Is Behind It

Revelation 12:10 points out who’s behind the accusations, saying, “It has come at last—salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth—the one who accuses them before our God day and night.” (NLT)

The enemy loves it when people hurl insults at one another. He is, after all, the father of lies according to Jesus’ words in John 8:44. “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Thankfully, God has all power, authority, and dominion over our accuser, and He gives us the authority to say, “Not today, Satan.” Revelation 12:11 gives us even more assurance: “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”

We have the power to overcome through the Holy Spirit within us. Keeping our minds on the Kingdom of God and His righteousness makes us far less tempted to join the accusations. Remember that when we resist the enemy, he has to flee. So, let’s resist the accuser of the brethren and refuse to play the blame game.

A Prayer of Resistance: Lord, please empower me to stand against the enemy today. Help me resist his accusations and say, “Not today, Satan.” In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.

God Is Your Defense

“But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries can resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.” Luke 21:14-19

Before Jesus’ death, He warned His disciples that persecution was coming. He didn’t do this to scare them but to prepare them. The Holy Spirit prepares us for every arrow that comes our way. It might not feel like it at the time, but He equips us with the exact defense needed.

Recently, I experienced a personal attack from an extended family member. It was shocking, heartbreaking, and a bit derailing. But God! He came to my defense in a way that was nothing short of miraculous. It was as if He surrounded me with an impenetrable shield of love, grace, and peace, reminding me of who I was in Him. I didn’t have to come up with the right words; I simply rested in His truth as the perfect defense.

When facing blame unfairly, ask God to remind you of all that is right, good, and true. Look beyond the accusations to the holy revelations provided in His word. He is your defense, your refuge, and fortress, the One in whom you can always trust.

A Prayer of Defense: Lord, thank You for being my Jehovah Nissi, my banner of protection and peace. I trust in You to guard me from persecution and false accusations. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.

Humility Wins

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2 ESV

I can’t think of a time when blame wasn’t wrapped in pride. When checking my heart and motives, pride is always revealed as the instigator. I’ve learned the hard way that the only way to win is through humility. Meekness always holds the winning card. It’s worth the highest score because it takes the lowest position. As James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

C.S. Lewis once said, “It is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began.” This is a big claim, but looking back, even the first family was torn apart by pride. When God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not Cain’s, wounded pride led to murder. The saddest part about this story is that God gave Cain the chance to do what was right and be accepted.

Proverbs 11:2 reminds us, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” I don’t know about you, but I choose humility. I choose God’s wisdom over my own opinions. It’s not easy, but so worth it.

Neither you nor I will stop the unfun blame game, which is likely to grow in popularity in the coming days. But as Christ-followers, we can choose to remove ourselves from the competition.

When offenses come (and they will), try opening your hands and extending your fingers one by one to symbolize letting go. Release accusation to the Lord and refuse to partner with it. Remember Ephesians 4:31, which says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

God is your Defender, my friend. He hears the accusations coming your way, and He can stop every arrow before it pierces your tender heart. Trust Him today and leave the unfun blame game behind.

A Prayer to Overcome Blame: Heavenly Father, please forgive me for harboring pride in my heart and thinking I have the right to point blame at others. I surrender all bitterness, rage, and slander today, asking You to purify my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Please set a guard over my mouth and help me return blessings for insults. Protect me from the accuser and the one who tries to derail me. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. I removed myself from the blame game today and focused on you. In the mighty name of Jesus, amen.

More Resources for Your Journey:

5 Steps to Escape the Blame Game and Heal Your Past

8 Reasons Blaming and Complaining Aren’t Fruitful

When It Feels Better to Blame Someone Else

Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.

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8 Suggestions for Grieving Together as a Family

admin — Wed, 28 May 2025 17:03:51 +0000

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Before getting together as a family, or each time you’ll be around a grieving family member, pray that you will have a sensitive heart toward them. Ask for the Spirit’s discernment to know what each person needs, in terms of a kind word, comfort, or understanding, even despite your own expectations and needs for comfort. Everyone grieves differently, and sometimes the worst in us can come out, especially among family, so pray that God will help you extend grace toward others and be sensitive to what they’re going through. Proverbs 15:1 in the Contemporary English Bible says, “A sensitive answer turns back wrath, but an offensive word stirs up anger.” Feelings are volatile when family members are grieving (or trying not to), so sensitivity and grace go a long way.

While our culture says that you and your feelings are all that matter, having a heart that extends grace and seeks to encourage others, despite your hurt, will pour salve on wounds. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (NASB). Pray for a sensitive heart and pleasant words to help heal others’ hurts and yours.

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