Did you know that dating app fatigue is a real thing?

Five years into the onslaught of dating apps, and that smile has truly been “swiped” off our faces…and probably more than once. We were excited, happy, young and of course naive…but did we really think dating apps would change the way we meet people forever?

Of course, the hook-up culture has flourished and for that, the dating app can be applauded! But the majority of people using a dating app are looking for something real and don’t want to waste time on anything more than a virtual pen-pal!

And the burn-out is real, hours spent every evening, robotically replying to somebody you may never even meet!  Was tech not meant to made to make life easier? 

Dating in the digital age. 

When it comes to dating, nobody likes a game player. Yet the whole concept of swiping this way and that, does seem to encourage people to play…

And the gamification of datings apps doesn’t end there. You may as well go ahead and throw the dice…as most apps just bring random people together, with no set formula to improve the chances of creating matches that end up becoming long-term relationships.

For professionals who are more interested in genuine connections with like-minded people, there are very little dating apps to choose from. Mai Tai want to change that!

At 30 years plus, you haven’t gone through life without realising that you can’t judge a book by its’ cover. Yet this is clearly big news to the dating apps which are focused on providing an endless stream of new faces to be perused. However, at Mai Tai, we urge you to be less superficial and take time to discover the attributes that actually matter, such as personality and values.

We want to challenge ideas about romance and first dates and encourage people to meet face to face in a safe environment, good food guaranteed.

A Gap In The Market

Have you heard about these new online dating sites?

Jigtalk – Each time you message someone on the site a piece of the jigsaw is removed from their profile picture, so the more you talk the more them photo is revealed. Great if you are curious.

Clikd – Users create their own questions and to get a match you have to answer the questions correctly.

Coffee meets Bagel – You only get a small selection of potential matches each day so you spend less time swiping. Once a match is made you are connected with IM right away so no need to waste time with chat up lines.

Ok, we need to be clear about one thing, at Mai Tai we are premium dating site so very different to most of the new apps, we just think the purpose of tech needs a little tweaking. We understand that technology allows Londoners to enjoy dating in innovative ways, but we also appreciate that many online connections lead to zero connections in the real world…Human interactions shouldn’t suffer because of online dating sites, they should enhance organic ways of meeting people.

We use innovation and tech to bring people together. If people spend too long online and never meet up it means that it doesn’t offer a solution to modern dating. For us the aim isn’t to have the most sign-ups in a day or to have the latest algorithm, our core business focus is to bring like-minded people together on real dates. 

#GetOnline2GetOffline

Do you remember speed dating? Ironically, possibly now the slowest form of dating in the modern world. And that’s part of the problem. Modern dating apps matches the way things work in society with everyone wanting things quickly, with minimal effort. That is not how finding your soul mate works…

We see Mai Tai Dating as a hybrid between online dating and matchmaking so that people can meet each other offline after we have spent the time finding the best match. Our secret is to add a little method to the dating app madness, basing matches on personality, values, backgrounds and a little intuition.

We put together a dating etiquette code that all members have to sign up to because the endless stories about bad dates and poor manners isn’t so funny when you are dating in your 40’s

Perspective from personal experiences

I have never liked online dating because it’s simply impossible to choose a partner just based on photos along with a fake profile. The process is also way too time-consuming for what you get out of it and you have to be committed to go online and search on a regular basis. It also switches your brain into that consumer format, shopping for a list of attributes. Where is the romance?

At Mai Tai we believe that real connections are made in person. This is why all levels of memberships will allow people to meet others who live in their local area and/or share similar interests.

Take a look at the problems that Mai Tai Dating solves:

Online Dating Safety: Current market problems in regards to safety, information protection, online abuse and scams are potentially very damaging issues for the industry. To register for the Mai Tai Connect service an ID check is done and members have the option to take a live photo. A reporting button will allow members to report any creepers on or after a blind date and members who have been reported three times can no longer be a member.

Online chat: Some online communication is good, but like all good things you can have too much which could ultimately skew expectations and sabotage a match. People tend to read too much into emails and other online conversations, which increases the potential for misunderstandings and disappointment. Our website will only allow a secure 24-hour maximum online messaging service, activated one hour before the blind date. We have also added a profanity filter to prevent sexting, scams and abuse.

Algorithms! Not really a romantic murmuring is it? Do you really think a computer algorithm is the best way to meet a potential match? Psychologists are very pessimistic that there could ever be in principle an algorithm that could match people. The best algorithm is your brain. All memberships allow people to meet each other in person and then make a decision about whether they will meet up again either as friends or romantically 

About us

We launched Mai Tai Dating last in August 2017 to offer a fresh alternative to online dating to take a lead on the trend of the online2offline dating scene. We are unique because we take the time to get to know each of our members.

With plans to become the leading premium matchmaking site offering a fresh alternative to online dating. Something more serious rather than just looking for fun. We have a clear brand proposition. Serious relationships long-term relationships slightly older demographics.

REGISTER FOR FREE

© Mai Tai Group 2018

If you’re just looking at the stats, now is a great time to be on a dating app.

This article by The Guardian tries to work out if Tinder has lost it’s byte!

 

Swipe Right To Find Love

Tinder is seven years old and since their first birthday it’s moved from fringe novelty to romantic ubiquity; within two years of launching, it was seeing 1bn swipes a day. Other apps have similarly impressive stats: in 2018, Bumble’s global brand director revealed it had more than 26 million users and a confirmed 20,000 marriages.

 

It’s a far cry from the considerably less optimistic response Tinder received when it launched. Many hailed it as the end of romance itself but Hinge coined the term “dating apocalypse”.

This scepticism, clearly, did not have much of an impact. Bumble’s marriages don’t seem to be a fluke; though figures vary, a recent study from the University of New Mexico found meeting online had finally overtaken meeting through friends, with 39% of American couples first connecting through an app.

 

Swipe Fatigue & Other Side Effects

However, a new study, published last month in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, was less positive, finding compulsive use made swipers feel lonelier than they did in the first place. This was particularly bad for those with low self-esteem: the less confident someone was, the more compulsive their use – and the worse they felt at the end of it.

This echoes what is felt by many users. While the web-based dating sites such as Match.com, which apps have largely superseded, aren’t without issues, swipe-based apps have brought with them a new layer of anxiety, prompting an increasing number of users to report malaise.

In fact, swipe fatigue has prompted some daters to try an analogue approach. A few years ago, when Tindermania was in full swing, visiting a matchmaker would have seemed outdated at best, tragic at worst. In 2019, the industry has not only prevailed but thrived: gone is matchmaking’s fusty image, replaced with Instagram-worthy, blush-pink branding and a far more inclusive ethos.

Matchmakers Curate Offline Dating Experiences

Matchmaking companies like Mai Tai, have seen a dramatic increase in younger clients. People are fed up with the online experience, she believes, left jaded by what they see as its transactional nature. Unlike online dating, which can see you ghosted even after meeting, matchmakers give you feedback. Crucially, they only match you with others who are seriously looking for a relationship.

A Marital Backup Plan

An even younger demographic – undergraduate students – also seem to be worrying about its odds of finding love online. The Marriage Pact project, initially created at Stanford and being rolled out to other universities including Oxford, seeks to provide a “marital backup plan” for students, with couples paired off via a questionnaire and algorithm. With one participant gloomily noting on Facebook that her Marriage Pact partner hadn’t even responded to a friend request, the service may not provide a smooth path to everlasting love, either. But with nearly 5,000 students signing up in Stanford alone, it does indicate that even carefree, digital-first young people are concerned about their online prospects and want an app-free alternative.

So in the face of all this gloom, what exactly is it that makes Tinder, Bumble and the rest so perpetually compelling? “Tinder doesn’t actually present anything radically new,” explains Michael Gratzke, chair of the Love Research Network, based at the University of Hull. Dating apps, Gratzke says, closely mimic the way we make snap decisions about people in real life: “When we enter a room, it takes seconds to sort who we see.”

There’s been a lot of talk recently about the addictive nature of social media. Tech companies have built-in features to help us manage our use of their products; Republican senator Josh Hawley has proposed a bill to limit how long users can spend online; and a well-publicised campaign against the addictive nature of smartphones has been launched by ex-Google product designer Tristan Harris, who has first-hand experience of how technology seeks to monopolise our lives and attention spans.

Tinder, Bumble and other apps with a swiping mechanism could easily fall under this purview – one of their most common critiques is that they “gamify” dating. Anecdotally, this tends to be the primary reason my friends complain about apps: the endless presentation of profiles to be judged and sorted into “yes” and “no” piles does, after a while, have the uncanny feel of a game, not a search for love.

Research also bears this out, with Katy Coduto, lead author of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study, suggesting that limiting swipes could be one way of making the experience less addictive. In theory, Tinder already does this, giving you 100 likes per day. But you can easily get around this – Tinder Gold subscribers, who pay for extra features, get unlimited right swipes.

It’s no surprise Tinder can feel addictive – the same mechanism is used in gambling, lotteries and video games. In a 2018 documentary, Tinder cofounder Jonathan Badeen admitted its algorithm had been inspired by the behavioural reinforcement psychology he’d learned about as an undergraduate. Referred to as a variable ratio reward schedule, in it, participants are given a number of unpredictable responses before the one they want, in this case, a match. The unexpected hit of the win reinforces the searching behaviour, which is why you keep on swiping.

And if that fails, too? Well, true love could still be just a swipe away.

Click here to read the full article

Let’s just get one thing out of the way: Everything has its pros and cons, online dating included. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s all rainbows and unicorns with dating apps because everything has its challenges.

Now that we’ve got that disclaimer out of the way, let’s get down to business…What will work best for you? An alternative for those who can afford it is going down the matchmaking route which might work for you.

But it’s not for everyone. Instead, if you are interested in meeting eligible singles to date, you might consider online dating or getting into a hobby (e.g. running or volunteering a bit difficult during the lockdown I know!).

Nothing (and no one!) is perfect so when you make a decision on how to move forward with your love life you’re going to need to consider both sides – the pros & the cons. Today I’m going to walk you through them so you can make a well-informed decision.  

 

Online Dating – Pros

Almost all singles use online dating and so I think the biggest pro is the safety in numbers. Online dating used to have a stigma until it reached a critical mass (around the time Tinder blew up the scene). Now there’s no perceived shame using dating websites or apps because everyone is doing it.

Most dating apps use a freemium business model so you can get access to a database of singles for no cost. You can pay for an additional array of tools if you so please but that’s not necessary.  

You can swipe anywhere – be it on a toilet break at work, watching TV in bed or waiting for dinner to be served when you’re visiting your folks. As long as you have a signal, you’re good to go.

 

Online Dating – Cons

Technically it’s free but the hours you put into the scrolling, swiping, chatting, and planning sucks hours out of your day. Think about how much your time is worth and how many hours you’ve invested in random women/men you’ve never actually met and there you have the true cost.

Swiping and chatting can be emotionally draining when it’s a constant barrage of “Hey,” “WYD”, and ghosts.

Dating requires being vulnerable and open but at the same time dating scammers, catfishing, and predators require caution because not all dating apps and sites verify photos and identity. This is a tough balance to strike.

You are more than just a profile photo. The people you are swiping on are more than just a profile photo. With the gamification of dating apps people have become commodities.

Hobbies– Pros The first one is quite obvious: It’s going to be fun!

Killing two birds with one stone – you’re going to do something you enjoy and possibly make a romantic connection with someone. That’s efficiency!

You get to meet the person in real life (IRL). Unlike dating apps that reduce each living & breathing human to a two-dimensional photo (and let’s be honest, most photos suck), IRL you get a very good taste of what the person is like. You can figure out if there’s chemistry almost immediately (though sometimes chemistry takes some time to build).

You know you’ll at least have one thing in common and that will help you bond.

 

Hobbies– Cons

You need to choose the hobby based on the chances of meeting your type of Significant Other (SO) so the actual enjoyment this hobby brings is less important than the people it introduces you to. If you’re a woman who wants to meet a man you can’t go to cross-stitching or flamenco classes because the likelihood of meeting a guy there is slim. You must join a hobby that attracts the type (and gender) of person you want. If you choose the wrong hobby, you’ll be wasting your time.

Some people like to say showing up is 80% of success but that’s not the case when it comes to dating. Just showing up to a class does not mean you’ve achieved your goal. You need talk to the eligible singles and make a connection (by flirting and meaningful conversation). That can be hard for a lot of us but it’s a vital part of the process.

Matchmaking – Pros

You’re outsourcing the search so you have time and energy to dedicate to other things.

You get your own private Agony Aunt with whom you can vent and discuss challenges and issues (and also celebrate all successes of course). Mai Tai’s Dating service is more of a hybrid between online dating and Matchmaking which makes us more popular with single professionals.

The coaching and introspective exercises ensure you are set up for success. For example, if you don’t have the confidence to flirt, your matchmaker will help you bring your A-game.  

Dating can be emotionally draining and can disappoint and disillusion people to the extent they stop pursuing their goal. A matchmaker helps reduce the disappointment by introducing you to the right people and will keep you on track and work hard to keep you energetic and enthusiastic about the process.

 

Matchmaking – Cons It’s a luxury service and as such can be expensive. Because matchmaking is a bespoke service, it can be slowwwww when it comes to introducing you to potential matches.

Matchmakers have been around for thousands of years but it’s a luxury service that can’t be accessed by the masses. Matchmaking hasn’t been accepted the way dating apps and websites have and some would-be-users of matchmaking decide not to go that route because they feel ashamed or embarrassed about the idea.  

 

What Should You Do?

If falling in love is important to you and you have the bandwidth for the pursuit, then it doesn’t matter what you do – just do something.

The one thing I don’t want you to do is nothing. OK? Don’t sit back, relax, and let destiny take the wheel. Sure, maybe you’ll meet your future SO at the supermarket, bar or office. If it’s happened for others it could very well happen to you…

But if being in a relationship is a priority, I suggest you not leave it to chance. Take a more proactive approach to your love life and consider the above methods (or other alternatives) to increase your pool of eligible singles and your chances of interacting meaningfully with them.