Have you ever noticed that more couples seem to break up in September than at most other times of the year? Apparently, there’s a reason for that.

Now, if you want to get into the astrology of this particular September, check out this piece on eclipse season. This month will be a double whammy for many.

However, astrology aside, September has always been a time of closure and fresh starts. The summer ends while school begins. Vacations draw to a close, and many return home or back to work. Summer flings fizzle out, while others seek real connection for “cuffing season.”

September is the ideal time to reset. Out with the old, and in with the new, as they say…

Of course, there’s more to it than that. Dating experts have shared their take on why so many couples split during this late summer, early autumn month.

Why Do So Many Couples Break Up in September?

It’s only fitting that so many relationships die during the start of spooky season. But why, exactly, is this so common?

“As leaves change color, days become shorter and a chill fills the air, people naturally find themselves in a contemplative mood,” Tina Wilson, a dating expert and dating app Wingman, previously told Stylist. “The transition from summer to autumn brings significant environmental shifts that can affect individuals, fostering a period of self-reflection.”

She added that September typically signals a return to routine after a summer of spontaneity and bliss.

“This fresh start mindset can extend to personal relationships, encouraging individuals to re-evaluate their current partnerships or lifestyle before the end of the year,” she told Stylist. 

Wilson also mentioned that, with the holidays around the corner, many people re-evaluate their relationships before they get more serious. The holidays tend to bring families and loved ones together, and there’s often more pressure to include or introduce significant others. 

During the summer, it’s easy to escape into a fantasy world with your hookup buddy. September is like a reality check for many daters.

Surviving Breakup Season

If you’re worried about the state of your relationship this September, know that anything that’s meant to last will be able to withstand the pressures of this month.

That being said, there are many ways to prevent conflict during this time. For example, if you have some doubts about your partner or relationship, communicate them before fleeing the connection entirely. You never know the compromises your partner might be willing to make.

Additionally, you can set your own standards and boundaries when it comes to the holidays. If you’re not ready to bring your partner around, that’s okay—as long as you’re both on the same page. Go at your own pace, and don’t force anything that doesn’t feel right. Let it flow.

And if you do end up deciding to split from your partner, try to view it as a positive. Odds are, if you’re ending during this time, it’s for a good reason. Express gratitude for the time you got to share, and know that someone is out there and waiting to give you everything you deserve. 

Oh, and if you think September is a wild time, just wait ‘til October…More on that soon.

A new study confirms what a lot of women already figured out the hard way: men who do something—anything—are more appealing than men who just talk about their feelings.

Published in Evolutionary Psychological Science, the research followed over 500 heterosexual adults in China and compared their reactions to romantic gestures. Specifically, it measured how participants responded to verbal affection versus tangible acts of service. Women overwhelmingly preferred the latter. Making dinner or helping with errands mattered way more than saying the right thing.

Grand gestures aren’t the point. What matters is showing you’re a functioning adult who notices things and follows through. Early dating gives you plenty of chances to prove that. You don’t need to fix her plumbing or bankroll her copay, but paying attention and doing something without being asked usually lands harder than five carefully worded “I miss you” texts.

Stop Telling Her She’s Pretty and Start Doing This Instead

The researchers suggest this reflects how women assess long-term potential. It makes sense. Compliments are cheap. Effort costs something. If you say you care but never do anything inconvenient, it’s hard to believe you mean it.

Men in the study showed no strong preference either way. Some favored sweet talk. That might explain why so many dates start with thoughtful texts and end with one person never hearing from the other again.

Another study, also reported by PsyPost, adds some extra context. It found that men with narcissistic or psychopathic traits tend to do well on dating apps, especially visual platforms. These are the guys who look emotionally fluent but treat connection like a sales funnel. The ones who seem charming, then gradually stop making sense.

“Personality is a behavioral disposition,” said Lennart Freyth, one of the study authors. In other words, patterns repeat. If you’re performing kindness instead of practicing it, most people will figure it out eventually. Women just tend to figure it out earlier.

If you’re confused about why your good-morning texts aren’t getting you anywhere, maybe try doing something she didn’t have to ask for. Most people are tired of potential. They want proof.

You are what you eat, or so the saying goes!  It may sound like an old wives tale, but food has a direct impact on the way our brain functions…affecting our mood and ultimately our stress levels. So if you are single and you are heading out on a date, ensure you bring your A Game by checking out our guide on what to eat and when…

Breakfast

Your best meal for the day shouldn’t translate to a greasy plate piled high with fatty meats and a serving of beans.

All-In-One

Get your granola on! Granola is a whole grain cereal which will provide you with high-quality carbs, supplying you with an adequate source of energy meaning that you won’t feel weak or tired during the day. Interestingly carbs aid brain function because when they are converted into sugar the brain releases dopamine and serotonin (the happy hormones), this will boost your mood and put the “good” in your “good morning”!

Alternatively, for breakfast on the go opt for a smoothie made with soy milk, wheat germ and fruits or oats.

Lunch

You might be tempted to fuel your day with a high intake of calories for energy…but don’t! Eating heavily at lunchtime is likely to leave you feeling lethargic and cause a mental fog! Lunch lightly with a blend of protein and high-quality carbs…Yes carbs, presumably you are not heading to Marbs on your dinner date and quality carbs actually provide you with an adequate dose of energy, so you won’t feel tired or fuzzy on your date.

We recommend a tuna sandwich, whole grain bread and a fresh fruit salad.

NB: Tuna contains selenium which can be preventative against low mood and anxiety.

Mid Afternoon Slump…

A mid-afternoon slump can often bring on a snack attack, but choose carefully, whilst sugary treats are tempting, they can also make tiredness worse. A caffeine fix can help, but take care, not to overdose!  Go bananas, a recent study showed that this simple fruit is just as effective as energy drinks at increasing energy levels…leaving you feel ready for the date ahead.

Just breathe…

It sounds easy enough, but how can you ensure you avoid any dreaded dragon breath scenarios?

We are not suggesting you will be kissing on a first date, but fail to prepare and prepare to fail…

Garlic and onions get a lot of flak but fatty foods can also have a negative impact on the way your breath smells because they converted into ketones which can cause bad breath.

Whilst good oral hygiene will help, eating foods such as celery and carrots will promote an alkaline environment and limit bad odour. Always keep water to hand to rinse away any particles of food.

 

Dinner

Dinner Time! So the big moment has arrived! You’ve carefully chosen what you have eaten all day and your breath is fresher than air…what should you order?

When it gets to date night, it is time to enjoy yourself…so don’t get too hung up on what to eat! That said, ordering a double-decker burger with all the toppings is not the way to go…have you ever seen anybody eat a mega burger in a sophisticated manner?

Are you more surf than turf? Whichever you choose, why not opt for a starter or side order of oysters, asparagus or avocado…all confirmed aphrodisiacs which will add a little extra spark to your date.

Happy Dating xx

P.S. We don’t have an online dating service with profiles and matches made by an algorithm but we do have exclusive and elite dating events for singles including dinner parties and dinner dates! Click here for more info.

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Why Your Love Life Just Isn’t Adding Up

By Jordan Reed – Relationship & Family Advisor

It’s a warm Texas evening, and I’m sneaking away for a spontaneous date night with my wife, leaving the kids with a sitter. Amid the laughter and shared glances over dinner, I remember why these moments matter—they’re the glue that keeps our bond strong despite the chaos of family life. At 39, as a couples counselor and dad, I’ve seen countless folks wrestling with why their love life just isn’t adding up. Maybe you’re swiping endlessly without sparks, or your long-term partnership feels more like a roommate situation. The good news? It’s often not as mysterious as it seems. With a warm nudge and some practical wisdom, we can unpack those hidden hurdles and pave the way for relationships that truly thrive.

In my practice, I’ve guided many through these frustrations, drawing from my own anniversary reflections where we revisit what makes us click. Whether it’s emotional baggage or mismatched priorities, understanding why your love life just isn’t adding up is the first step to turning things around. Let’s dive into the common culprits and empowering fixes, so you can foster deeper, more joyful connections.

The Subtle Fears That Sabotage Your Connections

Ever catch yourself holding back in a relationship, afraid to voice what you truly need? This fear of vulnerability often stems from past experiences, making it hard to build trust. In my sessions, I see how avoiding “no” to unwanted things leads to resentment, turning potential partners away.

To shift this, start small: Practice asserting boundaries in low-stakes scenarios, like politely declining a social invite. This builds confidence, opening doors to authentic bonds.

Caption: A couple sitting apart, reflecting on why their love life just isn’t adding up.

Unrealistic Expectations Draining Your Romantic Energy

Many enter relationships expecting fairy-tale perfection, only to feel let down when reality hits. If you’re chasing an idealized version of love, it might explain why your love life just isn’t adding up—partners aren’t mind-readers, after all.

Reflect on your must-haves versus nice-to-haves. In my family, we’ve learned that shared values like humor trump superficial traits. Adjust expectations by listing three non-negotiables, then discuss them early with dates.

Communication Breakdowns: The Silent Relationship Killer

Poor communication tops the list of why relationships falter, turning minor issues into major rifts. If conversations feel transactional, it’s a sign why your love life just isn’t adding up.

Revive it with active listening: Repeat back what your partner says to show understanding. During our family game nights, this technique keeps everyone engaged—try it on your next date for deeper chats.

Caption: Partners engaging in honest dialogue to address why love life just isn’t adding up.

How Past Trauma Shadows Your Present Love

Childhood patterns often dictate adult attachments, leading to withdrawal or unpredictability in romance. If old wounds resurface, they could be why your love life just isn’t adding up.

Healing starts with self-awareness. Journal about recurring patterns—I’ve done this after tough counseling days, gaining clarity. Consider therapy; sites like Psychology Today offer great resources for finding help.

Why Love Alone Won’t Cut It in Lasting Bonds

Believing passion fixes everything is a myth—without respect and effort, relationships crumble. This oversight explains why many find their love life just isn’t adding up despite strong feelings.

Bolster love with actions: Plan weekly check-ins to align on goals. In my marriage, this keeps us connected amid kid chaos.

Signs You’re Investing in the Wrong Partner

Incompatibility in values or needs often dooms pairings. If core differences persist, it’s a clue why your love life just isn’t adding up.

Evaluate honestly: Do they support your growth? If not, it might be time to move on. Link this to understanding the four horsemen: criticism in relationships.

The Impact of Trust Issues on Romantic Progress

Betrayals erode foundations, making intimacy tough. Rebuilding trust is key when pondering why your love life just isn’t adding up.

Start fresh: Be consistent and transparent. Resources from the Gottman Institute provide exercises for this.

Caption: Individual reflecting through writing on why love life just isn’t adding up.

Reviving Stagnant Sparks: Actionable Daily Habits

Feeling stuck? Shake routines with new experiences to re-energize. This combats why your love life just isn’t adding up by fostering novelty.

Try surprise dates or shared hobbies. My wife and I rotate planning outings, keeping things fresh.

Building Deeper Emotional Intimacy Step by Step

Intimacy fades without effort, leading to disconnection. To fix why your love life just isn’t adding up, prioritize vulnerability.

Share fears and dreams regularly. Explore defensiveness: how to let go of your armor for better openness.

Aligning Priorities for Harmonious Partnerships

Differing life speeds cause friction. Syncing goals explains why some love lives add up while others don’t.

Discuss futures early. In counseling, vision boards help couples visualize shared paths.

Caption: Joyful pair hugging post-resolution, overcoming why love life just isn’t adding up.

Self-Growth: The Foundation of Thriving Love

Fulfilled individuals attract better matches. If independence feels too strong, it might hint at why your love life just isn’t adding up—balance is key.

Cultivate hobbies; my trail runs with the family dog recharge me for better relating.

Long-Term Strategies to Keep Love Adding Up

Sustain progress with ongoing effort. Prevent recurrence of why your love life just isn’t adding up by committing to growth.

Annual relationship reviews work wonders, like our anniversary check-ins.

Essentials for Nurturing Your Love Life

Transform insights into action with these handpicked tools—the ones I recommend in sessions for couples seeking harmony:

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman – The guide that’s transformed countless bonds, including tips I use daily.
• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray – Classic wisdom for bridging gender gaps, currently 20% off—grab it quick.
• ASAKUKI Essential Oil Diffuser – The exact one I use for creating calm spaces during tough talks, enhancing relaxation.
• Couples Connection Cards – 50 Conversation Starters – Spark meaningful dialogues to uncover hidden issues.
• Questions for Couples Journal: 400 Questions to Provoke Thought, Spark Conversation, Reflect, and Connect – Prompts for self-reflection, helping address why love life just isn’t adding up.
• Date Night Adventure Book for Couples – Scratch Off Challenge and Date Ideas Games – Fresh ideas to break routines and reignite sparks.
• Lagunamoon Essential Oils Set, Top 20 Gift Set Oils for Diffusers, Lavender, Eucalyptus, Lemongrass – Pairs perfectly with the diffuser for soothing evenings.
• Sony WH-1000XM5 Wireless Noise-Cancelling Headphones – Tune out distractions during focused couple time.
• These have been game-changers for my clients—integrate them for your own breakthroughs.

Caption: Intimate evening setup to spark romance and fix why love life just isn’t adding up.

Caption: Relaxing diffuser in a bedroom, aiding reflection on why love life just isn’t adding up.

Caption: Cover of a key book for understanding why love life just isn’t adding up.

Final Thoughts: Turning Mismatches into Meaningful Matches

Figuring out why your love life just isn’t adding up is empowering—it’s the catalyst for change. With patience and these strategies, you can cultivate relationships that add up to fulfillment. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection, just like my family’s evolving dynamics.

P.S. Ready to dive deeper? Sign up for my free relationship quiz—uncover your patterns and get personalized tips straight to your inbox.

Related Posts

• The Four Horsemen: Criticism
• Defensiveness: How to Let Go of Your Armor
• 4 Hard Lessons We All Learn by Letting Go in Life
• 5 Unexpected Ways to Show Your Spouse Appreciation This Thanksgiving
• Are You Worth Submitting To? Things You Need to Know About Relationship
• How to Recognize Your True Purpose
  

We’re going to focus on the psychology behind online dating, and how you can use your newfound knowledge to your advantage in order to make meaningful connections in your search for the one.

The Psychology behind online dating

This will not come as a surprise to you, but online dating can be a total minefield at times. There’s just so many choices of dating sites and apps, which can really make you wonder whether you’ve signed up to the right one. Some people end up joining lots of dating sites without taking the notifications seriously, which ultimately means that engagement for everyone on the app is intermittent or low. We share our top tips about using psychology to your advantage.

 

Using behaviour science to improve your online dating experience

Understanding human needs and knowing why people behave the way they do is something that all the top dating companies’ study and accommodate by implementing the best user experience (UX) on the platform.  Here are some top tips for you when it comes to joining and engaging with the right dating site for your needs:

• In general, you should avoid sites that force you to rely on a user profile. The reason for this? Over 50% of people tell tales to make themselves sound better, so you can never be sure who to trust!
• In terms of meeting someone on the same page as you, joining sites which mention long-term relationships or serious relationship instead of well-known hook-up apps (Tinder, anyone?) will mean that the behaviour of the majority of individuals on the site aligns with the brand. This will improve your chances of meeting someone who is looking for the same thing as you.
• The last behavioural adjustment you can make is developing a habit of checking the dating site your registered with on a regular basis. Whilst that doesn’t sound too romantic, you have to treat searching for your future partner a bit like a job. Commit to a certain number of hours each week, and don’t wait for someone to reach out to you just because you visited their profile: you have to be in it to win it!

 

On the importance of good grammar  

Now you’ve found the right site, great. But what about your profile, and do things like grammar really matter on your or others’ profiles? While spelling, punctuation and grammar will seem trivial to some people, they do actually have the ability to repel your potential date. Look at it this way: if your match doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, what else may he/she not be so good at?

Not making an effort with your own profile is a big no-no when it comes to dating sites and apps. And according to Khan and Chaudry’s behavioural sciences research, using simple language and having a good sense of humour are the most important qualities to show on your profile. So, get crafting, and don’t forget to proofread!

 

How important are gender stereotypes when singles check out online profiles?

Not sure what hobbies/interests to put on your profile? Well, the answer here is that gender stereotypes are not that important at all! On things like fitness, it turns out that both men and women look for someone who values keeping fit and who is generally pretty sporty.

 In terms of specific personality traits, men tend to prefer women who show that they are kind, approachable and easy-going; whereas women like to see that their potential date is confident and happy to use an emoji J

Again, research has shown that both men and women get a higher click-through rate when their profile description includes something about themselves, in addition to what they are looking for.

Our advice? Always be yourself, but don’t forget to be the best version of yourself on your dating profile!

A picture says a thousand words

Now this one may seem a little basic, but what will attract a match to your profile the most, will be your picture. Past research recommends using an attractive profile picture, choosing a genuine smile that engages your eye muscles to communicate humour and light-heartedness. It’s also great to show your hobbies and interests via your pictures, though avoid too many group pictures, and definitely no pictures with your ex (you’d be surprised how many people actually do that)!

Have you followed all of our top tips on the psychology of dating? Then you are one step closer to finding love, and all that remains for us to say is best of luck!

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Seeing the red flags on time can go a long way in cushioning our hearts to prepare for a break-up. Relationships are so complex and being a success in your profession doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be a top dog when it comes to romantic relationships. Busy professionals who don’t want to waste time with the wrong person should check out the signals to look out for in order to build a better relationship and resolve any issues.  

1. Repeated periods of unhappiness or doubt.

Some relationships are dominated with Statements like ‘I don’t love you anymore’ and ‘I want a divorce’ –such statements don’t just come from thin air. Be attentive and observant in a relationship for non-stop or repeated periods of unhappiness or doubts as this leads to break-ups and divorce in many cases. Always try to evaluate your relationship and cut down on unhappy times and set up some quality time to allow for conversations that get to the bottom of these feelings.

2. Levels of commitment

This is very vital in any relationship –the amount of time and effort you are willing to invest in a relationship can go a long way to sustain a relationship. Remember this is not a one-sided thing as both parties have to be committed in order to make things work. Do you know and respect each other? How much quality time do you spend together? Are you both dedicated? These are some of the routine questions you need to answer from time to time.

3. Understanding

The importance of understanding between partners can never be over reinforced –relationships thrive on the understanding of one another. How well do you understand your partner’s personality and flaws? We all have flaws and learning to understand and accept this is a major step in building lasting relationships. Without understanding, no relationship can work out.

4. Accepting change

At this stage, we all should have noticed that change is constant. Everything changes, this includes us and the environments we live in. Have a discussion about your relationship goals as this will help you to adjust to changes if they come up. If you don’t discuss your goals then you can’t tell if you are on the right path with your partner. I know a couple that has a meeting every two months to discuss their needs and life plans.

5. Bored even when you’re on holiday together 

At this point, nothing is exciting about this relationship –not even a weekend on the beach in the Maldives. Do you still enjoy vacations together or you rather have the vacation alone? Ask yourself these questions or you just might be receiving the bombshell soon –I think I’m tired of this relationship.”

 

With experience, you’ll find that you don’t have to be a victim of relationship traumas anymore. If you find that you can’t break out of past relationship patterns become a member and receive advice from the Dating Experts.

Everyone always said to not judge a book by its cover. But it doesn’t work that way in the world of online dating! We’re sharing the top five things to keep out of your online profile. After all, you’ve only got one first impression.

Forget being “Picture Perfect.”

Let’s face it, we’re all our own biggest fans. We’ve had years to get there. BUT, not everyone else has the chance to. You only have a few moments of someone’s time to make them want to talk with you.

Use your online profile to paint a picture that isn’t overly edited (there is no Instagram filter for life). Start with the photo…say goodbye to the badly cropped or edited picture and say hello to being realistic. Share a range of recent photos.

Remember…the main goal of the photo is to see if it’s someone you’d like to meet. You can’t decide if you’re going to fall in love just from a photo! That’s what the other four senses are for.

 

Save your shopping lists for the grocery store.

“I like travelling, listening to music, watching movies, and socializing with friends.” So…are you awake still? You’re bored already and probably almost closed the page.

No one gives two hoots about your likes and dislikes. Leave your shopping lists on your “notes” app and ditch them on your online profile. Online shopping may be great for finding the best deals, but it’s a terrible way to online date. If you have this picky mindset towards dating online, you might miss out on some potential suitors.

Use your profile to express your personality (after all, there’s only one you) and share the top 3-5 things that make you awesome.

 

Save the ice for your cocktails on your date out…as long as you get there!

Spoiler alert: the aim of your profile is to get other singles to talk to you. To do this, it’s essential that you come off as someone they’d want to talk to.

Stray away from cold, “icy” profiles with limited information or off-putting language that make you appear closed off or unfriendly. This is especially helpful for people who will connect with or message you…give them some information to talk about and make yourself easily approachable.

 

Politics don’t belong in three places…social media, family gatherings, and your online dating profile.

We’ve all got opinions (some stronger than others), but online dating profile isn’t the right place to air your grievances or share your frustrations. Avoid being “that guy” or “that girl” who goes a step too far and overshares.

Your online dating profile should steer clear of potentially negative stances…unless they’re about things like putting your political and religious beliefs in your profile. Then we’re on your side.

 

Don’t draaaag on.

Last but not least, keep things short, sweet, and to the point. Stray away from excessive use of emojis, exclamation marks, and slang words (you’re not a teenager anymore).

Keep things light-hearted and don’t give up too much information. It’s always good to keep a little mystery. The whole point of dating is to get to know the other person better. Save a little for the real-life conversations.

Happy Dating!

 

 

Does it ever feel like you’re saying the same things on repeat? When it comes to online dating, you probably are. Lots of singles suffer from “online dating fatigue”, especially when it comes to that all-important first message. Without an effective first message, you won’t get a response and, even after that, you need to understand the etiquette involved with the messages that follow.

If you’re already getting bored just thinking about it, here are our top tips to make your first message spark some interest and how to keep that attentiveness going.

1. Always Ask Questions

How many times have you logged in to your dating profile to find that someone has simply said “Hey”? As far as openers go, that’s the worst of the worst. There’s nothing to suggest the sender has any interest in them beyond spraying a heap of profiles with the same one-word intro to try and snag a response. Most of the time, that’ll be ignored because you’ve given the other online dater nothing to work with. But if you ask a question? Well, you’re hugely increasing your chances. However, there are a few caveats on this too. It’s very easy to ask about plans for the weekend which is acceptable but something like how would you describe yourself in three words is much more fun!

2. Double Check Which Dating Site You’re On

Different dating websites and apps are used for different things. It may have a reputation for being a good app to find a text buddy or to meet someone random the next day. If you’re on an app that’s known for hookups, the etiquette is a little bit different compared to a site when you’re mutually looking for something longer term. If you ask a question about wanting a quick hook-up on a site that isn’t geared towards that, don’t be surprised if you don’t get many replies.

3. Comment on Their Profile

So, when you’re looking for inspiration for that captivating first message question, where better to look than their profile? If they’re serious about dating, there’ll be something on their profile you can latch on to. Perhaps one of their pictures shows them participating in a sport you enjoy or they list films they like. Ask them something about that! If you spot a nice pic send a compliment over.

4. Make a Compliment

Compliments are funny things, aren’t they? To some guys, telling a woman that she’s too pretty to be on a dating website feels like the right thing to say, but it can have the opposite effect on the woman involved. From the start, you’re essentially telling her that you think there must be something wrong with her in another way because she’s attractive and so doesn’t need the services of a dating website. That might not be how you meant it, but it might be how she interprets it!

5. If You’re Interested Suggest to Meet Up

If you’re messaging via the app, there’s no need for you to instantly ask for her number. Please, don’t use online dating as an ego boost with your measure being how many numbers you can get each week. The only reason you’ll need a phone number is when you’re making plans to meet in real life. Asking too quickly makes you seem pushy and usually feels like an invasion of privacy.

6. But Don’t Waste Your Time

30% of people active on dating apps don’t want to meet in person, and they’re happy just messaging back and forth, probably in quite a flirtatious way. If you’re looking for something serious, however, you don’t have time to waste texting back and forth. Work out their intentions and move on if they don’t match yours.

7. Authenticity Sells

Reveal as much about your personality as you can by letting the other person know that sort of things you’ve been up to and what you have planned. Find out about their interests and the sort of things they would like to do if time and money weren’t holding them back. In terms of time management, it might not matter to you if someone doesn’t respond within 24 hours, but it can be a deal-breaker for someone else. No one’s saying you have to be glued to your phone, but definitely try to respond within a day and, if you can’t, apologise for it. That’s polite, and it’ll serve you well as you try to gauge whether this text chat could turn into something more.

While many men might not admit it, the reality is that thousands across the city haven’t perfected the art of dating yet. I’m not saying that you’re rocking up to your dates and epically failing, but there’s a certain approach that helps to nurture a new connection, taking it from a couple of dates to something that actually resembles a relationship.

 

 

Hey gorgeous! We know that dating can be a scary prospect, especially for men. If you’re a single guy who is looking for an authentic relationship with someone who gets you read on.

Make these tweaks to your approach and you could find the love you’ve been looking for…

1. Fix Your Woman-Picker

You might not have thought about how you choose who you date, but it’s an important step to work towards a lasting relationship. Many of us tend to focus on looks first – of course, attraction is important, but it’s essential to gain an understanding of yourself, in terms of your character and your personality, to understand what attributes in a partner would suit you best.

Avoid writing someone off because they don’t fit your cookie-cutter mold perfectly when it comes to looks – you don’t know if you’ll have an emotional connection with someone until you meet them. Rather than limiting your chances, be open to who you meet, but always consider the key attributes that are important to you.

Challenge 1: Think of a friend that you find attractive – this doesn’t mean a friend you fancy, but someone that you admire or find yourself drawn to. Take the time when you meet up to consider what it is about this person that you like – are they kind, intelligent, positive? Use this experience to build a picture of the characteristics that you are drawn to.

Top Dating Tip: It’s important to understand that chemistry is essential to build a meaningful connection. For now, forget about the model perfect-looks or the kick-ass career, instead focus on what really matters. Try this for your next few dates and see what happens…

2. Focus on What is Important 

Learning to date like a grownup isn’t easy. Negative behaviours can be deeply ingrained in us and are learnt habits, which are tricky to unlearn. Dating in secret, using negative comments to win people over, and going after the single that everyone else is going after happens frequently, but none of these habits allow you to develop a lasting relationship.

As a Relationship Expert & Matchmaker, I’ve had clients say things like ‘I’m not keen on blondes’ or ‘I want to date someone ten years younger than me’. These suggestions are fine in the sense that we all have deal-breakers, but what’s key here is how important these deal breakers are to you. It’s this kind of attitude that might be holding you back. 

Challenge 2 – Choose your dealbreakers from below and discuss them with a couple that you know. What are your real reasons for choosing them? If you were in a relationship with someone could they prevent things from working out?

 

Top Dating Tip: External traits don’t provide any information about what a person is really like, what they care about, how they think or what their dreams and ambitions are. Try to move away from these meaningless deal-breakers and give someone who is attracted to you a chance to achieve success in love and life.

3. Consider your Dating Intentions

Are you after a one-nighter or a proper relationship? While it’s unlikely that you’ll decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone on the first or second date, it’s essential that you thoroughly understand your own intentions. The way you approach the dating experience makes a huge difference, and while you might think you want a lasting relationship, this might not be the message you are putting out.

This is far from a quick fix – building a meaningful relationship takes time, effort and commitment. Getting to know someone on a deeper level takes time, and this doesn’t work as well if you’ve got five text conversations on the go. Invest in emotional bonding, and focus on one person at a time. Be straight with yourself when it comes to what you want – focus on that end goal of creating a long-term relationship. 

Challenge 3 – When you meet someone that you’d like to spend more time with and get to know a little better let them know. See any rejections and protection from being with someone who is just not that into you.

Top Dating Tip – Very few people get the ‘you’re the one’ feeling after a few dates, so if you like someone keep going and invest the time you need into building that bond.

4. Always be Yourself

It’s super important to just be you, even if that means that you don’t match up well with someone you had high hopes for. There’s no need to make up a bunch of hobbies and interests – be straight about who you are from the start. No need to pretend you’re really into sushi if it’s not your thing. It’s essential that you simply be you, don’t try to shape yourself to fit your date. It’s just as important when dating to get to know yourself, as well as getting to know what attributes you find attractive in a partner. Lasting relationships are built on trust and honesty, so start as you mean to go on.

Challenge 4 – If you have a dating profile online reveal as much about your personality as you can by letting the other person know that sort of things you’ve been up to and what you have planned in life.

Top Dating Tip – Most women think that common interests are the key to compatibility when it isn’t the case. When your start a conversation with someone try to elicit their passions and see if it is something you can relate to. The easiest way to find out someone’s passion is to find out what they spend most of their time doing when they’re not busy working.

5. Change the Way you Look at Rejection

Rejection happens to the best of us, and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of, nor should it knock your confidence. Change the way you see rejection – consider the fact that it’s far better to be rejected by someone early on, than spending time trying to build something with them that would never work out. Remember not to take it personally too – there are a million reasons why someone might get rejected, and often those reasons lie with the other person, rather than with you.

Challenge 5 – Be bold and aim to be rejected a minimum of three times in one week. Just say what you’re thinking/feeling to the person you are interested in and prepare for a no. This will develop your rejection muscles and means that you won’t miss out on love when it is knocking on your door.

Top Dating Tip – A no means a yes to someone else that genuinely likes you and wants to spend time with you. If you get knocked back, just wish them all the best and move on.

6. Use Your Time Wisely

Our time is precious, and it shouldn’t be given out freely to anyone, but many of us go round and round in circles, dating the same kind of people that we know aren’t right for us.

Become savvy when it comes to possible time wasters or fakes. Look out for people that might use you for your money. You’re a gentleman and it’s likely you’re happy to pay for a date when you asked them out, but make sure someone isn’t pestering you to take them out, always choosing high-end restaurants and then showing little or no interest in you. 

Challenge 6 – Think about your perfect partner and then compare this with someone you’d get on well with and be able to have a real relationship with. What kind of person do you keep falling for? What is your motivation for continually choosing them? It’s important that you value connection as much as attraction.

Top Dating Tip: You need to spend quality time getting to know someone, but if anyone is flaky in responding to your calls, or not putting the same amount of effort in, it’s time to move on.

7. Learn How to Make Relationships Last

First and foremost, it’s essential to accept that men and women are different and have different needs. Women need lots of TLC to ensure they feel loved and valued, while men are more simple creatures. However, it’s important to find a balance. If the woman who wants you to call every hour of every day isn’t for you, communicate how you feel and if it’s not right just move on from anyone that you feel is too needy. Some men thrive on providing this reassurance, while others need a little more space. Finding a good fit in terms of how much love and attention someone needs from early on is key to creating a balanced and long-lasting relationship.

It’s also important to consider that regardless of age everyone has a little baggage and a past and that nobody is perfect. Once you get these things into your head, you’ll find yourself much more open to creating something meaningful. Make sure you have the growth mindset so that you can invest time into choosing a partner, learning and improving as you go.

When you’re just starting out, dating can be a minefield, but with experience and growth, you can find exactly what you’re looking for.

Challenge 7 – Book a call with one of our Matchmakers and discuss your relationship goals.

Top Dating Tip – We work busy professionals, like you to help you achieve success in love, as well as matching you with compatible people so that you can learn more about yourself, others and in turn find that lasting and meaningful relationship. Sign-up for a course or read a book to boost your knowledge on emotional intelligence.

At Mai Tai, we use a bespoke 6-dimension methodology, by underpinning values like chemistry, commitment and compatibility to help you find your perfect partner. Feel free to give us a call to find out more.

The opportunity cost of dedicating your time to swiping and messaging singles on apps in a bid to meet like-minded people can be hard when you’re juggling your kick-ass career or business at the same time, and it has become even more challenging with COVID-19. Fear not, this doesn’t mean that you are destined to be single forever! Just follow the tips below and you’ll be going on virtual dates in no time at all.

Step 1: Register With A Reputable Dating Company

Apps that ask you to swipe left and right are superficial and lack the ability to understand your core values and what you’re looking for in a relationship. By choosing an elite dating brand to register with, you are taking the first step to discovering potential matches that match your expectations. When you head online to register, expect to provide some straightforward information for your online profile and then complete any further questions and quizzes so that the matchmakers can begin to get a real understanding of what makes you unique.

 

Step 2: Being Honest Is the Key To Success

Once you have completed your online registration, it is time to share detailed information about your personality and your aspirations so that your matchmaker can get to work on finding your potential matches. This step of the process is vitally important if you are keen to make genuine connections that may become future relationships. We start with a 15-minute call to discuss what you are looking for and then invite you to a face to face consultation where we can get to know you even better.

 

Step 3: Show Us Your Best Side

One of the biggest problems people face when they are looking for a date is choosing a photo that represents who they are. We ask you to take a socially distanced professional photoshoot so that you don’t need to rely on blurry holiday snaps or your best Snapchat photos to grab the attention of other daters. To make it even easier, we also write an attractive and authentic profile for you because we know that some folks find that hard to do.

 

Step 4: Work On Yourself

Not only do we invest in your future relationships by finding you great matches, but we also provide you with the opportunity to develop personally. Your free School Of Life workshop offer gives you the chance to learn more about having fulfilling romantic relationships and mastering your emotional intelligence. In our experience, the clients that invest in their own development go on to have the healthiest and happiest relationships.

 

Step 5: Decide When You’d Like To Go On A Virtual Date

We can’t wait to send you a link for your virtual Drink, Network & Flirt events and for your virtual dinner date. We schedule everything and get the lovely nibbles sent to your place because we know how busy you are. Not only will we give you some fantastic conversation starters, but we are on hand to support you through any pre-date nerves, leaving you to get excited about meeting your potential match.

 

Step 6: Share Your Feedback

After your virtual date, we like to get your feedback on whether it was a success or if you’d like to meet someone new. Feedback is the most important step as it allows us to refine the aspirational profile of your compatible match. We offer love coaching and dating advice so that you can get expert help if your dates don’t turn out as expected.

 

Ultimately, we work hard so that dating is no longer a chore. Our service is convenient and works to find compatible matches. No matter how busy your professional life, we are here to help you find your ideal match; get in touch today to get started.