Lesbian Jesus Hayley Kiyoko — noted pop star and celebrated author —  announced on social media today that she proposed to her girlfriend of seven years, former Bachelor contestant Becca Tilley.

“My dream girl said yes to forever,” wrote Hayley in her instagram caption. Photographs capture the duo on a rock in front of a really gorgeous body of water

Becca and Hayley have taken their relationship relatively slow, by lesbian standards. They met for the first time at Hayley’s “Expectations” release party in April 2018, and afterwards Becca tried to set Hayley up with her queer younger sister by arranging a group drinks hang. But the sister bailed, Becca showed up, and the rest is lesbian history.

In 2019, Kiyoko told US Weekly that she was in a relationship and very happy, but they didn’t officially announce the relationship until May of 2022. That announcement served as Tilley’s official “coming out,” after many had assumed her heterosexuality due to her participation in The Bachelor.

Kiyoko, whose been acting, dancing and recording music since she was a kid, skyrocketed to sapphic fame in 2018, becoming the first lesbian pop star signed to a major label to make multiple music videos in which she kisses girls. Her hit “Girls Like Girls” inspired a recent YA novel by the same name, and last year Kiyoko announced that Focus Features had signed on to turn it into a film. “Since I released girls like girls in 2015,” Kiyoko wrote, “I’ve made a vow to myself and to you all to do everything in my power to create hopeful queer content at the largest scale possible.”

Tilley is currently the co-host of “Scrubbing In,” a podcast in which she and her BFF Tanya Rad “fangirl over their favorite shows, work through boy troubles, and hang out with the biggest celebrity guests.”

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – OCTOBER 28: (L-R) Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley attend the World Premiere of Disney’s “Wizards Beyond Waverly Place” at El Capitan Theatre on October 28, 2024  (Photo by Amy Sussman/WireImage)

As a person who watches celebsian social media accounts like a hawk to report on any developments for my job at this website, I must note that Becca Tilley has attended a truly astounding number of weddings over the past two years and every single time I thought it was her wedding to Hayley Kiyoko. I am pleased that we are now ever-closer to the day when a picture of Becca Tilley (who has bridal hair every day, to be fair) in wedding attire will actually be her wedding to Hayley Kiyoko.

It’s important in this day and age for as many former Bachelor contestants as possible to come out as queer and, ideally, marry lesbians. Gabby Windey tied the knot with Robby Hoffman earlier this year, and now Becca Tilley will be doing so with Hayley Kiyoko. Watch out world!

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Q:

Asexual lesbian with a nearly nonexistant sex drive here. All I hear is that the expected norm in lesbian relationships is hours and hours of sex at a time. PLEASE tell me this is true for only 9/10 non-ace lesbians (or less). I’m willing to compromise for a partner but sorry not sorry that I cannot imagine doing so for hours at a time as an adult with very limited free time who could probably only enjoy sex for a few minutes at the most before being bored to death (and inherently has no desire to have sex, it’d be a favor for a loved one). Considering the asexual spectrum dating pool is actually a kiddie pool, unless I can make it work with a non-ace I doubt I can ever find a partner… And yes I’ve heard and done it all when it comes to meeting ace spectrum women, there just aren’t enough out there.

A:

Hi, non-ace lesbian here, and I do not necessarily expect hours and hours of sex every time I have it. First of all, I’m busy! Second of all, there’s a time and place for a sex marathon, but it doesn’t have to be all the time and it doesn’t have to be the norm.

I think as with a lot of lesbian stereotypes and cliches, there’s some truth to it and also some myth to it. I think the commonly held mantra that lesbian sex is long and multi-orgasmic was born as a reaction to the reality that heterosexual sex often has a fixed start and end point that hinges entirely on the man’s pleasure, often satisfied swiftly. Since queer sex often decentralizes orgasm, the amount of “time” sex takes is more fluid.

And yes, some people love to go at it for very long amounts of time, but I do not think this is the norm across the board, just like how I’m pretty sure it isn’t actually the norm for the majority of lesbians to U-Haul with their partners. There’s a whole range of realities when it comes to lesbian dating and relationships, regardless of what the jokes and stereotypes reinforce.

So I wouldn’t get too worried about this, especially if you’re able to make your own expectations about sex and your asexuality clear upfront with a potential partner. Toys can make sex super…efficient. There are plenty of allosexual lesbians out there who enjoy or even prefer quickies. There are also plenty of allosexual lesbians with low sex drives, which I think we should also normalize! Talk to potential partners to see where they fall.

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

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