Operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide today.

Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you travel aligns with your intuition and values. And don’t be scared to pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.

Will the people in your life always support your decisions? No, not likely. But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself — it’s about respecting yourself.

So make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.

And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this quick reference list of choices in life you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else:

1. Choosing to make your own needs a top priority.

Almost 30 years ago, I interviewed my dad for an interesting high school assignment and asked him if he thought it was at all selfish that he openly admits to making himself his number one priority. My dad smiled and replied, “No, not at all. It’s practical… a lot of times we slip pretty far down on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for you, my child, is investing in yourself as much as you invest in others.” All these years later, that’s spot on advice if you ask me! There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s.

2. Choosing to be a work in progress.

I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I’ve done in my life, but I am who I am. And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way. The same is true for you. We are all works in progress! So don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today. Forgive yourself for those times when you lacked clarity, for those foolish decisions you made that caused needless stress. Forgive yourself for being human, young, and reckless. Your journey has many vital lessons. What matters most now is your willingness to grow from them.

And isn’t it wild how we often outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted? Life keeps leading us down worthwhile paths we would never travel if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith — trust the journey. Continue to be a work in progress, and celebrate the fact that you are!

The trick I have found is to embrace life today. Be right where you are. That’s where your power is. There’s a time and place for everything, and every step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. When it’s meant to be, it will be. You’ve come a long way already, and you’re still learning and growing.

3. Choosing to go at your own pace.

Again, you are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. For example, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were almost 40. One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s. The lesson here is that great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen — they happen when the time and conditions are right. So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married right now, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.

Bottom line: Constantly trying to justify your position in life to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live — you merely exist!

Do more than merely exist! We all exist. The question is: Do you live?

4. Choosing to be unapologetically YOU.

We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves. It’s about finding the courage to be imperfectly yourself. When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Don’t do this to yourself! Let go of that subconscious pull to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be exactly who you are today. No apologies required.

Remember, we are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not — most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. So where’s your will to be weird? Where’s your resolution to be real? Celebrate your individuality and do not be embarrassed of it. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it. Own it! (Read “The Gifts of Imperfection”.)

5. Choosing to work hard on your goals and dreams.

When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of well-meaning and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart. Find your inner voice and let it sing. In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.” And while all of this is fine and dandy, the big problem is a lot of people dream and dream… and that’s all they do. Don’t be one of them!

It’s always easier said than done, yet you need to do some hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and move you forward. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty dreams and a life filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come.

6. Choosing to fail forward, while learning the way on the way.

In those moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before — one bearing a lesson you were sure you’d already learned — remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is required to evolve and grow. And repetition allows you to fail forward. We learn the right way on the way.

Truly, failures are opportunities to begin again smarter than before. If you’ve heard differently, forget what the naysayers have told you. Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat. Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow. Rest easy and get ready! And don’t waste your energy justifying your next step to those who aren’t listening anyway.

7. Choosing to be positive through life’s challenges.

Positivity does not mean ignoring the negativity around you, it means overcoming the negativity within you. There is a big difference between the two. The peace, happiness, and effectiveness of your life greatly depends on the quality of your thoughts.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I couldn’t agree more. We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too. And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right for you.

Of course not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day. Do your best to notice it. None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way. The secret is to find some goodness on the daily journey. Making the best of each step you take is the smartest choice. Your positivity will gradually help you realize that many of the inconvenient things that happen in your life are on the same path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

8. Choosing to embrace what you feel.

There’s no reason to apologize for being sensitive or emotional. You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling something or expressing it if it’s real to you. Showing your emotions is characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being, and yet it’s too often perceived as a sign of being weak or broken. Truly, it’s not the emotionally sensitive person who is broken, it’s society’s understanding that’s oftentimes dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated.

Bottom line: There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world!

9. Choosing to give yourself space away from the drama.

You may not be able control all the rude things people say and do, but you can decide not to be controlled by them. Make that decision for yourself. There is great freedom in stepping back and leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take things less personally.

So step back when it feels right. Give yourself some extra space. Sometimes the most important thing you do in a whole day is the short rest you take between two deep breaths. Take those breaths, and that rest, when you need to. Just let go for a moment and remind yourself that the strongest sign of your growth is feeling a little less overwhelmed by the daily drama that once used to consume you.

10. Choosing to forgive others for your own sake.

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim. For the most part, grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something. Forgiveness on the other hand is for those who are wise enough to focus on what they can control in the present. In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, setting healthy boundaries, and lifting your spirit with positive steps forward.

The bottom line here that you don’t want to live your life with hate in your heart, because you will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. And remember, forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It’s saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the remedy in most situations. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment, and instead choosing to learn from the situation and move on with your life. Because you know the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to get out there and choose wisely for yourself today.

But before you go we would love to hear from YOU.

Which point above resonates with you the most?

Please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive two new articles like this in your inbox each week.

In the end, more than anything else, we regret the little things we wish we’d done differently.

“If only…” Those two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.

Here are ten choices in life that ultimately lead to that phrase of regret, and how to avoid them on the average day:

1. Wearing a mask to impress other people.

If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time focusing on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

2. Keeping negative company (without boundaries).

Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. Take a step back. Distancing yourself from those who give you negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your feelings and boundaries. When you remember that keeping the constant company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.

3. Being selfish and egotistical.

A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts, not stone. What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.

4. Avoiding change and growth.

If you want to know your past look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future look into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for real and lasting progress. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is a great tool for this kind of daily self-reflection.)

5. Letting others create your goals and dreams for you.

The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own goals and dreams on a daily basis. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good. It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing things right.

6. Giving up when the going gets tough.

There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph.

7. Trying to micromanage every little thing.

Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots.

8. Settling for less than you deserve (or less than you’ve earned).

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.

9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow.

The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t. (Read “The Last Lecture”.)

10. Being lazy and wishy-washy.

The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. As they say, develop a backbone not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life — take control of your next step. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU.

How to gradually let go of old regrets.

The points above are crucial reminders, but what if you already have regrets you’re struggling with?

No doubt, feelings of regret sometimes sneak up on us. Oftentimes we regret things simply because we worry that we should have made different decisions in the past. We should have done a better job, but didn’t. We should have given a relationship another chance, but didn’t. We should have started that business, but didn’t…

We compare the real outcomes of our past decisions to an ideal fantasy of how things “should” be. The problem of course is that we can’t change those decisions, because we can’t change the past. Yet we resist this reality subconsciously — we keep overanalyzing and comparing the unchangeable reality to our ideal fantasy until we’ve wasted lots of time and energy.

But why?

If we logically know better, why can’t we just let all our ideals and fantasies GO?

Because we identify personally with these ideals and fantasies. We all have this vision in our minds of who we are — our well-meaning intentions, our intelligence, our social impact, etc. And we make the best decisions we can of course, because again, we generally mean well. Even if you struggle with deep-seeded self-esteem issues, you probably still identify with yourself as being a decent and respectful human being.

And so when someone says something about us that contradicts the vision of ourselves that we identify with — they insult our intentions, our intelligence, our status, etc. — we take offense. We feel personally attacked, and we have a hard time letting it go.

Something very similar happens when we believe we did something — made a mistake — that contradicts the same vision of ourselves that we identify with. We take offense! In some cases we implode on ourselves — we berate ourselves for making the mistake: “How could I have done this?” we think. “Why couldn’t I have been smarter and made a better decision?” And again, we have a hard time letting it go — we have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that we aren’t always as good as the vision we have of ourselves.

So in a nutshell, our ideals and fantasies about ourselves tend to cause us lots of misery.

The key is to gradually practice letting go of these ideals and fantasies, and focus instead on making the best of reality. The truth must be embraced…

• Every bad decision we made in the past is done — none of them can be changed. And in fact there’s some good in every one of those bad decisions too, if we choose to see it. Just being able to make a decision at all is a gift, as is being able to wake up in the morning, and being able to learn and grow from our wide-ranging life experiences.
• We are not actually what we envision ourselves to be, at least not always. We are human and therefore we are multi-layered and imperfect. We do good things, we make mistakes, we give back, we are selfish, we are honest, and we tell white lies sometimes. Even when we are doing our absolute best, we are prone to slip. And once we embrace this and get comfortable with our humanness, making a bad decision tends to conflict a lot less with our new, more flexible (and accurate) vision of ourselves.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done, but whenever you find yourself obsessing over and regretting a past decision, you can 1) acknowledge that you’re falling into this pattern, 2) realize that there’s some ideal or fantasy you’re comparing your decisions and yourself to, and 3) practice letting go of this ideal or fantasy and embrace a wider range of reality in the present moment.

Now it’s your turn…

One day you will find yourself closer to the end, thinking about the beginning.

TODAY is that beginning!

TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life.

I challenge you to put the principles of this article to good use.

Motivate yourself to START NOW by answering a simple question:

What’s one thing YOU CAN choose to do today that you will NOT regret?

Please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive two new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“If only…” Those two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.

In the end, more than anything else, we regret the small chances we didn’t take, the priceless opportunities we were too busy to nurture, and the good decisions we waited too long to make. Angel and I have learned this over the past 15 years from the countless hours we’ve spent coaching hundreds of clients, students, and live event attendees from around the world. The exact same regrets pop up in the personal stories people share with us, time after time.

Here are ten extremely common and specific life choices that ultimately lead to that “If only…” phrase of regret, and how to elude them on the average day:

1. Letting others tell us what we are worth.

We tend to forget that most people judge us based on experiences from their own life that have absolutely nothing to do with us. For example, a person might assume things about you based on a troubled past experience they had with someone else who looks somewhat like you. Therefore, basing any part of your self-worth on what they think puts you in limbo — you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable, bias perspective. If they see you in the right light and respond to you in a positive and affirming manner, then you feel good about yourself. And if not, you feel like you did something wrong.

The bottom line is that you will never find your worth in another human being or their opinions — you find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy. And also keep in mind that NOT overreacting or taking things too personally will keep your mind clear and your heart at peace. Truly, there is great freedom in leaving others to their opinions, and there is a huge weight lifted when you don’t take things personally.

2. Being too busy impressing others and forgetting about our priorities.

Ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way. So forget about impressing people for the sake of it. Be real instead!

If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. Focus on what matters! It’s quite amazing what you can accomplish in a day when you aren’t incessantly worried about what everyone else in the world is thinking and doing. Just show yourself that you can grow and get better. It’s never about impressing or competing with others. In the end, it’s just you vs. you. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Goals and Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

3. Letting uncertainty stop us.

Trust me now and thank me later, embrace uncertainty! Because some of the most incredible chapters of your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. If you don’t — if you let uncertainty win — you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong. Because if you were wrong you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without always looking back and wondering what might have been. So keep yourself in check…

You don’t need guarantees 24/7. That’s not how life works. In life you can be comfortable or courageous, but not both at once.

4. Focusing on failures instead of present opportunities.

Well it’s true, you have failed and you have been hurt in the past. But it’s also true that you have loved, and been loved. That you have risked, and received. That you have grown not just older, but wiser. And all of this carries a weight of its own — a greater weight than any particular failure or wound. Again, it’s better to have a life full of small wounds and failures that you learned from, rather than a lifetime filled with the regrets of never trying.

Have you ever seen a toddler learn to walk? They stumble and fall numerous times before getting it right. The falls are learning opportunities. Oftentimes it takes some level of pain and patience to make lasting progress. So don’t let time pass you by like a hand waving from a train you desperately want to be on. Don’t spend the rest of your life thinking about why you didn’t do what you can do right now.

5. Holding on too tight to how things were “supposed” to be.

You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours, and you can’t hold on to something that does not want to stay. But you can drive yourself mad by trying. What you need to realize is that most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right!

Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control. In other words, say “goodbye” to what didn’t work out so you can say “hello” to what might. In life, goodbyes can be gifts. When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold on to them or pray to keep them present in your life. If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the next chapter in your life. It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different or something more, and life is simply making room.

6. Playing the victim for too long.

Life isn’t fair, but you don’t have to let the past define you. If you always play the victim, you will always feel like one. Don’t do it to yourself!

Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again! Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Don’t let your insecurities bully you into a corner…

Ultimately, your healing and growth depends on your willingness to take responsibility for your life from this moment forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it the way it is now. It’s about taking control of your present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and making a firm choice to choose differently. And no, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you are responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns these undesirable outcomes create, so you can grow beyond them. It’s about being the hero of your life, not the victim.

7. Waiting, overanalyzing, and never taking action.

Too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear, but it never does because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. So whenever you find yourself at a point of intense decision-making where you’re caught in a cycle of over-analysis and hesitation, and you’re making zero progress, take a deep breath, break the cycle, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong, you will learn something useful that will help you get it right.

Remind yourself that it’s far better to be exhausted from small bits of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Truth be told, the greatest of all mistakes is to do nothing simply because you can only do a little. And you can always do a little! Where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to take the next little step.

8. Being “too busy” to appreciate life.

Take action, work hard, but don’t forget to pause and pay attention to life’s simple moments too. That’s honestly the best advice there is on a busy day. Realize that life is simply a collection of little chances for happiness, each lived one moment at a time. That some time each day should be spent noticing the beauty in the space between the big events. That moments of dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, realize that life is about being present, watching and listening and working without a clock and without anticipation of results at every moment, and sometimes, on really good days, for letting these simple moments fill your heart with sincere gratitude.

Truth be told, you will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on your deathbed, come to wish that you had spent less time worrying and rushing through your life, and more time actually being mindful and appreciative of each day.

9. Not spending enough quality time with the right people.

At some point, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So today, spend more time with those who help you love yourself more — spend more time with those who make you feel good, and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. Never be too busy to make room in your day for the ones who matter most. And remember that nothing you can give will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention — your full presence.

Truly being with someone, and tuning in without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the ultimate compliment. If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you have something else important to say, say it. Hearts are often confused and broken open by words left unspoken. Which is a perfect segway to our final point…

10. Not expressing our love openly and fully.

Without question, you’re going to lose people in your life. Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way. Express your love! Tell people what you need to tell them. Don’t shy away from vulnerable or romantic conversations simply because you feel awkward or uncomfortable. You never know when you might lose your opportunity…

In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7AM, picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, “If only I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.”

As you can imagine my grandfather’s words touched a nerve in me. And over the years I’ve often reflected on what he said that morning, and how his sentiment relates to everyone and everything I care about. I mean, I don’t want to live with needless regrets — I don’t want to wish I had done things differently, especially something as simple yet meaningful as picking flowers for the love of my life.

How to Practice Letting Go of Your Regrets

The points above are crucial reminders, but what if you already have regrets you’re struggling with?

No doubt, feelings of regret sometimes sneak up on us. Oftentimes we regret things simply because we worry that we should have made different decisions in the past. We should have done a better job, but didn’t. We should have given a relationship another chance, but didn’t. We should have started that business, but didn’t…

We compare the real outcomes of our past decisions to an ideal fantasy of how things “should” be. The problem of course is that we can’t change those decisions, because we can’t change the past. Yet we resist this reality subconsciously — we keep overanalyzing and comparing the unchangeable reality to our ideal fantasy until we’ve wasted lots of time and energy.

But why?

If we logically know better, why can’t we just let all our ideals and fantasies GO?

Because we identify personally with these ideals and fantasies. We all have this vision in our minds of who we are — our well-meaning intentions, our intelligence, our social impact, etc. And we make the best decisions we can of course, because again, we generally mean well. Even if you struggle with deep-seeded self-esteem issues, you probably still identify with yourself as being a decent and respectful human being.

And so when someone says something about us that contradicts the vision of ourselves that we identify with — they insult our intentions, our intelligence, our status, etc. — we take offense. We feel personally attacked, and we have a hard time letting it go.

Something very similar happens when we believe we did something — made a mistake — that contradicts the same vision of ourselves that we identify with. We take offense! In some cases we implode on ourselves — we berate ourselves for making the mistake: “How could I have done this?” we think. “Why couldn’t I have been smarter and made a better decision?” And again, we have a hard time letting it go — we have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that we aren’t always as good as the vision we have of ourselves.

So in a nutshell, our ideals and fantasies about ourselves tend to cause us lots of misery.

The key is to gradually practice letting go of these ideals and fantasies, and focus instead on making the best of reality. The truth must be embraced…

• Every bad decision we made in the past is done — none of them can be changed. And in fact there’s some good in every one of those bad decisions too, if we choose to see it. Just being able to make a decision at all is a gift, as is being able to wake up in the morning, and being able to learn and grow from our wide-ranging life experiences.
• We are not actually what we envision ourselves to be, at least not always. We are human and therefore we are multi-layered and imperfect. We do good things, we make mistakes, we give back, we are selfish, we are honest, and we tell white lies sometimes. Even when we are doing our absolute best, we are prone to slip. And once we embrace this and get comfortable with our humanness, making a bad decision tends to conflict a lot less with our new, more flexible (and accurate) vision of ourselves.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done, but whenever you find yourself obsessing over and regretting a past decision, you can 1) acknowledge that you’re falling into this pattern, 2) realize that there’s some ideal or fantasy you’re comparing your decisions and yourself to, and 3) practice letting go of this ideal or fantasy and embrace a wider range of reality in the present moment.

Now it’s your turn…

One day you will find yourself closer to the end, thinking about the beginning.

TODAY is that beginning!

TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life.

I challenge you to put the principles of this article to good use.

Motivate yourself to START NOW by answering a simple question:

What’s one thing YOU CAN do today that you will NOT regret?

Please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

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Let go of other people’s opinions today, and operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your intuition and values. And don’t be scared to pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.

Will the people in your life always support your decisions? No, they likely won’t. But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself — it’s about respecting yourself.

So make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.

And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this quick reference list of life choices you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else:

1. Choosing to put yourself first.

During a television interview back when she was the First Lady, Michelle Obama was asked if she thought it was at all selfish that she openly admits to making herself her first priority. The First Lady smiled and replied, “No, not at all. It’s practical… a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for my children is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.” Like her or not, that’s spot on advice if you ask me! There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s.

2. Choosing to embrace what you feel.

There’s no reason to apologize for being sensitive or emotional. You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling something or expressing it if it’s real to you. Showing your emotions is characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being, and yet it’s too often perceived as a sign of being weak or broken. Truly, it’s not the emotionally sensitive person who is broken, it’s society’s understanding that is oftentimes dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated.

Bottom line: There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world!

3. Choosing to be unapologetically YOU.

We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves. It’s about finding the courage to be imperfectly yourself. When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Don’t do this to yourself. Let go of that subconscious pull to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be exactly who you are today. No apologies required.

4. Choosing to own your weirdness.

We are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not — most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. So where’s your will to be weird? Where’s your resolution to be real? Celebrate your individuality and do not be embarrassed of it. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it. Own it! (Read “The Gifts of Imperfection”.)

5. Choosing to let go and not take things personally.

You may not be able control all the rude things people say and do, but you can decide not to be controlled by them. Make that decision for yourself. There is great freedom in leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take things less personally.

Of course, some people may tell you it’s best to stand up tall for yourself and fight back hard, but the best offense is usually a good defense. Defend yourself from others by not putting yourself at the center of their inner conflicts. Truth be told, if you take everything personally, you will remain offended for the rest of your life. What other people do is mostly because of them, not you.

6. Choosing to forgive others.

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim. For the most part, grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something. Forgiveness on the other hand is for those who are wise enough to focus on what they can control in the present. In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, setting healthy boundaries, and lifting your spirit with positive steps forward.

7. Choosing to spend more time with the people you love.

Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work and to-dos will be your biggest concerns. What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister or brother, and one last laugh with your best friend. The bottom line is that life is too short to be too busy for the people you love.

8. Choosing to go at your own pace.

You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. In fact, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were in their late 30’s. One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s. The lesson here is simple: Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen — they happen when the time and conditions are right. So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married right now, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.

9. Choosing to fail forward.

In those moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before — one bearing a lesson you were sure you’d already learned — remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is required to evolve and grow. And repetition allows you to fail forward. We learn the right way on the way.

Truly, failures are opportunities to begin again smarter than before. If you’ve heard differently, forget what others have told you. Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat. Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow. Rest easy and get ready. Don’t waste your energy justifying your next step to the naysayers.

10. Choosing to forgive yourself.

I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I’ve done in my life, but I am who I am. And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way. The same is true for you. Don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today. Forgive yourself for those times when you lacked clarity, for those foolish decisions you made that caused needless stress. Forgive yourself for being human, young, and reckless. Your journey has many vital lessons. And what matters most now is your willingness to grow from them.

11. Choosing to dress comfortably (and owning it).

Marc and I have helped hundreds of coaching clients overcome self-esteem issues, and physical appearance almost always has something to do with it. As a client we coached this morning put it, “Whenever I leave the house looking anything less than airbrushed and fashionable and then run into someone I know, I tend to feel the need to apologize for not looking a certain way.” That’s ludicrous! You don’t have to apologize to anyone for not looking a certain way. You might want to apologize to yourself though, if you felt like you had to in the first place.

12. Choosing healthy eating habits.

Too often our culture associates healthy eating habits with fad diets and weight loss marketing schemes. But there’s also something called healthy eating as a means to actual good health, not weight loss, not some crazy diet or anything else. Why do we sometimes need to stand up for ourselves when we choose to eat healthy? Because for some reason some people tend to be skeptical that a person would actually just want to treat their body right and not be perpetually concerned with their shape and size. Eat healthy because it’s good for your health. Ignore the critics!

13. Choosing to work hard on your dreams.

When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of well-meaning and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart. Find your inner voice and let it sing. In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.” And while all of this is fine and dandy, the big problem is a lot of people dream and dream… and that’s all they do. Don’t be one of them!

It’s always easier said than done, yet you need to do some hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and move you forward. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty dreams and a life filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come.

14. Choosing to be positive through your challenges.

Positivity does not mean ignoring the negativity around you, it means overcoming the negativity within you. There is a big difference between the two. The peace, happiness, and effectiveness of your life greatly depends on the quality of your thoughts.

Of course not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day. Do your best to notice it. None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way. The secret is to find some goodness on the daily journey. Making the best of each step you take is the smartest choice. Your positivity will gradually help you realize that many of the inconvenient things that happen in your life are on the same path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

15. Choosing to give yourself hope.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I couldn’t agree more. We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too. And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right for you.

16. Choosing to feel completely justified already (without anyone else’s approval).

Remember, you don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now. You have nothing to justify. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. You will have fewer heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the justification only YOU can give yourself.

Bottom line: Constantly trying to justify yourself to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live… you merely exist.

Do more than exist!

We all exist.

The question is: Do you live?

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to get out there and live today! (No justifications needed.)

But before you go we would love to hear from YOU.

Which point above resonates with you the most?

Please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive two new articles like this in your inbox each week.