Many people will get married, and others will never marry. Getting married or not getting married is not a moral issue. Instead, some people get married and others do not. One is not superior to the other. Despite this being often taught within Christian communities, it is not correct. A person can serve Jesus whether they are married or not.

Will My Life Be Lacking If I’m Not Married?

Marriage is not for everyone. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise us a spouse. While this can be depressing for many, it is what the Bible says. If you have desired marriage for a long time and you are now feeling God is leading you away from it, leave space for your feelings. Grieving what could have been is entirely valid and nothing to be ashamed of.

Oftentimes, we think our life will lack something if we are not married. After all, everyone wants to love and to be loved. There is no point in life without love. While we may never have a spouse who loves us, we can take solace in knowing God loves us. His love is shown to us by sending His Son to die for our sins (John 3:16-17).

The love God has for you has no bounds (Romans 8:37-39). He loves you without conditions. Lean on this when you feel you are struggling. Seeing everyone getting married when you feel alone and unloved is excruciating. I see you, and I validate your pain. However, it says nothing about your worth.

God dearly loves you, and nothing can change this truth. In addition to being loved by God, you are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10). Since you are complete in Christ, you are not lacking anything. Through Jesus, you are more than enough and are given everything you need to live for Him. There are no requirements for serving Jesus besides loving Him and knowing Him as your personal Savior and Lord.

Am I a Mature Christian If I’m Not Married?

A common phrase I have heard amongst Christian communities is, “You are not a mature Christian if you are not married.” This is a false statement, as marriage has nothing to do with Christian maturity. A person can be married with little Christian maturity, and a person can be unmarried with great Christian maturity. Being married or not isn’t a measurable tool for Christian maturity.

Christian maturity is based on service and obedience to God. Both single and married Christians can be mature Christians. If you want to cultivate your maturity in your Christian walk, start being more involved with daily prayer, reading your Bible, and applying God’s teachings. This is how you develop Christian growth. It is not found in getting married.

For many people, marriage can help them become more mature; however, this does not mean they are maturing in their Christian walk. People who are married and those who are not can grow in their Christian walk by following Jesus and deepening their relationship with Him. Choose to utilize this time to grow in Christ and rest in knowing that you can be a mature Christian regardless of your relationship status.

How Do I Know If I Should Get Married or Not?

For some people, marriage is not an option. They have chosen in their hearts that they will dedicate their entire lives to serving God. Whether they decide to get married or not, they can still glorify God (1 Corinthians 7:1-40). The Bible never tells us one is better than the other. Therefore, never feel ashamed if you never get married. In the same way, don’t feel as though you cannot serve Jesus with your life if you are married.

God loves all people, whether they are married or not. If someone is married, they need to ensure their marriage brings glory to God. This means treating their spouse well, loving them as Jesus loves the church, respecting their spouse, and building their marriage upon God (Ephesians 5:21-33). Getting married is a huge decision and one that should be made haphazardly.

If you choose to marry, make sure you marry the right person for the right reason. I have known far too many people who get married just because they want to be married. They don’t truly want to marry their fiancé or fiancée—they just feel they have to get married. If you are stuck in a mindset like this, turn to God. Seek His direction and allow Him to change your heart.

If God wants you to be married, He will bring the right person into your life. If this person never comes, know that it is okay. It can be painful, but your life will not suffer for not getting married. I know many Christian women who never married, yet they have joyful and abundant lives in the Lord. While I am sure they sometimes struggle, they can use this pain as something positive for the Kingdom.

Marriage is not for everyone, and we do not need to try to force marriage upon ourselves. If we never get married, that is okay—our value and worth never fade away if we don’t get married. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and so is singleness. Many view marriage as a gift, but singleness is a beautiful blessing. By remaining single, you can dedicate yourself fully to the Lord and spend more time with Him.

As you reflect on these truths, pour your feelings into God in prayer. Tell him how you feel about things, and don’t be afraid to be honest. If you are having difficulty accepting that you might never get married, give these feelings to God. Yes, it is painful for a dream to be broken, but God has something far greater in store. Trust Him with your life and know that He will turn your life into something beautiful.

Whether you get married or not, know that you can serve God. God’s biggest desire for us is our Christian growth in Him. Marriage is a beautiful creation of God, but it is not promised to us. We are promised His incredible love and the blessing of salvation, the greatest gifts of all.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/DAMIENPHOTO

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Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT

When you’re upset with someone or you feel hurt by them, the last thing you typically want to do is pray for them. Our human nature when someone hurts you is to want to hurt them back, or at least play the victim for a while and make them suffer.

Choosing to pray for your spouse when you are upset with them actually helps you mature and grow closer to God and to your spouse. While it may be tempting to simply pray for them to see the errors of their ways and to see that you are right, praying for the following three things will help your heart change toward them and help make your relationship better.

Thank God for them. So many of Paul’s prayers in the New Testament begin with thanksgiving because he knew the importance of being thankful for the people God had placed in his life. When you take time to thank God for your spouse, it helps you remember how much you love them and how much of a blessing they are to you (something that’s easily forgotten when you are mad at them for something).

Pray for what they need. Ask God to give your spouse what they need at that time. It may be peace in their soul, it may be for them to grow closer to God and to hear His voice, or it may be for them to accept Him as their savior if they haven’t done that yet. The beauty of prayer is that God knows what you need before you ask Him, so you can pray simply that God gives them what they need and He will do the rest.

Pray for yourself. Ironically, probably the most important thing when praying for your spouse is to pray for yourself. Pray for God to change your heart and allow you to move past whatever is bothering and/or hurting you and to grow closer to Him through it. You are the only one you have control over in your relationship, so ask God to work in you to help your marriage grow stronger.

Practical Application: The next time you are angry at your spouse, go into another room and take a minute to pray for these three things and give your frustrations over to God and then watch your attitude change.

When you choose to let God work in your heart through conflict with your spouse, you can strengthen your relationship with God, grow in maturity, grow closer to your spouse, and experience more peace in your relationship.

**This advice is directed toward minor disagreements in marriages. If you are facing more severe issues in your marriage like infidelity or abuse, it is best for you to pursue professional help.

Photo Credit: ©Ricardo Gomez Angel/Unsplash

Some days, my goal is simply to put one foot in front of the other consistently enough to make it through to the end of the day. I’m in a life stage where it is easy to feel out of control, with two young kids and a full plate of activities (on top of work and other obligations and demands).

On those days, it’s almost like my wife and I are running a marathon, and we are just trying to cross the finish line.

But, God doesn’t want us to just survive. He intends for us to thrive, or flourish.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Jesus is talking about having life, and having it to the fullest!

In the same way, God wants our marriages to not only last but to thrive. When I set out to write this article, I really had to meditate on what it means to thrive. I was really intrigued by one definition I read for the word… to grow vigorously.

Over the last few years, I’ve taken up gardening. Now, I’ve grown a few things in planter boxes and on patios through the years, but last year it got real–my first, sizeable, in-ground garden.

We moved to a new home with more land and space to undertake such an effort, so I said “why not?” While I was feeling adventurous last spring, I decided to attempt to grow some cantaloupe plants from the seeds from a store-bought cantaloupe. I had no idea if it would work or not.

Well, let me tell you, with a little work and a lot of patience, those cantaloupe seeds sprang forth huge plants that produced dozens of cantaloupes… and grew so vigorously they nearly took over the garden.

I know it can be cliché to draw a comparison between a garden and a marriage–but it’s nearly unavoidable since it is so apt. Like a garden, a marriage needs cultivation.

You have to pay attention to your garden plot–add in the good stuff like compost and remove the bad stuff like weeds and pests. If you do those things, the plants will thrive, or “grow vigorously.”

So, how do we get our marriage to do the same? I believe there are a few key factors that contribute to a thriving, growing marriage. If we maintain our focus on these, then we’ll see the fruitful results in our relationships.

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Bernardbodo

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Practically speaking, it is not possible to grumble and glorify God in the same breath. If we set our minds to cultivating gratitude in our marriages, it will chase out the grumbling.

During a particularly grumbly time in my marriage, I felt the Lord impress on my heart to practice the passage from Philippians diligently. “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” Philippians 4:8-9.

Every time my mind wanted to return to my grumble list, I would do my best to pick up my thoughts and set them on the things that were true, honorable, excellent, right, pure, lovely, good, and praiseworthy in our marriage. And there were many! But if I had let the struggles and misunderstandings have their way with me, I wouldn’t be able to see the good. I wouldn’t be capable of gratitude.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world Philippians 2:14-15

Having a grateful heart in our marriage is a specific and practical way we share our testimony with people – it makes us a light in the world!

May the Lord breathe grace and gratitude into your marriage so that you would have joy together and shine with His redeeming light for others to know Him more!

Related Resource: Why We Go to Bed Mad (And Why It’s Helped Our Marriage)

Within the Christian community, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” is often quoted as a hard-and-fast rule for married couples to follow whenever they experience conflict. But sometimes Ted and I do go to bed mad—and surprisingly, it’s been good for our marriage. In today’s episode of Team Us, we’ll tell you why. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.

A fall retreat focused on studying the Bible together allows you to discover new ways to apply biblical teachings to your relationship. Whether you’re new to studying the Bible together or have been doing it for years, dedicating intentional time to explore God’s Word will strengthen your spiritual foundation. Choose a book of the Bible or a specific theme to study during your retreat. For example, you might study the concept of love and marriage, focusing on passages such as Ephesians 5:25 (“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”) or Proverbs 31:10 (“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”). These verses can spark meaningful discussions about your roles in the relationship and how you can better share God’s love with each other. Set aside quiet times for personal reflection and journaling on what the Holy Spirit is revealing to you as you study. Then, come together to share your insights, discuss the challenges you’re facing, and pray for God’s guidance as you seek to grow spiritually. As you study, remember the wisdom of 2 Timothy 3:16-17: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” You can also incorporate Scripture memorization by praying Scripture over each other and finding creative ways to apply the Bible’s teachings to your everyday lives. By the end of your retreat, you’ll have not only deepened your understanding of God’s Word but also strengthened your bond as spiritual partners.

In conclusion, a fall retreat for couples is an invitation to slow down, reconnect, and refocus on what truly matters: your relationship with God and each other. These experiences can deepen your spiritual bond and renew your commitment to walk together in faith. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds you: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This fall, you can find rest, renewal, and reconnection as you seek God’s presence together!

Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Cassidy Rowell Aawzg

We often get hung up on Scripture’s call to wives to submit to their husbands. But let’s look in context and not miss a critical piece of the Word that will help strengthen our marriage.

Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”(ESV)

Once again, we need to break down this Scripture. Husbands are to “love his wife as himself.” It is uncontested that our nature is to love ourselves more than anything. We will sacrifice so much on behalf of our personal comfort, success, worth, and even life. Husbands are called to do so for their wives. In other words, husbands, your wife’s value should be equal to if not more than you value yourself. And wives? We are called to respect our husbands. Respect is a huge part of strengthening our marriage, but in our culture, so much is thrown at us to undermine and emasculate our husbands. To point out their failures, to question their opinions, and even their intelligence. But no, we are called to respect them.

And oh, how much easier is it for him to love you as himself when he feels valued and respected, and oh, how much easier it is for you to respect him when he sacrifices himself on your behalf?

A marriage can be strengthened by engaging in humility, recognizing that our strength comes from God alone, striving to be unified as a couple, and practicing love and respect. None of these elements are easy, but the concepts can be simple. When practiced, they can create firm marital foundations.

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