Q:

I know how I’m about to sound, but I don’t know what to do. My bff–from high school, and we’re in our late 20s now–moved across the country. He has a few chronic illnesses that cause him a lot of pain every day. I want to be there for him, which usually takes the form of phone calls, but more and more when we talk on the phone we inevitably wind up spending a lot of time–sometimes more than an hour–rehashing his symptoms and his anxiety about it. I just don’t know what to say sometimes–I know solutions aren’t really helpful, and it’s not like I have any medical advice to give anyway, so I am just left repeating, “damn, that sucks.” I want to be a good friend and try and keep our friendship strong after he moved away, but the phone calls feel like they’re not fun for either of us and leave me feeling resentful. Is it ever appropriate to try and bring this up with someone who is actively sick? Do I just suck it up and find something to do with my hands while he vents? I feel like such a jerk.

A:

This is a tough situation to find yourself in. Often, when it comes to relationship issues — whether with romantic partners, family members, or friends — the common (and well-intentioned) advice is to just communicate on the issue. Usually this is good advice, but we sometimes find ourselves in situations where communicating our frustration or resentment to someone hurts them deeply and damages the relationship. Some things can’t be unsaid, and it’s important to keep actively trying to have empathy for people who are struggling with intense and ongoing challenges like depression, abuse, or chronic illness. Your friend isn’t in control of his illnesses and shouldn’t have to hold back his anxieties to make other people feel better. That being said, you’re not a jerk for feeling helpless and resentful.

Caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue

It’s very likely that you’re experiencing a kind of caregiver burnout or compassion fatigue. These are characterised by being in a caregiving situation and feeling exhausted (mentally, emotionally, or physically). The difference between the two is that caregiver burnout is the result of caregiving stress (think a licensed carer, health advocate, etc), while compassion fatigue is usually in response to another person’s traumatic stress. You might also be feeling a kind of compassion fatigue from constant exposure to your friend’s chronic illnesses. What’s interesting about compassion fatigue is that it also results in a diminished capacity for empathy. In that state of mind, empathizing becomes tiring and frustrating. You’re a bad person for feeling this way. It’s actually a warning sign for your well-being.

Your letter sounds like you’re under pressure to help your friend. You want to offer good advice and solutions but (as you pointed out) there’s really not much you can do from where you are. I think it’s important to ask yourself where this pressure is coming from. Does your friend expect consistent support from you for his illnesses? Is the expectation internal to you because you have a strong desire to be a good friend? Solutions-oriented people like me suffer when someone in our orbit needs help and we can’t ‘fix’ it for them. Could this be your feeling? If the pressure is coming from your friend, then yeah, you may need to (kindly and empathetically) communicate boundaries about what you can and can’t do to help. If the pressure is internal, you’ll have to recalibrate your expectations.

Without getting into the woods of long-term caregiver fatigue, I’ve got some starting points:

Your feelings are valid

Whatever your feelings are, it’s better to acknowledge them and pick through the ensuing responses to learn more about yourself. Fatigue, resentment, and frustration aren’t signs you’re a ‘bad’ person. In this situation, they’re a bodily signal telling you to make a change before things get out of hand. It’s okay to experience those feelings fully.

Know your reach

Everyone has limitations and restrictions. There’s little you can do to directly address your friend’s chronic illnesses. If you’ve reached the point of frustration and resentment, you’ve probably doing everything within your power already. Knowing that we have limits isn’t an admission of weakness — it’s a protective factor that stops us from overcommitting to the impossible.

Turn the lens inward

After seeing your feelings as valid and finding your limits, you’ll have the resources needed to practice self-care. Self-care isn’t always relaxation for its own sake. It goes much further if you have an idea of why you’re doing it and where it’s aimed.

More ideas from the peanut gallery

With the why of your situation covered, let’s look at more practical solutions. Based on your query, I’m guessing that he’s had chronic illnesses for a long time and your difficulties started after he moved cross-country. In that case, the issue isn’t the illnesses alone but that there’s suddenly more distance between you. This understandably makes it harder to maintain the friendship, especially if your expectations were set by a time when you could meet face-to-face. On top of that, phone calls place sole focus on conversation and the expectation to update each other. For your friend, the developments of his illnesses and anxieties fall under that umbrella. They take up a lot of his mental space, so it’s natural that he wants to talk about it.

With all that in mind, is it possible to digitally recreate how you used to spend time together? Shaping your catch-ups with a shared activity or interest takes the focus away from life updates. It might just give you breathing room when the conversation is naturally broken by an activity. Something to take the edge off between heavy topics? For example, I’m a gamer. I can stay in touch while playing games with friends (not even the same game) and chat via Discord. If not gaming, do you have other shared interests that can be linked? Art sessions, taking a walk, cooking together, or watching a show?

You can even parallel play or body-double for each other. That’s when you do separate things (playing for parallel play, work/chores for body doubling) in a shared space. It can be done digitally. You could hang out on a call while washing dishes or making dinner. Or while one of you builds tiny model ships inside glass bottles or something. Body-doubling can even make chores more bearable by adding a friendly social dimension. You may have to find common ground, but a good starting point is to tell him that you want to recreate how you used to hang out. Or do something new and hang out together, rather than take another call.

Maintaining close friendships is hard. The difficulty is doubled when someone’s going through a difficult time or there’s distance. You’ve got both on your plate. Whatever happens, try to stay emotionally open to your friend’s struggles while also letting go of the need to aid them. Remember: You’re only human. You’re not a jerk. Friendship isn’t just about providing lending aid or staying up-to-date on each other’s lives. Friendship is about having fun and spending quality time together. You both deserve that.

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Financial infidelity is defined as consciously or deliberately lying to a romantic partner about financial behavior. It is not occasionally forgetting to record a check or debit card transaction. It’s a situation when one partner intentionally hides a money-related secret from the other, expecting that it would be disapproved of. Second, it’s failing to disclose this information to a partner.

For instance, when Sarah, 38, failed to tell her husband Tyler, 37, that she had been loaning money to her younger sister, Kayla, this is financial infidelity. Sarah felt sorry for Kayla because she was going through a divorce and she needed money to rent an apartment. She didn’t tell Tyler about loaning Kayla $1,000 because she didn’t have confidence that he would approve of it and be understanding.

Garbinsky et al (2020) found that financial infidelity can take the same emotional toll as physical or sexual infidelity. In addition to the feelings of being wounded by a partner who was betrayed and has broken trust, it can leave a family without financial security. 

Romantic relationships are built on trust, but partners are not always honest in their financial behavior – they may hide spending, debt, and savings from one another. Financial infidelity can generate suspicion and resentment between partners. It can even shatter trust, and if it doesn’t stop, the fabric of a marriage or committed relationship can be damaged.

In 2024, The National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE) found that 2 in 5 (43%) of US adults who ever combined resources, confess to having committed some act of financial deception and 85% of those people said it affected their relationship in some way.

Why Does Financial Infidelity Go Unnoticed?

Sometimes, financial infidelity goes unnoticed for years, while in other cases, a partner may suspect it’s happening but use rationalization or denial because they have trouble believing that their loved one would be deceitful. This is especially true during an early period of marriage when couples tend to wear rose-colored glasses and want to see the best in each other. This can cause people to overlook mistakes or flaws in their partner’s character. 

Married for three years to Sarah, Tyler puts it like this, “I felt quite betrayed when I found out Sarah was keeping secrets. She tried to convince me that I was a selfish person for questioning why she was loaning money to Kayla. I felt so angry when I discovered she had been skimming money from her paycheck and hiding it in a secret account to use for her own purposes. And, all along we’ve been struggling to pay monthly bills because Sarah said she wasn’t able to pay her share of them.”

In other cases, a couple may have a two-pot money management system, which means they keep their incomes, payments, bills, and debts in two separate checking and savings accounts, and pay for all childrearing and household expenses on a fifty-fifty basis. When necessary, couples who use this system might contribute to a third account to pay for nonessentials like a family vacation.  If couples don’t have transparency and have regular money talks, it’s easy to see how financial infidelity can go unnoticed.

Why Does Financial Infidelity Happen?

Unfortunately, ongoing friction in an intimate relationship or marriage can lead to financial infidelity, such as hiding purchases or debt from a partner. In some cases, partners loan family members (or other people) money and conceal this information from their partner. They might rationalize their behavior because they believe their partner wouldn’t approve of it and they don’t consider it to be dishonest. 

Often financial infidelity can be an indication of deeper issues in a relationship. As with Sarah and Tyler, it can have roots in feelings of mistrust, insecurities, and a need for protection or control. Like many couples, they rarely spoke about their finances and they had separate checking and savings accounts. As a result, it was easy for Sarah to feel entitled to loan Kayla money and to believe it was unnecessary to tell Tyler because she earned the money, and it was her personal checking account. 

How to Heal From Financial Infidelity 

The first step in healing from financial infidelity is admitting that there is a problem and fostering a willingness to get help by a professional. Both people in a relationship need to be honest about their financial mistakes in the present and in the past, so that they can truly repair the damage done. That means bringing out every statement, credit card receipt, bill, checking or savings account statement, loan, or other evidence of spending. 

Next, both partners need to make a commitment to work through issues together. The person who was betrayed needs time to adjust to the details of the breach of trust and this does not happen overnight. 

Additionally, the person who is the perpetrator of the financial infidelity needs to be completely transparent and willing to take responsibility for their behavior. They also need to make a promise to stop keeping secrets about money. This means changing their daily habits of spending and/or hiding money, lending money to others, or even gambling. 

If your partner keeps secrets about money, it’s normal to feel frustrated, angry, or resentful and to criticize them. Instead, do your best to avoid conversations which involve blame, defensiveness, accusations, and personal attacks. 

According to Dr. John Gottman, criticism is one of the main causes of divorce and can have a devastating effect on a relationship. Remember that a complaint is different from criticism. For instance, this is a complaint: “I’m upset because you didn’t tell me that you purchased a new bike and charged it. We agreed to discuss nonessential credit card purchases, and money is tight right now.” This is a criticism: “You never tell me the truth. How can I trust you?” Remember that criticism might cause your spouse to be highly defensive, escalate conflict, and even destroy your relationship.

Ways to Deal With Financial Infidelity in Your Relationship

1. Make a commitment to full disclosure about finances.

Don’t expect that your conversations will go smoothly at first. Keep in mind you will be discussing emotions as well as numbers. If you’re the perpetrator, you need to share details about your past and current debts and secret accounts, as well as spending habits. You may need to do this by showing your partner bank and credit card statements, and having weekly check-ins until the tension between you lessens and some level of trust is restored. 

2. Make a commitment to monthly money talks.

Check in with your partner on a regular basis to rid yourself of debt and spending habits that are contributing to any financial problems in your marriage. During these discussions, review your joint budget and actual spending. Adjust your spending if needed so you can achieve financial health. Spending less than you earn is an important first step. 

3. Consider couples therapy.

Sometimes people are less defensive and are more motivated to change behavior, such as financial infidelity, if a third-party shares information and insights. In most cases, a couples therapist (and a certified financial planner) can help to educate you and your partner about how to have transparent and easier money talks. They can show you how to become true financial partners who adopt a mindset of “us against the problem” rather than “us against each other.”

Financial infidelity can have a negative impact on a couple emotionally and financially. When a couple has poor communication skills and they’re dealing with financial infidelity, this can be a disastrous for a relationship because it destroys trust and intimacy. 

The good news is that by tackling the challenges that come with financial infidelity head on, you can restore trust and repair your marriage or committed relationship. Keep in mind that conversations about money can easily escalate into high conflict. Consider working with a couples therapist who can facilitate low-conflict conversations about money. 

Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D

Sharp, frank and fearless, that’s Buddhist sex therapist, psychologist, author, and speaker Dr. Cheryl Fraser. With a rare combination of academic credibility, humor, straight talk, and life-changing advice, she has helped thousands of couples jumpstart their love life and create passion that lasts a lifetime. Check out her FREE Couples Course Reboot Your Relationship now! She has taught for Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield, appeared on television and podcasts, and writes about love and sex for magazines. Dr. Cheryl’s 12-week online immersion program for couples Become Passion brings her work to your own living room. Learn more and get on the waitlist. Listen to her podcast Sex, Love & Elephants here. Her book Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy is available now. For more information or to sign up for weekly LoveBytes, visit her website and check out her videos on YouTube.

Most of the time, it feels like pretty much all of the relationship advice on the internet is geared towards women. If you’re a man in need of relationship advice, then we’ve got you covered!

Don’t be Shy

You don’t want to sit around and wait for your partner to talk to you if there’s something on your mind then get it out. Your relationship can suffer if you choose to suffer in silence. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings or bring something up that might be bothering you. Trust us, you’ll feel much better when you get it out there.

Try New Things

Part of the fun of a relationship is trying new things together. If you stay resilient and don’t take to new activities, then things can get a bit stale. Spice things up with a trip to a new restaurant, visit another city or plan a romantic date. Your partner will love it and you might just have a great time too.

Be Yourself

In the early stages of dating, we’re all tempted to make ourselves seem more exciting. The chances are your partner will eventually find out that you’re not an Olympic gymnast, rock star and artist all rolled into one. Be yourself from the start and then you won’t need to worry about fessing up, later on, it will be a weight off your mind.

Define what you’re Looking for

While writing a list might seem like overkill, seriously consider what you’re looking for in a partner. List a few traits you’d like and some that you can’t live without, then when you meet someone you’ll have more of an idea of whether they’re compatible with you long term. Obviously, you don’t need to bark these at a date, but do keep them in mind as you go through the early stages. Some of these may change over time too, as your own character changes.

Give and Receive Romantic Gestures

While the romcoms might make you feel like only women can expect big romantic gestures, you can too! A relationship goes both ways and you want to receive as well as giving. Treat your partner and then you can expect treats in return if you’re with the right partner. Reciprocating romantic gestures feels good for both partners and it’s bound to strengthen your relationship too.

Enjoy your own Interests

Becoming co-dependent with your partner is an easy trap to fall into. You eat together, live together, socialise together and more! Take time to get back to your own interests, you can share these with your partner but you can also use them for some time to yourself. When the walls start closing in, take a break and chill out with a hobby you love – your relationship will thank you!

That’s everything you need to know about maintaining and growing a relationship with the right partner. Remember that you’ll only ever get as much as you put into a relationship, so be prepared to work on it to make yourself and your partner happy.

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Seeing the red flags on time can go a long way in cushioning our hearts to prepare for a break-up. Relationships are so complex and being a success in your profession doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be a top dog when it comes to romantic relationships. Busy professionals who don’t want to waste time with the wrong person should check out the signals to look out for in order to build a better relationship and resolve any issues.  

1. Repeated periods of unhappiness or doubt.

Some relationships are dominated with Statements like ‘I don’t love you anymore’ and ‘I want a divorce’ –such statements don’t just come from thin air. Be attentive and observant in a relationship for non-stop or repeated periods of unhappiness or doubts as this leads to break-ups and divorce in many cases. Always try to evaluate your relationship and cut down on unhappy times and set up some quality time to allow for conversations that get to the bottom of these feelings.

2. Levels of commitment

This is very vital in any relationship –the amount of time and effort you are willing to invest in a relationship can go a long way to sustain a relationship. Remember this is not a one-sided thing as both parties have to be committed in order to make things work. Do you know and respect each other? How much quality time do you spend together? Are you both dedicated? These are some of the routine questions you need to answer from time to time.

3. Understanding

The importance of understanding between partners can never be over reinforced –relationships thrive on the understanding of one another. How well do you understand your partner’s personality and flaws? We all have flaws and learning to understand and accept this is a major step in building lasting relationships. Without understanding, no relationship can work out.

4. Accepting change

At this stage, we all should have noticed that change is constant. Everything changes, this includes us and the environments we live in. Have a discussion about your relationship goals as this will help you to adjust to changes if they come up. If you don’t discuss your goals then you can’t tell if you are on the right path with your partner. I know a couple that has a meeting every two months to discuss their needs and life plans.

5. Bored even when you’re on holiday together 

At this point, nothing is exciting about this relationship –not even a weekend on the beach in the Maldives. Do you still enjoy vacations together or you rather have the vacation alone? Ask yourself these questions or you just might be receiving the bombshell soon –I think I’m tired of this relationship.”

With experience, you’ll find that you don’t have to be a victim of relationship traumas anymore. If you find that you can’t break out of past relationship patterns become a member and receive advice from the Dating Experts.

Lockdown has presented couples with many challenges, but the truth is that challenges are often fantastic growth opportunities! External circumstances might lead to compromises, but that just gives you free rein to be inventive. In fact, novel experiences do couples the world of good!

Refresh Your Routine

Novel experiences do couples the world of good! For example, where you once might have headed out to a bar for date night, dress up for dinner at your place and then have a dance-off (check out YouTube for new moves). Invest in a new board game or two. Watch documentaries on topics that fascinate you both and have a natter about them afterwards. It’s a great time to take up a new hobby together, like sketching, meditation, workouts, DJing (or simply making playlists together) … and be sure to go for romantic walks somewhere picturesque during the day.

Let Patience & Tolerance Shine

When couples successfully weather life’s storms, their connections are revitalised and their bonds strengthened. Taking time to consider what your partner really needs is a good place to start. It is beneficial to know your partner’s love language and use it to demonstrate appreciation. Let’s say their language is ‘Acts of Service’. They will appreciate simple gestures such as breakfast in bed, walking their dog or tidying their office. It’s a way of saying, “I appreciate you; I consider your thoughts and I want to make your life easier”.

Be Inventive, Encourage Intimacy & New Experiences

One great way of repairing shaken foundations is to inject some imagination into shared activities you can do at home; activities that encourage laughter, intimacy and mental or spiritual exploration. Why not spend an evening going through old photos or creating collages to refresh your treasured memories? You could play a game where you each write down questions that will have you both sifting through funny and treasured relationship memories. Make bucket lists & write some relationship goals together, and perhaps even create a vision board together.

MOT Check-Up

It’s also a good idea to regularly check in with each other by having conversations in which you can both respectfully air concerns and needs, and work on any issues before they become niggles. We are all evolving and going through some degree of grieving for normality, so extend some patience and support to your partner… and don’t forget your friendships will really benefit from this too!

Aim for lots of depth in your conversations often and you’ll encourage intimacy and trust over boredom… and who knows? Your relationship might just blossom into something more beautiful than you ever imagined!

Key Takeaway:

• Put 100% more effort into communicating honestly, and in a way that allows your partner to open up about whatever is bothering them. Avoid ‘fixing’ or advising unless it’s explicitly required, and be sure to listen without interrupting. Patience and tolerance are more virtuous than ever!
• Be inventive with new, fun experiences that encourage intimacy and mental stimulation.
• Show appreciation for your partner’s strength in sticking with you throughout the pressures of lockdown; many didn’t make it, so your lasting commitment should be honoured.
• Long-term partners could consider setting relationship goals for the next 5 years and check in with each other over the following months about ways to work towards them.
• Don’t neglect your friendships – partners are only one part of your life story! Friends need support too, so make regular video calls rather than casual texts. This shows you really care.

Hey you! Welcome to another edition of a relationship transforming and life changing article. I thank you for the love, care and responses. Most of you really craved this topic, so here we are. I want you to get a good sit and nice juice with pop corn beside you before going through this article. Enjoy!

“Love birth relationship, understanding maintains it, knowledge transforms it and wisdom makes it fruitful” Emiola Favour

Okay. So we will be looking into an interesting part of this article which is understanding how men fall in love. Some girl are wondering do men have feelings? Are they worth trusting? Is sex all about men’s feeling? How do I make my man long for me? How do I win my man back from a strange woman and all. It’s funny how some people make up their mind never to go into any relationship but at the end of this article, trust me you would want to try one. Okay. So fasten your seat belt and let’s move.

HOW MEN FALL IN LOVE

We must understand the fact that how men fall in love is completely different from how women fall in love. A man’s brain is like a giant apartment complex, they have one apartment for their jobs, one for eating, one for their car, one for their job, a giant apartment for sex, an apartment for sport and a little studio apartment for emotions or feelings.

A man is wired in the sense that, if they are watching a football match it’s hard for them to really comprehend what people say around them. That’s why when he is watching movie or football match, it’s like he isn’t paying attention to you. I know most of you have tried talking to your man while he was watching a program, movie or sport. How was his reaction?

The truth is men can only be or operate at one apartment at a time. This is very different from women’s brain. A woman brain is completely connected take for instance your job could connect to your cars as well as your money, as well as how you feel. Ladies are connected to their female friends and this has a connection to the clothes they wear for outings and the clothes is connected to their pride or ego. That’s it. Women are easily multitasked. So knowing this could go a long way in a relationship. Let’s proceed.

I want you to know that the sexual area of a man is huge while the emotional area is tiny. That is, when a man meet a lady, typically it is the sexual part of his brain that makes him attracted to the lady. I want you to also know that most men do not marry a lady they aren’t attracted to sexually. When a man sees a lady be is first of all attracted by her physical qualifies such as eyes, hair, endowment, curves, body structure and so on. So they are driven most times to you based on sexual drive and they also want to be a good guy, so you see them ask questions like where are you from not necessarily because they care but because they want to have a relationship with you.

Okay having established that. One of the most important words that makes a guy fall in love with a lady is the two letter word NO. That is you establishing the fact that you aren’t going to compromise to his wish as regards his sexual desires towards you, until he signs your contract.

That is the relationship status, what you want in the relationship? Is the goal of the relationship marriage? You get to decide because these are your morale, your value, your believe. Or are you just out there to have fun with him. You have to communicate that to him. Okay he takes you out tries to hook up and you say no! He feels well, most girls say no.

He tries another time, you say no. If the girl doesn’t give up there will be a time most men come to the conclusion that you know what if I get the chance to hang out with her again am not going to get any action from her so I will have to behave myself. So the only reason he would want to hang out again with such lady is because he likes her and he has an emotional connection with her because she is great, cool and her character is charming. At this point he will have to travel in his brain from his huge apartment of sexual drive to the little studio of feelings or emotions and figure how he feels. For some guys this is hard work becayse he has to go through some series of questions such as:

Do I feel like a man with her? Do I want to be with her? Do I have what it takes to make her happy? How do I feel about this woman? Am I willing to give up clubs or party life to be with this woman?

So there is a tremendous amount of energy that a man have that is sexual energy because men have twenty times more testoterones than women do. Testoterones is what ignite our sex drive. This is why men wants more. So that is a huge amount of force and energy that you are using as a lady by saying No. By saying no you simply tell the guy you want some of this but you need ( That is contract signing of commitment, your values and believe, you want an emotional connection, spiritual connection and mental connection with Him). This serve as a motivation for the man that he has to deliver what you need to you. But surprisingly some girls think a man will love them because of sex and he will treat them well when they begin the relationship and all. Remember if the goal is for fun, then that’s her problem. But if it isn’t. Then you got it all wrong. It funny tho.

Also stating your want is one of the sexiest thing that a woman can do. The four letter word a woman can speak is WANT. That is a blue print for men to deliver to you what will make women happy.

Okay. So guys we will look into the second part which is the most important part of this episode. Which is 8 things every man need in a relationship.

1) He wants you to be happy! I know someone is like are you for real, stop kidding me and all. But seriously he want your happiness. Now does he just ask for this? Does he just say he happy? Be happy please. Of cause no. It will be creepy if he does. The problem is your happiness is a reflection of his happiness as the man in the relationship. Your happiness is tagged to his sense of worth as a man. So if you are not happy don’t be surprised if he is restless.

2) He wants you to take interest in his interests: Men love it when you become passionate about what they are passionate about. Whether he loves football, sport, music, racing or even his job. Start showing interest in those things and you will see how it will build bonds and connections between the two of you. Just imagine you screaming goal with your boyfriend while watching football with your boyfriend, instead of complaining he is not giving you attention while watching ball or doing things he is passionate about. The truth is he wants you to be passionate about what he is passionate about but wouldn’t want to compel you. Trust me, he will so happy and excited. When you connect to something that he loves the loves connects to you

3) Your man wants to be praised and acknowledged: No man will ask for this directly or rarely will a man ask for this yet this is what men crave. I know the days of King and servant kind of relationship in a love relationship is over but you should reverence and honor him. Men wants that praises. Acknowledge it when they do a good job, when they offer you help or favor. When he hugs you just whisper sweet words from your heart like telling him you give the best hug in the world. When you receive an award at work and you are being interviewed you could just say I wouldn’t have achieved this without the help and the support of my man. Trust me this goes a long way.

4) Encourage him to try new things that is adventure. If he is the type that doesn’t like going out or doing some engagement, motivate him, you could tell him boo boo I am hanging out with my friends and we are doing girls night, while not hang out with your boys today and have fun, gist with them.

5) He wants your confidence in him. This is very difficult to ask for. He wants you to believe in him and have confidence in him, give him a task once in a while and trust him to do it. Even if you can so it better and faster don’t show it. Keep inspiring him to do it a different this will always boost his morale. Imagine your man helping you in the kitchen to slice onions and you walk in and say “What on Earth is this” and thereafter you take the knife from him. This isn’t good because psychologically it shows you don’t trust in his ability. So do let your man do the job you give him and keep inspiring him. Even if he is doing it wrong, let him finish and correct him. He will appreciate that.

6) Honest communicatio is top priority for men: they want a woman who answers Questions honestly. They want a woman who confidently ask for her wants and needs to be met. So one way to attract a great man is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

7) Men want self-sufficient, secure and confident women: Men need to be wanted and needed by their partner. Men want a woman to be active and independent i.e men want an asset not a liability.

8) Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions, it means the ability to handle emotions responsibly.

Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship: men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Woman think all men want sex. All men are not to be trusted, all men cheat. The point is great men know how to build a wonderful relationship and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

So we are at the end of todays article and I want to just brief you 5 behavior that push men away.

1) Playing games. Let your intentions be made known to him

2) Acting like he is not your universe and if he misbehaves there are other guys way better. This is a mistake. Having such mindset will push every man away because men are competitive in nature and they want you to make them believe that they are the best out of all.men.

3) Don’t treat him like he is perfect. Love his imperfections but don’t utter a statement like you are perfect, because he knows he isn’t and you telling h he is is like you not been transparent with him.

The attitude of entitlement. Don’t act like he is my man, he is merely doing his jobs by always getting you things and all. If this mindset sticks to you, you will become unnecessarily demanding and less appreciative. Appreciate him even for the little things he get you or anything he get you and Everytime he does something for you.

I want to believe this would go a long way improving relationship and restoring broken relationship.

5) When you are unnecessarily aggressive and shouting at him couple with snubbing him.

Thank you so much guys for the patience. Please do comment, share suggest and above all be safe, wash your hand most times.

The success of a romantic relationship  is proportional to the effort each person puts in. If you don’t invest in your relationship you can’t expect it to be amazing.

A lot of people like to say that love should be effortless and shouldn’t take work. Yeah, those people are probably single. Love, in all its manifestations, takes effort and work. And, the closer you are and the more you depend on each other, the more effort you put in. 

Putting The Effort In

The relationship between two romantic partners is as good as the effort either person puts in. I like to say, “You gotta put it in to get it out.” If you don’t invest in your relationship you can’t expect to have an amazing relationship. All things being equal, each person should contribute the same amount of effort because frankly, a one-way relationship is no relationship at all.

A few years ago, the author Mandy Len Catron melted our hearts when she told us how she and her boyfriend fell in love. Mandy and her friend ask themselves these 36 questions and stared into each other’s eyes for four minutes. This was a very novel idea because most people don’t take a systematic approach to getting to know a potential mate but there are many benefits in being systematic.

Now, fast forward a few years and Catron has written another piece that is different because she and her partner are in love and living together but similar because they’re still taking a systematic approach.

Drafting A Document

So here’s the deal: They have a relationship contract. It’s “a four-page, single-spaced document that we sign and date, will last for exactly 12 months, after which we have the option to revise and renew it, as we’ve done twice before. The contract spells out everything from sex to chores to finances to our expectations for the future.”

Does that sound lame? Rigid? Perhaps old fashioned?

I think it’s quite modern. In the past, heterosexual relationships were pretty binary. If you were a woman you knew what your remit was and the same for a man. With increasing fluidity in gender roles, relationships can often drag from the weight of discussions surrounding who does the dishes or takes out the trash. 

So why not do what Ms. Catron and her boyfriend do: Hash things out once a year?

Be A Clear Communicator

She says being “intentional about love” has suited them well. I think being intentional can suit everyone well. Life isn’t just a random set of fleeting moments. It has its serendipitous moments, yes, but a lot of planning goes into it. You don’t throw your money into any old investment. You do your research, invest with someone you trust and periodically check in on how the investment is growing. You don’t say yes to whatever job comes your way. You think about your career trajectory and then look for a job that moves you toward your goals. If you want to grow a garden you don’t throw seeds onto the grass in a haphazard fashion and hope for the best. You plan your garden to maximise the natural elements and you tend to it regularly so it grows the way you want it to. So why wouldn’t you take the time and effort to understand the dynamics of your relationship and have a sit-down with your Significant Other to figure out what’s the best way to make your relationship the best?

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Additional Resources…

If you don’t want to take it from me or Ms. Catron, why not take it from Adam Grant? He’s a professor at Wharton Business School, author of Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (amazing book, BTW), and he co-wrote a book with Shery Sandberg (COO of Facebook) called Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, which is about resilience in the face of tragedy. He’s also a husband and dad, and co-wrote (with his wife, Allison Sweet Grant) an article called Is Swapping Date Night for Meeting Night the Secret to a Happy Marriage?

As you probably realise from the title, he and his wife now have a weekly Meeting Night where they go over the details that may have slipped through the cracks. They write, “Taking the time to schedule a regular, quiet, uninterrupted discussion to figure out who was doing what helped ease anxiety about household tasks and eliminated loose ends.”

They go on:

“These meetings are not just about getting stuff done. Relationships are constantly falling out of balance — you get overwhelmed because your partner isn’t pitching in enough. But he (or she) doesn’t realise it. When psychologists put couples in separate rooms and ask them to estimate how much they each contribute to their relationship, three out of four couples add up to more than 100 percent. It sounds like ego, but it’s really about information. You just know more about your own efforts than your partner’s. You were there when you took out the garbage, went grocery shopping, and helped your kids with their homework. Your partner was none the wiser. The cycle of resentment builds.”

Did you read the entire quote? I hope so but if you didn’t please look at the last sentence: The cycle of resentment builds. This is why the marriage/relationship contract is so brilliant. It stymies the cycle from even starting.

Hopefully, Ms. Catron will update her article with a relationship contract template. If not, we would be happy to draft something up for you.