“Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned to make room for the life that’s waiting for you.” ~Joseph Campbell

My new motto? Always have a backup plan.

Life rarely goes as you’d imagined.

January 16^th, 2001. That’s the day my life trajectory changed irrevocably. That’s the day that would lead me to, eventually, living alone—to being divorced. That’s the day my ex had a ski accident that changed the lives of every member of our immediate family. But today, I don’t want to talk about him or that. I want to talk about my story, about me. About my aftermath of living alone.

Several years ago, when the last of my daughters graduated from college, loaded her ‘how-can-she-possibly-carry-that!’ backpack, hugged me tight, and boarded a plane for South America with a one-way ticket, I felt a hole in my stomach the size of a meteor crash pit.

I knew so many things at that moment. I knew I had a world of worry ahead of me that would last the duration of her adventure-with-no-end-date.

I knew I’d be going home to an empty house—that was now going to stay empty.

I knew that the axis of my world had suddenly tilted—and nothing would balance the same again.

For years, my married-with-children life had been a whirlwind of stereotypical womanhood: mothering, managing, and multitasking. The house hummed with commotion, packing lunches, planning dinners, visiting teenagers’ shoes haphazardly piled near the front door, family events, lively conversations, and belly laughs—oh, and at a certain point, some derailing by hormone gyrations.

And now? Just me, my omnipresent ADHD-fueled piles of stuff, and a fridge that I wished someone else would clean and organize.

The divorce (after forty years of marriage)? Now, almost a decade in the rearview mirror. The full-time career hustle? Quieted (and mostly regretted). The calendar? More “me-time” than meetings or dates with girlfriends. And let’s not forget the increase in doctors’ appointments compared to before.

On almost every front, I was no longer needed the way I had been.

When my marriage ended, my ex took more than a suitcase and half of our belongings and money. He took our vacations, traditions, and huge parts of my lifestyle—and he unpacked them somewhere new, with someone new.

That reality offered me a chance at a whole new beginning that was all my own but was also utterly unnerving.

Once the noise of change and terrible transitions falls away, what’s left is the deafening question that every fiercely feeling, fabulously flawed woman eventually faces: What do I do with the rest of my life?

The Mirror Doesn’t Lie (But It’s Kind of a Jerk Sometimes)

Here’s the thing nothing can prepare you for when you find yourself alone and start spending real, unfiltered time in solitude:

You meet yourself.

Not the curated version of you that shows up for work, friends, family, or festivities. The real you. The unedited, unmoored, occasionally unhinged version. You with the foibles, flaws, fractures, fixations, fragile truths, and all. At least, that tends to be what you see at first. You’ll also see (sometimes it’s eventually) grace and grit, wisdom and warmth, compassion and courage, intuition and integrity.

And that self you meet, they have questions.

They want to know if you’re proud of how you’ve spent your life. They want to know what you’ve been postponing. And they really want to know why you walked into the kitchen three times today and still forgot what you were looking for.

Being alone strips away distractions. It’s like standing naked in front of a full-length mirror under too-bright lighting. Every flaw feels fluorescent. Every fear comes forward. And every false story and excuse you’ve told yourself asks to be rewritten.

And then there’s the way the outside world begins to see you…

Ma’am? MA’AM?!

I have a calmer demeanor than I used to, but I still feel vibrant. Vivid. Volcanic, even. I know more about the world and myself than I ever have—enough even to realize how little I do know, and that’s half the fun.

And yet, I’ve entered the bizarre “Ma’am Zone.”

You know the one. Where the teenager at the store calls you ma’am while offering to carry your bag. Where the girl in the drive-thru hands you your latte with a chirpy “Here you go, hon.” Grrrrr. (I sometimes educate them that treating ‘older’ people like that is insulting vs respectful).

It’s the zone where people assume you’ve stopped wanting to have wild sex, don’t understand memes, or can’t connect your Wi-Fi extender without calling your child for help. (Um, guilty of the latter. But still.)

It’s where invisibility starts to sneak in—everywhere. You’re not quite old, but you’re no longer relevant or worthy of giving an opinion.

And the most jarring part? You still feel like your younger self is alive and well inside—just now with reading glasses, joint supplements, and a slightly shorter fuse for nonsense.

But here’s the truth: the Ma’am Zone isn’t a punishment. It’s a portal.

Because once you stop chasing approval from the outside, you finally make room for deep reverence on the inside.

Once you stop chasing approval from the outside, you realize your value isn’t measured by someone else’s opinion of you, by your waistline or taut skin, or your appeal to potential partners.

Your value is in how you carry your story, how you exemplify your self-worth, how you show up for others, and how much damn freedom you finally give yourself to just be.

Of course, there are still moments that rattle your chain—like when technology moves faster than your thumbs or when recalling a name or a word requires a full-blown brain excavation.

And it’s not just the memory lapses. It’s the quiet, creeping suspicion that you’re becoming a little… invisible. That in a world obsessed with youth and novelty, you’ve somehow been nudged toward the “used-to-be” pile.

But here’s my radical revelation: This isn’t the end of anything. It’s the beginning of everything.

Learning is My New North Star

This chapter I’ve found myself in—this curious, living-alone, transitional place—it’s a gift. And for me, that gift is the opportunity to dedicate copious amounts of time to learning. Not to impress, not to advance, not to earn letters behind my name. But to be alive.

Learning has become my reason for being in this last season of my life, however many decades that may be.

Oh, I still love deeply. I still mother, I still show up for friends, and I still need connection and community as much as I need air—but these next years of living alone? These are for taking in as much as I’ve given out.

I’ve begun to inhale books, devour documentaries, and dive headfirst into research rabbit holes like a woman on a mission to make up for all the times she didn’t have time and had to put her own curiosity on hold.

I’m back in therapy. I want to finally let go of the weight I don’t want to carry anymore. I want to learn to expand, to evolve, to live in full-blown self-worth, and to stay awake in a world that wants to lull me into irrelevance.

This isn’t just something I do—this is how I live now. Fully. Inquisitively. Intentionally.

I’m learning how to sit in silence without spiraling into regrets and should-haves. How to laugh at myself without lacerating my spirit. How to treasure time without tallying accomplishments.

My Best Friend at the End of My Pen

Amid all this sorting and shifting, quiet rooms and candid reckonings, new beginnings and necessary becoming, there’s one constant that’s never judged me, rushed me, or asked me to explain myself in under two minutes: my journal.

It’s actually been a good (almost better) substitute for my ex, who has known me since I was in my late teens.

No matter what kind of day I’m having—scattered, soulful, soaring, or stuck—it’s always there, waiting.

The page listens like no one else can.

It holds space when I can’t hold it together. And more often than not, I find my best thoughts, my bravest truths, and my clearest next steps scribbled somewhere between the rambling and the real.

That pen? It’s not just ink. It’s true: caring for and being honest with oneself.

And when my brain short-circuits—when I can’t remember if I paid a bill or why I walked into the kitchen for that third time—I turn to my journal. Not because it fixes everything but because it filters the fuzz.

Journaling is where I untangle the mental spaghetti. It’s my personal pause button, my brain’s backup drive, my place to dump the digital overload of modern life and actually hear myself think again.

Some days, it’s a sanctuary. On other days, it’s a sass-fest. But either way, it saves me. From forgetting. From overthinking. From disconnecting from the woman, I’m becoming.

Permission to Be Real, Forgetful, and Free

I’m learning to get curious instead of compliant.

I’m reclaiming my relevance not by proving myself but by being myself—beautifully, brutally, brilliantly real.

I’ve swapped out striving for savoring.

I’ve put down the perfectionism and picked up the pen.

And on the days when I forget what I was saying mid-sentence, I just say, “Well, clearly it wasn’t worth remembering!” and carry on.

No, I don’t have it all figured out. Thank goodness for that.

Life now feels less like a checklist and more like a what-kind-of-day-do-I-want-today? (Note: It’s sometimes a day in bed with snacks and a streaming obsession).

Some days are disco. Others are enlightening. Some days, I still feel sorry for myself. But all of them are mine.

So, if you’re standing in that strange, sacred space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming, let this be your permission slip:

You don’t need to reinvent yourself.

You just need to remember yourself.

Not who the world wanted or told you that you were supposed to be. Who you are. Under the roles. Behind the titles. Beneath the noise.

There’s magic there. There’s freedom. And yes, there’s still plenty of fire.

A Few Questions to Light the Way

Who am I becoming now that no one’s watching?

What do I want to learn—not to be useful, but to be lit up?

Where am I still dimming my joy because I think it’s “too late”?

What would it look like to stop fixing and start feeling?

Where do I still matter most—to myself?

About Jill Grumbache

Jill Grumbache is the sometimes hilarious, always compassionate wit and founder of Holistic Journaling Ink. She is an unwavering advocate of women’s self-growth and education. She helps women find clarity, courage, calm, and a sense of humor through the written word. Jill is a lifelong journaler, communications specialist, beneficial journaling educator, certified journaling facilitator, and emotional intelligence coach, as well as an award-winning writer and recovering overthinker with ADHD (the latter being one of her favorite traits!). Reach her at [email protected] or www.holisticjournaling.ca.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!

In this very special “Ask Mike Anything” edition of the podcast, the tables turn. TimeCrafting Trust Premium member and all-around thoughtful guy Tim O’Hare steps in to host and ask me questions submitted by listeners—and some of his own. From the value of journaling to the nuances of urgency, we explore what it truly means to right the ship when your time management feels off course.

This is a raw and reflective episode, recorded live with audience interaction. We talk through everything from tech transitions and app overload to the dangers of measuring productivity purely by numbers. If you’ve ever felt like you know what to do but still can’t quite get it done, there’s something here for you.

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Six Discussion Points

• Why journaling is my go-to tool for daily course correction—and why it’s easier than most people think
• How to close the gap between vision and reality using urgency, importance, and thoughtful task breakdown
• Navigating forced software transitions without losing your workflow (or your mind)
• How AI can help (or hurt) your attention and task clarity, depending on how you use it
• How to make progress on tasks you’re procrastinating—even if you “know better”
• Why I focus more on productiveness than productivity, and how to measure what really matters

Three Connection Points

Whether you’re new to TimeCrafting or a longtime practitioner, this conversation highlights what so many of us wrestle with: the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it. If you’ve been stuck, scattered, or just seeking clarity, I hope these answers light a way forward.

Want to support the podcast? You can subscribe to the show and leave quick rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. You can subscribe on Spotify and also on Apple Podcasts.

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Daily journaling is a voyage to growth and inner peace.

If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and your journal is that map. You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so much more. It’s a place to reflect. It’s a place to capture important thoughts. It’s a place to sort out where you’ve been and where you intend to go. And it’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.

Just this morning, I spent fifteen minutes journaling about some recent events in my life that I’m grateful for, and some that are still troubling me. As I was wrapping up, the idea for the blog post you’re reading now came to me, which was a pleasant surprise since I hadn’t yet decided what I was going to share with you today.

I also unearthed some incredibly healthy insights regarding an important relationship that I had been neglecting, which motivated me to immediately send out a text message to someone I care about who I’ve been meaning to reconnect with. We now have a brunch date scheduled for next Sunday.

So as you can infer, your time spent focusing inward and journaling doesn’t just help you — your mind is powerful and your thoughts create ripples in the world around you. When you bring clarity into your life, you bring the best of yourself into everything you do — you tend to treat yourself and others better, communicate more constructively, do things for the right reasons, and ultimately improve the world you’re living in. This is why journaling for a short time every day can actually make a significant real-world difference in your life.

If you’re interested in getting started with journaling, or if you’d like some fresh ideas for your current journaling practice, I’ve listed 31 journaling prompts below — each one contains a quote and question to think about. Marc and I have personally used these exact prompts in the past to nudge ourselves into self-reflection, and we continue to revisit them regularly. They bring awareness to the subconscious beliefs and assumptions we all have. And they can help you think through situations, big and small, so you can make better decisions going forward.

Challenge yourself to read and write on one prompt a day in the month ahead (consistently for roughly 31 days). And see how doing so gradually gets you back on track in life…

Day 1

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

What specifically do you need to forgive yourself for? What have your errors in judgment taught you?

Day 2

The mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you, and you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again.

What’s one thought that has been getting the best of you lately? How has it been influencing your behavior?

Day 3

What you focus on grows. Stop micromanaging your time. Start better managing your focus. 95% of what stressed you out recently won’t matter a month from now. Shake off the nonsense, bring your attention back to what’s important, and move forward with your life.

What is truly worth focusing on today? What is NOT?

Day 4

Happiness on the average day is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. So RELAX. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Breathe deep… let go, and just live right now in the moment.

What do you appreciate most about your life right now? Why?

Day 5

A tiny part of your life is decided entirely by uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of it is decided by your internal responses to those circumstances. Let this sink in. Regardless of what’s going on around you, peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind.

What is one reality you need to come to peace with? Why?

Day 6

It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.

What’s something you’ve let go that once meant the world to you? And what’s something you love today that you never even knew you needed in your life?

Day 7

Most of the time you have a choice. If you don’t like a changeable aspect of your life, it’s time to start making changes and new choices. And it’s OK to be low-key about it. You don’t need to put everything on TikTok and Instagram. Silently progress and let your actions speak for themselves.

Over the past month, what have your actions been silently saying about your priorities? Are there any changes you want to make? If so, elaborate.

Day 8

We waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear, but it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence.

What’s the next step you’ve been thinking about taking for far too long?

Day 9

The next step means nothing if you are in love with your comfort zone and simply walking in circles. Don’t live the same day 30,000 times and call it a life! Growth begins today, at the end of your comfort zone. Dream. Attempt. Explore. This moment is the doorway to anything you want.

How have you stretched your comfort zone in the past month (even slightly)? What did you learn from the experience? What’s one new comfort zone challenge you’d like to conquer?

Day 10

Your capacity to be happy is directly related to the quality of people whom most closely surround you. So be with those who are good for your mental health. Those who bring you inner peace. Those who challenge your bad habits, but also support your ability to change and grow.

Who have you spent the most time with over the past month, and how have these people affected your life?

Day 11

Too often we say “life is not fair” while we’re snacking on food, sipping a drink, and reading social media posts on our smartphones. Think twice and be thankful. At the end of the day, before you close your eyes, breathe deeply, appreciate where you are, and see the value in what you have.

What is one privilege you have that you often take for granted?

Day 12

When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler when you clear the clutter that makes it complicated. Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.

What kinds of physical clutter have been complicating your life and diverting you from meaningful life experiences?

Day 13

Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.  You know this is true.  You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  Make that decision for yourself today.

What’s something you often take too personally even though, logically, you know better?  How has this habit affected your life?

Day 14

You can’t control how other people receive your energy or communication. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of these people’s opinions and past experiences, which oftentimes has nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love and honesty as possible.

What’s one good, recent example of someone with a bad attitude (or someone genuinely suffering from past trauma) completely misjudging you?

Day 15

You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself, today!

How have you chosen yourself recently? How will you choose yourself today?

Day 16

Just breathe, be, and pay attention to what it’s like to be YOU. Nothing to fix. Nothing to change. Nowhere else to go. Just you, breathing, being, with presence, without judgment. You are welcome here. You belong here. Here, you are enough. Close your eyes. Breathe…

What’s something true about yourself that you need to embrace more openly and lovingly?

Day 17

The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered at some point in their lives. Yes, life often creates the best humans by breaking them first. Their destruction into pieces allows them to be fine-tuned and reconstructed into a masterpiece.

How has your past heartbreak or losses made you stronger, wiser, and more loving? Be specific.

Day 18

There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. Know when enough is enough already, and respect yourself for feeling that way. Sometimes we have to say goodbye before we can say hello. Sometimes we have to let go to move forward with our lives.

What’s something from your past that you are thankful you gave up on? Why?

Day 19

Give yourself the space to hear your own voice — your own soul. Too many of us listen to the noise of the world and get lost in the crowd. Stand strong today! Live by choice, not by chance. Work to grow, not compete. Choose to listen to yourself, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.

What has your inner voice been trying to tell you lately? What does it mean?

Day 20

Forget popularity. Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.

What’s something that’s worth working on today, regardless of what other people think? Why is it important to you?

Day 21

If it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kind of want at the moment. Study your habits. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters most.

What distractions have been getting the best of you lately? How often? Why?

Day 22

Don’t fall back into your old patterns of living just because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. Remember, you left certain habits and situations behind for a reason: to improve your life. And right now, you can’t move forward if you keep going back.

What’s one old pattern of behavior that sometimes still sneaks up on you? What’s a better alternative and why?

Day 23

Your mind and body need to be exercised to gain strength. They need to be challenged consistently. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of little ways over time — if you always avoid doing the hard things — you’ll crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected.

How can you provide healthy challenges for both your mind and body on a daily basis? What will you do today to walk the talk?

Day 24

As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter. Thus, the strongest sign of your growth is realizing you’re no longer worried or stressed by the trivial things that once used to drain you.

What’s something that used to drive you crazy, but no longer bothers you? Why?

Day 25

Everybody you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. Respect this. And be extra kind. Take time to really listen. Take time to learn something new. Take time to say thank you. Today.

What can you easily do to be a little kinder than usual today? And who was the last person who was unexpectedly kind to you?

Day 26

People will rarely think and act exactly the way you want them to. Hope for the best but expect less. Agree to disagree when necessary. And be careful not to dehumanize those you disagree with. In our self-righteousness, we can easily become the very things we dislike in others.

How have your recent expectations of others gotten the best of you? What happened, and what have you learned?

Day 27

Love what you do, until you can do what you love. Love where you are, until you can be where you love. Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most. This is the way we find happiness, opportunity, and peace.

How will you embody “love” today? What specifically will you do?

Day 28

The older we grow, the more peaceful we become. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on. So, just do your best right now to feel the peace that flows from your decision to rise above the petty drama that doesn’t really matter.

What kind of drama do you sometimes get caught up in? What can you do to rise above it?

Day 29

It’s not too late. You aren’t behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Give yourself credit right now. And be thankful you made it this far.

How far have you come? Seriously, how much have you grown? Think about the specifics of your recent and long-term growth. What have you not given yourself enough credit for?

Day 30

You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always growing. Experiences don’t stop. That’s life. And the very experiences that seem so hard when you’re going through them are often the ones you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come.

What’s the hardest thing you’re trying to accomplish or cope with right now? What’s something small and necessary about this struggle?

Day 31

There will come a time when you think it’s all over, everything is finished — you’ve reached the end of the road. That’s the starting line. Be humble. Be teachable. The world is often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a new idea, a new step… a new beginning.

What does a new beginning mean to you right now? What’s the next step?

And remember, consistency is everything…

These daily journaling prompts will have little effect if they are not practiced consistently. One day of journaling by itself won’t cut it.

It is the compound effect of simple, seemingly mundane actions over time that leads to life-altering, positive results.

There is nothing immediately exciting about putting one foot in front of the other every day for weeks, but by doing so, many normal human beings have climbed over 29,000 feet to the top of the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest.

There is nothing immediately exciting about forcing yourself into self-reflection for a few minutes every day, but by doing so, hundreds of students and clients Marc and I have worked with over the years have drastically better lives.

Remember, the mind needs to be trained to gain strength. It needs to be worked consistently to grow and develop over time. And that’s precisely what daily journaling will gradually allow you to achieve. If you don’t proactively push your mind in little positive ways every day, of course it’ll stumble on the days that are tougher than expected.

You have a choice right now!

Choose to put one foot in front of the other, when it would be easier to stay seated.

Choose to open your journal at dawn, when it would be easier to sleep in.

Prove to yourself, in little consistent ways, that you have the power to take control of your days and your life.

(Reminder: Marc and I build the small, life-changing daily ritual of journaling with our readers in our newest publication, “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”.)

Now it’s your turn…

Marc and I would love to hear from YOU before you go. Your feedback is important to us.

Please leave us a comment below and let us know:

Which journal prompt and corresponding quote mentioned above resonates with you the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Happiness turned to me and said, ‘It is time. It is time to forgive yourself for all of the things you did not become… Above all else, it is time to believe, with reckless abandon, that you are worthy of me, for I have been waiting for years.” ~Bianca Sparacino

I didn’t know who I was.

That realization hit me like a punch to the chest after I ended a decade-long relationship and canceled my wedding six weeks before it was supposed to happen.

I remember standing in my kitchen one morning, staring at the floor, and thinking, I have no idea what kind of music I actually like.

That might sound small, but it was the beginning of everything unraveling.

Because when you don’t know what kind of music you like… you probably don’t know what your values are. Or your opinions. Or your boundaries. Or your identity.

And in my case, I didn’t.

My identity had been shaped entirely by other people. I had become an expert in sensing what people wanted me to be—and then being it.

I did it with romantic partners, with friends, with coworkers. It was like I had this superpower: I could walk into a room, assess the energy, and morph myself into whoever I thought would be the most likable version of me in that context.

Great for my acting career. Not so great for real life.

When the relationship ended and I finally found myself alone, I didn’t just feel lost. I felt hollow. I didn’t have a self to come home to. And the loneliness? It was unbearable.

I entered what I now call my “summer of sadness.”

At the time, I called it freedom. I drank more than usual. Partied more than usual. I told myself I was finally living. But behind all of it was a deep, silent ache. A confusion. An emotional fog that wouldn’t lift.

Eventually, the fog turned into something darker: I spiraled into a rock-bottom moment I never saw coming. It was like my soul said, Enough.

And somewhere in that mess, I grabbed a pen.

I didn’t know what else to do. I had so much swirling inside me, and nothing made sense. So I sat down with my journal and wrote two lists.

List One: Who I Am

This list was hard to write. It wasn’t self-love-y or positive. It was honest.

I wrote things like:

• I’m anxious and overthinking constantly.
• I say yes when I want to say no.
• I try to be what I think others want me to be.
• I interrupt people when they are speaking because I want to feel relatable.
• I feel guilty all the time, and I don’t know why.
• I don’t trust myself.

There was no sugarcoating. No judgment either. Just observation.

I looked at the page and thought, Okay. This is where I’m at.

Then I flipped the page.

List Two: Who I Want to Be

This list felt different. Not dreamy or abstract, but clear.

I wrote things like:

• I want to be grounded and calm.
• I want to be kind, patient, and generous.
• I want to listen more than I speak.
• I want to say no without guilt.
• I want to show up more in love and less in fear.
• I want to move through the world not feeling like I always need to prove myself.

Reading them back, I could feel how wildly different those two versions of me were—not just in how I showed up for the world, but in how I treated myself.

One list was full of fear, defensiveness, and guilt. The other was rooted in confidence, calm, and choice.

It wasn’t about becoming a brand-new person. It was about becoming more me—the version of me that had been buried under layers of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and performance for years.

You can’t become who you want to be if you’re not honest about who you are right now. That’s exactly what those two lists gave me—an unfiltered look at both sides of the mirror.

As I looked at both lists side by side, I didn’t feel shame. I felt clarity.

The gap between them wasn’t a flaw. It was a direction.

And I had a choice to make. Keep going as I was—or finally do the work to change.

Not just for a month. Not just until I felt better. But for real this time.

The kind of change that’s uncomfortable. The kind that reworks your patterns, rewires your reflexes,
and asks you to let go of everything that no longer fits.

That moment became the foundation of my healing journey.

Awareness First, Then Change

Let me be clear: I didn’t wake up the next day and magically become that second list.

What I did was start noticing. I’d walk away from conversations and think, Ah… I interrupted people a lot again. I tried to be funny instead of real. I said yes when I meant no.

At first, that awareness was frustrating. I wanted to be further along. But eventually, I realized the win is in noticing.

What helped me most in this part of the process was journaling.

I began tracking my thoughts, my actions—even entire conversations. I’d ask myself: Was I present today? Or was I in my head? Did I try to prove something? Where did that pattern show up?

Sometimes I’d set one small focus, like “interrupt less,” and observe that for weeks. I started noticing who I felt the need to impress, when I lost presence, and what kind of people triggered those old habits. I wasn’t trying to fix it all at once—I was learning myself in real time. That awareness, day by day, became the bridge.

That’s the starting point for every real shift.

Over time, those small moments of noticing turned into different choices. I started speaking up. Setting boundaries. Sitting with my emotions instead of numbing them. Choosing presence over performance.

And little by little, I began becoming the person on the second list.

Not perfectly. Not quickly. But honestly.

What I Learned from Writing Two Lists

1. Change starts with radical honesty. You can’t grow if you’re not willing to name where you are.

2. Self-awareness is a skill, not a switch. It builds slowly. Be patient.

3. You don’t need to know the whole path. Just the direction is enough.

4. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s alignment. It’s feeling proud of who you are becoming.

If you’re in a season of unraveling, I see you. It’s disorienting. It’s uncomfortable. But it might also be the doorway to everything real.

So grab a pen. Write your lists.

Not to shame yourself, but to meet yourself.

That moment of truth might just be the moment that changes everything.

You don’t have to write your lists perfectly. You don’t even have to know what to do with them right away. Just be honest. Start where you are. Let clarity come before change—and let that be enough for now.

About Sara Mitich

Sara Mitich helps people reconnect with themselves and move through life’s challenges with more clarity, peace, and self-trust. As the founder of Gratitude & Growth, she shares insights on mindfulness, mindset, and emotional resilience. Explore more at www.gratitudegrowth.com.

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