The truth does not cease to exist when it is forgotten or ignored.

You know how you can hear or read something dozens of times in various ways before it finally sinks in? The truths listed below fall firmly into that category — timeless lessons that many of us probably learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, yet for whatever reason we tend to forget in the heat of the moment.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1. Life is relatively short and nothing is guaranteed.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.

So let that reminder be a wake-up call to truly live your life today! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of life either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action. Death is not the greatest loss in life, and neither is injury. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive and capable.

Even when life gets messy, be bold, be courageous, be a scared to death, and then take the next step anyway. Invest your heart and soul into whatever you have right in front of you. Bring passion into otherwise ordinary moments… Love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you’re with, until you can be with the people you love most. This is the way we find more happiness, opportunity, and peace on the average day.

2. Everything will change again soon.

Embrace change and realize that it’s necessary. It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end most forms of change are worthwhile because they force us to grow. So keep yourself in check right now…

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day. It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth. Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event. And these events are always happening — like all the senseless violence and drama we see in our world today.

So just remember, however good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. Accept it. Breathe. Be where you are. You’re where you need to be right now. There’s a time and place for everything, and every hard step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. When it’s meant to be, it will be.

3. Changing your response is what puts you back in control.

Have patience with everything that remains imperfect or unfinished in your head and heart. And realize that patience is not about waiting, but the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. This is your life and it’s governed by your daily decisions. May your actions speak louder than your words. May your results preach louder than your lips. May your inner sense of satisfaction be your noise in the end.

Remind yourself that taking a meaningful step forward right now is worth it. Even if the road ahead seems long and rough — even if there are lots of unknowns — be brave enough to stand up for yourself and control the direction of your momentum. And remember that the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because as Viktor Frankl said, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything! (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Passion & Growth chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

4. Life’s storms can be a source of long-term strength.

Hard times are like strong storms that blow against you. And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you are trying to go. They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of your ego that cannot be torn, so that you are left only with the foundation of who you really are.

Ultimately you realize you are here to endure these storms, to sacrifice your time and risk your heart. You are here to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself how amazing it was to live, and then open your eyes and live some more.

Because to never struggle would be to never grow. You must let go of who you were so you can become who you are. Again, it is within the depths of the strongest and darkest storms that you often discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the path forward.

5. You don’t need all the answers right now.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom. Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly. And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is the opening of your wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.

Truth be told, some of the greatest outcomes that transpire in your life will be the ones you never even knew you wanted. As long as you keep your mind open to new perspectives while you’re moving forward, there really are no totally wrong turns in life, only paths you didn’t know you were meant to travel. And you never can be certain what’s around the corner.  It could be everything, or it could be nothing. You keep gliding steadily forward, and then one day you realize you’ve come a long way from where you started.

All details aside, someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good outcomes will likely transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the messy times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself…

“How in the world did I get through all of that?”

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to give yourself grace for the times when you’ve lacked clarity, and for the poor choices that accidentally hurt others or yourself. Give yourself grace for being young and reckless. We’ve all made mistakes and been foolish at times. These are vital lessons, and what matters most right now is the willingness to learn and grow from them.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned to make room for the life that’s waiting for you.” ~Joseph Campbell

My new motto? Always have a backup plan.

Life rarely goes as you’d imagined.

January 16^th, 2001. That’s the day my life trajectory changed irrevocably. That’s the day that would lead me to, eventually, living alone—to being divorced. That’s the day my ex had a ski accident that changed the lives of every member of our immediate family. But today, I don’t want to talk about him or that. I want to talk about my story, about me. About my aftermath of living alone.

Several years ago, when the last of my daughters graduated from college, loaded her ‘how-can-she-possibly-carry-that!’ backpack, hugged me tight, and boarded a plane for South America with a one-way ticket, I felt a hole in my stomach the size of a meteor crash pit.

I knew so many things at that moment. I knew I had a world of worry ahead of me that would last the duration of her adventure-with-no-end-date.

I knew I’d be going home to an empty house—that was now going to stay empty.

I knew that the axis of my world had suddenly tilted—and nothing would balance the same again.

For years, my married-with-children life had been a whirlwind of stereotypical womanhood: mothering, managing, and multitasking. The house hummed with commotion, packing lunches, planning dinners, visiting teenagers’ shoes haphazardly piled near the front door, family events, lively conversations, and belly laughs—oh, and at a certain point, some derailing by hormone gyrations.

And now? Just me, my omnipresent ADHD-fueled piles of stuff, and a fridge that I wished someone else would clean and organize.

The divorce (after forty years of marriage)? Now, almost a decade in the rearview mirror. The full-time career hustle? Quieted (and mostly regretted). The calendar? More “me-time” than meetings or dates with girlfriends. And let’s not forget the increase in doctors’ appointments compared to before.

On almost every front, I was no longer needed the way I had been.

When my marriage ended, my ex took more than a suitcase and half of our belongings and money. He took our vacations, traditions, and huge parts of my lifestyle—and he unpacked them somewhere new, with someone new.

That reality offered me a chance at a whole new beginning that was all my own but was also utterly unnerving.

Once the noise of change and terrible transitions falls away, what’s left is the deafening question that every fiercely feeling, fabulously flawed woman eventually faces: What do I do with the rest of my life?

The Mirror Doesn’t Lie (But It’s Kind of a Jerk Sometimes)

Here’s the thing nothing can prepare you for when you find yourself alone and start spending real, unfiltered time in solitude:

You meet yourself.

Not the curated version of you that shows up for work, friends, family, or festivities. The real you. The unedited, unmoored, occasionally unhinged version. You with the foibles, flaws, fractures, fixations, fragile truths, and all. At least, that tends to be what you see at first. You’ll also see (sometimes it’s eventually) grace and grit, wisdom and warmth, compassion and courage, intuition and integrity.

And that self you meet, they have questions.

They want to know if you’re proud of how you’ve spent your life. They want to know what you’ve been postponing. And they really want to know why you walked into the kitchen three times today and still forgot what you were looking for.

Being alone strips away distractions. It’s like standing naked in front of a full-length mirror under too-bright lighting. Every flaw feels fluorescent. Every fear comes forward. And every false story and excuse you’ve told yourself asks to be rewritten.

And then there’s the way the outside world begins to see you…

Ma’am? MA’AM?!

I have a calmer demeanor than I used to, but I still feel vibrant. Vivid. Volcanic, even. I know more about the world and myself than I ever have—enough even to realize how little I do know, and that’s half the fun.

And yet, I’ve entered the bizarre “Ma’am Zone.”

You know the one. Where the teenager at the store calls you ma’am while offering to carry your bag. Where the girl in the drive-thru hands you your latte with a chirpy “Here you go, hon.” Grrrrr. (I sometimes educate them that treating ‘older’ people like that is insulting vs respectful).

It’s the zone where people assume you’ve stopped wanting to have wild sex, don’t understand memes, or can’t connect your Wi-Fi extender without calling your child for help. (Um, guilty of the latter. But still.)

It’s where invisibility starts to sneak in—everywhere. You’re not quite old, but you’re no longer relevant or worthy of giving an opinion.

And the most jarring part? You still feel like your younger self is alive and well inside—just now with reading glasses, joint supplements, and a slightly shorter fuse for nonsense.

But here’s the truth: the Ma’am Zone isn’t a punishment. It’s a portal.

Because once you stop chasing approval from the outside, you finally make room for deep reverence on the inside.

Once you stop chasing approval from the outside, you realize your value isn’t measured by someone else’s opinion of you, by your waistline or taut skin, or your appeal to potential partners.

Your value is in how you carry your story, how you exemplify your self-worth, how you show up for others, and how much damn freedom you finally give yourself to just be.

Of course, there are still moments that rattle your chain—like when technology moves faster than your thumbs or when recalling a name or a word requires a full-blown brain excavation.

And it’s not just the memory lapses. It’s the quiet, creeping suspicion that you’re becoming a little… invisible. That in a world obsessed with youth and novelty, you’ve somehow been nudged toward the “used-to-be” pile.

But here’s my radical revelation: This isn’t the end of anything. It’s the beginning of everything.

Learning is My New North Star

This chapter I’ve found myself in—this curious, living-alone, transitional place—it’s a gift. And for me, that gift is the opportunity to dedicate copious amounts of time to learning. Not to impress, not to advance, not to earn letters behind my name. But to be alive.

Learning has become my reason for being in this last season of my life, however many decades that may be.

Oh, I still love deeply. I still mother, I still show up for friends, and I still need connection and community as much as I need air—but these next years of living alone? These are for taking in as much as I’ve given out.

I’ve begun to inhale books, devour documentaries, and dive headfirst into research rabbit holes like a woman on a mission to make up for all the times she didn’t have time and had to put her own curiosity on hold.

I’m back in therapy. I want to finally let go of the weight I don’t want to carry anymore. I want to learn to expand, to evolve, to live in full-blown self-worth, and to stay awake in a world that wants to lull me into irrelevance.

This isn’t just something I do—this is how I live now. Fully. Inquisitively. Intentionally.

I’m learning how to sit in silence without spiraling into regrets and should-haves. How to laugh at myself without lacerating my spirit. How to treasure time without tallying accomplishments.

My Best Friend at the End of My Pen

Amid all this sorting and shifting, quiet rooms and candid reckonings, new beginnings and necessary becoming, there’s one constant that’s never judged me, rushed me, or asked me to explain myself in under two minutes: my journal.

It’s actually been a good (almost better) substitute for my ex, who has known me since I was in my late teens.

No matter what kind of day I’m having—scattered, soulful, soaring, or stuck—it’s always there, waiting.

The page listens like no one else can.

It holds space when I can’t hold it together. And more often than not, I find my best thoughts, my bravest truths, and my clearest next steps scribbled somewhere between the rambling and the real.

That pen? It’s not just ink. It’s true: caring for and being honest with oneself.

And when my brain short-circuits—when I can’t remember if I paid a bill or why I walked into the kitchen for that third time—I turn to my journal. Not because it fixes everything but because it filters the fuzz.

Journaling is where I untangle the mental spaghetti. It’s my personal pause button, my brain’s backup drive, my place to dump the digital overload of modern life and actually hear myself think again.

Some days, it’s a sanctuary. On other days, it’s a sass-fest. But either way, it saves me. From forgetting. From overthinking. From disconnecting from the woman, I’m becoming.

Permission to Be Real, Forgetful, and Free

I’m learning to get curious instead of compliant.

I’m reclaiming my relevance not by proving myself but by being myself—beautifully, brutally, brilliantly real.

I’ve swapped out striving for savoring.

I’ve put down the perfectionism and picked up the pen.

And on the days when I forget what I was saying mid-sentence, I just say, “Well, clearly it wasn’t worth remembering!” and carry on.

No, I don’t have it all figured out. Thank goodness for that.

Life now feels less like a checklist and more like a what-kind-of-day-do-I-want-today? (Note: It’s sometimes a day in bed with snacks and a streaming obsession).

Some days are disco. Others are enlightening. Some days, I still feel sorry for myself. But all of them are mine.

So, if you’re standing in that strange, sacred space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming, let this be your permission slip:

You don’t need to reinvent yourself.

You just need to remember yourself.

Not who the world wanted or told you that you were supposed to be. Who you are. Under the roles. Behind the titles. Beneath the noise.

There’s magic there. There’s freedom. And yes, there’s still plenty of fire.

A Few Questions to Light the Way

Who am I becoming now that no one’s watching?

What do I want to learn—not to be useful, but to be lit up?

Where am I still dimming my joy because I think it’s “too late”?

What would it look like to stop fixing and start feeling?

Where do I still matter most—to myself?

About Jill Grumbache

Jill Grumbache is the sometimes hilarious, always compassionate wit and founder of Holistic Journaling Ink. She is an unwavering advocate of women’s self-growth and education. She helps women find clarity, courage, calm, and a sense of humor through the written word. Jill is a lifelong journaler, communications specialist, beneficial journaling educator, certified journaling facilitator, and emotional intelligence coach, as well as an award-winning writer and recovering overthinker with ADHD (the latter being one of her favorite traits!). Reach her at jill@holisticjournaling.ca or www.holisticjournaling.ca.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!

The truth does not cease to exist when it is forgotten or ignored.

You know how you can hear or read something dozens of times in various ways before it finally sinks in? The truths listed below fall firmly into that category — timeless lessons that many of us probably learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, yet for whatever reason we tend to forget in the heat of the moment.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1. Life is relatively short and nothing is guaranteed.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.

So let that reminder be a wake-up call to truly live your life today! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of life either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action. Death is not the greatest loss in life, and neither is injury. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive and capable.

Even when life gets messy, be bold, be courageous, be a scared to death, and then take the next step anyway. Invest your heart and soul into whatever you have right in front of you. Bring passion into otherwise ordinary moments… Love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you’re with, until you can be with the people you love most. This is the way we find more happiness, opportunity, and peace on the average day.

2. Everything will change again soon.

Embrace change and realize that it’s necessary. It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end most forms of change are worthwhile because they force us to grow. So keep yourself in check right now…

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day. It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth. Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event. And these events are always happening — like all the senseless violence and drama we see in our world today.

So just remember, however good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. Accept it. Breathe. Be where you are. You’re where you need to be right now. There’s a time and place for everything, and every hard step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. When it’s meant to be, it will be.

3. Changing your response is what puts you back in control.

Have patience with everything that remains imperfect or unfinished in your head and heart. And realize that patience is not about waiting, but the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. This is your life and it’s governed by your daily decisions. May your actions speak louder than your words. May your results preach louder than your lips. May your inner sense of satisfaction be your noise in the end.

Remind yourself that taking a meaningful step forward right now is worth it. Even if the road ahead seems long and rough — even if there are lots of unknowns — be brave enough to stand up for yourself and control the direction of your momentum. And remember that the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because as Viktor Frankl said, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything! (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Passion & Growth chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

4. Life’s storms can be a source of long-term strength.

Hard times are like strong storms that blow against you. And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you are trying to go. They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of your ego that cannot be torn, so that you are left only with the foundation of who you really are.

Ultimately you realize you are here to endure these storms, to sacrifice your time and risk your heart. You are here to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself how amazing it was to live, and then open your eyes and live some more.

Because to never struggle would be to never grow. You must let go of who you were so you can become who you are. Again, it is within the depths of the strongest and darkest storms that you often discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the path forward.

5. You don’t need all the answers right now.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom. Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly. And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is the opening of your wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.

Truth be told, some of the greatest outcomes that transpire in your life will be the ones you never even knew you wanted. As long as you keep your mind open to new perspectives while you’re moving forward, there really are no totally wrong turns in life, only paths you didn’t know you were meant to travel. And you never can be certain what’s around the corner.  It could be everything, or it could be nothing. You keep gliding steadily forward, and then one day you realize you’ve come a long way from where you started.

All details aside, someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good outcomes will likely transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the messy times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself…

“How in the world did I get through all of that?”

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to give yourself grace for the times when you’ve lacked clarity, and for the poor choices that accidentally hurt others or yourself. Give yourself grace for being young and reckless. We’ve all made mistakes and been foolish at times. These are vital lessons, and what matters most right now is the willingness to learn and grow from them.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Since starting Financial Samurai in 2009, I’ve encouraged folks to keep an open mind and embrace as many different perspectives as possible. So often, we get set in our ways and think our approach is the only right way to do things. But I can assure you, you’re probably missing something—or could do something a little better—that could significantly improve your wealth or quality of life.

One different perspective I recently shared is how the richest people in the world are not index fund fanatics. I think this viewpoint is important because it helps wealth builders expand their minds to what’s possible. Yes, simplicity sells because it’s easy. However, if you want to break free from the herd, you’ve got to take more calculated risks.

Another perspective I offered was highlighting the value of paying someone to manage your money. I try to minimize fees as much as possible. But after managing a relative’s investment portfolios for a year, I absolutely see why fees are justified. Managing money for someone else can be incredibly stressful. I’ll never do it again for free.

In another post, I discussed how cultural differences may impede your chances of getting ahead in the workplace. If you’re part of the majority, you don’t have to spend as much energy assimilating or “sucking it up” to fit in and be liked. You just expect others to conform to you.

The Latest Shocking Perspective That Blew Me Away

While visiting my parents in Honolulu, I came upstairs and found my dad in his recliner watching Wimbledon. I glanced at the TV, which was showing Jannik Sinner vs. Grigor Dimitrov, and immediately asked, “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong with what?” he replied.

“Your TV,” I said. “It’s blurry.”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Nothing’s wrong—except this horizontal line sometimes appears at the top.”

“What do you mean nothing’s wrong? It’s totally fuzzy!” I said.

“Oh really? I thought I just couldn’t see clearly anymore,” he answered.

He had gotten cataract surgery a couple years ago, which improved his vision. But he thought maybe it was declining again.

The Blurry 55″ TV My Parents Thought Was Normal

For a year and a half, my parents had been watching this blurry TV and blaming their eyesight instead of questioning the product. Zoom in closely: the name “Sinner” and the score are relatively clear in the top left, but his image is blurry. Even worse, the lower right-hand corner—where another match’s names and scores are displayed—is almost unreadable.

Watching tennis, with a tiny ball zipping across the screen, on this TV would’ve driven me nuts. I fiddled with the antenna just in case, but no improvement. I flipped through multiple channels over WiFI, same problem.

After just three minutes, it was obvious: the TV was failing, and they needed a new one. I couldn’t believe they had put up with this for so long, thinking they were the problem instead of the screen. I’ve seen this type of situation play out in marriages, but not with something as simple as a TV!

A New TV With A New Perspective

While I was already shopping for a new washer, dryer, and refrigerator for the in-law unit, I figured I might as well replace the old TV too. I hadn’t bought a TV in eight years and was blown away by how cheap prices had fallen. For just $650, I got them a 65″ Samsung, had the old one removed, the new one installed, and all their apps set up. It was $485 without the delivery and extra services that took more than an hour.

When the installers arrived, they confirmed the issue right away—the inverter was broken. That was a relief, honestly. A part of me had started questioning my own eyesight and worried that even with a new TV, things might still look blurry.

The clarity of the new TV was so much better. Given how many hours a day my parents watch TV, I’d argue this was the highest-impact quality-of-life improvement I gave them this trip. The second was fixing the drip in their kitchen ceiling that had been leaking for over three years!

But the real win wasn’t just a clearer picture, it was helping my parents realize that their vision wasn’t deteriorating at a rapid pace after all. I think as we age, we’re sometimes too quick to accept physical decline as inevitable. We stop questioning things and chalk up discomfort to “just getting old.”

This new TV helped restore not just visual clarity, but confidence.

Please Get a Different Perspective On Your Finances

I hope this story demonstrates how having a fresh set of eyes, literally, can dramatically improve your life. We often let inertia push us forward in the same direction, assuming what we’re doing must be fine. And if we have optimized our finances and lifestyle, great. But if we haven’t, the hidden costs can really compound to the point where we wonder where all our money went 10 years later.

It took me five years of underperformance in my son’s 529 plan before I finally shifted a greater asset allocation toward the S&P 500. With an 18-year time horizon, it made no sense for him to be in a target-date fund with a significant bond allocation. That’s not how I would invest my own money over that duration, as evidenced by my rollover IRA being 100% in equities since I left my job in 2012.

If only someone had reviewed the portfolio with me in 2017 and walked through the logic, his 529 would be over $100,000 larger today! The compounding effect of a suboptimal decision can become enormous over time. Ugh. Back then, I thought I was doing everything right—but I suppose it’s still better than not contributing at all.

When it comes to your finances, please seek out a different perspective. You are likely missing something that could cost you a fortune over time. Maybe it’s being stuck in a high-fee active fund that’s long past its prime. Maybe it’s choosing an expensive target-date fund over a cheaper index version. Or maybe it’s simply forgetting about the idle cash sitting in an old rollover IRA you haven’t touched in years.

Don’t wait 1.5 years watching a blurry financial picture before realizing something’s wrong. A clearer perspective could make all the difference.

Get a Free Financial Check-Up From Empower

If you have over $100,000 in investable assets—whether in taxable accounts, savings, 401(k)s, or IRAs—you can get a free financial analysis from an Empower financial advisor by signing up here. There’s no obligation, just an opportunity to have a seasoned professional review your finances with a fresh set of eyes.

Empower’s advisors build and analyze portfolios for a living. They may uncover hidden fees, inefficient allocations, or overlooked opportunities to optimize your financial plan. Even if you think everything is in great shape, getting a second opinion might help you spot what you’re not seeing—just like my parents with their TV.

The referral is brought to you by Financial Samurai, who has a partnership with Empower Advisory Group, LLC. You can read more about how it works here.

When it comes to your money and your future, don’t go it alone. One conversation could be worth tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars over time.

To expedite your journey to financial freedom, join over 60,000 others and subscribe to the free Financial Samurai newsletter. Financial Samurai is among the largest independently-owned personal finance websites, established in 2009. Everything is written based on firsthand experience and expertise.

We don’t realize how often we hold ourselves back by holding on to everything.

Letting go is not giving up. Letting go is surrendering any needless attachments to particular outcomes and situations. Surrender means showing up in your life with the intention to be your best, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to be ideal. Have goals, have dreams, take purposeful action, and build solid relationships, but detach from what life must look like every step of the way.

The energy of someone aspiring to create something wonderful today, teamed with a healthy balance of surrender, is far more effective than someone determined to create outcomes with a desperate must-have mentality. Surrender brings inner calmness, awareness, and understanding. And lest we forget that our outer lives are a reflection of our inner state of being.

Thus, take a moment to remind yourself of some heavy things most of us attach to long after it’s time to let go, so you can loosen your grip on them as you move forward…

1. The expectation of how things “should” be.

Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you today. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.

2. The way things once were.

You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Even though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.

3. Old mistakes and errors in judgment.

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

4. The need to control everything.

Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.

5. Fantasies of a perfect path, or time to begin.

Too often we waste our time waiting for a path to appear, but it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time.

6. The desire for quick and easy results.

Everything gets a bit hard and uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better, one step at a time. And keep in mind that your effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger, more educated, and more experienced. So when the going gets tough, be patient and keep going. Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. Every great success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there.

7. Self-doubt.

Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it in the present. And in the midst of particularly hard days when I feel that I can’t endure, I try to remind myself that my track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far. The same is true for YOU. We have what it takes! (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

8. Daily relationships that make us feel less like ourselves.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before. And in the long run it’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than it is to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.

9. Old life chapters that are still lingering half-open.

You’re going to mingle with a lot of people in your lifetime. You’re going to have first kisses you feel all the way down to your toes and think “Oh my gosh, I love him,” but really you just loved the kiss. You’re going to meet a friend you think you will know forever, but then something will change and you two will go your separate ways. You’re going to explore different parts of your life with different people who aren’t in it for the long haul, and that isn’t a bad thing. Life is a series of stories, and the way our stories intersect is remarkable. Sometimes people are in our lives for the whole story. Sometimes they are just a short chapter or two. It takes a brave person to know when that chapter is over, and then to turn the page. Be brave! Embrace your goodbyes, because almost every “goodbye” you receive in life sets you up for the next “hello.”

10. The belief that we always need more than we have.

We don’t always need more — we need appreciation. Because we often take for granted the very things that most deserve our attention and gratitude. How often do you pause to appreciate your life just the way it is? Look around right now, and be thankful… for your health, your family, your work, your comforts, your home. Nothing lasts forever. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of perspective shift.)

How to practice letting go if life tests you today.

Reflecting on the reminders above can be incredibly grounding, but what can you actively do to let go when the immediate tension inside you is spiraling?

Here’s a brief outline of some initial steps Angel and I personally take (and often recommend to our coaching clients and event attendees) to cope with the immediate tension that arises from disappointing outcomes in our lives:

• Acknowledge the tension inside you. — If you notice yourself getting angry and flustered, it’s a sign that you need to pause, take a deep breath, and practice the remaining steps.
• Resist the urge to act in haste. — The greatest harm comes whenever you act out of anger — actions that might include giving up too soon, consuming unhealthy substances, or even attacking someone else. So whenever you notice anger building up inside you, try not to take any form of destructive action. Instead, turn inward and mindfully assess whatever it is that’s arising.
• Sit with your feelings, and give them space. — Turn directly towards the tension you feel, and just be a witness. See it as something that’s passing through you, but is NOT YOU. It’s a feeling, a dark cloud passing across a vast sky, not a permanent fixture. Treat it that way. Instead of obsessing yourself with the dark cloud’s presence, try to broaden your perspective — give it the space it needs to pass. Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly again.
• Be OK with not knowing. — Now that you’ve given yourself some necessary space, tell yourself, “I don’t know why things are this way.” And be OK with this unknowing. Give yourself full permission to not have concrete answers in this moment. What would it be like to allow this moment to unfold without knowing? What is it like to not know what’s going on in the hearts and minds of others? What is it like to not know how to respond to life’s chaos? What is it like to be here right now, without jumping to conclusions?

The bottom line is that when life dishes you a harsh dose of reality, the best first steps involve sitting silently and witnessing the thoughts passing through you. Just witnessing at first, not interfering and not even judging, because by judging too rapidly you have lost the pure witness. The moment you rush to say, “this is absolutely terrible” or “things should be different,” you have already jumped head first into the chaos.

It takes practice to create a gap between the witnessing of thoughts and your response to them. Once the gap is there though, you are in for a great surprise — it becomes evident that you are not the thoughts themselves, nor the tension and chaos influencing them. You are the witness, a watcher, who’s capable of letting go, changing your mindset, and rising above the turmoil.

Now it’s your turn!

Yes it’s your turn to breathe deep, to be present, and to remind yourself that every day is a series of a million tiny miracles. So just do your best to see them today. See how inner peace comes with letting go of what you assume your journey is supposed to be like, and sincerely accepting it for everything that it is…

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Maybe you need to lower your expectations – no one is perfect”.

“If you just stop trying so hard and forget about it, the right person will come along”.

 Sound familiar?!?

I’d hear it all so many times during my single life and it all boiled down to the same old “You’re asking for too much”.

Here are some tips to help you shift your mindset and manage your expectations of dating.

1. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised

When you’re dating without a critical eye you’ll be amazed at how wonderful someone can seem. This doesn’t mean that you’re going to end up with someone ‘less than’ it simply means that when you look for the positives in someone you’ll find them.

Put your checklist in your back pocket for a moment so that you can get to appreciate the good qualities in someone else. You’ll be surprised to find that lots of the stuff you have on your list will eventually get ticked off – it just won’t be in exactly the way that you thought it might.

And sometimes the really good things take a little bit of time to reveal themselves, so be patient and take it a little further than the first date.

 

2.  Be flexible about your requirements

So how long is that list of expectations exactly? You’ve probably prioritized the list. This is a good thing.

If your date is making the cut for most of your list, especially the big stuff, then consider taking the pressure off the relationship by finding girlfriends that are happy to do some of the smaller stuff with, like going to the art museum or having monthly picnics.

In this modern day, we expect one person to fill all the spaces in our lives. In reality, it takes a tribe to keep us happy, so expand your social circle, spend time with family and get some of your needs met by someone other than this one person.

 

3. Embrace change

Being intelligent and having a curious mind outweighs not reading three books per week. If the guy you’ve been on two dates with doesn’t have the same books on his bookshelf as you don’t stress. Don’t let the book thing bug you. Yes, reading magazines, blogs and newspapers do count as reading.

Plus, at the end of the day, people change as they get older. Think about you five years ago. Yep! Exactly…

 

4. Look for someone who is Imperfectly human

We’re all a work-in-progress. Life itself is a work-in-progress. This is called the growth mentality. Get into it and life will be one great adventure of doing stuff and having fun. We’re here to learn and grow together. Not to get it exactly right all the time.

It’s more important that the person you’re thinking of spending time with also has a growth mentality. This means that as a couple you have the space to move and change together. You’re in it for the adventure, not to get it perfect.

 

 5. Think about the short-term as well as the long-term

It’s all about balance…. Are you both heading in the same general direction in life? For example, do you both want to stay in the city you are in or move away? How flexible are you with this?

Just remember that your partner isn’t your clone so you shouldn’t expect him to share all of the same interests as you. That said, how do you intend to spend time together? What do you like doing? Netflix and chill? Eating out? Cooking together? Finding a few things that you can do as a couple and this quality time together will bring you closer together.

 

6. Future plans

If your life goal is to live in a big house by the sea it means you both need to be committed enough to put in the hard work required for it to happen. 

Simple goals such as happiness and companionship are powerful when it’s a joint enterprise. Don’t be scared about communicating what you’d like your future to look like. This is likely to bring up what you both value: time over money for example or vice versa. And we all know that shared values equal healthy relationships.  

And no, this is not a conversation you have on your first date.

 

7. Be fully and wholeheartedly yourself with him

Be honest and open and speak your truth with clarity and integrity and sensitivity. Let him know how you feel and what you want because after all, men are not mind readers. And if he is into you he’ll really want to get it right. So, help him get there!

 

 8.  Try not be too demanding

 Men love to succeed in all aspects of life. They like to know that they can be successful in a relationship with an amazing woman. And they want to know that they have what it takes.

When you make demands, like telling him he must reserve that restaurant or buy you that thing, you are not allowing him to do it out of his own love for you.

So, step back. If you want that thing, buy it for yourself. You know you can. And let him show you how he cares in his own way.

Yes, you can ask for what you want when it comes from your heart. But expecting that he serves you like the Queen of Sheeba makes him a servant and not a King.

 

If I went through my checklist and attempted to neatly tick off all the strange and unusual things on it (and there were many), then the incredible man that I’m with now would not be here.

The stuff that I did tick off right from the beginning were the big things like core values and plans for the future.

Luckily, I was smart enough to have the patience to wait so that I could see all the other little things about my current partner shine through. 

Definitely don’t throw away your expectations. Get to know someone and let them surprise you. Life and dating are so much more fun that way. 

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Andrea Balboni, Lush Coaching Xx

The truth does not cease to exist when it is forgotten or ignored.

You know how you can hear or read something dozens of times in various ways before it finally sinks in? The truths listed below fall firmly into that category — timeless lessons that many of us probably learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, yet for whatever reason we tend to forget in the heat of the moment.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1. Life is relatively short and nothing is guaranteed.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.

So let that reminder be a wake-up call to truly live your life today! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of life either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action. Death is not the greatest loss in life, and neither is injury. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive and capable.

Even when life gets messy, be bold, be courageous, be a scared to death, and then take the next step anyway. Invest your heart and soul into whatever you have right in front of you. Bring passion into otherwise ordinary moments… Love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you’re with, until you can be with the people you love most. This is the way we find more happiness, opportunity, and peace on the average day.

2. Everything will change again soon.

Embrace change and realize that it’s necessary. It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end most forms of change are worthwhile because they force us to grow. So keep yourself in check right now…

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day. It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth. Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event. And these events are always happening — like all the senseless violence and drama we see in our world today.

So just remember, however good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. Accept it. Breathe. Be where you are. You’re where you need to be right now. There’s a time and place for everything, and every hard step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. When it’s meant to be, it will be.

3. Changing your response is what puts you back in control.

Have patience with everything that remains imperfect or unfinished in your head and heart. And realize that patience is not about waiting, but the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. This is your life and it’s governed by your daily decisions. May your actions speak louder than your words. May your results preach louder than your lips. May your inner sense of satisfaction be your noise in the end.

Remind yourself that taking a meaningful step forward right now is worth it. Even if the road ahead seems long and rough — even if there are lots of unknowns — be brave enough to stand up for yourself and control the direction of your momentum. And remember that the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because as Viktor Frankl said, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything! (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Passion & Growth chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

4. Life’s storms can be a source of long-term strength.

Hard times are like strong storms that blow against you. And it’s not just that these storms hold you back from places you are trying to go. They also tear away from you all but the essential parts of your ego that cannot be torn, so that you are left only with the foundation of who you really are.

Ultimately you realize you are here to endure these storms, to sacrifice your time and risk your heart. You are here to be bruised by life. And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned. Tell yourself how amazing it was to live, and then open your eyes and live some more.

Because to never struggle would be to never grow. You must let go of who you were so you can become who you are. Again, it is within the depths of the strongest and darkest storms that you often discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the path forward.

5. You don’t need all the answers right now.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom. Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly. And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is the opening of your wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.

Truth be told, some of the greatest outcomes that transpire in your life will be the ones you never even knew you wanted. As long as you keep your mind open to new perspectives while you’re moving forward, there really are no totally wrong turns in life, only paths you didn’t know you were meant to travel. And you never can be certain what’s around the corner.  It could be everything, or it could be nothing. You keep gliding steadily forward, and then one day you realize you’ve come a long way from where you started.

All details aside, someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good outcomes will likely transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the messy times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself…

“How in the world did I get through all of that?”

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to give yourself grace for the times when you’ve lacked clarity, and for the poor choices that accidentally hurt others or yourself. Give yourself grace for being young and reckless. We’ve all made mistakes and been foolish at times. These are vital lessons, and what matters most right now is the willingness to learn and grow from them.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.