The goal is to change your response to what you can’t control — to gradually grow stronger on the inside, so less on the outside affects your inner peace and happiness without your conscious permission.

The mind is the biggest battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where we all develop thinking habits that put us in direct opposition with reality — where the things we fear drain us but never actually happen. It’s where our expectations get the best of us, and we fall victim to our own trains of thought, again and again.

Truth be told, in the game of life we all receive a unique set of unexpected limitations and variables in the field of play. The question is: How will you think about and respond to the hands you’ve been dealt? You can either focus on the lack thereof, or you can empower yourself to play the game sensibly and resourcefully, making the very best of each outcome as it arises, even when it’s hard to accept.

The bottom line is that when you can’t control what’s happening in the world around you, you must challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening, by better managing your habits of mind. Of course that’s much easier said than done though, because it’s hard to change the thinking habits we engage in mostly at a subconscious level. But we can get better by bringing more awareness to what we’re doing…

So today let’s take a look at three thinking habits Angel and I have seen draining hundreds of coaching clients and live event attendees of their inner peace and happiness, consistently over the past 15 years…

1. The habit of expecting things to be a certain way.

Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite, and begin to taste it.

You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment, and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected.

Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal — nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its flavor as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next.

In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T.

Do you see the irony here?

It’s either not good or not good enough. This is how many of us live our lives… unhappily and unsuccessfully. It’s why so many of us feel let down, drained, and unexcited so often…

Because nothing really meets our expectations.

Now imagine you try this instead: remove your expectations of how the tangerine “should” taste. You don’t know, and you don’t expect to know, because you haven’t even tried it yet. Instead, you’re genuinely curious, impartial, and open to a variety of possible flavors. You taste it, and you truly pay attention. You notice the juiciness, the texture of the pulp, the simultaneously tangy, tart, and sweet flavors swirling around on your tongue, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your awareness as you chew. You didn’t know how this tangerine would taste, but now you realize it’s different from the rest, and it’s remarkable in its own way. It’s a totally new experience — a worthwhile experience — because you’ve never tasted this tangerine before.

Mindfulness experts often refer to this as “beginner’s mind,” but really, it’s just the result of a mind-set free of needless, stifling expectations.

The tangerine, of course, can be substituted for almost anything in your life: any event, any situation, any relationship, any person, any thought at all that enters your mind. If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be” or “how it has to be” in order to be good enough for you, they will almost always disappoint you in some way, or be too plain and unexciting to even remember. And you’ll just move on to the next disappointment or unworthy life experience, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth, until you’ve lived the vast majority of your life stuck in an habitual cycle of experiences you barely like or barely even notice.

2. The habit of inner resistance.

You might be surprised by how often you subconsciously resist life. If you evaluate your body and posture right now, I bet you can find some kind of tension. For me it’s often in my neck, but sometimes it’s in my back and shoulders.

Where does this tension we feel come from? We’re resisting something — perhaps we’re annoyed by someone, frustrated at life, overwhelmed by all our obligations, or just bored. And our inner resistance creates a tension in our bodies and weakness in our lives. Therefore, Angel and I often recommend this simple strategy to people who are struggling to relieve themselves of their resistance and tension:

• Locate the tension in your body right now.
• Notice what you’re resisting and tensing up against — it might be a situation or person you’re dealing with or avoiding.
• Relax the tense area of your body — deep breath and a quick stretch often helps.
• Face the same situation or person, but with a relaxed body and mind.

Repeat this practice as often as needed. Face each day with less tension and more presence. Change your mode of being from one of struggle and resistance to one of flow and acceptance.

3. The habit of focusing only on what’s wrong.

The bottom line is that almost every situation imaginable has hidden beauty in it if we are willing to open up to it. For example, in the past, even as Angel and I coped with the death of loved ones, we discovered opportunities for us to appreciate life more, to celebrate the lives of those we’ve lost, and to tune in to the priceless time we’ve had, and still have, with people we love.

We do our best to embody this same mindset in every difficult life situation we encounter. When we get ill, it’s a chance for us to rest. When some unforeseeable event postpones one of our business projects, we spend more time with family. When our adolescent son throws a temper tantrum, we see that he’s expressing himself, asserting his individuality, and being human.

We choose to find what’s right, even when it’s hard to see. And we can all practice this on the average day. Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.

Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remind yourself that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. Because while a small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Again, where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into old habits of mind simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access right now. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain thinking habits behind today for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your inner peace and happiness, and make your time count going forward!

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

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“I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.” ~Rumi

There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that happens when you realize some of your prayers are going nowhere.

There’s a painful silence that follows unanswered calls. Yet, despite the ache, I can still feel the pull to pray to the God outside of myself—that old reflex to place faith in something bigger, some invisible force in the sky, who, apparently, can make things happen magically here on Earth.

But it doesn’t always go that way, does it?

I prayed my cancer would go away. It didn’t.

I prayed the world would heal from climate change. It didn’t.

I prayed my business would make enough to live on. It didn’t.

I prayed my book would reach thousands. Still hasn’t.

I prayed for peace in the world. It’s getting worse.

So, I stopped. Stopped praying. Stopped hoping in that way where my heart is wide open and a little desperate.

It didn’t feel brave. It felt hollow. But in the silence that followed, something shifted within me. When the noise of asking subsided, a quieter truth emerged.

For a long time, I thought my discomfort came from out there. From God. From other people. From difficult situations. Blaming something outside myself gave me a sense of control—a story to hold onto. But no matter how convincing that story was, the ache inside remained.

It took time, but eventually I saw it: the root of my suffering wasn’t external at all. It was internal.

When I finally stopped waiting for life to bend to my will and turned inward, I came face-to-face with something uncomfortable—my attachment to control.

What I discovered was a mind conditioned to grasp, to fix, to be right, to judge, to compare, to push. And most of the time, that’s where the struggle began—when reality didn’t match my expectations. I’d get caught in loops of thought, unable to see clearly, tangled in ego and forgetting the essence of my being—my heart.

The heart is where our whole, compassionate selves live. We feel it. We recognize what Howard Thurman called the sound of the genuine. That’s who we are—at our core.

So, it’s not that I lost faith entirely. It’s that I relocated it. I remembered the genuine within.

Now, I have faith that life will unfold as it will, and sometimes, that’s painful. Life doesn’t often match the visions we hold. It burns plans to the ground. It humbles. It disappoints.

And still, I have faith.

I have faith in the goodness of the human heart. I have faith that we can hold grief in one hand—the image of the life we imagined—and, with the other, steady ourselves enough to rise and take the next step forward.

I have faith in our ability to choose compassion over entitlement. To sit with discomfort and still reach for the just response. To place our hand on our chest, close our eyes and choose to respond—not from the head, but from the heart.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s what God actually is.

Not some white-bearded man in the sky. Not a distant savior. But the part of us that knows how to return—not to the mind’s spirals, but to the body. To the breath. To the quiet pulse of the heart.

What if we—all of us, even world leaders—stopped looking to the God outside and, instead, returned to the one within?

Because the God within doesn’t need to be right. The God within doesn’t dominate or divide. The God within creates peace. Is peace.

And maybe that’s the kind of faith we need now.

Because when faith in something outside of us falls away, what’s left?

We are.

About Lara Charles

Lara Charles is an Australian writer exploring the deeper threads of life through thought-provoking personal essays and memoir. Her work has appeared in national and international publications. She is the author of the Substack newsletter Deeper Threads and a teacher on the global cancer support platform Thrivers Ark. Her debut memoir, Joy, Regardless, is a powerful reflection on illness, identity and self-discovery. Discover more about her work at laracharles.com.

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We don’t realize how often we hold ourselves back by holding on to everything.

Letting go is not giving up. Letting go is surrendering any needless attachments to particular outcomes and situations. Surrender means showing up in your life with the intention to be your best, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to be ideal. Have goals, have dreams, take purposeful action, and build solid relationships, but detach from what life must look like every step of the way.

The energy of someone aspiring to create something wonderful today, teamed with a healthy balance of surrender, is far more effective than someone determined to create outcomes with a desperate must-have mentality. Surrender brings inner calmness, awareness, and understanding. And lest we forget that our outer lives are a reflection of our inner state of being.

Thus, take a moment to remind yourself of some heavy things most of us attach to long after it’s time to let go, so you can loosen your grip on them as you move forward today…

1. The expectation of how things “should” be.

Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you today. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.

2. The way things once were.

You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Even though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.

3. Old mistakes and errors in judgment.

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

4. The need to control everything.

Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.

5. Fantasies of a perfect path, or time to begin.

Too often we waste our time waiting for a path to appear, but it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time.

6. The desire for quick and easy results.

Everything gets a bit hard and uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better, one step at a time. And keep in mind that your effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger, more educated, and more experienced. So when the going gets tough, be patient and keep going. Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. Every great success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there.

7. Self-doubt.

Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it in the present. And in the midst of particularly hard days when I feel that I can’t endure, I try to remind myself that my track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far. The same is true for YOU. We have what it takes! (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

8. Daily relationships that make us feel less like ourselves.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before. And in the long run it’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than it is to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.

9. Old life chapters that are still lingering half-open.

You’re going to mingle with a lot of people in your lifetime. You’re going to have first kisses you feel all the way down to your toes and think “Oh my gosh, I love him,” but really you just loved the kiss. You’re going to meet a friend you think you will know forever, but then something will change and you two will go your separate ways. You’re going to explore different parts of your life with different people who aren’t in it for the long haul, and that isn’t a bad thing. Life is a series of stories, and the way our stories intersect is remarkable. Sometimes people are in our lives for the whole story. Sometimes they are just a short chapter or two. It takes a brave person to know when that chapter is over, and then to turn the page. Be brave! Embrace your goodbyes, because almost every “goodbye” you receive in life sets you up for the next “hello.”

10. The belief that we always need more than we have.

We don’t always need more — we need appreciation. Because we often take for granted the very things that most deserve our attention and gratitude. How often do you pause to appreciate your life just the way it is? Look around right now, and be thankful… for your health, your family, your work, your comforts, your home. Nothing lasts forever. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of perspective shift.)

How to practice letting go if life tests you today.

Reflecting on the reminders above can be incredibly grounding, but what can you actively do to let go when the immediate tension inside you is spiraling?

Here’s a brief outline of some initial steps Angel and I personally take (and often recommend to our coaching clients and event attendees) to cope with the immediate tension that arises from disappointing outcomes in our lives:

• Acknowledge the tension inside you. — If you notice yourself getting angry and flustered, it’s a sign that you need to pause, take a deep breath, and practice the remaining steps.
• Resist the urge to act in haste. — The greatest harm comes whenever you act out of anger — actions that might include giving up too soon, consuming unhealthy substances, or even attacking someone else. So whenever you notice anger building up inside you, try not to take any form of destructive action. Instead, turn inward and mindfully assess whatever it is that’s arising.
• Sit with your feelings, and give them space. — Turn directly towards the tension you feel, and just be a witness. See it as something that’s passing through you, but is NOT YOU. It’s a feeling, a dark cloud passing across a vast sky, not a permanent fixture. Treat it that way. Instead of obsessing yourself with the dark cloud’s presence, try to broaden your perspective — give it the space it needs to pass. Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly again.
• Be OK with not knowing. — Now that you’ve given yourself some necessary space, tell yourself, “I don’t know why things are this way.” And be OK with this unknowing. Give yourself full permission to not have concrete answers in this moment. What would it be like to allow this moment to unfold without knowing? What is it like to not know what’s going on in the hearts and minds of others? What is it like to not know how to respond to life’s chaos? What is it like to be here right now, without jumping to conclusions?

The bottom line is that when life dishes you a harsh dose of reality, the best first steps involve sitting silently and witnessing the thoughts passing through you. Just witnessing at first, not interfering and not even judging, because by judging too rapidly you have lost the pure witness. The moment you rush to say, “this is absolutely terrible” or “things should be different,” you have already jumped head first into the chaos.

It takes practice to create a gap between the witnessing of thoughts and your response to them. Once the gap is there though, you are in for a great surprise — it becomes evident that you are not the thoughts themselves, nor the tension and chaos influencing them. You are the witness, a watcher, who’s capable of letting go, changing your mindset, and rising above the turmoil.

Now it’s your turn!

Yes it’s your turn to breathe deep, to be present, and to remind yourself that every day is a series of a million tiny miracles. So just do your best to see them today. See how inner peace comes with letting go of what you assume your journey is supposed to be like, and sincerely accepting it for everything that it is…

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
— Bruce Lee

The biggest and most draining disappointments in our daily lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others. So don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being utterly disappointed and drained by them.

Which means it’s time to…

1. Stop expecting everyone to agree with you.

You deserve to find joy and inner peace in your own way. You deserve to live a life you are in flow with. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less constant approval you need from everyone else.

You have to dare to be yourself and follow your own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. And don’t compare yourself to others — don’t get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life in your own way.

2. Stop expecting people to show you more respect than the amount of respect you show to yourself.

True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it consistently. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself on a daily basis.

Look at yourself in the mirror today and say, “I respect you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” Yes, it’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-respect you give yourself the opportunity to grow. When you are growing, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

3. Stop expecting everyone to like you.

You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another. So never forget your worth! No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore their rudeness, and carry on. Spend time with those who value you instead.

Truth be told, in this over-connected world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll have to fight on the average day is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different,” but that’s perfectly OK. The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for it in the long run.

4. Stop expecting people to perfectly align with your idea of who they are.

Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate them for who they truly are. So pay close attention, and respect people for their uniqueness and not for who you want them to be.

We simply don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do, and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful in some way; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are. (Read “The Mastery of Love”.)

5. Stop expecting everyone to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re shy?  Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.

In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And oftentimes you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking if you want a meaningful engagement.

6. Stop expecting the seemingly strong people you know to be perfectly “OK.”

Everyone you know is fighting some kind of battle, just like you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own. So be a part of someone’s growth without having that “I’m in a hurry” attitude. What goes around comes around. You can always be kinder than necessary.

Also remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are often measured by our ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not avoid them. Thus, leveraging honesty and transparency as it relates to your struggles, to support, share, and make contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar doubts, needs, and struggles. And once we accept this, the world then becomes a place where we can look someone else in the eyes and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod back and say, “I know exactly what you mean. You aren’t alone.”

7. Stop expecting the people you care about to suddenly change.

If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table (gracefully) so this person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.

For the most part though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to give yourself more time away from them. It might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them — when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are — they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.

Honor your boundaries as you ease your expectations.

As you’re diligently working on keeping your expectations in check, it’s also important to maintain healthy and reasonable boundaries. Because inevitably you’re going to run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you, or treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all. The key is to not consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval (no expectations), and to not leave any space in your heart to hate them. Simply give yourself some healthy space…

Remember that distancing yourself from people who give you negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your boundaries, respectfully.

Also, practice becoming more aware of your needs, especially as it relates to your expectations. Note the times and circumstances when you’re resentful of fulfilling someone else’s needs. Gradually build healthy boundaries by saying no to gratuitous requests that cause resentfulness in you. Of course, this may be hard at first because it may feel a bit selfish. But if you’ve ever flown on a plane, you know that flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before tending to others, even their own children. Why? Because you can’t help others if you’re incapacitated.

In the long run, proactively establishing and enforcing healthy and reasonable boundaries will be one of the most charitable things you can do for yourself and those you care about. These boundaries will foster and preserve the best of you — the most grounded and capable version of you — so you can share the best of yourself with the people who matter most to you.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to hope for the best, but expect less. You will certainly bring more joy and inner peace into your life by doing so. Before you go though, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Patience isn’t about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.

As you move through the days and weeks ahead, remind yourself that it takes roughly 66 days to form a new habit. So for the next nine and a half weeks, consciously leverage the actionable reminders below to look at the brighter side of your life, and you will gradually rewire your brain…

1. Start steadying yourself with simple rituals.

When life feels like an emotional roller coaster, steady yourself with simple rituals. Make the bed. Water the plants. Rinse off your own bowl and spoon. Simplicity attracts calmness and wisdom.

2. Start filtering out the noise in your life.

Be careful about who you give the microphone and stage to in your life. Don’t just listen to the loudest voice every day. Listen to the truest one.

3. Start choosing differently for your own well-being.

A big part of your life is a result of the little choices you make every day. If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start tweaking things and making better choices in the days and weeks ahead.

4. Start being a little more productive than you are busy.

There’s a big difference between being busy and being productive. If you’re going to put in some work between now and the end of the year, don’t confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but never makes any forward progress. In other words…

5. Start dedicating time every day to small, meaningful steps.

If you only have fifteen minutes to spare, no problem — make those fifteen minutes meaningful. Focus on taking one small step forward in the right direction. And even when the struggle is real, remind yourself that it always feels better to be exhausted from taking a small and meaningful step forward, than it does to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.

6. Start moving toward things, not away from them.

The best way to move away from something negative is to move toward something positive.

7. Start doing what’s right, even if it’s not the easiest option.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s worth your while. Do what’s right, not what’s easiest right now. It’s a less stressful way to live in the long run.

8. Start comparing yourself to yourself (and no one else).

Forget what others have and where they are. You’re not walking in their shoes, and you’ll never comfortably walk in your own if you keep comparing yourself to them. So focus on what’s best for YOU and your unique circumstances. What do you need to do next for your own priorities and objectives? Do it! You won’t be distracted by comparison if you’re captivated with purpose.

9. Start being more tolerant of those who see things differently.

Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions, listen closely, and remember that the way we treat people we disagree with is the best evidence of what we have truly learned about love, respect, and kindness.

10. Start letting grace have the last word.

We only really lose the little arguments our pride insists on winning. When it’s more important to win little arguments than love people, we need to start all over again with our faith, grace, and priorities. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Relationships chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

11. Start giving without expectations.

You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart, values, or priorities as you. Keep yourself centered. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and give them hope, is proof that generosity works wonders behind the scenes. So…

12. Start being the difference you want to see in the world.

Be the change. What you give to another person is really what you give to yourself. When you treat others with love, you learn that you are lovable too. So keep doing your thing today with as much kindness, humility, and honesty as possible. Do what you do, not for repayment or an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Forget about popularity, and just focus on goodness and sincerity today.

13. Start being more present.

Gadgets are great, but they can get in the way if you aren’t careful. Control them so they don’t control you. Put down the phone when you’re socializing. Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind a screen. Be present. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. Engage.

14. Start letting your actions speak to those you love.

Put first things first on the daily. Our closest relationships are vital to our overall peace and happiness. And as we tell those we love that we love them, we must never forget that the highest compliment is not to utter words, but to live by them.

15. Start finding more gratitude.

The secret to being grateful is no secret. You choose to be grateful. When you forget, begin again. (Note: Our newest publication via Penguin, “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”, is a good tool for this kind of perspective shift and gratitude practice.)

16. Start complaining less.

Practice replacing the phrase “I have to” with “I get to” whenever you catch yourself starting to complain. So many activities we complain about are things others wish they had the chance to do.

17. Start opening up to new experiences and opportunities.

Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning again right now. If we allow it to, uncertainty chases us out into the open where life’s true magic is waiting. Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear. Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up. Keep an open mind and have fun with life in the days and weeks ahead.

18. Start letting life’s little frustrations go.

Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down. Joy starts on the inside. Practice focusing on what truly matters, and letting go of what does not. Use your frustrations to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of your focus and how you choose to allocate your energy.

19. Start embracing the lessons life is teaching you.

You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once. Truly, everything that happens helps you grow. Oftentimes difficult experiences teach us priceless life lessons we didn’t think we needed to know. If you’re having some problems, that’s not a bad thing. It means you’re attempting things, taking steps, and making progress. The only people with no problems are the ones doing absolutely nothing.

20. Start focusing (more) on what you can control.

Don’t force things. Give things your best shot and then let them be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Remember, no book is just one chapter. No chapter tells the whole story. No mistake defines who we are. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn today! I sincerely hope you will make the best of it all, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will be extra kind to yourself and others.

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life; it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power and influence.

The best lessons we learn in life are the lessons we learn over and over again. The human mind needs lots of reminders — lots of practice — to operate effectively. For example, deep down we know it’s OK to…

• Say “no”
• Speak up
• Tell the truth
• Believe differently
• Change our mind
• Prioritize our needs
• Learn from our mistakes
• Embrace our imperfections
• Forgive and seek forgiveness
• Begin again, stronger than before

Yet, we often do the exact opposite when life gets stressful and we’re under pressure.

We do the wrong things even when we know better.

Because the human mind has weaknesses. It becomes forgetful and insensible when it’s stressed. And the only way to conquer these weaknesses is to practice conquering them. Yes, the mind is like a muscle, and just like every muscle in the human body it needs to be exercised to gain and maintain strength. It needs to be trained daily to grow and develop gradually over time.

The easiest strategy to practice strengthening the mind?

Empowering Quotes on Sticky Notes

It’s all about keeping the right thoughts front and center every day, so they’re readily available in those moments when you need them most. For Marc and me, that means pausing as often as necessary and reflecting on precisely what we need to remember. To make this practice seamless we write ourselves important reminders on sticky notes, like the ones digitally represented below, and then we put them up where we can quickly see and read them throughout the day (most of my sticky notes are up on the wall in my home office, and then I have a couple on my bathroom mirror and refrigerator too).

Our sticky notes keep us on track by keeping our minds empowered with the right perspective. Through this daily practice Marc and I have ultimately learned that while you can’t always control the outer world, you can always choose to fill your inner world with strength, faith, peace, and love. And I’m sure you’ve learned something similar over the years from your own life experiences. But just like us, you often forget. Which is precisely why we have our sticky notes up where we can see them.

So my challenge to YOU is to start practicing alongside us. To get started, use the notes below — perhaps just the ones that resonate most — and rewrite them on physical sticky notes, so you can then stick them up where you can see and read them first thing every morning. Whenever you catch yourself feeling overwhelmed or off-center throughout the day, pause for a moment and quietly read them again to yourself. See how doing so gradually changes the way you respond to life in the heat of the moment…

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(Note: Most of the notes above are included in “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”.)

You can use different forms of visual notes too.

Written sticky notes like the ones we’re encouraging you to create are powerful, but they merely scratch the surface of possibilities for beneficial visual reminders. For instance, my phone, tablet, and laptop all have their backgrounds set to photos of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for. It’s simple but it helps.

I also know dozens of other people who successfully use similar visual reminders on a daily basis. A coaching client of ours who has paid off over $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of her credit card balance taped to her work computer’s monitor; it serves as a daily reminder of both the progress she is grateful to have made, and debt she still wants to pay off. Another one keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the unhealthy lifestyle she never wants to go back to, and the gratitude she has for the changes she has made in her life.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that keep you stuck or take you farther away from your best intentions. Then use written sticky notes and empowering visual reminders to interrupt those negative impulses, so you can keep yourself on track in a positive state of mind in the days ahead.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to get some empowering notes up on the walls in your living and working spaces, so you can easily reference them. But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us.

Which sticky note or idea above resonates with you the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

The goal is to change your response to what you can’t control — to gradually grow stronger on the inside, so less on the outside affects your inner peace and joy without your conscious permission.

The mind is the biggest battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where we all develop thinking habits that put us in direct opposition with reality — where the things we fear drain us but never actually happen. It’s where our expectations get the best of us, and we fall victim to our own trains of thought, again and again.

Truth be told, in the game of life we all receive a unique set of unexpected limitations and variables in the field of play. The question is: How will you think about and respond to the hands you’ve been dealt? You can either focus on the lack thereof, or you can empower yourself to play the game sensibly and resourcefully, making the very best of each outcome as it arises, even when it’s hard to accept.

The bottom line is that when you can’t control what’s happening in the world around you, you must challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening, by better managing your habits of mind. Of course that’s much easier said than done though, because it’s hard to change the thinking habits we engage in mostly at a subconscious level. But we can get better by bringing more awareness to what we’re doing…

So today let’s take a look at three thinking habits Angel and I have seen draining hundreds of coaching clients and live event attendees of their inner peace and joy, consistently over the past 15 years…

1. The habit of expecting things to be a certain way.

Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite, and begin to taste it.

You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment, and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected.

Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal — nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its flavor as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next.

In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T.

Do you see the irony here?

It’s either not good or not good enough. This is how many of us live our lives… unhappily and unsuccessfully. It’s why so many of us feel let down, drained, and unexcited so often…

Because nothing really meets our expectations.

Now imagine you try this instead: remove your expectations of how the tangerine “should” taste. You don’t know, and you don’t expect to know, because you haven’t even tried it yet. Instead, you’re genuinely curious, impartial, and open to a variety of possible flavors. You taste it, and you truly pay attention. You notice the juiciness, the texture of the pulp, the simultaneously tangy, tart, and sweet flavors swirling around on your tongue, and all the other complex sensations that arise in your awareness as you chew. You didn’t know how this tangerine would taste, but now you realize it’s different from the rest, and it’s remarkable in its own way. It’s a totally new experience — a worthwhile experience — because you’ve never tasted this tangerine before.

Mindfulness experts often refer to this as “beginner’s mind,” but really, it’s just the result of a mind-set free of needless, stifling expectations.

The tangerine, of course, can be substituted for almost anything in your life: any event, any situation, any relationship, any person, any thought at all that enters your mind. If you approach any of these with expectations of “how it should be” or “how it has to be” in order to be good enough for you, they will almost always disappoint you in some way, or be too plain and unexciting to even remember. And you’ll just move on to the next disappointment or unworthy life experience, and the next, and the next, and so on and so forth, until you’ve lived the vast majority of your life stuck in an habitual cycle of experiences you barely like or barely even notice.

2. The habit of inner resistance.

You might be surprised by how often you subconsciously resist life. If you evaluate your body and posture right now, I bet you can find some kind of tension. For me it’s often in my neck, but sometimes it’s in my back and shoulders.

Where does this tension we feel come from? We’re resisting something — perhaps we’re annoyed by someone, frustrated at life, overwhelmed by all our obligations, or just bored. And our inner resistance creates a tension in our bodies and weakness in our lives. Therefore, Angel and I often recommend this simple strategy to people who are struggling to relieve themselves of their resistance and tension:

• Locate the tension in your body right now.
• Notice what you’re resisting and tensing up against — it might be a situation or person you’re dealing with or avoiding.
• Relax the tense area of your body — deep breath and a quick stretch often helps.
• Face the same situation or person, but with a relaxed body and mind.

Repeat this practice as often as needed. Face each day with less tension and more presence. Change your mode of being from one of struggle and resistance to one of flow and acceptance.

3. The habit of focusing only on what’s wrong.

The bottom line is that almost every situation imaginable has hidden beauty in it if we are willing to open up to it. For example, in the past, even as Angel and I coped with the death of loved ones, we discovered opportunities for us to appreciate life more, to celebrate the lives of those we’ve lost, and to tune in to the priceless time we’ve had, and still have, with people we love.

We do our best to embody this same mindset in every difficult life situation we encounter. When we get ill, it’s a chance for us to rest. When some unforeseeable event postpones one of our business projects, we spend more time with family. When our adolescent son throws a temper tantrum, we see that he’s expressing himself, asserting his individuality, and being human.

We choose to find what’s right, even when it’s hard to see. And we can all practice this on the average day. Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.

Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remind yourself that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. Because while a small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Again, where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into old habits of mind simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access right now. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain thinking habits behind today for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your inner peace and joy, and make your time count going forward!

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

The best measure of serenity may be our distance from the self — getting far enough to dim the glare of ego and quiet the din of the mind, with all its ruminations and antagonisms, in order to see the world more clearly, in order to hear more clearly our own inner voice, the voice that only ever speak of love.

It is difficult to achieve this in society, where the wanting monster is always roaring and the tyranny of should reigns supreme.

We need silence.

We need solitude.

The great paradox of our time is that the more they seem like a luxury in a world of war and want, the more of a necessity they become to the survival of our souls.

Pico Iyer, that untiring steward of the human soul, liberates the possibility imprisoned in the paradox with his slender and splendid book Aflame: Learning from Silence (public library) — a reckoning with the meaning of life drawn from his time spent in a Benedictine monastery on a journey toward inner stillness and silence, along which his path crosses those of those of fellow travelers in search of unselfing: a 100-year-old Japanese monk and a young Peruvian woman with a love of Wittgenstein (who worked as a gardener in a monastery himself), the Dalai Lama and Leonard Cohen, a middle-aged corporate refugee “red-cheeked and glowing with life” and a white-haired French-Canadian widow with a spirit that “keeps shining, like a candle in the fog.”

He paints the portal through which he enters what is both an enchantment and an annealing of reality:

The road looks milky in the moonlight. The globe feels rounded as I’ve never seen it elsewhere. Stars stream down as if shaken from a tumbler. Somewhere, a dog is barking. Taillights disappear around the turns twelve miles to the south. Strange, how rich it feels to be cleansed of all chatter. That argument I was conducting with myself on the drive up, that deadline next week, the worries about my sweetheart in Japan: gone, all gone. It’s not a feeling but a knowing; in the emptiness I can be filled by everything around me.

To contact that emptiness is to realize that we spend our lives trying to find ourselves, only to discover that the self is precisely what stands between us and being fully alive, what severs our consanguinity with star and stone, with mycelium and mourning dove. This is why an “occasion for unselfing,” in Iris Murdoch’s lovely term, is no small gift — one only ever conferred upon us not by seeking and striving but, in Jeanette Winterson’s lovely term, “active surrender.” We may come to it (in art, in music, in nature), or it may come to us (in cataclysm, in love, in death). Iyer comes to it in the silence of the monastery — which is “not like that of a deep forest or mountaintop” but “active and thrumming, almost palpable” — and it comes to him redoubled:

Why am I exultant to find myself in the silence of this Catholic monastery? Maybe because there’s no “I” to get in the way of the exultancy. Only the brightness of the blue above and below. That red-tailed hawk circling, the bees busy in the lavender. It’s as if a lens cap has come off and once the self is gone, the world can come flooding in, in all its wild immediacy.

[…]

Such a simple revolution: Yesterday I thought myself at the center of the world. Now the world seems to sit at the center of me.

And then the world intrudes — his mother is felled by stroke, a fire consumes his home, a pandemic engulfs the globe. But what silence and solitude end up teaching him, end up teaching anyone who enters them, is that what seems like an assault on our best laid plans, an obstacle along the way of life, is the way itself: experiences that wake us up from “sleepwalking through life” and bring us closer not only to ourselves but to each other. Iyer writes:

In the solitude of my cell, I often feel closer to the people I care for than when they’re in the same room, reminded in the sharpest way of why I love them.

[…]

As the days mount in silence, I’m quickly freed of most of my preconceptions. A monk, I see, is not someone who wishes to live peacefully and alone; in truth, he exists in a communal web of obligations as unyielding as in any workplace, and continuing till his final breath.

In the fathoming of silence, he learns that “the best in us lies deeper than our words.” In the austerity of the monastic life, he learns that “luxury is defined by all you don’t need to long for,” that retreat “is not so much about escape as redirection and recollection.” He reflects:

One kind of asceticism comes in the letting go of certainties, and of any notion that you know more than life does.

There is but one possible action out of that realization: surrender, which he discovers it the only point of being there — “simply, systematically picking apart every inconstancy to remind us that we cannot count on anything other than a mind that is prepared to live calmly with all that it cannot control.”

In the end, we are reminded that to be in silence, to be in solitude, to be in surrender amid a fragile world is not defeatism but an act of courage and resistance, not escapism but the widest-eyed realism we have:

Some nights, of course, I still wake up in the dark, unable to sleep… Chaos and suffering seem endless. Then I recall the sun burning on the water far below and feel part of something larger in which nothing is absolute or final.

[…]

I watch the golden light of early morning irradiate the hills, while valleys remain in deepest shadow. I turn to see the sun scintillant on the ocean in the distance, the sky so sharp and blue I can make out the ridges in the islands far beyond.

You won’t find your worth entirely in someone else — you’ll find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy.

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, lasting happiness, and inner peace.

There’s no need to put on an act every day. There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to continuously prove. And if you catch yourself doing so, remind yourself…

1. It’s important to honor your own feelings and boundaries.

When you run into somebody who discredits you, disrespects you, or treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to hate them. Simply give yourself some healthy space and let karma deal with the things they say and do, because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.

Truth be told, some people will always tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right. Don’t be one of them, and don’t allow these people to constantly drain your energy and joy. Remember that distancing yourself from people who give you negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your feelings and boundaries, respectfully.

2. The people truly worth impressing want you to be yourself.

In the long run it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not. In fact, the relationships that often work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be. So let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes!

By being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before. You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path — when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others. You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds from firsthand experiences — when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission.

Bottom line: Don’t change just so people will like you; keep learning, growing, and nurturing your best self, and pretty soon the right people will love the real you.

3. You are the primary person who can change your life.

In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you. It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing truth.

What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends primarily on what you choose to do with your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep doing your thing. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

4. Society’s common measurements of worth are worthless.

When you find yourself trapped between what moves you and what society tells you is right for you, always travel the route that makes you feel alive, unless you want everyone to be happy, except you. Seriously, no matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you — people who think they’re better than you — people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone…

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — material things don’t matter. Don’t just chase the money. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value — the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short! (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love and Simplicity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

5. Life isn’t a race.

Everyone wants to get there first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, most of your happiness and growth occurs while you’re moving, not while you’re standing at the finish line. So remind yourself as often as necessary that you are not behind. You are where you need to be. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance.

And don’t overwhelm yourself. Remember that you can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated efforts will get you there…

Work hard. Rest well. Learn to disconnect. Engage in self-care. In the marathon of life, the key is learning to be mindful and pace yourself.

6. The path to most great things passes through failure.

You are an ever-changing work in progress. You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong. Screwing up is part of the process. Not getting approval, or not even looking the part sometimes, is the only way forward. If you try too hard to impress everyone with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth! You will spend all your time faking it and looking a certain way, instead of growing up and living a certain way.

Truly, it’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all, you’re merely existing. And if you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward. In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that make gradual progress. And YOU can be one of them this year.

Now is the time — it’s your turn!

Yes, it’s your turn to stop proving yourself to everyone, because you don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now! You have nothing to prove. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. I promise you will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” ~Dan Millman

For as long as I can remember, my mind has been a never-ending maze of what-ifs. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I embarrass myself? What if I fail? My brain worked overtime, analyzing every possibility, replaying past mistakes, and predicting every worst-case scenario.

Overthinking wasn’t just a bad habit—it was a way of life. I’d spend hours second-guessing conversations, worrying about things beyond my control, and creating problems that didn’t even exist. It felt like my mind was running a marathon with no finish line, and no matter how exhausted I was, I couldn’t stop.

But one day, I reached a breaking point. I was tired—tired of the mental noise, tired of feeling anxious, tired of living inside my own head instead of in the present moment. I knew I had to change.

The Moment I Realized Overthinking Was Stealing My Peace

It hit me during a late-night spiral. I had spent hours replaying a conversation, obsessing over whether I had said something wrong. My heart was racing, my stomach was in knots, and I couldn’t sleep.

In that moment, I asked myself: Is any of this actually helping me?

The answer was obvious. My overthinking had never solved anything. It had never prevented bad things from happening. It had only drained my energy and made me miserable.

That night, I made a decision: I would stop letting my thoughts control me. I didn’t know how yet, but I knew I couldn’t keep living like this.

How I Learned to Quiet My Mind

Overcoming overthinking didn’t happen overnight. It took patience, practice, and a willingness to let go of control. But here are the key things that helped me find peace:

1. I stopped believing every thought I had.

For years, I assumed that if I thought something, it must be true. But I started noticing that most of my thoughts were just stories—worst-case scenarios, exaggerated fears, self-doubt.

So I began questioning them. Is this thought a fact, or is it just my fear talking? More often than not, it was the latter.

By learning to separate reality from the stories in my head, I loosened the grip overthinking had on me.

2. I created a “worry window.”

At first, I thought I needed to stop worrying completely, but that only made me stress more. Instead, I set aside a specific time each day (ten to fifteen minutes) when I allowed myself to worry as much as I wanted.

Surprisingly, this helped a lot. Instead of overthinking all day, I trained my brain to contain my worries to one small part of the day. And most of the time, when my “worry window” came, I realized I didn’t even need it.

3. I practiced “letting thoughts pass”

One of the biggest shifts came when I stopped trying to force my thoughts away. Instead, I imagined them like clouds in the sky—passing through, but not something I had to hold onto.

Whenever I noticed myself overthinking, I’d take a deep breath and say to myself: I see this thought, but I don’t have to engage with it. And then I’d let it go.

4. I focused on the present moment.

Overthinking is all about living in the past or the future. So, I started grounding myself in the present.

Simple things helped:

• Focusing on my breath when my mind started racing.
• Noticing small details around me—how the sun felt on my skin, the sound of birds outside, the smell of my coffee.
• Reminding myself: Right now, in this moment, everything is okay.

The more I practiced this, the easier it became to step out of my mind and into my life.

How Life Changed When I Stopped Overthinking

I won’t pretend my mind is quiet 100% of the time. Thoughts still come, but they no longer control me.

Now, instead of analyzing every possible outcome, I trust that I’ll handle whatever happens. Instead of reliving past mistakes, I remind myself that I am constantly learning and growing. Instead of worrying about what others think of me, I focus on how I feel about myself.

Most importantly, I’ve found something I never thought was possible: peace.

A Message for Anyone Struggling with Overthinking

If you’re stuck in an endless cycle of overthinking, I want you to know this: You are not your thoughts.

Your mind will always try to keep you safe by analyzing, predicting, and controlling. But you don’t have to engage with every thought that comes your way.

Peace isn’t about never having anxious thoughts—it’s about learning to let them pass without letting them rule your life.

And trust me, if I can do it, you can too.

While these tools can be powerful, it’s also important to recognize that overthinking doesn’t always come from everyday anxiety. If your thoughts are tied to past trauma or feel too overwhelming to manage alone, please know there is no shame in seeking help. For those living with PTSD or deep emotional wounds, professional support from a therapist can offer safety, healing, and guidance tailored to your experience.

You don’t have to go through it alone—and needing support doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

About David Anca

David is a student passionate about health, well-being, and personal growth. As he prepares to study psychology at university, he’s eager to explore the mind-body connection and share insights to help others find peace and balance. In his free time, he enjoys mindfulness practices and writing about self-improvement.

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