I was talking to a full-time mother the other day, and she was pissed. Her full-time working husband was heading out on yet another business trip. It was his third week-long trip that month, and she was over it. Their two kids missed their father, and she didn’t think all the travel was truly necessary, even if it was for work.

After all, we all went through COVID, and everything worked out just fine with video conferencing. She felt he was choosing to travel more than he needed to, mainly for the fun of it and to get a break from the kids.

That conversation got me thinking about the tension that builds in households where one parent stays home and the other goes to work. I feel it too. Every time I debate attending a conference versus preserving a precious weekend with my wife and children, the internal pull is real. With my two kids now in school full-time, the weekends matter even more. So I haven’t gone to a conference yet.

The Challenge of Being a Stay-at-Home Father

Given I’m a man, I’m going to write this post from a father’s perspective. But it is just as relevant for mothers too.

Men are trained from a young age to provide. Even if nobody acknowledges the work, we continue showing up. We feed, protect, teach, drive, fix, support, and problem solve through every stage of our children’s lives.

Being a father requires intrinsic motivation. You cannot expect, let alone crave recognition for a job well done, because nobody cares. Nobody asked you to be a father, and society doesn’t do a good job in appreciating a man’s efforts when it comes to the family.

Gus Fring, from Breaking Bad, sums up one version of what it takes to be a man today. Is it any wonder why so many men opt out of marriage and fatherhood?

Being a full-time parent can be so demanding that some parents actually crave the structure of work just to get a break from parenthood. There’s no off switch with full-time parenting. One distracted moment can lead to disaster.

So after years of pickups, drop-offs, cooking meals, teaching skills, and spending weekends away from friends, how do you let go of the guilt when you finally take a break? How do you give yourself permission to leave your family behind for a little personal leisure?

You start by comparing yourself to other parents, and follow a new framework I’ve created, in true American nerd fashion.

Step One: Compare Yourself to the Average Dad (Or Mom)

When you become a stay-at-home father, you lose touch with the rhythms of normal working dads. Once your children enter school and you start meeting other parents, the contrast becomes obvious.

Most fathers are working full time. Supposedly, the average dad spends just 60 to 80 minutes a day with their children. I know, it’s hard to believe, but that’s what the data says.

In contrast, a stay-at-home fathers spends anywhere from 8 to 24 hours a day, depending on the age of the children and the occupation of their partner.

Do the math:

If you spend 12 hours a day caring for your child during the first three years, while the above-average dad spends about two, you’re putting in six times more daily time. In terms of total hours invested, those three years equal roughly 18 years of parenting time for the average dad.

In other words:

You are not falling behind by taking a break. You are still years ahead.

Give yourself permission to rest. You have earned it.

Step Two: Ask Other Dads (Or Moms) About Their Travel Schedules

Now that you know the general amount of time the average dad (or mom) spends with their children a day, it’s time to get granular. Just like how real estate is local, father time also depends by region. And you want to compare your efforts to your immediate peers.

Therefore, you must ask as many dads (or moms) you know about their work hours and travel schedules to understand how you compare. Here are some examples that I came across.

• One dad was gone for two weeks on the East Coast, then a dad’s golfing trip for four days, then a week in Asia. He was away for almost a month in six weeks.
• Another travels two weeks every month for work.
• Another travels to Europe, Asia, and the Middle East for about a month a quarter to fundraise.
• Finally, another dad says he flies to NYC twice a year for a week to kiss the ring and hope to get promoted. On top of that, he sees clients around the country once a month for three-to-four days.

My Estimated Annual Travel Schedule If I Was Still Working

If I was still working in finance, I would probably travel to Asia two-to-four times a year for 14 – 28 days. I’d probably also travel domestically for five days a month to see clients for a total of 74 – 88 days away for work. Wow, that’s a lot if I wanted to give everything to my job and climb to the highest ranks.

After having children, I’d have to imagine I would limit my Asia trips to just twice a year for 20 days max. Then, maybe I’d send my junior colleague to see clients every other month to cut down my total domestic travel to 30 days. Although 50 days away from family a year still sounds like a lot, it seems much more reasonable than 74 – 88 days away!

Step Three: Build Travel or Time-Off Credits

Once you understand how much other parents travel for work, both from the top down and bottom up, you can start building “credits” for every trip you skip and every day you stay home.

This year, for example, there was a dad trip to another state. It ran from Thursday through Sunday, and my wife was totally fine with me going. But I skipped it. We had a parent–teacher conference on Friday from 10 a.m. to 1:20 p.m., and I wanted to meet all eight teachers we had scheduled.

I also wanted to use the weekend to teach my kids tennis through Daddy Day Camp. Public court access in San Francisco is tough, so Friday afternoon after the conferences was prime time to get out there.

By skipping that four-day trip, I built enough “credit” to take a more meaningful six-day trip to Honolulu to surprise my father for his 80th birthday. I still felt guilty leaving my family, but far less than if I had gone on the dad’s boondoggle. I also put in extra time with the kids during those four days, even while feeling a bit sick, which helped reduce the guilt later. The more effort I put in upfront, the lighter the guilt became.

No matter how much your partner insists it’s fine to take a weekend boondoggle with the guys or a business trip to New York for steak dinners and late night partying, some resentment will inevitably build. That is just human nature because solo-parenting is hard work!

A Simple Formula That Helps You Take Time Away Without Guilt

Now let’s build an actual formula so you can take action to feel great about more personal time away from the family. Use my formula as a baseline, and then adjust it to your individual family situation.

1. Ask five working dads (or moms) how many days they spend away from their family each year.

Include work trips, conferences, and boondoggles.

2. Calculate the average.

3. Divide that number by two.

This becomes your guilt-free allowance to travel as a stay-at-home parent or take a break from parenting. For example, if you find the average working dad spends 30 days a year away for work, then you can take 15 days guilt free to do whatever the heck you want.

Why half? Because full-time working parents are providing financially. Travel is often part of their job, even though we all know workers no longer have to travel to build relationships or close deals after 2-3 years of Zoom meetings during COVID.

If you are not the main financial provider, you don’t get to travel and have the same number of days the average working parent gets. Half the average is a fair split.

When to Use a Divisor of One (Equal Travel) – When You Are a FIRE Parent

A FIRE parent is someone who retires earlier than normal so they can be a full-time parent while still serving as the main financial provider. This is different from a full-time parent who steps away from their career entirely while their partner continues working.

If you are both the main financial provider and the stay-at-home parent, then it’s only fair that you get to take as many breaks or trips as the average number of trips taken by the five parents you surveyed.

If you happen to know five stay-at-home dads, you can also divide by one instead of two as well. Their averages will generally be lower, but also more aligned with your lifestyle reality.

That said, I still don’t believe a FIRE dad should take more days off than the average stay-at-home dad, even though he’s also the financial provider. Part of the FIRE mindset is maintaining high standards and outperforming the average in both dimensions.

Being a FIRE Dad Is Not Normal

If you reached financial independence so you could spend more time with your children, understand that your lifestyle is rare. FIRE is already rare, but FIRE parenting is even more so given how much it costs to raise a family nowadays.

• According to Pew Research, only about 7% of fathers who live with their children under 18 are full-time stay-at-home dads. Fathers now make up roughly 18% of all stay-at-home parents (with the other ~82% being mothers). 
• Meanwhile, I estimate less than 30% of the 7% of full-time stay-at-home dads are FIRE dads who stay home and are also responsible for the bulk of the family finances. In other words, 70% of the full-time stay-at-home dads have working partners/spouses who bring home the sashimi.

The discipline it takes to become financially independent is not easy. The discipline to then spend the next 18 years raising your children full-time is even rarer.

However, if you never take a break, resentment eventually builds. You may start comparing your arrangement to households with a more balanced setup. Without finding a better balance, a marriage can easily break apartment.

You cannot sustain full-time parenthood long term without caring for yourself.

There Is No Prize for Being a Martyr

If you work full time and still travel for weeks or months each year, you have an incredibly supportive partner at home. Appreciate them. Solo-parenting for weeks on end is not easy.

If you are a full-time parent or FIRE parent who feels guilty even thinking about taking a weekend away, remember this:

You have already spent more time with your children than many working parents will spend in a lifetime.

Your presence, consistency, and sacrifice are already changing the trajectory of your children’s lives.

But none of it matters if you burn out.

A rested parent is a better parent. A resentful parent is a dangerous one.

Give yourself permission to step away. You deserve the rest. You deserve the freedom. And you deserve the same grace you give to everyone else.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, how do you overcome the guilt of taking time for yourself? Do you think my formula is fair? If not, how would you adjust it? And for the working parents out there, how many days a year do you travel for work?

Take Care Of Your Family, Even When You’re Not There

As stay-at-home parents, we carry the invisible load. We show up every day, even when we’re exhausted. But the truth is, none of us can be present 24/7. Whether you’re traveling, working, or finally taking that long-overdue break, having the right life insurance means your family is protected no matter what.

That’s where Policygenius comes in. It’s my preferred life-insurance marketplace because it does all the comparison shopping for you, quickly, clearly, and at the lowest prices available. In minutes, you can compare top insurers side-by-side and get the coverage your family deserves.

If you’ve spent years putting your family first, make sure you protect them with the same intention. Once my wife and I got matching 20-year term life insurance policies through Policygenius, we breathed a huge sigh of relief. They were affordable and enabled us to better focus on being present for our children.

Check your life-insurance rates today with Policygenius. Your future self, and your family, will thank you.

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If time is truly more precious than money, then spending money to buy back your time is the wisest trade of all. Here’s an example of overcoming my frugality to live a better life.

Perhaps one of the main reasons I initially didn’t want to go on a family vacation to LegoLand and SeaWorld was because I knew it would cost thousands of dollars. As someone who enjoys investing more than spending, it’s hard for me to feel comfortable dropping ~$5,000 for just three days of vacation when I already feel like I’m on vacation at home as a semi-retiree.

However, as someone who’s been actively trying to spend more money since turning 45 (in 2022), I figured, let’s give this trip a go. Spending money on family is much easier than spending money on myself. Baby steps toward decumulation!

Spending Money On Saving Time Is The Best

Since this was our first time visiting LegoLand in Carlsbad, we didn’t quite know what to expect. We asked other parents and newsletter readers whether we should get the fast passes for $99/person to skip potentially long lines.

About 75% said there was no need because we were going on an off-peak Thursday in October. That sounded reasonable, so I took their advice. After all, we could always buy the fast passes later if the crowds were bad, that is, if the passes were still available.

At 10:10 a.m., we rolled up to the Coastersaurus ride, and the line was absurdly long! See the video for yourself. One of the ushers suggested we head toward the back of the park since it had just opened and the other rides were still relatively empty.

We followed her advice and moseyed over to Emmet’s Flying Adventure ride, a highly anticipated ride after our kids just watched the Lego movie. Unfortunately, another long line. That’s when I decided, screw it. I wasn’t about to spend 30–40 minutes per ride standing in line with a 5- and 8-year-old. Life’s too short. I bought the $396 worth of fast passes for the four of us.

At first, I felt guilty walking past everyone waiting patiently in line, especially the children. I even wondered if I was setting a bad example for my kids by not practicing patience. But then I remembered – $396 is a lot of money! – and got over it. It wasn’t like we lived in Southern California, had a season pass, and could easily get to LegoLand whenever we wanted.

The kids were thrilled to go on more rides, and as any parent knows, happy kids (and a happy spouse) make for a happier life.

Probably Didn’t Need The Most Expensive Fast Pass

Now that we’ve been to LegoLand once, I realize there’s no need to splurge on the $99-per-person Ultimate fast pass again during off-peak season. The Deluxe or even Regular fast pass would’ve been plenty since every ride only has two lines: the regular line and the fast pass line. The ushers don’t seem to differentiate between which tier you bought.

We also found that a couple of rides – Ninjago and Lost Kingdom Adventure – had no wait times at all. Toward the end of the day, I almost wished the lines were longer just so we could feel like we got more value from the upgrade.

So, I’ll chalk up that extra $196 to inexperience. At the time, we were worried about getting nickel-and-dimed by the park if we didn’t buy the top-tier pass. At least now we know, and now thousands of you who’ve never been know too.

Spending On Ubers Instead Of A Rental Car Was Great

Another decision to save time was to use Ubers instead of renting a car. An Uber ride from our house to SFO costs about $30 one way, while long-term parking costs $25/day, and we’d be gone for three days. Plus, it takes an extra 20 minutes to get from the parking lot to security. So taking an Uber was a no-brainer for both time and cost savings. We picked up our kids from school at 3:50 p.m. on Wednesday to catch a 5:30 p.m. flight.

We could’ve rented a midsize car in San Diego for about $70/day ($210 total), but I wanted to avoid the hassle of pickup, parking, and drop-off. In total, we spent about $300 on Uber rides. And frankly, it felt totally worth it, especially compared to the $396 we spent on fast passes.

There’s also something freeing about not being responsible for a large, expensive asset that could get dinged up or stolen. That mental relief alone made the vacation feel lighter. When you factor in the value of time and reduced stress, spending on rideshare services over rentals starts to look like a solid tradeoff.

No Time Saved Flying Business Or First, So We Didn’t

I still can’t justify paying a 50%–200% premium for Business or First Class on short domestic flights, especially when everyone arrives at the same time. If I was going to Hawaii by myself, then maybe.

At 5’10” and ~168 pounds, I can still fit comfortably in Economy seats. My wife and kids fit easily, too since they are much smaller. If we get to sit together in a row of four, or two and two, then even better. My economy seat effectively expands by 25%–50% when I can snuggle next to my loved ones.

Our flight had a 3-and-3 configuration, so I was the one who drew the short straw and sat next to strangers both ways. The flight down was fine, but on the way back, I sat beside a fidgety 14-year-old who kept bumping me and waving his arm in front of my face to point out the window. Still, no big deal. I typed up my free weekly newsletter on the short 70-minute flight.

When we landed, our first Uber kept delaying pickup, so I canceled and called a Lyft, which arrived in two minutes. It felt great not having to wait for an airport shuttle or hunt down our car in long-term parking. Time saved once again.

Still Doesn’t Feel Great Spending $5,000

The investor in me still winces thinking about spending $5,000 on pleasure instead of investing it in the S&P 500 or a venture fund for my kids. I can’t help but run the numbers:

• In 13 years, when my daughter heads to college, that $5,000 could’ve grown to $17,000 if invested in the S&P 500 earning a 10% annual return.
• In 10 years, when my son heads to college, that same $5,000 could’ve compounded to $31,000 if invested in Fundrise Venture earning 20% a year. I’ve invested about $200,000 earmarked for both kids so far, which means I’ve got another $150,000 to go to save them from AI.
• Or, it could’ve paid for a weeklong music or sports camp that builds lasting skills and confidence.

As an investor, there’s always a risk when spending money on something new. You never know if it’ll be worth it until afterward. Of course, investors can also lose money too. But since we all had such a great time in San Diego, I’m at peace with it.

FIRE Is All About Reducing Time Spent on Suboptimal Experiences

After writing about FIRE since 2009, this lesson feels full circle. The whole point of achieving financial independence is to free up our time – to do less of what we don’t enjoy and more of what we love. The more we dislike our jobs or feel that our work lacks purpose, the stronger our desire to FIRE naturally becomes. The same goes for if we’re more sensitive on time’s passing.

The key is to use money as a tool to buy back time, by saving and investing aggressively until we reach our Minimum Investment Threshold. Once we hit that point, work becomes more optional and life becomes more intentional.

Buying back time can mean skipping long lines, avoiding parking headaches, or simply cutting out the small annoyances that drain our energy. Because once time is gone, we can’t buy it back. Now that I’m a parent, the return on all the “sacrifices” I made in my 20s and 30s to build passive income feels absolutely worth it.

When it comes to FIRE, giving up active income by not working is essentially the same as spending money to save time. They’re two sides of the same coin. Accepting this reality makes it much easier to spend once you’re retired.

After all, what’s $5,000 when you’ve already given up earning $50,000, $100,000, $500,000, or even $1+ million a year because you no longer want to trade time for money? In that context, $5,000 is insignificant.

Final Thoughts on Spending for Time Freedom

Spending money doesn’t have to feel bad, as long as it’s purposeful. Spending to save time, create memories, or reduce stress is money well spent. Just be careful that extreme frugality doesn’t lead to lifestyle deflation. It’s an easy trap to fall into after a lifetime of saving diligently.

Given time is more valuable than money, spending money to save time is the logical thing to do. You can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. The trick is finding the balance between the investor in you who wants compounding returns, and the human in you who wants to enjoy life while you can.

So, the next time you hesitate to spend on convenience or experience, ask yourself: Will this purchase help me reclaim time or create lasting joy? If the answer is yes, then it’s probably worth it.

Readers, what are your thoughts on spending more money to save time? What are things to spend money on that could rival or surpass the value of saving time?

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If you want more time freedom, pick up a copy of my USA TODAY national bestseller, Millionaire Milestones: Simple Steps to Seven Figures. I’ve distilled over 30 years of financial experience to help you build more wealth than 94% of the population, and break free sooner.

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On October 8, 2025, we decided to go on a family vacation I was decidedly unexcited about. That entire week was supposed to be my time to attend the Fairfield Challenger tennis tournament every day with my buddy Richard. September and October are tennis paradise months in the Bay Area, with multiple tournaments and ideal weather. This year was especially exciting with the Laver Cup in town.

However, October 9 and 10 happened to be school holidays for my kids, followed by Columbus Day on October 13. My wife and children really wanted to visit San Diego to see Legoland and SeaWorld for the first time.

I, on the other hand, was perfectly happy to stay home, save ~$5,000, and enjoy watching professional tennis, one of my absolute favorite activities, for $45 or less per ticket. But as frugal tennis fanatics, we actually volunteer as ball boys to get in free and get free lunch. However, the biggest joy is having the absolute best seats in the house – right on the court!

Before having kids, I used to fly to New York City to visit my sister and watch the US Open in Flushing. I could go from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. without missing a beat. But after becoming a parent, I could no longer justify that kind of indulgence.

My Great Dislike Of Flying

I dislike flying due to the lines, the delays, the costs, seat hogs, and sometimes unruly passengers. After taking around 200 work flights over 13 years, I’ve experienced every kind of travel misery imaginable. And if I’m being honest, I still think about death every time I board. The trauma from 9/11 never fully fades. I lived just a couple blocks away and had attended a conference at the top of the North Tower earlier that year.

If I’m going to fly, I’d rather it be to visit my parents in Honolulu, not to stand in endless amusement park lines. But I also know these trips aren’t really for me, they’re for the kids. So off we went, me internally reluctant but outwardly enthusiastic.

Oh, how I envy those parents who genuinely love Legos, roller coasters, and Disney characters. They look like they’re having the time of their lives! Life really is better when you have more interests.

So here I am – the reluctant, slightly grumpy dad – sharing my thoughts before takeoff on why you should take as many vacations as you can while you’re still working. Vacations are not only more enjoyable while you’re still in the grind, but they’re also therapeutic, helping you recharge and extend your career longevity.

Over the long term, the more vacations you take, the more money you very well make!

Why Vacations Aren’t As Great Once You Retire Early

In a previous post, I discussed how being truly FIRE is terrible for entrepreneurship. Now here are three reasons why vacations lose their magic after early retirement.

1) You Take Your Freedom for Granted

The “problem” with FIRE is having endless freedom and choices. On paper, that sounds incredible with no boss, no meetings, no deadlines. But in reality, too much freedom can start to feel like a burden. When every option is available, deciding what to do with your time can feel oddly heavy.

Every weekday after dropping my kids off at school, I have total discretion over my day. I can play tennis, write, nap, go on a hike, or do absolutely nothing. There’s nobody to tell me what to do or how to do it. Yet, when every day can feel like a vacation, the novelty eventually wears off.

After 13+ years of freedom, I don’t wake up excited by the idea of being able to do whatever I want. Autonomy has become my default setting, not a luxury. What once felt liberating now simply is. That’s the paradox of early retirement: the more freedom you have, the less you notice it.

To counteract this complacency, I’ve found it’s essential to maintain a sense of structure and challenge. That’s one reason why I’ve kept up a consistent 3–4X per week writing schedule since July 2009, even after leaving my job in 2012. Writing gives me a sense of purpose and accountability that pure leisure can’t provide.

Without some form of productive struggle, the days can blur together, and even paradise starts to lose its shine.

2) It’s Hard to Spend Money on Fun When You’re Already Happy

FIRE can make you reluctant to spend money on leisure. It’s like paying extra for tap water, you already have access to what you need.

Since retiring from a traditional day job in 2012, I’ve discovered plenty of inexpensive activities that bring me joy: playing tennis, playing pickleball, writing, hiking, and watching tennis.

So spending ~$5,000 on a trip I’m not excited about doesn’t feel great. I’d rather have used the kids’ school holidays for giving them tennis and soccer lessons (free), followed by a pool day with a big swirly slide (utilizing my underutilized sports club membership that costs $180/month). Daddy day camp to the max!

In addition, I had recently spent three weeks dealing with tenant turnover, which is always unpleasant. I had to list the property for rent again, clean up what I could for showings, evaluate prospective tenants, draft a new lease, help with onboarding, and coordinate with the departing tenants on their move-out and cleanup. After all that effort, to then spend more than half of one month’s rent on a trip felt uncomfortable.

If you’re the person responsible for your household finances, you can’t help think about cost-benefit analysis. But it’s important to think about the other members in your family and what they want to do. Since I turned 45 in 2022, I’ve being trying my best to spend more money.

3) Your Vacation Property Likely Won’t Be as Nice as Your Home

Another post-FIRE downer: the vacation property usually isn’t as nice as your primary residence. This pertains to most workers who vacation too.

You could spend a small fortune renting a luxury spot, but you probably won’t because that’s not how most FIRE practitioners think. We spent years saving aggressively and avoiding excess. The idea of dropping thousands to rent a house for a week, let alone a day, goes against that conditioning.

Instead, you’ll likely settle for a modest Airbnb or hotel room, cramming everyone in. Only the truly wealthy, the top 0.1%, would rent a vacation home as nice as their own. When you’ve got lots of active income coming in, it’s much easier to spend.

If you’ve recently bought a house you love, you’ll also be more reluctant to leave it. I love our home – the Toto Washlets, the view, the space inside and out. Every day already feels like living in a luxurious vacation property. So paying money to downgrade feels off while our existing home sits empty while we’re away.

Remember, the true cost of your vacation is the cost of your vacation plus the daily cost of maintaining your existing home. Here’s my vacation spending guide to help you spend more responsibly while away. It is very easy to go nuts while in vacation mode.

When Vacations Are Better Post-Early Retirement

Vacations are most exciting post-FIRE if you’ve never traveled before. If your parents never took you anywhere, your job never sent you on trips, and you never studied abroad, by all means travel! You’ll finally have the freedom and means to explore.

Hopefully, you’ll visit multiple continents, immerse yourself in new cultures, and realize how fortunate we are in the U.S. The world would be a better place if more people traveled and shared meals with those from completely different backgrounds.

It’s hard to hate someone once you’ve broken bread with them.

Vacations are also better if you retire closer to the traditional age of 60-65. After a lifetime of trading time for money, you will appreciate your freedom and the time you have left more than the early retiree.

Sadly, the thrill of travel has faded for me because I grew up living abroad for 13 years. As a foreign service officer’s kid, I lived in six countries, studied abroad my junior year, traveled throughout Asia and the U.S. for work for 13 years, and checked off bucket-list sites like Angkor Wat, the Taj Mahal, the Blue Mosque, the Colosseum, and the Winter Palace.

Sure, I’d still love to visit Cairo and Petra, but they can wait until our kids get older.

The Best Vacations Are When You’re Still Working

If you’re still working toward financial independence, enjoy the incredible privilege of getting paid while on vacation. It’s the same joy as receiving paid parental leave. What wonderful work benefits that should not be taken for granted.

So take all your vacation days. Don’t hoard them out of fear you’ll lose your job or miss a promotion. The only exception is your final year before FIRE. Bank those days since your employer has to pay them out in cash when you leave.

The more you’re micromanaged and undermined at work, the more you’ll enjoy your vacations. Paid time off feels like sweet revenge for all the nonsense you put up with. But once nobody’s telling you what to do, vacations lose that contrast. You’re not escaping anything anymore.

You’ll Still Have Fun While Away

Even though vacations aren’t quite as thrilling after early retirement, I still appreciate the freedom to travel whenever I want. I’m revisiting this post after returning from LegoLand and SeaWorld, and you know what? I had a blast!

But more importantly, our kids had the time of their lives. They told their mom and me, “It was the best time ever.” That kind of feedback is truly priceless and motivating to go on more vacations for them.

As a FIRE parent, it’s also nice never having to ask for time off when your kids are on break. That’s a privilege I didn’t fully appreciate until I realized how many working parents scramble to find childcare during random school in-service days.

If you want to retire early, but are afraid kids will spoil your ideal post-work lifestyle, don’t worry! Kids nowadays have so many days off from school, between local holidays, federal holidays, and in-service days, that you’ll have plenty of days off to travel. We’re talking 3.5 – 4.5 months off a year, which is more than enough vacation time.

Do Hard Things in Retirement To Better Appreciate Vacations

If you want to get excited about vacations again in retirement, do something challenging in retirement. It’s helpful to juxtapose the hard with the easy to better appreciate the good life.

For me, that’s been writing books because writing articles is no longer hard. Each book takes about two years to complete, and when I published Millionaire Milestones: Simple Steps to Seven Figures in May 2025, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and accomplishment. It even made the USA TODAY national bestseller list. Not easy when there are only 100 spots across all genres while more than 300,000 books are traditionally published a year.

That achievement made me more motivated to vacation in Honolulu for five weeks because I felt like I deserved it. Of course, it wasn’t a completely relaxing trip. I was remodeling my parents’ in-law unit, confronting difficult childhood memories, and trying to prove my Hawaiian roots. But this time, the vacation felt more meaningful because it followed a period of hard, creative work.

Don’t assume early retirement will create a life full of thrilling vacations. You might go travel-crazy at first, but eventually the novelty fades, and you’ll start craving productivity and purpose again. Enjoy a nice balance!

Reader Questions

Fellow retirees, have you found vacations to be less exciting now that every day can feel like one? Did you travel less than you originally planned, or burn out after going too hard early on? Do you struggle to spend money on new adventures once you’ve found plenty of inexpensive ways to enjoy life at home?

And what do you think – are vacations really that fun once you no longer need an escape from work?

If You Want To Go On Permanent Vacation

If your goal is to one day live like you’re on a permanent vacation, you need to save and invest diligently while keeping close track of your finances. Freedom without financial clarity can easily turn into hidden stress.

Since 2012, I’ve used Empower’s free wealth management tools to monitor my net worth, manage cash flow, and reduce investment fees. The platform has helped me stay disciplined and organized long after leaving my day job.

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A fresh set of eyes can reveal hidden fees, inefficient allocations, or opportunities to optimize your plan. The clearer your financial picture, the greater your confidence in your path to financial independence. And confidence is what allows you to fully enjoy the freedom you’ve worked so hard to earn.

The statement is provided to you by Financial Samurai (“Promoter”) who has entered into a written referral agreement with Empower Advisory Group, LLC (“EAG”). Click here to learn more.

Subscribe To Financial Samurai 

Listen and subscribe to The Financial Samurai podcast on Apple or Spotify. I interview experts in their respective fields and discuss some of the most interesting topics on this site. Your shares, ratings, and reviews are appreciated.

To expedite your journey to financial freedom, join over 60,000 others and subscribe to the free Financial Samurai newsletter. You can also get my posts in your e-mail inbox as soon as they come out by signing up here. Everything is written based on firsthand experience and expertise.

I paid rent today. I also collected rent today.

Ever since I moved to New York City, I’ve had this uncommon experience on the first of every month. It flies in the face of how society teaches us to adult.
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The conventional thinking is that a person graduates from college, gets a job, buys a primary residence — without roommates, house hacking, Airbnb, or otherwise monetizing the property — and lives happily ever after.
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Under the conventional approach, you pay for every housing expense out-of-pocket.

Sounds expensive.

And people are rightfully frustrated about how expensive this goal has become — for many people, at many income levels, it feels completely out of reach.
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But people get so caught up in whether it’s affordable that we lose the bigger question:

Should you even want to?​
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Does it actually make financial sense to own your primary residence?
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And beyond the math — isn’t this goal too narrow anyway? Why does the American Dream have to be defined this way?
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Who does this conveyor belt thinking actually benefit — besides big builders and the consumer market that profits when we buy home furnishings and appliances?
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There’s a better way to think about this. So let me propose an alternative.

Imagine this alternative scenario:
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You either graduate from college, go to a trade school or vocational school, join the military, or start an entrepreneurial endeavor — or maybe some combination of the above.

You grow the gap between what you earn and spend, which is the foundation of all personal finance.

After a few years, once you’ve amassed some savings, you don’t just blindly follow the buy-a-home advice, nor do you lament about the fact that starter homes are unaffordable.

You recognize that pithy slogans like “renting is throwing your money away” are reductive, and a poor basis for a six-figure decision. And those slogans only serve the real estate industry, which is structured to make money based on commissions and transaction volume.
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You refuse to get swayed by simplistic slogans.
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Instead, you use math to guide your decisions.

When it comes to housing, that means calculating the price-to-rent ratio where you want to live.

You can look at the price-to-rent ratio of a city, town, or neighborhood in the aggregate. Or you could look at the ratio of a specific home in particular.

The real nerds among us will spend a Friday night analyzing both — and honestly, that’s not the worst way to spend an evening before making a six-figure decision.

The price-to-rent ratio is the price of a property divided by the annualized rent.

For example:

In Location A, a $350,000 home can be rented for $1,200 a month, which is $14,400 per year. The P/R ratio is 24.31.

In Location B, that same $350,000 home rents for $2,200 per month, which is $26,400 per year. The P/R ratio is 13.26.

Here’s how to use this number:

If the P/R ratio is under 15, you might choose to follow the traditional path of buying a home — following the conventional American dream.

But if the P/R ratio is over 25, you pledge NOT to buy a home in that location, and decide to rent forever by choice.

You’ll save money as a renter as compared to being an owner — and you could invest that money in an S&P 500 index fund for what historically would have been a far greater return.

You could arbitrage the savings and retire earlier. (Here’s a deep dive on this topic.)

Between 15 to 25 is a gray zone:
— 15 to 20 is light gray, leaning towards buying
— 20 to 25 is dark gray, leaning towards renting (but if you’ll hold the property for a long time, buying is also a reasonable choice, particularly if other holding costs such as property taxes, insurance rates, and HOA fees are low)

Let’s imagine you live in an area where the P/R ratio is over 25. It makes rational financial sense to rent your personal residence.

But you have a deep desire to own a home anyway — maybe for the psychological benefits, the stability, or simply because you want to. What do you do?

You have two options. Either:

a) House hack your primary residence
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or
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​b) Rent your primary residence. Buy rental property in a P/R < 15 location.
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Let’s walk through both.

Option A: House hacking.

This is another way of saying that you’re going to monetize your property.
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Maybe you buy a duplex, triplex, or fourplex, live in one unit and rent out the others.
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Maybe you buy a single-family home that has a detached garage, accessory dwelling unit, or walk-out basement that can be converted into an autonomous unit. It’s technically not classified as a duplex, but it functionally acts like one. You live in one unit and rent the other.
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Or heck, maybe you just get an old-fashioned roommate. This works well for extended families and friends: perhaps your brother or best friend (or both!) want to share the space, like Uncle Jesse and Joey in Full House.
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Everyone’s comfort level and circumstances are going to be different.
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​But here’s the key insight: a portion of your home can actually produce income — rather than consume it. ​
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This is how I got my start — and it looked nothing like the real estate TikToks would have you believe.
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Years ago, I sat at my tiny IKEA kitchen table, running numbers with my phone’s calculator, some scratch paper, and the kind of skepticism that only comes after reading too many get-rich-quick blog posts.

I started my career as a newspaper reporter, earning the inflation-adjusted equivalent of $34,309 in today’s (2025) dollars; enough to cover rent and groceries but never quite enough to feel like I had real options.

I wanted choice.

The ability to spend my time writing, traveling, and building new projects without worrying if I’d make rent that month.

I needed a way of bringing in money that didn’t solely depend on my hours.

So I saved.

Every extra dollar I could squirrel away went into the proverbial piggy bank. My first property was a small triplex, which I renovated and self-managed. I shared one unit with three other people, and rented out the others.

Their combined rent meant that I had zero out-of-pocket housing costs. The mortgage, utilities, and even basic repairs (not major renovations, but little here-and-there repairs) were entirely covered.
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I lived there for five years — zero housing costs the entire time. That’s the beauty of house hacking.
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House hacking is one of two cost-efficient ways to get on the property ladder, even in expensive places.
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But there’s one major drawback:
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House hacking necessarily requires buying a property at the Venn diagram intersection between your personal preference and an investment — which means, typically, it’s an acceptable investment but not a stellar one.
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The next option solves this problem.
​
Let’s look at the other option:
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​Option B: Rent your personal home; buy in a P/R < 15 area.​
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​From a mathematical perspective, this makes the most sense.
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When you’re buying an investment, you’re focused on the numbers — the return you’ll get relative to the level of risk you’re taking. You’re not falling in love with high ceilings or crown molding.
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But when people buy personal homes, they do the opposite. They choose based on what they love, not what makes financial sense.
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When you buy a house hack, you’re making compromises between what you personally would find acceptable and what would make the numbers work.

And often when a property tries to be both, it ends up being suboptimal in both dimensions.

You avoid this dilemma when you rent where you live and buy investment property based purely on the numbers.

This keeps emotion out of the equation, so your money can work harder for you in the places where it actually makes sense to own.

This is what I do today, as a NYC resident who is a renter by choice.

I also own seven rental units across Indiana, Nevada, and Georgia — all of which I’ve fully paid off (no mortgage).
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And that’s why, on the first of the month, I simultaneously pay rent and collect it.

Here’s what I discovered: you don’t need to get everything perfect to succeed in real estate.

You just need to get the fundamentals right. The math. The systems. The patience to hold the property long enough for time and compounding to work their quiet magic.

That triplex became the start of a rental portfolio that, years later, gives me a steady stream of income whether or not I’m working.

It’s not about yachts or private jets. It’s about having the freedom to say:

 Yes, I’ll take three months off to travel.

 Yes, I’ll take on this project even if it doesn’t earn a dime at first.

 Yes, I’ll choose work that excites me, not work I feel chained to.

That’s what real estate gave me: not wealth for its own sake, but choice.

Which brings me to the question I hear most often:

“But Paula … does real estate even make sense right now?”

I get this question constantly. And I understand why — you’ve seen the headlines.
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 High interest rates.
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 Prices that have climbed 47 percent since the start of 2020, according to the Case-Shiller Price Index.
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 And contradictory inventory patterns. (There’s simultaneously a severe housing shortage and also homes lingering on the market for far too long).

I understand why people are hesitant.

But here’s what most people miss:

The best investors don’t wait for “perfect” conditions. They look for cash-flow positive deals, the kind that make sense regardless of what the Fed does.

That’s what I teach in Your First Rental Property (YFRP). How to analyze the math so you’re not speculating on appreciation, but building durable, long-term income that gives you options.

Because the truth is, there will never be a perfect moment. What matters is knowing how to find the right deal for you.

That skill is timeless. And once you have it, you’ll carry it forever.

That’s what YFRP is all about. It’s the course I would have wanted when I was sitting at that kitchen table with my phone’s calculator app, trying to figure out if this was even possible.

It’s a 10-week program designed to help you:

 Analyze deals so you don’t buy a money pit

 Find the right property — even if you’re investing out-of-state

 Finance intelligently (because most of us don’t have piles of cash sitting around)

 Build a team and systems so you’re not on call 24/7 for tenants

And it’s opening its doors to our next cohort later this month.

If you’re a busy professional who wants a clear, structured roadmap to your first rental — without wasting years and tens of thousands of dollars stumbling around like I did, learning from the School of Hard Knocks — YFRP was built for you.

​Click here to get on the waitlist for the next cohort. You’ll be the first to know when doors open.

If you’ve ever thought, “I’d love to invest, but I don’t know where to start”, YFRP is the starting line.

And if you’ve ever thought, “Maybe real estate could be my ticket to freedom,” I’m here to tell you: it can.

Because you don’t need perfect timing. You don’t need a trust fund. You don’t need to wait for the market to calm down.

You just need a process. And a willingness to begin.

Talk soon,
Paula

P.S. The next YFRP cohort opens soon.

If you want me to send you the details, just click here to let me know you’re interested.

Or If you wish to binge on Real Estate topics, click here.

In 2020, during the heart of the COVID pandemic, I remember listening to a FIRE-focused podcast hosted by two people who claimed to be financially independent and retired early. Even though it’s been over 16 years since I first started writing about FIRE, the topic still fascinates me. The journey toward financial independence is full of twists and turns, and people’s real-life experiences are always insightful.

But one particular episode caught me off guard. The two hosts—who built their entire brand on the idea of never needing to work again—asked listeners for financial support to keep their podcast running. Soon after, I saw an email making the same plea.

I remember thinking, Wait a minute. If these folks are truly FIRE, why would they need to ask for money to keep a passion project alive? Just fund it themselves!

I wasn’t judging the need for donations itself. Creative projects cost time and money, and compensation is deserved. But the ask didn’t match the premise. If they were genuinely financially independent, surely they could afford a few thousand dollars a year to sustain their own show, especially one that was meant to showcase the freedom FIRE provides.

How Much Does a Podcast Really Cost To Produce?

I have the Financial Samurai podcast (Apple, Spotify), so I know exactly what goes into production. A decently produced, professional-sounding episode doesn’t have to break the bank. Editing an hour-long episode might cost anywhere from $100 to $600 maximum depending on the level of polish and sound add-ons.

My biggest expense is time. Recording, editing, and uploading a 45-minute show can easily consume four to five hours between my wife (editor) and me.

That’s a significant chunk of time for something that isn’t mission-critical. I’d rather spend that time writing, hanging out with my kids, or playing tennis for exercise.

Not FIRE, But An Entrepreneur Instead

Given the manageable costs and the fact that FIRE is supposed to mean “work is optional,” it struck me as odd that these podcasters were asking for financial help. The more I thought about it, the more I suspected that maybe they weren’t actually financially independent.

Maybe they were simply entrepreneurs running a small business, worried about declining revenue and grasping for ways to keep the lights on during COVID. After all, they’ve never shared their net worth or passive income figures, so we have no idea.

As someone who helped kickstart the modern-day FIRE movement in 2009, I often hear a common criticism: some FIRE influencers haven’t really “retired,” they’ve simply traded a day job for entrepreneurship. There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors due to a lack of transparency.

I totally get it.

Podcasts don’t record themselves and articles don’t magically appear overnight. I spend about 15 hours a week writing, editing, and responding to comments and emails on Financial Samurai. To acknowledge this dynamic, I even wrote a post about being a fake retiree for 10+ years, to hang a lantern on the situation. So for the podcasters to ask money from their audience helps buttress this criticism.

For me, I love writing, connecting, and learning about personal finance. It’s endlessly rewarding to create something from nothing. After working 60+ hours a week for 13 years in banking, there’s no way I could just sit around playing golf or tennis all day in retirement. I need to stay productive and mentally stimulated for a two-to-three hours a day. The rest of the time is for exercise, childcare, travel, and relaxation. That is my sweet spot.

Along the way, Financial Samurai generates supplemental retirement income, which helps keep our safe withdrawal rate low, and both my wife and me out of Corporate America since 2012 and 2015, respectively. We hope the run continues indefinitely.

To not monetize my passion would be completely irrational. Running Financial Samurai costs about $10,000 a year for the dedicated server, email services, and tech support – excluding labor. However, I’d rather not ask my readers for donations because it feels inconsistent with my FIRE philosophy. A share or a review of my podcast or books are enough.

FIRE Will Make You a Terrible Entrepreneur

Although I stopped listening regularly after that episode, the show carried on. About a year later, one of the hosts left – presumably to pursue better opportunities with his time. The remaining host kept grinding, and today the podcast is thriving. I’d bet it now generates at least $150,000 in net profits. Awesome!

And that’s exactly the point. When you’re not truly FIRE—when you still need or strongly want more money—you hustle. You create. You innovate. You do everything possible to keep the revenue flowing. You even ask your audience for donations during a global pandemic, if that’s what it takes.

The hunger to survive and grow is what fuels entrepreneurship. But if you’ve already reached a level of passive income that comfortably covers your living expenses, that hunger fades. Without that pressure, you might not push as hard. You might even, gasp, become a terrible entrepreneur.

Here are some of the things I could do to make more money:

• Create a YouTube or TikTok channel
• Hire a team of writers to publish more articles and drive more traffic
• Bring on a salesperson to secure more advertising partnerships
• Become a paid speaker at conferences after writing two national bestsellers
• Do more personal finance consulting instead of throttle it to only one a month or when a book comes out
• Publish one or two podcast episodes each week, instead one one every three weeks or so
• Spend at least an hour a day posting on social media to boost engagement and traffic
• Pitch TV producers on shows, like my idea Love Is Money

The thing is, I just can’t be bothered, which is why I’ve kept my cadence since 2009. I didn’t leave a job to create another one in FIRE. Managing people and constantly selling yourself is exhausting. If you want to subscribe to my newsletter and read Financial Samurai. Great! If not, also great!

I’ve found a sweet spot – creating and interacting between 6 am – 7:45 am, then again for an hour after the kids go to bed – where I feel the most fulfilled and happy. Anything much beyond 20 hours starts to feel like a J O B.

I respect the grindcore hustle, but I simply don’t have the same drive at my age. Financial independence has sapped my entrepreneurial edge.

But if I was desperate for money for whatever reason, hell yeah I’d try out these new initiatives! I’m not too proud to work a minimum wage service job to provide for my family. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure they are secure.

The Enthusiasm to Grind At Work Naturally Fades

Once you’ve reached the Minimum Investment Threshold where work becomes optional, the thrill of going above and beyond at a day job starts to wane. Coming in early or staying late feels pointless. Meetings get skipped, after-work drinks declined, and weekend boondoggles replaced with family time. Even that once-exciting business trip to New York loses its shine.

For entrepreneurs, the drop in motivation can be even steeper. Unlike employees, there’s no boss dictating the day. You have to be a relentless self-starter while wearing every hat—creator, marketer, accountant, PR rep, and business development lead.

Forcing yourself to build and grow a business when you already have enough passive income is a tall order. Entrepreneurship is way harder than being an employee.

As a result, you may have to resort to mind games to help keep that motivation to create alive.

When My Desire to Earn Returned

My drive to earn spiked twice recently: when my daughter was born in December 2019 and after buying a new house in 2023.

Lockdowns made entrepreneurship from home a logical focus. If the government was going to take away my freedom, I sure as hell was going to make the most of being online! Then the house purchase cut my passive income enough to reignite the urge to rebuild it.

But after two strong years of stock market gains and a rebound in San Francisco home prices, I’m back to sleeping in and caring less about revenue optimization. Our finances now depend far more on market performance than on entrepreneurial income. Maintaining the right asset allocation matters more than squeezing out extra business profits. Go bull market!

This lull is exactly why parents should never give their kids money for nothing. If they want spending power, they need to earn it. No matter how wealthy we become, showing at least a baseline level of hustle is essential so our kids develop a strong work ethic when they have nothing. Just say no to entitlement mentality!

The Comfortable Path Pays Less

Here lies the paradox of FIRE: you escape the rat race, but you also lose the urgency that drives extraordinary entrepreneurial success. When you no longer need to make money, you’re less inclined to chase every opportunity or sell your business for top dollar.

That’s not necessarily bad. It’s freeing. But to thrive as an entrepreneur without a profit motive, you need to be extremely greedy, deeply mission-driven, or truly love your product. Without that internal fire, long hours and relentless growth simply won’t happen.

Creative Longevity: FIRE’s Hidden Gift

If FIRE makes you a bad entrepreneur, at least it can also make you a longer-lasting one. Because I’m not burning out chasing revenue, Financial Samurai has endured since 2009, a lifetime in internet years. Many flashier sites scaled fast, burned hot, and disappeared when founders lost interest or ad dollars dried up.

My slower, steadier approach may never produce a headline-grabbing exit, but it delivers something equally valuable: staying power. I can keep writing, podcasting, and engaging for years because I genuinely enjoy the work. Enjoyment, not maximization, is what keeps a project alive.

Financial independence has made me a less aggressive entrepreneur but a happier human. It also gives me time to set an example for my kids. I want them to see the value of curiosity and discipline, and if I can keep this site running until 2040, maybe I can even provide a form of career insurance if they struggle after college.

For now, I’m content not to maximize revenue because we already have enough. But if the day comes when my family needs me to earn more, I will. That responsibility as a father never goes away, even if the urgency to chase dollars does.

What are your thoughts on how being truly FIRE affects an entrepreneur’s path? Could it be that when you no longer need money to survive, you’re actually free to become a better entrepreneur because you can focus entirely on creating the best product possible? And do you find it strange when a FIRE influencer asks their audience for donations?

Subscribe To Financial Samurai 

Pick up a copy of my USA TODAY national bestseller, Millionaire Milestones: Simple Steps to Seven Figures. I’ve distilled over 30 years of financial experience to help you build more wealth than 94% of the population—and break free sooner.

Listen and subscribe to The Financial Samurai podcast on Apple or Spotify. I interview experts in their respective fields and discuss some of the most interesting topics on this site. Your shares, ratings, and reviews are appreciated.

To expedite your journey to financial freedom, join over 60,000 others and subscribe to the free Financial Samurai newsletter. You can also get my posts in your e-mail inbox as soon as they come out by signing up here. My goal is to help you achieve financial freedom sooner, rather than later.

Picture this: your 11-year-old son comes home from a friend’s house and asks why you don’t have a basketball court in your basement like his buddy’s family. 

Instead of just saying “we can’t afford it,” you explain that having one would mean dad goes back to working 60-hour weeks and traveling constantly. 

Your son thinks for a moment and says, “No thanks, I’d rather spend time with you.”

Andy Hill found himself having exactly this conversation with his son — and it perfectly captures the philosophy that led him and his wife to redesign their entire approach to work and family life.

By age 40, Andy and his wife Nicole had built a $500,000 investment portfolio and paid off their house completely. But instead of continuing the corporate grind toward traditional retirement, they made a radical choice: 

They both switched to part time work, roughly 20 to 25 hours per week each.

Andy joins us to share a 10-step plan for anyone who wants to also switch to a model in which BOTH parents work part time.

We discuss the concept of Coast FIRE – the point where you’ve invested enough that your money will grow to a comfortable retirement without any additional contributions. Think of it as eliminating your biggest monthly “bill” – retirement savings. 

Once Andy and his wife hit this milestone, they could afford to earn less and live more.

The conversation covers Andy’s 10-step framework for achieving this lifestyle, from dreaming about what you actually want to eliminating debt to building what he calls “FU money” — the cash cushion that gives you confidence to make bold career moves.

Resources Mentioned:

Andy Hill’s Own Your Time
Marriage, Kids and Money podcast
marriagekidsandmoney.com

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