Love languages have been a hot topic for decades, and if you believe in them and they work for your relationship, they can honestly be a great resource for staying connected and on the same page as your partner. When you know your partner’s love language is physical touch, for example, you can use a hug or holding hands or just snuggling on the couch as a way to bridge any gaps you’re feeling or to make them feel loved and comforted.

But do love languages work with friendships?

The thing about love languages is that they’re a helpful tool in ensuring your partner feels all the love and appreciation you have for them by meeting them where they need you to. So, it makes sense that it would work for friends. Maybe your friend who feels left out when you don’t text back promptly enough, or the friend who feels down because you guys haven’t had enough quality time together, would benefit from you knowing their love language. But is that realistic?

“I do think knowing a friend’s or a partner’s preferred way of receiving support and comfort can be incredibly helpful,” says Arkadiy Volkov, RP, clinical director at Feel Your Way Therapy. “Whether we call it a ‘love language’ or simply ‘what makes them feel cared for,’ understanding what makes another person feel good can make it so much easier for us to be there for them. And it shows our care for them and our willingness to meet them where they are.”

But Volkov acknowledges that it’s also not great to make friendships or any relationship “too rule-bound or heavy with expectations.” By turning that connection into a “checklist,” Volkov says we risk “losing the spontaneity and natural generosity that make friendships so rewarding.”

As with all things, what often works best is a balance, he says. “We can be aware of our friends’ preferences, but also leave room for trial and error. Sometimes, offering care in the way we feel moved to can open up new moments of understanding. And when a relationship is solid and not overly fragile, both people can handle those small misses with grace. They can say, ‘That’s not quite what I needed, but I appreciate the effort,’ and in turn, we can adjust without feeling criticized.”

There are so many online discussions, TikToks, and reels about the value of friendship and what happens when one person feels like the other is less invested. And that kind of chatter always makes me feel super guilty: for being a bad texter, for not always initiating a night out, for not buying my friends more little gifts when I think of them. But it doesn’t make me a bad friend, especially not if I’m committed to a friendship and trying to meet my friend’s needs — just maybe not in the way they’d prefer.

Organically, all of us learn what those around us prefer. Whether it’s our kids, partners, or family members, we know that some people prefer getting confrontation over and done with immediately, and some prefer quiet time before a deep discussion. We can tell when we need to check in, like when one kid needs a little extra chat time at bed or your spouse wants you to watch a show on Netflix with them. We can feel it because we’re close to our people and love them, and we can adapt to what they need while still not overwhelming ourselves. It’s a fill-everyone’s-cups kind of situation.

“The healthiest friendships, in my experience, are those where both people can express their needs openly while also accepting that no one gets it right every time,” Volkov says. “There’s trust in the relationship’s resilience, so even imperfect attempts at support are seen as acts of care.”

These are the friends you can go weeks without seeing, and it’s like no time passed. The friends who would rather talk on the phone for an hour, but still feel your love and support in a 3-minute voice note sent while driving your kid to basketball. The friends who offer to pick up your kids and make you brownies and show up to clean your house when you’re overwhelmed because they love acts of service, and not because they expect anything. The friends who know you’re trying your best and love you for it.

Because friendship might just be a broad love language all on its own.

AI tools like ChatGPT and Gemini are mostly known for helping us get things done. But for younger users, there’s another side, and a more personal one. Unlike people, ChatGPT won’t roll its eyes at your late-night musings or dilemmas—and teens are starting to take advantage of that.

Teens are finding comfort in AI companions for emotional support

No matter where the conversation goes, the bot sticks with you. That consistency has been surprisingly helpful for teens dealing with stress or mental health issues. When things get tough, these chatbots can feel like lifelines, offering advice, support or just someone (or something) to talk to. And unlike people, they don’t judge. It’s just you and the bot, in a private space where you can let it all out.

According to new research by Common Sense Media, over 70% of teens have interacted with AI companions, and half are doing so regularly. These tools, ranging from dedicated platforms like Character.AI and Replika to more general chatbots like ChatGPT or CoPilot, are often used as virtual friends. Whether designed to be emotionally supportive or simply chatty, teens are customizing them with unique personalities and leaning on them for conversation and connection. 

Chatbots are becoming a means to vent and reflect

Some teens use AI to talk about feeling isolated, targeted or left out at school or in everyday life. The chatbot offers a safe space to vent, practice responses or simply feel heard after a tough day. Sometimes, it even helps teens rehearse standing up for themselves or figure out their next moves.

These AI tools aren’t only useful for major problems—they’re equally good for daily advice on boosting your mood, sharpening your thoughts and caring for yourself. 

Sometimes, teens aren’t looking for anything extraordinary. A simple suggestion to breathe, take a warm bath or sip some tea can be exactly what they need, especially when it comes from a space that feels safe and nonjudgmental. They’re not bothered that it’s not a real person talking.

In fact, many teens may prefer it that way. There’s a unique comfort in knowing that everything they say essentially stays within the conversation, existing only between them and the bot, not instantly carried into their real-life world. 

The Common Sense Media study revealed that 31% of teens felt their interactions with AI companions were equally or more fulfilling than conversations with actual friends. Even though 50% of teens don’t fully trust AI guidance, about a third have chosen to discuss major personal issues with AI rather than with other humans.

Even with safe people, a sibling, a parent, a best friend or even a stranger in a quiet moment, there’s still a human instinct that once you speak your truth, it escapes into the world in a way that can feel emotionally counterproductive. 

AI can help teens see their life and struggles more clearly

Teens might not trust every word from a chatbot, but these AI tools help them put their life and struggles into perspective. As they explore their emotions and desires, the chatbots lay out their journey in a way that feels both real and refreshingly clear.

While AI continues to impress with its capabilities, it still can’t perform the kind of deep, critical thinking that can sustainably help young people make sense of their place in the social world. Human connection—the messy, multi-layered kind shaped by culture, family, environment and personality—is something AI can mimic but not truly embody. 

Teens should be aware that their private conversations aren’t ‘private’

Still, teens should be mindful of what they share. Even though conversations with ChatGPT may seem entirely anonymous, that doesn’t mean everything disappears into thin air. The data you enter isn’t instantly wiped away. In fact, chatbots often store your conversations.

Data shared with chatbots can be stored, reviewed and legally used to improve the system, according to OpenAI’s usage policies. Conversations are never entirely deleted, and users who share personal details, names or sensitive information may be unknowingly putting that data at risk. Interacting with a bot demands at least as much caution as typing into a search bar, if not more. 

Just this week, Open AI CEO Sam Altman made this warning all too clear to users. In an interview with Theo Von on This Past Weekend, Altman pointed out that chats with ChatGPT aren’t legally protected the way conversations with doctors or therapists are. “People talk about the most personal sh** in their lives to ChatGPT,” he said, “We haven’t figured that out yet for when you talk to ChatGPT.” 

Altman’s remarks follow an ongoing copyright lawsuit filed by The New York Times, in which a federal judge recently ordered OpenAI to preserve all ChatGPT user logs, with no timeline set for their deletion. This includes “temporary chats” and API activity, even from users who opted out of data sharing for training. While users can remove chats from their visible history, the underlying data must be retained to comply with legal requirements.

Teens find comfort in AI, but still need real support

A chatbot can reflect back our words, organize our thoughts, and offer practical suggestions. But it can’t really know us—at least not in the way that long-time friends, trusted adults or trained therapists can.

That’s not to say these tools are useless. On the contrary, they’re proving to be meaningful touchpoints for teens who might not have someone to talk to. But they are not replacements and they shouldn’t be. In a perfect world, every teen would have access to affordable, reliable mental health care. Until then, these digital companions are filling a gap. Even a simple chat with a bot can help ease the weight of a heavy day and offer a small sense of relief and calm. 

Photo by Samuel Borges Photography/Shutterstock

“When you are in uncertainty, when you feel at risk, when you feel exposed, don’t tap out. Stay brave, stay uncomfortable, stay in the cringy moment, lean into the hard conversation, and keep leading.” ~Brené Brown

When you think of someone who’s struggling financially, you might picture someone who’s barely making ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck, just getting by. But money trouble doesn’t always look like that.

I was struggling even though it didn’t seem that way. I had a six-figure salary. I owned a home in one of the most expensive cities in the world, having bought a half-million-dollar property in my late twenties. From the outside, I had it all.

But a year into homeownership, my partner backed out of our financial agreement, leaving me to manage everything alone. Then COVID-19 hit. The government responded to the national deficit by doubling mortgage rates. Suddenly, nearly every penny I earned went toward my skyrocketing payments, insurance, maintenance fees, and property taxes. Selling my home at the right time became an anxiety-inducing gamble.

That’s the thing about financial struggles—they look different for everyone. And at some point in our lives, most of us will experience them.

During those years, the weight of my financial burden crushed dreams I hadn’t even had the chance to imagine. Along with my dreams, my mental and physical well-being and vitality were exchanged with mere survival.

Well-meaning family and friends tried to offer support, but their words often missed the mark. Telling me to “trust the universe” or “just stay positive“ only made me feel more isolated, like I wasn’t truly understood. I struggled to explain why my financial hardships felt like a barrier to my dreams, why I couldn’t simply shake them off and believe everything would work out.

While I did make it through my financial struggles, I have reflected on this period of my life. Maybe easy was never an option, but did it all have to be so hard? I also realized there’s a massive gap between the complex challenges and struggles that can arise from prolonged financial struggles and the solutions, support, and advice that we receive from others in combating them.

What Not to Say to Someone Struggling Financially

“The struggle will end when you learn your lesson.”

This idea—that struggles repeat until we find meaning in them—might be comforting in some situations, but it doesn’t apply to financial hardship. The idea that I was somehow failing to learn my “lesson” only added to my stress.

The truth is, sometimes life throws challenges at us that have no lesson attached. Some things just happen. Our job isn’t to decipher a hidden message—it’s to keep moving forward, however we can.

“You’re strong; you can handle it.”

While meant as encouragement, this statement often feels dismissive. Financial stress is relentless, affecting not just the big picture but the daily grind of survival. Instead of pushing someone to be strong, ask how you can lighten their load. Let them vent. Acknowledge their exhaustion. Strength isn’t the absence of struggle—it’s surviving in spite of it. And even strong people need a break.

“Money is just energy—align yourself with abundance.”

A positive mindset is valuable, but financial hardship isn’t a spiritual failing. People don’t struggle because they’re “out of alignment” with abundance; they struggle because of real-life expenses, job markets, and economic systems. No amount of positive thinking can pay the mortgage.

“When something changes inside you, your external world will reflect it.”

After years of financial struggle, I had no aha moment, no inner transformation or miracle, or even a slight mindset shift before my financial circumstances changed. The only thing that counted was my consistent preparation, planning, and execution of all the logistical tasks that were completed over a very long period of time. In my case, it was hard work that paid off. There was no magical moment of liberation.

“Just work on your passion after your day job.”

When you’re financially drowning, exhaustion is constant. My job required intense mental energy. Coming home and using the same cognitive muscle to work on passion projects was nearly impossible. It’s like telling a personal trainer to do intense workouts morning, noon, and night—they’ll burn out or get injured. Sometimes, survival means setting dreams aside until you can pursue them without harming yourself.

What Actually Helps

Love through Listening

As someone who has gone through a period of financial struggle, it is even impossible for me not to bring my bias, experience, and perspective into the conversation when someone shares their struggles with me. The key is to remind ourselves that we are not an expert on somebody else’s life. They are, but we can be powerful listeners. It is in our listening that we express love.

Get Into the Specifics

One of the most helpful things I experienced was having real conversations about my financial situation. Talking through an overwhelmingly large number of concerns helped me gain clarity and relief. If you want to support someone struggling, ask about their specific plans and course of action. It will help them declutter their mind and ground themselves in something they can actually control.

Provide Resources

Support doesn’t have to be financial. Helping someone find a reputable accountant, connect with another homeowner, or compare mortgage rates were all incredibly useful for me. A friend once helped me break down different bank rates and calculate my options—a simple act that made a huge difference. Another friend helped me with repairs and paints. They helped move the plan along.

Help with Decision Fatigue

Financial struggles come with endless decisions—which bills to pay first, whether to downsize, how to negotiate better rates. The questions are endless. Having someone to talk through those choices with can be a game-changer.

Remind Them of Their Leadership

One piece of advice that truly stayed with me came from Brené Brown:

“When you are in uncertainty, when you feel at risk, when you feel exposed, don’t tap out. Stay brave, stay uncomfortable, stay in the cringy moment, lean into the hard conversation, and keep leading.”

At a time when I felt anything but a leader—let alone a good one—these words resonated deeply. They didn’t focus on what should have been or could have been, but on what was: a whole lot of discomfort. My job wasn’t to crumble under pressure or lose my footing with every new challenge. It was to keep leading—myself and everyone involved—through the uncertainty, no matter how difficult it felt. That was my only job.

—

My financial struggles are now behind me—something I once thought was impossible. If you’re struggling, know that you are not alone. The weight of it may feel unbearable, but the leader inside you, the people who shoulder the journey with you, and a benevolent force greater than you can see will carry you through. As I recently read, “The horrors will persist, but so will you.”

About Kate Pejman

Kate Pejman is an engineer, climate change advocate, and the creator of The Benevolent Series. Through candid interviews and personal stories, she explores life at the intersection of authenticity, relationships, and freedom—examining both what we lose and what we gain in the process. You can find her at thebenevolentseries.com and on Instagram here.

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