Does it ever feel like you’re saying the same things on repeat? When it comes to online dating, you probably are. Lots of singles suffer from “online dating fatigue”, especially when it comes to that all-important first message. Without an effective first message, you won’t get a response and, even after that, you need to understand the etiquette involved with the messages that follow.

If you’re already getting bored just thinking about it, here are our top tips to make your first message spark some interest and how to keep that attentiveness going.

1. Always Ask Questions

How many times have you logged in to your dating profile to find that someone has simply said “Hey”? As far as openers go, that’s the worst of the worst. There’s nothing to suggest the sender has any interest in them beyond spraying a heap of profiles with the same one-word intro to try and snag a response. Most of the time, that’ll be ignored because you’ve given the other online dater nothing to work with. But if you ask a question? Well, you’re hugely increasing your chances. However, there are a few caveats on this too. It’s very easy to ask about plans for the weekend which is acceptable but something like how would you describe yourself in three words is much more fun!

2. Double Check Which Dating Site You’re On

Different dating websites and apps are used for different things. It may have a reputation for being a good app to find a text buddy or to meet someone random the next day. If you’re on an app that’s known for hookups, the etiquette is a little bit different compared to a site when you’re mutually looking for something longer term. If you ask a question about wanting a quick hook-up on a site that isn’t geared towards that, don’t be surprised if you don’t get many replies.

3. Comment on Their Profile

So, when you’re looking for inspiration for that captivating first message question, where better to look than their profile? If they’re serious about dating, there’ll be something on their profile you can latch on to. Perhaps one of their pictures shows them participating in a sport you enjoy or they list films they like. Ask them something about that! If you spot a nice pic send a compliment over.

4. Make a Compliment

Compliments are funny things, aren’t they? To some guys, telling a woman that she’s too pretty to be on a dating website feels like the right thing to say, but it can have the opposite effect on the woman involved. From the start, you’re essentially telling her that you think there must be something wrong with her in another way because she’s attractive and so doesn’t need the services of a dating website. That might not be how you meant it, but it might be how she interprets it!

5. If You’re Interested Suggest to Meet Up

If you’re messaging via the app, there’s no need for you to instantly ask for her number. Please, don’t use online dating as an ego boost with your measure being how many numbers you can get each week. The only reason you’ll need a phone number is when you’re making plans to meet in real life. Asking too quickly makes you seem pushy and usually feels like an invasion of privacy.

6. But Don’t Waste Your Time

30% of people active on dating apps don’t want to meet in person, and they’re happy just messaging back and forth, probably in quite a flirtatious way. If you’re looking for something serious, however, you don’t have time to waste texting back and forth. Work out their intentions and move on if they don’t match yours.

7. Authenticity Sells

Reveal as much about your personality as you can by letting the other person know that sort of things you’ve been up to and what you have planned. Find out about their interests and the sort of things they would like to do if time and money weren’t holding them back. In terms of time management, it might not matter to you if someone doesn’t respond within 24 hours, but it can be a deal-breaker for someone else. No one’s saying you have to be glued to your phone, but definitely try to respond within a day and, if you can’t, apologise for it. That’s polite, and it’ll serve you well as you try to gauge whether this text chat could turn into something more.

Dating can be incredibly exciting, particularly the first date. It’s a lot like setting out on an exciting journey and having and having no idea where it is going to end up!

Consequently, it can also be a little daunting and we know those pre-date butterflies can sometimes put you off your A-Game! But relax, we have the top tips to take the stress out of dating and enable you to relax and have some fun!

Keep It Real

We understand that you will be eager to present the very best version of yourself, but we also urge you to keep it real! Making an effort is laudable, so be on time, dress up and be polite…but don’t be tempted to change your personality in an attempt to impress! You’re great as you are, so just be…And whilst it is good to be confident about your attributes, take care not to be self-indulgent! Being interested in the other person will give off good vibes and enable you to discover their best attributes.

Leave the past where it belongs…

Hopefully, you will recognise that you are at the start of a new journey, not ending an old one. Therefore, don’t see this as your opportunity to vent about a previous relationship that went sour. Furthermore, you don’t need to know all the details of your date’s relationship history. Enjoy the art of conversation, this is not an interview. Relax and have fun, you may not see the person again…but at least you can enjoy the moment.

Questions are the source of all knowledge…

Yes, we stated that a date is not an interview, but questions are the key to enabling conversations. Great questions relate to travel, hobbies, films or books! It seems cliched but these trinkets of information can give you an insight into a person’s life and whether you share similar values.

Real-life Dating vs Free Online Dating

Are you better at interfacing digitally rather than physically? It is a common problem, swiping this way or that is easy, but offline dating requires a little more social etiquette. Mai Tai urges you to slow down the pace, beauty is more than skin deep so take some time to really get to know the person. At Mai Tai, our matchmakers work hard to ensure you are not left feeling underwhelmed and for your peace of mind, all members have been verified, which means you should only meet with like-minded professional people

Let us know how your first date goes Xx