Buying a house is exciting! Securing a place to call home and raise your family on your terms is a huge blessing. However, this blessing comes with a boatload of responsibilities. Deep cleaning, repairs, lawn maintenance, and gardening, among other responsibilities, are inevitable. They must be done regularly for the home to function at optimum.

Glossing over home maintenance will lead to dire consequences like health hazards, pest infestation, decreased property value, structural damage, and skyrocketing repair costs. Besides, trying to sell off a neglected home is not easy. The house needs to be renovated first, which costs a whole lot more than maintaining it.  Similarly, in life, anything that is not tended to deteriorate. King Solomon was intrigued by what neglect can do and put it this way:

“I went by the field of the lazy man, and by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding. And there it was, all overgrown with thorns; Its surface was covered with nettles; Its stone wall was broken down.  When I saw it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction: A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest; So shall your poverty come like a prowler, And your need like an armed man.” (Proverbs 24:30-34)

Marriage is no exception when it comes to maintenance. If a marriage is not tended to, cracks are inevitable. Sometimes the cracks run so deep that couples revert to abandoning the marriage altogether. But here’s the thing – most couples kick off marriage totally in sync and in Love with each other. Newly married couples find it hard to envision anything that could go belly up in their union. Like a new homeowner, they are eager to have a little heaven on earth. 

If settling into the marriage and going on with life is all a couple does, weeds and thorns are bound to spring up in their marriage garden. If paying bills, raising kids, and building careers/businesses are all they prioritize, trouble is inevitable. When couples fail to intentionally tend to their relationship, they are neglecting the foundational aspect of maintenance and inadvertently paving the way for renovation. 

King Solomon attributed the atrophy of the neglected field to both laziness and lack of understanding. Granted, some couples are well aware that like a car, a marriage cannot run without regular servicing. Perhaps their premarital counselors did an awesome job preparing them for marriage. But they keep putting off the servicing of their marriage and attend to other more pressing matters. They may prioritise everything else but their marriage. 

Other couples are simply devoid of the understanding that they need to maintain their marriage. In the end, the two groups of couples end up in troubled marriages.  Things like resentment, unresolved conflict, unmet needs, poor communication, and lack of intimacy choke the air out of their once blissful marriage. 

3 Important Marriage Maintenance Habits

Maintaining a marriage majorly involves embracing healthy habits geared towards keeping the marriage fire burning. It entails the daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly intentional habits that a couple embraces in order to keep their marriage wheels turning. 

Communicate Effectively

The importance of open and honest communication in marriage cannot be overstated. After all, it is communication that brings a couple together. To stick together and keep each other enthused, couples need to communicate effectively. Two cannot walk together unless they agree (Amos 3:3). Poor communication or lack of it causes couples to drift apart and fosters mistrust. It also injures the couple’s emotional intimacy and sets the stage for unresolved conflict and marital dissatisfaction. On the other hand, effective communication is laced with respect and empathy. Each spouse should be willing to compromise, and blame should be avoided. Couples need to carve out time regularly to communicate as a critical way of maintaining their marriage. 

Meet Your Spouse’s Needs

Nobody saunters into marriage without needs and expectations. Couples get into marriage with a set of physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. They tie the knot in full confidence that their spouse will satiate those needs. When spouses are intentional in meeting each other’s needs, marital satisfaction soars through the roof. On the other hand, when they gloss over each other’s needs, resentment kicks in. 

Seek to know from your spouse what rocks their boat and set out to enthuse them. In most cases, your needs as a man will be polar opposite to those of your wife. So don’t assume you know what floats your partner’s boat; find out from them and set out to enthuse them. 

And while at it, don’t wait for your partner to take the first step in meeting your needs. Be the first to disarm them with your thoughtful and loving actions and watch them follow suit. Paul urges us to esteem others more highly than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). In the long run, you will find yourselves outdoing each other in expressing honor (Romans 12:10), and your marriage will naturally bloom.

Keep Dating

Whatever you do, keep dating your spouse. This will help keep your marriage a priority and keep the romance brewing. As a result, your emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy is strengthened. It also helps you communicate better and nurture your friendship. So, keep the dates night going, explore shared interests, hit the road for a vacation without the kids, go for a movie, and try hiking or a road trip, among other juicy activities. 

3 Important Renovation Habits

Renovating your marriage is a more intensive exercise that will involve rebuilding trust and sealing the cracks in your marriage. The couple has to buckle up and purpose to stick through the process which can be agonizing as emotions come to the fore. 

Consider Marriage Counselling

Marriage counselling offers a safe space where a couple can explore the icky habits sabotaging their union. Through guided conversations and professional support, the couple gets equipped to explore their challenges and rebuild their relationship. In the end, communication can be improved, conflict can be resolved, and intimacy can be restored. The couple is also equipped to better understand one another in order to meet each other’s needs. Counseling is a tested and proven way of renovating a marriage.   

Purpose to Forgive

Both partners will need to intentionally forgive and let go of the hurt they have caused each other. Unmet needs, strained intimacy, unresolved conflict, poor communication, disrespect, and mistrust all compound and cause resentment between spouses. A couple may get stuck if one or both of them are not willing to let go of old hurts. For the marriage to get a new lease, each spouse needs to be willing to forgive. Granted, some wounds like marital unfaithfulness cut very deep, and forgiveness may take time. It’s therefore important for spouses to be patient with each other as they embrace forgiveness. 

Love God’s Way

When couples seek to love each other God’s way, healing and restoration are guaranteed. The apostle Paul describes Love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, and not proud. Love does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). 

Even the most dented marriage can be reconstructed when couples purpose to love each other God’s way. There will be forgiveness, goodwill, humility, forbearance, respect, and trust. Further, the Bible instructs wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22,25). 

Shifting focus from your spouse and instead doing marriage as unto the Lord is a great game changer. It is equivalent to building your marriage on the rock. When the rains come and the winds blow, your marriage will be left standing strong.  

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/skynesher

Keren is a freelance writer who digs up the wisdom nestled in God’s word as she weighs in on parenting, marriage, and a plethora of life issues. Read more of her work in her newsletter Wisdom Trails.

There’s no age limit when it comes to achieving significant financial milestones, but many people envision checking them off their list by a certain point in their lives.

Unfortunately, these days, amid high costs of living and economic uncertainty, most U.S. adults fall short of wealth-building goals: 77% say they aren’t completely financially secure, according to Bankrate’s Financial Freedom survey.

How old should you really be to land that dream job, start saving for retirement, earn six figures or buy your first home?

Related: Rewire Your Brain to Reach Money Goals With This Simple Exercise From a Former J.P. Morgan Retirement Executive

New research from Empower set out to answer those questions and explore how Americans navigate money milestones today.

Although just 17% believe people should hit financial milestones by a specific age, 44% are glad they achieved them when they did, per the report.

On average, Americans think you should start saving for retirement at 27, land your dream job at 29, buy your first home at 30 and earn six figures by 35, according to the research. Respondents also reported hoping to be debt-free at 41 and to retire at 58.

About half of Americans (45%) wish they’d saved money earlier and with more consistency in order to prepare for life’s big changes, the study found.

Related: Make Your Money Manage Itself — How to Automate Your Personal Finances and Keep Your Goals on Track

After planning for retirement and becoming a homeowner, Americans see several life events as significant wealth-building opportunities: investing in stocks (34%), investing in education (26%), changing career paths (21%), getting married (19%) and starting a business (19%).

Nearly one-third of respondents said they realized the value of having a financial plan or working with a financial planner after meeting a life milestone.

“For all ages, it’s important to talk to an advisor who can help create a tailored path specific to your financial goals and set you up for a realistic retirement lifestyle,” Stacey Black, lead financial educator at Boeing Employees Credit Union (BECU), told Entrepreneur last year.

Ready to break through your revenue ceiling? Join us at Level Up, a conference for ambitious business leaders to unlock new growth opportunities.

Emily is nervous that buying their first home will derail her family’s journey to financial independence. What’s the smartest way to deploy their savings and stay on track?

Based on cap rate calculations, Paul’s real estate investments have appreciated beyond their sensible holding point. Should he sell his assets, or is there more to consider here?

Mike is recently retired while his wife still works. With a paid-off home and healthcare already taken care of, what are best practices for drawing down an investment portfolio?

Former financial planner Joe Saul-Sehy and I tackle these three questions in today’s episode.

Enjoy!

P.S. Got a question? Leave it here.

_______

Emily asks (at 1:14 minutes): As young parents, how do we plan for a major move and our first house purchase without throwing a wrench into our financial independence goals?

I was so happy to hear your defense of renting on Episode 559. My wife and I have taken that perspective to heart as renters for the past 15 years. But now, we’re ready to buy a home.

We’re in our early 40s, married, with two kids—a 3-year-old and an almost-1-year-old. We’re approaching Coast FI, and want to be work optional within the next 10 years. We plan to move home to the Midwest and settle into a great school district before our oldest starts kindergarten.

We have $1.2 million in investments, plus $120,000 cash earmarked for a down payment. We also have $85,000 in cash as our emergency fund. We may be able to save a bit more depending on when we move, and we’re also open to renting in the Midwest before we buy.

We currently spend $11,000 monthly due to high rent and childcare. But we expect that to drop to $6,000 once both kids are in school and once we move, depending on our mortgage.

We’re estimating a housing budget of $500,000, which should be enough to get us into a good school district with access to strong job markets. That number could be higher or lower depending on what we find.

Given our ages, net worth, and timeline for reaching work-optional status, how should we approach financing this home? Should we make a large down payment? Should we consider a 15-year mortgage? Or is it okay to carry a mortgage into our seventies?

Paul asks (at 26:20 minutes): Does it make more sense to keep a high-value rental that brings in solid income, but comes with landlord headaches, or to sell, invest the proceeds, and live more passively off a 4 percent withdrawal rate?

In 2011, I bought a 3,300-square-foot primary residence as a short sale in a highly desirable neighborhood for $645,000. After a year-long battle for permits, I built a second home on the same one-third-acre lot: A 1,800-square-foot house that’s perfect for me.

I moved into that smaller home in 2017 and have been leasing out the larger one ever since. The lot can’t be subdivided, so if I ever sell, I’d have to sell both homes together as a single property.

Here are the numbers:

• The original 3,300-square-foot house (now a rental) is worth $2.3 million and brings in $10,000 a month.
• The house I live in cost $450,000 to build and is now worth $2 million.
• Together, the two homes are worth $4.3 million.
• I owe $350,000 on a 15-year loan at 2.75 percent, with six years remaining.

I love my house and the neighborhood, but I don’t love being a landlord. The time commitment is minimal, but living right next door makes it hard to hand off responsibilities to a property manager.

And at $10,000 a month, tenants tend to treat it as a short-term rental while they shop for a home to buy. So far, I’ve had almost no vacancy, but I don’t get multi-year tenants either.

The cap rate on a $2.3 million valuation isn’t great, but the rental income is $120,000 annually. If I sold and invested the proceeds from that portion of the property into a total stock market index fund, a 4 percent withdrawal rate would give me $92,000 annually.

That’s less than the rent, but it would be completely passive. Of course, I’d have to factor in long-term capital gains taxes and real estate commissions — and I’d also need to buy a new home, which would likely cost me $1.75 million to stay in the same neighborhood.

For additional context, I have a well-diversified investment portfolio of $3.5 million that already generates more than enough to cover my lifestyle.

So my question is: is it smarter to hold onto the rental and keep the $120,000 in annual income, or sell and invest the proceeds for a more hands-off return, even if it’s a bit lower? And how should I think about taxes, commissions, and housing replacement costs in this decision?

Mike asks (at 47:53 minutes): I’m 61 and recently retired. My wife is 54 and earns $100,000 a year as a W-2 employee. Our home is fully paid off and is worth $1.5 million. My healthcare is covered by my former employer.

We have $5 million in investable assets held across a rollover IRA, a Roth IRA, and a taxable brokerage account:

• $500,000 in cash
• $1.5 million in a Schwab dividend ETF yielding around 4%
• $1.5 million in Schwab’s U.S. Large Cap Growth ETF (SCHG)
• $1.5 million in Schwab’s S&P 500 index fund

I plan to withdraw $100,000 per year. Which accounts and assets should I draw from first?

Resources Mentioned:

#609: Q&A: How Not To Screw Up Retirement Spending – Afford Anything | Podcast

#595: Q&A: The Scary Shift from Saving to — Gulp! — Actually Spending Your Money – Afford Anything | Podcast

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