“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.”
— Mae West

Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”

And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…

“Am I living well?”

“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m close to the end?”

These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I struggled to fully accept my own mortality — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul-searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my grandma on her 90th birthday (she was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).

On what would become one of the last days of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and exhaustion. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a short time before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.

And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m happy right now?” she asked me.

“Because you’ve lived well,” I said.

She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the things she did along the way that opened doors to her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything told me.

Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with readers and clients in the past, today is the anniversary of my grandma’s passing, so I’d like to honor her once more. To do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room just over a decade ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the habits and ways of living that allowed my 90-year-old grandma to sustain genuine happiness all her life:

1. My grandma kept her negative self-judgment in check, and gave every day her best.

One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”

For example, it’s been almost 19 years now that Angel and I have been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my writing and work was sub-par.

“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive thousands of shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.

And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.

Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.

Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.

Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”

2. My grandma consistently did hard things.

Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.

Don’t be one of these people.

My grandma had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!

Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.

3. My grandma focused on the present, and appreciated the little things.

“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.

The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.

But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.

Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.

Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.

Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.

You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.

4. My grandma honed the peace of mind that comes with letting things go.

This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.

Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.

It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!

“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”

Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. (Note: Angel and I discuss this practice in more detail in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

5. My grandma read a lot and was incredibly generous with her knowledge.

My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.

Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

Closing Thoughts: A Benediction

I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this essay, and the overall reason my grandma was genuinely happy for the majority of her life:

“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of children;

Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;

Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;

Who has left the world better than she found it,

Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;

Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;

Whose life was an inspiration;

Whose memory a benediction.”

Now it’s your turn…

Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.

Please leave us a comment below and let us know:

Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
Albert Schweitzer

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”
Amelia Earhart

A very simple way to spread more happiness in your own little world is through kindness. It’s often an easy and quick thing you can do as you move through your daily life.

But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all.

Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:

• I get what I give. Yes, some people will be ungrateful, miserable and not reciprocating no matter what you may do. But most people will over time treat you as you treat them.
• By being kinder to others I am more likely to be kinder to myself. It may sound a bit odd but my experience is that when I am kinder towards others then my self-esteem goes up.
• It creates a happier place to live in. Being kinder simply makes my own little world a nicer and happier place to live in.

So how can you start spreading the kindness and happiness in your daily life?

Here are 15 simple ways to do it.

Pick one of them that resonates with you and start using it today.

1. Express your gratitude. 

Think about what you can be grateful for about someone in your life.

Maybe that he is a good listener, that he often is quick to help out or that he always adds great songs to a Spotify playlist. Or simply that he held up the door for you.

Then express that gratitude in a simple “thank you!” or in a sincere sentence or two.

2. Replace the judgments. 

No one likes to be judged. And the more you judge other people the more you tend to judge yourself.

So despite the temporary benefit of deriving pleasure from the judgments it is not a good or smart long-term habit.

When you feel the urge to judge ask yourself: what is one kind thing I can think or do in this situation instead?

3. Replace the unconstructive criticism. 

Try encouragement instead of excessive criticism. It helps people to both raise their self-confidence and to do a better job.

And it will make things more fun and more light-hearted in the long run.

4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. 

It is quite easy to resort to unkindness when you see things just from your perspective.

Two questions that help me to see and to better understand other viewpoints are:

• How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes?
• What parts of this person can I see in myself?

5. Recall how people’s kindness made you feel.

Just sit down for a few minutes and try to recall one time or a few times when other people’s kindness really touched you and helped you out.

Then think about how you can do those very same things for someone in your life.

6. Express kindness for something you may often take for granted.

It is easy to remember and to feel motivated to express kindness when someone is having a rough time or have just finished an important project.

But also remember to express kindness and encouragement for how someone continues to put so much love into the dinners you eat. Or for being on time every day and doing their job well and keeping deadlines.

7. Hide a surprising and kind note.

Leave a small note with a loving or encouraging sentence in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox, hat, tea-container or book that he or she is reading right now.

That minute of your time will put a smile on her face and joy and motivation in her heart.

8. Just be there.

Listen – without thinking about something else – when someone needs to vent.

Just be there fully with your attention.

Or have a conversation and help someone find his or her way out of fear and to a more constructive and grounded perspective.

9. Remember the small acts of kindness too.

Let someone into your lane while driving. Let someone skip ahead of you in a line if he’s in a real hurry.

Hold up the door for someone or ask if they need help when you see them standing around with a map and a confused look.

10. Give someone an uplifting gift.

Someone in your life may have a a tough time right now. Then send him or her an inspirational book or movie. 

Or simply send an email with a link to something inspiring or funny that you have found like a blog, podcast or a comic.

11. Help someone out practically.

Give them a hand when moving or with making dinner or arrangements before a party.

If they need information, then help out by googling it or by asking knowledgeable people that you know.

12. Help the people in your life see how they make a difference in their lives.

When you talk to someone about his or her day or what has been going on lately then make sure to point out how he or she also has spread kindness and happiness.

People are often unaware of the positive things they do or they minimize them in their own minds.

So help them to see themselves in a more positive light and to improve their own self-esteem.

13. Remember the 3 reasons for kindness at the start of this article.

It will help you to be kinder even when you may not always feel much like it.

If you like, write those reasons down on a piece of paper and put that note where you can see it every day.

14. Pay it forward.

When someone does something kind for you – no matter how big or small – then try to pay that forward by being kind to someone else as soon as you can.

15. Be kinder towards yourself.

Then you will naturally treat other people with more kindness too. It is truly a win-win habit.

A simple way to start being kinder toward yourself is to each evening write down 3 things you appreciate about yourself and about what you have done that day in a journal.

 

“In elementary school my parents told me it didn’t matter what I did when I grew up, so long as it made me happy. ‘Happiness is the whole point of life,’ my father said. ‘But it doesn’t always come easy. Your mother loves to help people in need, so she became a psychiatric nurse. I love reading, writing and poetry, so I became an English teacher. We both find happiness in the hard work we do each day.’

A few years later when I was in junior high, my sixth-grade homeroom teacher put me in detention for ‘being difficult.’ She went around the classroom and asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. When she got to me, I told her I wanted to be happy. She told me I was missing the whole point of the question. I told her she was missing the whole point of life.”

That’s an old parable my grandmother recited to me countless times when I was a kid. I’ve since seen a shortened version of it circulate on social media, oftentimes being falsely attributed to John Lennon, Goldie Hawn, and others. While the internet sleuths seem conflicted over who penned the very first version of the parable, it’s a story that has always stuck with me. Sure it oversimplifies the complexities of happiness, but it makes some good points too. And my grandma’s version has that line about “finding happiness in hard work,” which is a fundamental concept that still resonates deeply with me today.

As adults, Angel and I have spent nearly two decades working one-on-one with hundreds of our coaching clients, book readers, and live event attendees who struggle with variations of that very concept — finding happiness when life demands that we work hard for it. So many of us attach to the expectation that life should be easier than it is. Regardless of what we choose to do “when we grow up,” we subconsciously fantasize that our chosen path will have very few detours, interruptions, or inconveniences. And then we wait around day after day for things to get easier, as countless good opportunities pass us by.

Whenever you catch yourself stuck in this kind of unproductive cycle, remind yourself…

1. You need to do some hard things to be happy in life (and you can).

Yes, you need to do the things most people would rather avoid — the things that make you uncomfortable, that are far easier to run from, that others can’t possibly do for you… the things that make you stronger but also make you question how you’re going to find the strength to push forward.

Why?

Because those hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises to yourself and one filled with purpose, progress, and fulfillment.

The key?

Consistent and passionate daily action!

Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each day full of passion and purpose — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. And remind yourself that passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to push yourself to step forward.

Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something that we believe will lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:

• When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
• When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
• When was the last time you truly tried — truly tried — to do your very best?

Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!

2. Putting your whole heart and soul into ordinary moments is what creates life’s magic.

Going back to when I was a kid again, my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.” She also said, “Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.”

Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around. Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies — for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture — can directly affect our mental state of being too. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in.  And you can make this reality work for you. If you want more passion and happiness in your life right now, act accordingly right now.

Put your heart and soul into something!

Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but into the opportunity right in front of you.

Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but into today’s tasks.

Not into tomorrow’s run, but into today’s run.

Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but into today’s relationships.

Angel and I are certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time and energy. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of potential passion within you, just waiting…

3. Stop waiting — that’s the real lesson here!

It’s not too late, but you do have to get started sooner rather than later. In other words, you don’t need to have it all figured out to take the next step. But you do need to take the next step to figure it out. And as you struggle forward, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from taking small steps forward, than it is to be tired of waiting around doing absolutely nothing.

Truth be told, if you wait for “the right time” — if you wait until you feel 100% ready — you will be waiting the rest of your life. Take this to heart right now. Most people wait too long to live their best lives. They wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for passion and happiness. Don’t be one of them!

Just keep reminding yourself that new paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel any more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds your confidence, and creates progress in life.

Today is the day, now is the time — it’s your turn…

Just put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you today.

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Today, start by giving yourself grace and remembering not to judge yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Every step is necessary, and everyone journeys in their own way…

Some people start their careers right out of college in their early twenties, only to find themselves burnt out and starting over when they reach their early thirties. Others start working minimum wage jobs right out of high school and work their way up the corporate ladder, retiring happily in their mid-sixties. Some people fall in love and get married in their mid-twenties, but wind up divorced a few years later. Others marry in their early forties and spend four decades with their soul mate. Some couples are ridiculed for becoming teen parents, but end up living to meet their great grandchildren. Other couples get pregnant in their mid-forties and are ridiculed in a different way, but make it work just fine.

Again, everyone’s journey is different.

So just remind yourself right now: there are no absolutes in life.

And there certainly are no fixed timelines.

It’s not too late to make the best of what’s in front of you.

You’re exactly where you need to be right now.

Which means it’s time to…

1. Start being a beginner again.

“Starting over is not an option!”

Unfortunately that’s a lie many of us hold on to until the bitter end.

The idea of starting over being a bad thing is baked right into the fabric of our society’s education system. We send our children to a university when they’re 17 or 18, and basically tell them to choose a career path they’ll be happy with for the next 40 years. “But what if I choose wrong?” I remember thinking to myself. And that’s exactly what I did, in more ways than one. Over the years, however, I’ve learned the truth through experience: you can change paths anytime you want to, and oftentimes it’s absolutely necessary that you do.

Yes, starting over and making substantial changes in your life is almost always feasible. It won’t be easy of course, but neither is being stuck with a lifelong career you naively chose when you were a teenager. And neither is holding on to something that’s not meant to be, or something that’s already long gone.

The truth is, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And this is a perfect metaphor for life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track. These words are: “From now on…”

So from now on what should you do?

Mix it up a little bit. Take one step at a time. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the days ahead. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

2. Start doing the hard stuff you’ve been putting off.

Find the courage to do the hard things you need to do to be happy. The things no one else seems to be doing for themselves. The things that frighten you a little bit. The things others can’t possibly do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Yes, do those things, because those are the things that define you! Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path… between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and personal growth.

And remember, the courage to do hard things doesn’t always roar out loud. Sometimes it’s simply the quiet voice at the very end of the day whispering, “I will try again tomorrow.”

3. Start embracing the discomfort that’s worth it to you.

Discomfort can be a form of pain, but it isn’t a deep pain—it’s a shallow one. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone. The idea of exercising in many people’s minds, for example, brings discomfort, so they don’t do it. Eating a spinach and kale salad brings discomfort too. So does meditating, or writing in a journal, or focusing on a difficult task, or saying “no” to others. Of course these are just examples, because different people find discomfort in different things, but you get the gist.

The key thing to understand is that most forms of discomfort actually help us grow into our strongest and smartest selves. However, many of us were raised by loving parents who did so much to make our childhoods comfortable, that we inadvertently grew up to subconsciously believe that we don’t need discomfort in our lives. So now we run from it constantly. The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.

Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…

• First, we become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so we opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.
• But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so we seek to distract ourselves from the reality of our unhealthy bodies by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things we don’t really want or need. And our discomfort just gets worse.

Amazingly, the simple act of accepting a little discomfort every day and taking it one small step at a time can solve most of our common problems, and make our minds happier, healthier, and stronger in the long run.

But again, it’s hard sometimes—really, really hard! There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. That’s not how we’re made. We’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall here and there. Because that’s part of living—to face discomfort, learn from it, and adapt over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

So when you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings. Just because today is uncomfortable and stressful, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be wonderful. You just got to get there.

4. Start consciously thinking better about yourself.

You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself. Thinking you’re not enough. Trying to be someone else. Someone who fits in. Someone who’s less sensitive. Less needy. Less flawed. Less YOU. Because you felt broken, and you didn’t want to scare people away. You wanted them to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be seen as worthy and lovable. So you could feel healed and whole.

And so for the longest time, behind a facade of fake smiles, you have inadvertently betrayed yourself for the purpose of pleasing everyone else.

And for longest time, your heart has ached.

But you’re at a point now where you’re seeing things differently. The heartache just isn’t worth it anymore. Belittling yourself for one more day just doesn’t make any sense. And more than that, you now realize no matter what you do or how you change, some people will never be pleased anyway.

You now realize you have to start doing things for the right reasons!

Not because it’s what you think everyone else needs, but because you finally know yourself to be worthy of your own love and care.

Not because other people approve of you, but because you are breathing your own air, thinking your own thoughts, and occupying a space no one else ever could.

Yes, you are indeed worthy! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile…

Even if your self-confidence has been shaken!

The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around.

You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.

Heal yourself by refusing to belittle yourself.

Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily rituals…

Choose to think better about yourself, so you can live better in spite of the challenges you face.

5. Start taking short breaks away from your own issues.

In life’s tougher moments, we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect, to feeling lost and alone with our issues when we’re having a bad day.

So whenever I catch myself lingering at the center in a negative state of mind, I do my best to briefly shift my focus away from my own issues, and onto other people around me that I might be able to help. Finding little ways to be of service to others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing alone in self-pity anymore—I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough is no longer the central question. The central question now is about what others need.

It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel a bit lost or stuck with your own issues, try to shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those around you. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “How can I help you?” Find someone who could use an extra hand and make a small, reasonable offer they can’t refuse. The perspective you gain from doing so will guide you forward.

Angel and I initially developed this strategy in our lives about 15 years ago as we were struggling with the near simultaneous loss of two loved ones. It was really hard to find motivation when we didn’t think we had the strength to push forward—when we felt downright defeated and sorry for ourselves. But we took one small step every day—oftentimes just writing a short blog post to share some lessons learned with others who might find our stories and ideas helpful—and it felt good, and we gradually grew stronger.

This morning, as I caught myself struggling with some recent inner conflicts, I followed suit again—I took a small step forward… just turning on my laptop, opening up a new document, and writing a single sentence. Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling down. And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next. And the end result is the blog post you’ve just finished reading. I sincerely hope you’ve benefited from it in some small way.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn today! I sincerely hope you will make the best of it, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will be extra kind to yourself and others.

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”
Wayne Dyer

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
Marcus Aurelius

It is usually pretty easy to become a happier person.

It is also quite easy to rob yourself of your own happiness.

To make yourself more miserable and add a big bowl of suffering to your day. It is a common thing, people do it every day all over the world.

So this week I’d like to combine these two things. I want to share 7 happiness stealing habits that I have had quite a bit of trouble with in my own daily life (and I know from the emails I get that many of you do too).

But I’d also like to add what you can do instead if you find yourself being stuck in one of these destructive habits.

1. Going for a daily swim in a sea of negative voices.

This one can be quite subtle.

You just go around in your daily life like you usually do. Hang out with the same people. Listen to the same podcasts or radio shows, watch the same old TV-shows or Youtube videos and read the usual blogs, books and magazines.

But what influence do these things have over your thinking and the limits you set for yourself and what you feel you deserve in life?

What to do instead:

Make a list of the 5 people you hang out with the most and the 5 media sources you spend most time on during your week.

Then ask yourself this for each of these 10 things/people: is this one dragging me down or lifting me up in life?

Consider spending less time with the ones that drag you down (or move fully forward and cut them out completely) and to spend more of your time with the people and sources that lift you up and make you feel good, motivated etc.

If you have trouble getting started with this one, then go smaller.

Take a few minutes to think about what one person or source that has the biggest negative impact on you. And how you can start to spend less time with it/him/her this week.

2. Waiting for just the right time.

When you have a dream then it is so easy to get lost in planning how you will accomplish it. To drift away in daydreams about how it will be. But also to get stuck in fears about failing with it.

So you make a common choice and wait – and wait and wait for maybe years – for just the right time to take action and get started with making that dream into something real.

What to do instead:

Sure, not every dream is something you can get started with right now.

But there are many that you can get going with. Dreams that only fear is holding you back from.

So make things easy on yourself. You don’t have to do it in a big and extremely courageous jump.

If that was the case then only the bravest people in the world would do and achieve what they want.

Instead, take a small step forward. Take one small action.

That is it.

Then tomorrow you can take another small step forward.

The important thing is that you get started and get going instead spending so much time on just waiting and feeling more and more frustrated and unhappy about the state of your dreams.

3. Letting criticism get under your skin time and time again.

When someone criticizes or verbally attacks you then it may just roll off you like water of the back of a duck.

But if it on the other hand gets under your skin pretty much every time and drags you down into hours or days of self-doubt or self-beatings then you have a problem.

What to do instead:

Let it out.

Talk it over with someone close to you to let the inner tensions out. And to find a healthier perspective on what happened together.

Remember: it is not always about you.

If your self-esteem is low them it is easy to start thinking that all the negative things people tell you are your fault in some way.

That is however often not the case.

People will attack or harshly criticize to let their own steam out. Because they have had an awful day, week or simply do not like their lives that much.

So don’t think it is all about you. There are two of you in this situation.

4. Focusing on the wrong people and getting lost in envy and powerlessness.

When you spend much time in your day thinking about what other people have and do and you compare your life to theirs then you have a good recipe for unhappiness.

Because you spend the attention and energy in the wrong place.

What to do instead:

Focus on you. Compare yourself to yourself.

See how far you have come. The obstacles you have overcome. How you have improved in small or sometimes bigger ways. Appreciate that and yourself.

Focus not on what others have but on what YOU deep down want in your life.

And ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with this goal/dream?

Keep your focus on yourself and what you can actually do to raise your self-confidence, to start walking on your own path and to spend your limited daily time and energy on something that will actually pay off.

5. Not allowing yourself times of peace and rest during your day.

When you are busy, busy, busy all the time and give yourself no time to recharge then you soon become fatigued.

And so each step and each thing you do starts to feel heavier and you do not get much enjoyment at all out of pushing and pulling yourself through it.

What to do instead:

Take a break every hour.

Try setting the timer on your cell phone for 45 minutes. During that time-period just focus on doing your most important task at the moment.

Then, as the bell rings, set the timer for 15 minutes and step away from your workspace.

Have a snack, talk a walk or stretch a bit.

By cycling rest and fully focused work like this you’ll get more things done, do a better job and it will be easier to keep the optimism and motivation up.

Be 10 minutes early.

Transform those traveling times during your day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only increase your stress levels and other negative feelings.

6. Never trying anything new.

This one can be sneaky.

It can make you think that things are pretty OK. You have your safe and comfortable routine.

I know, I have been there for long stretches of time.

But during those times there was also denial of feeling dissatisfied. A vague feeling of standing still that sometimes bloomed up into a big burst of undefined, negative feelings directed towards the world or myself.

What to do instead:

Remind yourself of the past times when you tried something new.

And how you most often did not regret it one bit but had an exciting, interesting or fun time.

Go small.

You don’t have to try skydiving. Just take one small step and try some new and different music, a movie or book you would normally not go for or the vegetarian dish if you usually have the beef or sausage for lunch.

Say yes just once this week when your mind says no.

If a friend invites you to go out running, doing yoga or to go fishing or to a party and your mind goes “let’s say no, that is not what I usually do” then stop yourself for a second.

And reconsider.

You don’t have to say yes to every suggestion you get this week to try something new, but give it a shot and say yes to just one of those things.

7. Taking things too seriously.

When you take life too seriously then it is easy to become so afraid of making a mistake and of stumbling a bit that you get stuck.

When you take yourself too seriously then, in my experience, it becomes difficult to fully enjoy the moment and what is happening, to let go of the past and to laugh about yourself and life when you need it the most.

What to instead:

Put up a reminder.

When I wanted to develop a lighter mindset quite a few years ago one thing that helped me was a simple note on fridge that said: Lighten Up!

This reminder helped me to snap out of overly serious thoughts several times a day until this way of finding a lighter perspective became more and more of an automatic thought habit.

Surround yourself with lighter mindsets.

As mentioned in the section about habit #1, what and who you surround yourself with will have a big effect on how you think. No matter if it is a positive or negative aspect they add.

So one powerful thing to do is to add lighter mindsets via people, books, the internet etc. to your daily life.

Raise your self-esteem.

I have found that as my self-esteem has gone up I can laugh about myself more because I am less defensive. I have more trust in myself and so I fear a temporary failure less.

And I like myself more and so I am less concerned about getting everyone else to like me all the time.

 

The truth does not vanish when it is forgotten or ignored.

You know how you can hear something a hundred times in a bunch of different ways before it finally gets through to you? The ten facts discussed here fall firmly into that category — timeless truths and lessons most of us likely learned years ago, and have been reminded of since, but for whatever reason we haven’t fully grasped them yet.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1. The average human life is relatively short.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is.

Let that reminder be your wake-up call to live your life today! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take action. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive. And in life you can be comfortable or courageous, but not both at once. So be bold, be courageous… be scared to death, and then give yourself a chance to take the next step anyway.

2. To a great extent, you live the life you create for yourself.

Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense.

Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t. Be productive and patient. And realize that patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.

Yes, at the end of the day this is your life, and to a great extent it’s made up of your little recurring habits and choices. May your daily actions speak louder than your words. May your life preach louder than your lips. May your success be your noise in the end. 

3. Being busy doesn’t mean being productive.

Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect. Though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy all the time. We simply don’t know how to set boundaries, prioritize properly, and say no when we should.

Being busy rarely equates to productivity these days. Just take a quick look around. Busy people outnumber productive people by a wide margin. Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time. They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, looking at their phones, creating TikToks, etc. They barely have enough free time for exercise and they rarely get enough sleep. Yet, text messages, emails, and social media updates are blasting out of their smart phones like rockets, and their day planners are jammed to the brim with obligations. Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance. But it’s all an illusion. They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long term. We will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on our deathbed, come to wish that we spent less time in the buzz of busyness and more time actually living a purposeful life.

4. Some kind of failure always occurs before success.

Most mistakes are unavoidable. Learn to forgive yourself. It’s not a problem to make them; it’s only a problem if you never learn from them.

If you’re too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful. The solution to this problem is making friends with failure. You want to know the difference between a master and a beginner? The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. Behind every great piece of art there are dozens of failed attempts to make it, but these attempts are simply never shown to us.

Bottom line: Just because it’s not happening now, doesn’t mean it never will. Learning the way on the way is key. Sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. (Read “The Success Principles”.)

5. Thinking and doing are two very different things.

Success never comes to look for you while you wait around thinking about it.

You are what you do, not what you say you will do. Knowledge is basically useless without action. Good things don’t come to those who wait; they come to those who work on meaningful goals. Ask yourself what’s really important and then have the courage and determination to build your daily life around your answer.

And remember, if you wait until you feel 100% ready to begin, you will likely be waiting the rest of your life.

6. You don’t have to wait for an apology to forgive.

Life gets much easier when you learn to accept the apologies you never received. The key is find some level of peace with every experience — positive or negative. In a way, it’s like taking a step back, letting go a little, and navigating each life experience with a open mind. It’s realizing that grudges from the past are a perfect waste of today’s growth and potential, and that holding one is like letting unwanted company live rent-free in your head.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a promise — one you want to keep. When you forgive you are making a promise not to hold the unchangeable past against your present self. It has nothing to do with freeing a past criminal of his or her crime, and everything to do with freeing yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim.

7. Some people are simply the wrong match for you.

You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.  You shouldn’t force connections with people who constantly make you feel less than worthy.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure every time you’re with them, for whatever reason, they’re probably not close friend material. If they make you feel like you can’t be yourself, or if they make you “less than” in any way, don’t pursue a daily connection with them. If you feel emotionally drained after hanging out with them or get a small hit of anxiety when you are reminded of them, listen to your intuition. You don’t have to exile them from your life, but you can give yourself space.

Set boundaries. Make yourself a priority. There are so many “right people” for you — those who energize you and inspire you to be your best self. It makes no sense to constantly force it with people who are the wrong match for you. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Relationships chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

8. It’s not other people’s job to love and respect you, it’s yours.

It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. You really have to love and respect yourself to get anything done in the long run. So make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth, even if they don’t.

Today, let someone love you just the way you are — as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.

9. What you own is not who you are.

Stuff really is just stuff, and it has absolutely no bearing on who you are as a person. Most of us can make a great life with much less than we think we need. That’s a valuable reminder, especially in a hugely consumer-driven culture that focuses more on material things than meaningful connections and experiences.

To paraphrase Terence McKenna, you have to create your own culture. Don’t watch too much TV or YouTube, don’t read every fashion tip online, and don’t consume too much of the evening news. Find the strength to fill your time with meaningful experiences. The space and time you are occupying at this very moment is LIFE, and if you’re worrying about Drake or Selena Gomez or some other famous face, then you are disempowered. You’re giving your life away to marketing and media trickery, which is created by big companies to ultimately motivate you to want to dress a certain way, look a certain way, and be a certain way. This is tragic, this kind of thinking. It’s all just Hollywood brainwashing. What is real is YOU and your friends and your family, your loves, your highs, your hopes, your plans, your fears, etc.

Too often we’re told that we’re not important, we’re just peripheral to what is. “Get a degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, and keep on getting.” And it’s sad, because someday you’ll wake up and realize you’ve been tricked. And all you’ll want then is to reclaim your mind by getting it out of the hands of the brainwashers who want to turn you into a drone that buys everything that isn’t needed to impress everybody that isn’t important.

10. Everything changes, every day.

Embrace change, and realize it happens naturally and it can be managed. It won’t always be easy at first, but in the end it will be worth it. Acceptance is the first step forward.

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change fast, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day. It’s likely happening to someone relatively nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth. Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event. And these events are always happening.

However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So when life is good, enjoy it. Don’t go looking for something better every second. Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have while they have it.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to forgive yourself if you’ve recently mishandled or forgotten one or more of the points above. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, for the times you lacked clarity, for the missteps that created needless stress. Forgive yourself now, for being human. These are all vital lessons, and what matters most right now is your willingness to start growing from them.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you have not done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Patience isn’t about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.

As you move through the days and weeks ahead, remind yourself that it takes roughly 66 days to form a new habit. So for the next nine and a half weeks, consciously leverage the actionable reminders below to look at the brighter side of your life, and you will gradually rewire your brain…

1. Start steadying yourself with simple rituals.

When life feels like an emotional roller coaster, steady yourself with simple rituals. Make the bed. Water the plants. Rinse off your own bowl and spoon. Simplicity attracts calmness and wisdom.

2. Start filtering out the noise in your life.

Be careful about who you give the microphone and stage to in your life. Don’t just listen to the loudest voice every day. Listen to the truest one.

3. Start choosing differently for your own well-being.

A big part of your life is a result of the little choices you make every day. If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start tweaking things and making better choices in the days and weeks ahead.

4. Start being a little more productive than you are busy.

There’s a big difference between being busy and being productive. If you’re going to put in some work between now and the end of the year, don’t confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but never makes any forward progress. In other words…

5. Start dedicating time every day to small, meaningful steps.

If you only have fifteen minutes to spare, no problem — make those fifteen minutes meaningful. Focus on taking one small step forward in the right direction. And even when the struggle is real, remind yourself that it always feels better to be exhausted from taking a small and meaningful step forward, than it does to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.

6. Start moving toward things, not away from them.

The best way to move away from something negative is to move toward something positive.

7. Start doing what’s right, even if it’s not the easiest option.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s worth your while. Do what’s right, not what’s easiest right now. It’s a less stressful way to live in the long run.

8. Start comparing yourself to yourself (and no one else).

Forget what others have and where they are. You’re not walking in their shoes, and you’ll never comfortably walk in your own if you keep comparing yourself to them. So focus on what’s best for YOU and your unique circumstances. What do you need to do next for your own priorities and objectives? Do it! You won’t be distracted by comparison if you’re captivated with purpose.

9. Start being more tolerant of those who see things differently.

Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions, listen closely, and remember that the way we treat people we disagree with is the best evidence of what we have truly learned about love, respect, and kindness.

10. Start letting grace have the last word.

We only really lose the little arguments our pride insists on winning. When it’s more important to win little arguments than love people, we need to start all over again with our faith, grace, and priorities. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Relationships chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

11. Start giving without expectations.

You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart, values, or priorities as you. Keep yourself centered. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and give them hope, is proof that generosity works wonders behind the scenes. So…

12. Start being the difference you want to see in the world.

Be the change. What you give to another person is really what you give to yourself. When you treat others with love, you learn that you are lovable too. So keep doing your thing today with as much kindness, humility, and honesty as possible. Do what you do, not for repayment or an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Forget about popularity, and just focus on goodness and sincerity today.

13. Start being more present.

Gadgets are great, but they can get in the way if you aren’t careful. Control them so they don’t control you. Put down the phone when you’re socializing. Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind a screen. Be present. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. Engage.

14. Start letting your actions speak to those you love.

Put first things first on the daily. Our closest relationships are vital to our overall peace and happiness. And as we tell those we love that we love them, we must never forget that the highest compliment is not to utter words, but to live by them.

15. Start finding more gratitude.

The secret to being grateful is no secret. You choose to be grateful. When you forget, begin again. (Note: Our newest publication via Penguin, “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”, is a good tool for this kind of perspective shift and gratitude practice.)

16. Start complaining less.

Practice replacing the phrase “I have to” with “I get to” whenever you catch yourself starting to complain. So many activities we complain about are things others wish they had the chance to do.

17. Start opening up to new experiences and opportunities.

Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning again right now. If we allow it to, uncertainty chases us out into the open where life’s true magic is waiting. Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear. Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up. Keep an open mind and have fun with life in the days and weeks ahead.

18. Start letting life’s little frustrations go.

Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down. Joy starts on the inside. Practice focusing on what truly matters, and letting go of what does not. Use your frustrations to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of your focus and how you choose to allocate your energy.

19. Start embracing the lessons life is teaching you.

You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once. Truly, everything that happens helps you grow. Oftentimes difficult experiences teach us priceless life lessons we didn’t think we needed to know. If you’re having some problems, that’s not a bad thing. It means you’re attempting things, taking steps, and making progress. The only people with no problems are the ones doing absolutely nothing.

20. Start focusing (more) on what you can control.

Don’t force things. Give things your best shot and then let them be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Remember, no book is just one chapter. No chapter tells the whole story. No mistake defines who we are. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn today! I sincerely hope you will make the best of it all, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will be extra kind to yourself and others.

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Worry gives small things a big shadow.

Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace on the average day is letting each moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it — less worry and more presence every step of the way.

So go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…

• Think deeply.
• Speak gently.
• Love lots.
• Laugh often.
• Work hard.
• Give back.
• Expect less.
• Be present.
• Be kind.
• Be honest.
• Be true to yourself…

And whatever you do, don’t let the wrong things worry you or consume your time for too long!

Read that bolded line above again. It’s one of the core lessons my grandma shared with me and reminded me of frequently in the final few years before she died in 2008. She did so because she loved me, and because, at 90-years-old, she had lived long enough to know that most of us let the little frustrations, drama, and distractions of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us.

We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.

But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve worried about and wasted time on.

Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.

Here are some things I learned from my grandma’s 90 years of wisdom, that I have also gradually validated for myself over the past decade and a half — things we all tend to focus on and worry about when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought:

1. The inevitable frustrations of an average day.

90 percent of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later you will know this for certain. So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with grace and purpose.

2. The failures you often feel self-conscious about.

When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run. We learn the way on the way.

3. How “perfect” everything could be or should be.

Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life. Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.

4. Having complete confidence before taking the first step.

Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts. On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin traveling a new path, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds. A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc. But it doesn’t happen like that. You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.

5. The details about what’s in it for you every step of the way.

Time teaches us that we keep almost nothing in this life until we first give it away — this is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. Most of the time you have to give to receive. Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST! It’s the giving that opens us up to grace and progress.

6. Being an online-only activist for good causes.

The internet was a lot younger when my grandma caught me debating people in an online bulletin board. And she reminded me right then that while online is fine, if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too. So don’t just rant online for a better world today. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach.

7. The pressures of making a big difference (all at once).

When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of “slow and steady” at work. We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.

8. Quick fixes.

The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix or short cut. Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. It’s our daily dedication that paves the road of progress.

All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life — building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment — one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about that for a moment. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis.

9. Having a calendar jam-packed with plans.

Don’t jam your life with plans. Leave space. Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned. So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.

10. Being in constant control of everything.

The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control. And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.

11. Blaming others.

Have you ever met a successful person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me neither. On the average day successful people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own progress in life is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.

12. Obsessing yourself with the numbers.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — shiny objects and flashy figures don’t matter that much. Don’t just chase the money. Don’t just chase the numbers. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value — the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love and Simplicity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

13. The idea of saving certain people from themselves.

Some people will never understand, and it’s not your job to teach or change them. Prioritize your peace today. Seriously, you simply can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created anyway. They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change, at least not yet — they aren’t ready. And again, it’s not your job to rush them.

14. The selfish and disparaging things others say and do.

If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life, and that just isn’t worth it. At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s opinions and antics.

15. Winning every argument.

Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have confidently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!” Exit swiftly when you must, because not much is worth fighting about for long. And try not to regret the kindness and respect you have shown to the wrong people — your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says more than enough about them. Carry on, with grace.

16. Judging others for their shortcomings.

We all have days when we’re not our best. And the older we grow the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days. Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.

17. Society’s obsession with outer beauty.

As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest. You eventually realize that true beauty has almost nothing to do with looks — it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

18. Fancy and glamorous physical possessions.

Your personal wish list for big-ticket physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller as you age into your sunset years, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.

19. Shallow relationships that just keep you busy.

It’s nice to have acquaintances, and it’s great to be friendly. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.

20. Distant future possibilities.

As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Remember, some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness, and you don’t be one of them. Right now if LIFE! Don’t miss it!

It’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to walk in my grandma’s footsteps — to live a life that moves and shakes and makes you laugh out loud. Because you don’t want to get to the end of it all, or to tomorrow even, and realize that your entire life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises. So count your blessings today, value the people and things that truly matter, and move on from the drama and distractions with your head held high…

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“In elementary school my parents told me it didn’t matter what I did when I grew up, so long as it made me happy. ‘Happiness is the whole point of life,’ my father said. ‘But it doesn’t always come easy. Your mother loves to help people in need, so she became a psychiatric nurse. I love reading, writing and poetry, so I became an English teacher. We both find happiness in the hard work we do each day.’

A few years later when I was in junior high, my sixth-grade homeroom teacher put me in detention for ‘being difficult.’ She went around the classroom and asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. When she got to me, I told her I wanted to be happy. She told me I was missing the whole point of the question. I told her she was missing the whole point of life.”

That’s an old parable my grandmother recited to me countless times when I was a kid. I’ve since seen a shortened version of it circulate on social media, oftentimes being falsely attributed to John Lennon, Goldie Hawn, and others. While the internet sleuths seem conflicted over who penned the very first version of the parable, it’s a story that has always stuck with me. Sure it oversimplifies the complexities of happiness, but it makes some good points too. And my grandma’s version has that line about “finding happiness in hard work,” which is a fundamental concept that still resonates deeply with me today.

As adults, Marc and I have spent nearly two decades working one-on-one with hundreds of our coaching clients, book readers, and live event attendees who struggle with variations of that very concept — finding happiness when life demands that we work hard for it. So many of us attach to the expectation that life should be easier than it is. Regardless of what we choose to do “when we grow up,” we subconsciously fantasize that our chosen path will have very few detours, interruptions, or inconveniences. And then we wait around day after day for things to get easier, as countless good opportunities pass us by.

Whenever you catch yourself stuck in this kind of unproductive cycle, remind yourself…

1. You need to do some hard things to be happy in life (and you can).

Yes, you need to do the things most people would rather avoid — the things that make you uncomfortable, that are far easier to run from, that others can’t possibly do for you… the things that make you stronger but also make you question how you’re going to find the strength to push forward.

Why?

Because those hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises to yourself and one filled with purpose, progress, and fulfillment.

The key?

Consistent and passionate daily action!

Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each day full of passion and purpose — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. And remind yourself that passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to push yourself to step forward.

Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something that we believe will lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:

• When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
• When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
• When was the last time you truly tried — truly tried — to do your very best?

Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!

2. Putting your whole heart and soul into ordinary moments is what creates life’s magic.

Going back to when I was a kid again, my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.” She also said, “Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.”

Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around. Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies — for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture — can directly affect our mental state of being too. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in.  And you can make this reality work for you. If you want more passion and happiness in your life right now, act accordingly right now.

Put your heart and soul into something!

Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but into the opportunity right in front of you.

Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but into today’s tasks.

Not into tomorrow’s run, but into today’s run.

Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but into today’s relationships.

Marc and I are certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time and energy. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of potential passion within you, just waiting…

3. Stop waiting — that’s the real lesson here!

It’s not too late, but you do have to get started sooner rather than later. In other words, you don’t need to have it all figured out to take the next step. But you do need to take the next step to figure it out. And as you struggle forward, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from taking small steps forward, than it is to be tired of waiting around doing absolutely nothing.

Truth be told, if you wait for “the right time” — if you wait until you feel 100% ready — you will be waiting the rest of your life. Take this to heart right now. Most people wait too long to live their best lives. They wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for passion and happiness. Don’t be one of them!

Just keep reminding yourself that new paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel any more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds your confidence, and creates progress in life.

Today is the day, now is the time — it’s your turn…

Just put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you today.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Today, start by giving yourself grace and remembering not to judge yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Every step is necessary, and everyone journeys in their own way…

Some people start their careers right out of college in their early twenties, only to find themselves burnt out and starting over when they reach their early thirties. Others start working minimum wage jobs right out of high school and work their way up the corporate ladder, retiring happily in their mid-sixties. Some people fall in love and get married in their mid-twenties, but wind up divorced a few years later. Others marry in their early forties and spend four decades with their soul mate. Some couples are ridiculed for becoming teen parents, but end up living to meet their great grandchildren. Other couples get pregnant in their mid-forties and are ridiculed in a different way, but make it work just fine.

Again, everyone’s journey is different.

So just remind yourself right now: there are no absolutes in life.

And there certainly are no fixed timelines.

It’s not too late to make the best of what’s in front of you.

You’re exactly where you need to be right now.

Which means it’s time to…

1. Start being a beginner again.

“Starting over is not an option!”

Unfortunately that’s a lie many of us hold on to until the bitter end.

The idea of starting over being a bad thing is baked right into the fabric of our society’s education system. We send our children to a university when they’re 17 or 18, and basically tell them to choose a career path they’ll be happy with for the next 40 years. “But what if I choose wrong?” I remember thinking to myself. And that’s exactly what I did, in more ways than one. Over the years, however, I’ve learned the truth through experience: you can change paths anytime you want to, and oftentimes it’s absolutely necessary that you do.

Yes, starting over and making substantial changes in your life is almost always feasible. It won’t be easy of course, but neither is being stuck with a lifelong career you naively chose when you were a teenager. And neither is holding on to something that’s not meant to be, or something that’s already long gone.

The truth is, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And this is a perfect metaphor for life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track. These words are: “From now on…”

So from now on what should you do?

Mix it up a little bit. Take one step at a time. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the days ahead. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

2. Start doing the hard stuff you’ve been putting off.

Find the courage to do the hard things you need to do to be happy. The things no one else seems to be doing for themselves. The things that frighten you a little bit. The things others can’t possibly do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Yes, do those things, because those are the things that define you! Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path… between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and personal growth.

And remember, the courage to do hard things doesn’t always roar out loud. Sometimes it’s simply the quiet voice at the very end of the day whispering, “I will try again tomorrow.”

3. Start embracing the discomfort that’s worth it to you.

Discomfort can be a form of pain, but it isn’t a deep pain—it’s a shallow one. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone. The idea of exercising in many people’s minds, for example, brings discomfort, so they don’t do it. Eating a spinach and kale salad brings discomfort too. So does meditating, or writing in a journal, or focusing on a difficult task, or saying “no” to others. Of course these are just examples, because different people find discomfort in different things, but you get the gist.

The key thing to understand is that most forms of discomfort actually help us grow into our strongest and smartest selves. However, many of us were raised by loving parents who did so much to make our childhoods comfortable, that we inadvertently grew up to subconsciously believe that we don’t need discomfort in our lives. So now we run from it constantly. The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.

Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…

• First, we become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so we opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.
• But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so we seek to distract ourselves from the reality of our unhealthy bodies by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things we don’t really want or need. And our discomfort just gets worse.

Amazingly, the simple act of accepting a little discomfort every day and taking it one small step at a time can solve most of our common problems, and make our minds happier, healthier, and stronger in the long run.

But again, it’s hard sometimes—really, really hard! There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. That’s not how we’re made. We’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall here and there. Because that’s part of living—to face discomfort, learn from it, and adapt over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

So when you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings. Just because today is uncomfortable and stressful, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be wonderful. You just got to get there.

4. Start consciously thinking better about yourself.

You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself. Thinking you’re not enough. Trying to be someone else. Someone who fits in. Someone who’s less sensitive. Less needy. Less flawed. Less YOU. Because you felt broken, and you didn’t want to scare people away. You wanted them to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be seen as worthy and lovable. So you could feel healed and whole.

And so for the longest time, behind a facade of fake smiles, you have inadvertently betrayed yourself for the purpose of pleasing everyone else.

And for longest time, your heart has ached.

But you’re at a point now where you’re seeing things differently. The heartache just isn’t worth it anymore. Belittling yourself for one more day just doesn’t make any sense. And more than that, you now realize no matter what you do or how you change, some people will never be pleased anyway.

You now realize you have to start doing things for the right reasons!

Not because it’s what you think everyone else needs, but because you finally know yourself to be worthy of your own love and care.

Not because other people approve of you, but because you are breathing your own air, thinking your own thoughts, and occupying a space no one else ever could.

Yes, you are indeed worthy! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile…

Even if your self-confidence has been shaken!

The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around.

You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.

Heal yourself by refusing to belittle yourself.

Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily rituals…

Choose to think better about yourself, so you can live better in spite of the challenges you face.

5. Start taking short breaks away from your own issues.

In life’s tougher moments, we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect, to feeling lost and alone with our issues when we’re having a bad day.

So whenever I catch myself lingering at the center in a negative state of mind, I do my best to briefly shift my focus away from my own issues, and onto other people around me that I might be able to help. Finding little ways to be of service to others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing alone in self-pity anymore—I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough is no longer the central question. The central question now is about what others need.

It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel a bit lost or stuck with your own issues, try to shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those around you. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “How can I help you?” Find someone who could use an extra hand and make a small, reasonable offer they can’t refuse. The perspective you gain from doing so will guide you forward.

Angel and I initially developed this strategy in our lives about 15 years ago as we were struggling with the near simultaneous loss of two loved ones. It was really hard to find motivation when we didn’t think we had the strength to push forward—when we felt downright defeated and sorry for ourselves. But we took one small step every day—oftentimes just writing a short blog post to share some lessons learned with others who might find our stories and ideas helpful—and it felt good, and we gradually grew stronger.

This morning, as I caught myself struggling with some recent inner conflicts, I followed suit again—I took a small step forward… just turning on my laptop, opening up a new document, and writing a single sentence. Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling down. And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next. And the end result is the blog post you’ve just finished reading. I sincerely hope you’ve benefited from it in some small way.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn today! I sincerely hope you will make the best of it, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will be extra kind to yourself and others.

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.