Jobs in digital marketing can be straining, and unfortunately there’s no magic wand to make them less demanding. You’ve probably been told to take more breaks, go for some walks, or spend less time on social media. Maybe you’ve even wondered whether a mental health app might help.

Whatever it looks like for you, your mental health matters. Here’s why.

Why Your Mental Health as a Digital Marketer Matters

Taking care of your mental health as a digital marketer isn’t optional, it’s a necessity. But neither is it a trend or something that you’ll find in industry guidelines. The field is demanding: constant adaptation, emotional resilience, relentless creative output, juggling responsibilities, little acknowledgment and a lack of stability.

Digital marketing is one of the few careers where there is no strict line between personal worth and professional success. Here are some marketing-related challenges that contribute to the that mental strain:

• Oversaturation and instability. Regardless of whether you’re freelance or in-house, inconsistent income and unstable job security are all too common. Especially in today’s financial climate.
• Information overload. The expectation to stay on top of every trend, tool, new platform and algorithm shift creates a lot of pressure.
• Emotional labor. Managing clients, campaigns, and audiences requires empathy. Yet, at the same time, digital marketers rarely receive the same compassion in return. Just more pressure from the audiences, clients or management.
• Lack of validation. Creative roles are all too easily dismissed as “non-essential.” Which can make some people start to wonder if the work they do even matters.
• Work-life imbalance. Notifications tend to be happening 24/7 and many of us struggle with drawing a boundary and switching off.

Then there’s the less common stressors such as inconsistent job opportunities, workplace harassment, imposter syndrome, and the high expectations from yourself. Combined together these factors create the perfect storm for burnout, which although temporary, can be deeply detrimental to mental health.

On the other hand, having good mental health boosts confidence, creativity and adaptability. And it’s these traits that function as armor in an unstable world of digital marketing. So in an industry built on drive and constant change, taking care of it matters way more than high KPIs.

How To Avoid Burnout as a Digital Marketer

1. Practice mindfulness

Meditation often gets a reputation for being “too hard” or “unsuitable for beginners.” Not true. But even then, you might not take to it straight away. And that’s okay, because here’s the thing, transcendence in meditation and mindfulness practices is a stereotype. In order to be mindful, you basically have to pay full attention to what you’re doing at the moment.

Even that creative flow state that digital marketers love is a form of meditation. It’s just not a version that you can rely on consistently without having some level of mindfulness in daily life.

The real benefit of mindfulness is that you disrupt automatic behaviors and thoughts that can accumulate throughout the day, creating anxiety, overwhelm and mental fog.

But if sitting still in the quiet to meditate sounds unappealing to you, you can start with something smaller and less pressure.

• Devote a few minutes to just focusing on your breath going in and out.
• Pay attention to how your body feels while doing everyday tasks. E.g. In the shower, notice how the water sounds, how warm or cool it feels and where it hits your skin.
• Use gentle guided exercises or calming games if you prefer something more interactive.

Self discovery apps such as Breeze Wellbeing offer simple tools and exercises such as “mindful breathing” that make it easier to get into the habit without it being like you’re doing “proper meditation”.

2. Choose activities that make you happy

When we do things we love, we’re happier. This is as clear as a fine day, but we also tend to forget this simple truth. We know why this happens: we are just too focused on putting out fires. There’s a deadline here, an important project there and then all our daily needs stacked on top. And so we often just forget to do something nice just for ourselves.

This doesn’t mean that digital marketing isn’t an enjoyable profession. It absolutely can be. You meet a ton of people, and you can combine your analytical, technical, and creative inputs. However, almost every individual experiences a “crisis period” in their profession where the passion fades. It doesn’t mean you hate your job. More likely it’s accumulated stress, burnout, or long term overwhelm wearing you down.

There’s no universal checklist on what to do to become happier because it depends on your interests. It may be that you yourself don’t know what makes you happy. In that case, journaling can help. By making small observations about yourself every day, you create a bigger picture of who you are as a person. Including what makes you happy.

3. Work on your sleep habits

Sleep is a primary need for anyone working a desk job – especially in digital marketing where your brain is constantly on. Sleep is also one of the needs that you can’t compensate for. If you slept just 3 hours last night, you can’t just “catch up” on it. No amount of caffeine, power naps or sheer will power will truly replace it (especially health-wise).

One way to make sleep improvements is to try different routine planning tools when you break down something huge into small and approachable steps. Here’s an example with sleep.

The big objective is to improve sleep; here’s how to break it down into smaller daily goals:

• No gadgets 20 minutes before bedtime.
• Open windows to let some fresh air in.
• Drink mint tea or another calming drink.
• Set your phone in “do not disturb mode.”
• Turn on white or brown noise to fall asleep.

4. Have regular me-time

Some people may say “I’m an introvert. I always have alone time outside of work”. It’s actually very healthy and 20-30 minutes of solitude is even recommended for most people to reset and reflect on their days. What’s important is that the alone time is of high quality.

Digital marketing work can make life feel noisy and hectic: being quiet and alone is a cure for that. Just remember though, it shouldn’t feel lonely or like you’re abandoned. If it does, those feelings are worth exploring with the help of a mental health professional.

In order to take the most value out of alone time, you can also try affirmations. And really try to believe in them. E.g. for the affirmation “you deserve rest,” imagine how you’re relaxing, how your body feels, what emotions appear. You don’t have to earn rest. It’s a right, not a reward.

5. Spend time with people

Digital marketing can be one of the most “lonely” professions out there, oddly enough. Yes, you may be in and out of meetings, but those quick and impersonal task focused conversations don’t compensate for that real human dialogue. For anyone working remotely, it’s even tougher.

Even the most introverted individuals need some social interaction. It’s basic human biology, we need others around us to thrive. Most of us need to feel like we belong and are a part of society.

6. Share hugs and touch

Physical affection like hugs, holding hands or even a reassuring pat on the shoulder feels good for a reason. When it’s welcome and consensual, touch triggers a release of feel good hormones, especially oxytocin.

Oxytocin is often called the “bonding hormone” because it makes us feel calm and safe. And so is one of the reasons a hug can make you breathe easier and feel more grounded. It reminds your nervous system you’re supported and not going through stress alone.

7. Practice gratitude

Do this small exercise: recall yourself from a year ago. You were different, right? Maybe you weren’t as experienced or hadn’t gone through certain challenges yet. And look at yourself now.

There are always things to be grateful for. And we should start by being grateful to ourselves. It’s we who left the comfort zone, tried to be better and kept going.

If you’re having trouble immediately recalling reasons to be thankful, know that is normal and common. Start with the small stuff. Write down a tasty meal you made yourself or a captivating TV show you watched recently.

Your gratefulness shouldn’t center only around work achievements, but also around you being a real person with needs and problems. Eventually, gratitude journaling teaches your mind to notice good things more easily and feel more content with your life in general.

8. Cut down on digital overload

You already probably spend most of your worktime on a computer or phone. You don’t need to bring more screens and buttons into your private life.

Digital marketing often means spending days looking at the posh lifestyles and luxuries of others. This puts you at higher risk of developing FOMO. It’s unconscious; we don’t control how we may compare ourselves to celebrities. But because of this, we can feel envy, resentment, anger, disappointment, injustice, and simply being dissatisfied with our own life.

If you can recognise yourself in that, try cutting down on digital use at least at home. Curate your personal feed to be more oriented toward mental health rather than influencers. You may find it hard to give up your phone completely. In this case, replace social media with something less triggering, like motivational podcasts.

9. Eliminate sources of stress

Meditating, doing yoga and walking, are all useful strategies that help cope with stress. But they are still just strategies. If possible, try to address the root cause of your stress.

For most of us, it’s impossible to just get rid of it completely because we can’t just remove work or kids from our lives when they are causing stress. However, if you are stressed when reading the news or interacting with certain colleagues that ruin your day, you can more easily remove or reduce those triggers.

A common fear amongst digital marketers is: “If I eliminate my source of stress, I’ll be unemployed”. But not every stressful workplace is toxic and unfortunately, stress is a part of almost every modern job. In those situations the goal isn’t to run away but instead to build coping skills or change your mindset about stressors such as positive nihilism or stoicism.

10. Try new things

We can have a million excuses not to leave our comfort zone. But ironically, outside of our comfort zone, is often where we can find the most happiness. You don’t need to quit your job and go travel the world. As always, the small but consistent changes are more important.

Don’t have any ideas? Here are some accessible and easy things you can try to spice your routine up:

• Try being a vegan/vegetarian for a week (only if your health allows it).
• Take a self discovery test – Breeze anxiety test can show you where you need a slow down (not a diagnosing tool).
• Support a newbie author by reviewing their book (look up Reddit threads on this).
• Do a course in something other than digital marketing for once.
• Go to a nearby city without a plan and just see what happens.

Final Words

Taking care of your mental health is surrounded by lots of strange misconceptions. Some even think marketers came up with “self-care” themselves to make more money. Others believe that only people with mental health disorders need to devote time specifically to mental health. Or that doing something just for the sake of mental health is unnecessary or indulgent.

These ideas are leftovers from the past. Modern lifestyle and work, especially in digital services, create new challenges and pressures. And we need to address them. Whether you use a mental health app or literally anything else that feels right for you, the important part is that you take your mental health seriously.

Think about it: If you break your arm, everyone will agree you deserve rest and compassion. But when you’re overwhelmed or mentally burnout? People act like you should just push through it. The truth is that you do deserve compassion. And it has to start with you.

Where you ultimately end up greatly depends on your daily attitude and response.

This morning one of our clients, Monica — a victim of a fairly recent and debilitating car accident — was smiling from ear to ear the minute our FaceTime coaching session began. “What has you in such good spirits today?” I asked her. “I’m thinking better about things today — about how lucky I am to be alive,” she replied. “I thought the injuries I sustained in that accident last year signified the end of life as I know it, but now I realize they signify the beginning.”

All details aside, Monica decided to begin again, in her mind first and then in her life. It’s taken her several months of healing and practice, but she has gradually let go of the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” attachments in her head about her circumstances. And she has stepped forward with grace, determination, and a positive mindset.

Let’s follow Monica’s lead and practice thinking better in the days ahead, so we can begin to build momentum, together, as we move through the month ahead of us…

Daily Reminders and Quotes on Sticky Notes

It’s all about keeping the right thoughts top of mind every day so they’re readily available in the moments when we need them most. For Monica, that has meant deliberately reflecting on what she needs to remember. To make this practice seamless she writes important reminders on sticky notes and then puts them up where she can see them first thing in the morning (a few of her sticky notes are up on the wall in her bedroom, and she has a few more on her bathroom mirror and refrigerator).

Monica’s sticky notes keep her on track by keeping her mind inspired with positive, proactive reminders, even when she’s struggling. Through this daily practice she she has ultimately learned that inner peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, chaos, or challenges to deal with; it means being in the midst of all those things and still being capable of maintaining a healthy mindset. And I’m sure you’ve learned something similar over the years from your own life experiences. I know Angel and I surely have. But just like Monica, and you, we often forget…

Which is precisely why Angel and I have sticky notes up in our house too. So my challenge to you is to start practicing alongside us for the next month or so. To get started, copy our notes and quotes below — perhaps just the ones that resonate most — and rewrite them on physical sticky notes, so you can then stick them up where you can see them. Then pause for a few moments every morning (and throughout the day as needed) and quietly read them to yourself. See how doing so gradually changes the way you think and feel…

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(Note: Most of the sticky notes and quotes above are included in “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”.)

Let’s make the best of what’s in front of us.

We often yearn for a very small and selective range of life experiences — the fun times, the happy days, the things that make us feel calm and comfortable. And yet the full range of our daily reality is often quite different. Life gives us an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness to uncertainty to frustration to curiosity to nervousness… to happiness to excitement and more. These feelings are all part of being alive.

So we can revolt against the wide-ranging experiences life naturally provides, or we can make the very best of them. Starting today, let’s do the latter…

This means embracing every moment with our full presence, being open and vulnerable to reality, being gentle with ourselves when times are tough, and practicing sincere gratitude whenever possible.

It means accepting life as it is, and accepting ourselves as we are.

It means not expecting the best to happen every time, but instead accepting whatever happens, and making the very best of it one step at a time.

And it won’t always be easy of course, but it’s worth working on.

YOU are worth working on, starting first thing every day for the rest of the month, and beyond.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to get some inspiring sticky notes up on your walls today.  But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us.

Which sticky note or idea above resonates with you the most?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“When we show up for our kids in moments when no one showed up for us, we’re not just healing them. We’re healing ourselves.” ~Dr. Becky Kenedy

I wasn’t taught to pause and breathe when I was overwhelmed.

I was taught to push through. To be a “good girl.” To smile when something inside me was begging to be seen.

I was told to toughen up. Not to cry. Not to feel too much.

But how can we grow into resilient humans when we’re taught to hide the very feelings that make us human?

I thought I was learning strength. But what I was really learning was how to disconnect.

And I carried that disconnection into adulthood… into motherhood… into my work… until it begged to be healed.

Becoming a Mother and Seeing Myself Again

When I became a mother, the past resurfaced in ways I couldn’t ignore.

As a school psychologist, I had spent years working with children, guiding them through emotional regulation, supporting teachers and families, and creating safe spaces in classrooms and therapy rooms. But nothing prepared me for what would rise when my own child began to feel deeply.

At the same time, my soul sister, Sondra, was walking through a similar reckoning.

She had spent years creating spaces for children to express themselves through story and imagination, yet still carried parts of her own childhood she hadn’t been taught how to hold.

We were doing meaningful work in the world, but our children cracked something open. Their meltdowns, their restlessness, their big emotions… all of it held up a mirror.

And instead of just reacting, I saw something deeper: myself.

Because even with all my tools and knowledge, I was still learning how to sit with my own feelings too.

When I Teach My Child, I Re-Teach Myself

That’s when I truly understood: When I teach my child mindfulness, I’m not just raising them. I’m re-raising myself.

I’m learning to do something I was never taught: To feel. To breathe. To stay present in the discomfort. To hold space without fixing or fleeing.

And through that process, I’m healing parts of myself that had been quietly waiting for years.

I remember this moment clearly:

My child was on the floor, overwhelmed by emotion. The kind of meltdown that pulls something primal out of you. Every instinct in me wanted to yell. To leave the room. To shut it down.

But instead, I paused. I sat down. I took a breath. And then another. I whispered, “I’m here.”

That moment wasn’t about control. It was about connection. And that’s what changed everything.

What Mindfulness Looks Like in Real Life

I used to think mindfulness had to look calm and quiet, but it’s not perfect.

• It’s not silent yoga flows and lavender oils (though we love those, too).
• It’s pausing before reacting.
• It’s whispering affirmations under your breath when you want to scream.
• It’s sitting beside my child, breathing together, without trying to make the feeling go away.
• It’s placing a hand on your heart and remembering that you are safe now.
• It’s letting your child see you regulate, repair, and return to love.
• It’s letting a tantrum pass, not because I stopped it, but because I stayed.
• It’s about building homes and classrooms where children don’t have to unlearn their feelings later.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about co-regulation, what children truly need to feel safe.

Because kids don’t calm down by being told to. They calm down when their nervous system is met with ours. With softness. With breath. With safety.

That’s mindfulness.

That’s the real work.

Healing Myself, Healing My Lineage

The more I practiced this way of parenting, the more I realized I wasn’t just helping my child feel. I was healing emotional patterns that had lived in my family for generations.

I lived in a loving family, but trauma was hard on them. They didn’t know how to regulate their emotions. They didn’t know how to sit with discomfort, how to process instead of project.

So they yelled. They shut down. They pushed through, just like they were taught. And that became the blueprint I inherited, too.

I am part of the first generation trying to raise emotionally attuned children while still learning how to feel safe in my own body.

And it’s not easy. It’s sacred work. It’s spiritual work. It’s lineage work.

Because every time I whisper “I’m here” to my child, I whisper it to the younger version of me who needed it too.

There are moments, gentle, almost sacred, when I hear my child hum softly while striking a chime, eyes closed, saying,“This sound makes my heart feel better.”

No one explained resonance. No one showed them how.

And in that moment, I remember: our children come into this world with a knowing we spend years trying to reclaim.

We believe we’re the teachers. But in their stillness, their play, their pure presence, they become the ones guiding us home.

Planting Seeds of Calm

One day, my son looked up at me with tearful eyes and said, “Mommy, I just need you to sit with me.”

And in that moment, I realized: so did I.

That moment changed everything. It was the beginning of a softer way. A new rhythm rooted in breath, presence, and remembering that we’re not just here to teach our children how to regulate; we’re here to learn how to stay with ourselves, too.

I began to notice the magic in slowing down. To listen. To honor what was happening inside of me so I could meet what was happening inside of them. Not with control but with connection.

Every time a parent sits on the floor and breathes with their child, something ancient is rewritten.

Every time we name emotions instead of shutting them down, we break a pattern.

We don’t just raise mindful children. We raise ourselves.

Because the truth is: Every breath we teach our children to take is one we were never taught to take ourselves.

And now, we get to learn together.

About Mariana Gordon and Sondra Bakinde

Mariana Gordon and Sondra Bakinde are the co-creators of The Meditating Mantis book and The Mindful Mantis, a heart-led brand offering mindful stories and courses for children and the grown-ups who love them. Mariana is a former school psychologist and energy healer. Sondra is an artist, interior designer, and creative visionary. Together, they bring softness, story, and healing into everyday life. Learn more at themindfulmantis.com and follow on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

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Uncertainty. The mere word can trigger anxiety in even the most confident among us. Yet, as the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus believed, the only constant in life is change. Despite having 2,500 years to adapt to this fundamental truth, many of us still struggle with the unpredictable nature of existence and being able to embrace uncertainty.

Our relationship with uncertainty is complex. Our primitive brains are wired to keep us safe and may view change as a potential threat. Anything unknown, from restructuring at work to a significant shift in personal relationships, can trigger our internal alarm systems. Yet paradoxically, our survival as a species has often depended on adaptation and embracing change and uncertainty—the classic “adapt or die” scenario.

This tension between security and growth defines our experience with uncertainty. While some people naturally lean toward caution, developing the ability to navigate ambiguity has become increasingly crucial in our rapidly changing world. Those who find the courage to embrace uncertainty often find themselves at the forefront of innovation and personal development. It can impact all areas of our lives. Join us as we dive into more details on why leaning into uncertainty matters and how to get started. 

Why Embracing Uncertainty Is Important

Uncertainty is woven into the fabric of human experience. From career transitions to health challenges, relationship dynamics to global events, unpredictability touches every aspect of our lives. Rather than viewing this as a burden, recognizing uncertainty as a catalyst for growth can transform how we approach life’s inevitable changes.

The Hidden Benefits of Uncertainty

When we learn to embrace rather than resist uncertainty, several powerful benefits emerge:

Enhanced resilience: Each uncertain situation we navigate successfully builds our psychological muscle for future challenges. Research shows that past adversity, which can include uncertainty, can build resilience and help you overcome challenges in the future.

Accelerated personal growth: Anxiety and uncertainty can keep us in our comfort zones. But it’s embracing the unknown that pushes us to develop new skills, perspectives and approaches. As leadership expert John C. Maxwell observes, “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”

Reduced anxiety: Counterintuitively, accepting and living with uncertainty rather than fighting it often leads to decreased anxiety. The energy previously spent trying to control the uncontrollable becomes available for productive action and creative thinking.

Increased adaptability: In today’s rapidly evolving workplace and society, adaptability can be a valuable skill. When we become more comfortable with uncertainty, we can develop this aptitude. 

Enhanced problem-solving: Uncertainty can be a catalyst for creative thinking and learning. When conventional approaches fail, those comfortable with ambiguity may excel at finding novel solutions and opportunities.

Greater innovation: Many of history’s greatest breakthroughs—from scientific discoveries to artistic masterpieces—emerged out of uncertainty. Those willing to venture into uncharted territory often adapted and innovated. 

Practical Strategies for Dealing With Uncertainty

Just knowing that leaning into uncertainty is valuable doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. Head knowledge isn’t enough—we need tools to deal with the stomach-churning feeling we get when life goes off script.

Focus on What You Can Control

When facing uncertainty, our minds may spiral into worst-case scenarios and ruminate on factors beyond our influence. This response could intensify anxiety without producing useful outcomes. Instead, there are some simple action steps you can take. For example: 

Action steps:

• Create a two-column list: “In my control” and “out of my control.”
• Direct your energy exclusively toward items in the first column.
• Develop specific action plans for areas where you have agency.
• Practice mentally releasing concerns from the “out of my control” list.

The concept of focusing on what you can control is something leadership experts often advise. 

Shift Your Mindset Toward Growth

How we frame uncertainty dramatically affects our experience of it. Those who view uncertainty as threatening might experience more stress than those who see it as an opportunity for learning. However, it is possible to move toward a growth mindset. 

When you notice that you’re using catastrophic language about uncertainty, practice reframing statements. For example, shift from “This is terrible” to “This is challenging but potentially valuable.” Consider asking yourself: “What might I learn from this situation?”

Try New Experiences in Low-Risk Contexts

Another way to embrace uncertainty is by building your comfort level with risk-taking gradually. Small steps in risk-taking can help you gain the ability to face bigger challenges.

Try some simple ways to mix up your routine. For example, try: taking a different route home, eating a new dish at a restaurant, visiting an exhibit outside your usual taste, booking a trip somewhere slightly intimidating or learning something that might be challenging at first. 

These little experiments can help to teach your nervous system that “different” doesn’t equal “dangerous,” without the high-stakes pressure of major life changes.

Managing uncertainty in isolation could magnify the challenges. Connecting with others facing similar uncertainties can help to provide practical and emotional resources.

Join communities related to your current uncertainty (such as career transitions, health challenges, etc.). Schedule regular check-ins with trusted friends. Consider formal support groups or professional guidance. Share your experiences and listen to others’ strategies.

Uncertainty that is shared amongst the community makes those anxiety-riddled moments easier to handle.

Practice Mindfulness and Present-Moment Awareness

Uncertainty anxiety typically focuses on future scenarios that haven’t happened yet. Mindfulness practices anchor attention in the present, where we have more agency and stability.

Dedicate five to 10 minutes daily to meditation or breath awareness. Practice noticing when thoughts drift to future uncertainties. Then, use physical senses to ground yourself in the present moment. Create simple rituals that mark transitions between activities.

Research consistently shows that mindfulness practices reduce stress hormones and increase increase brain activity that leads to resilience and emotional regulation.

Accept That Perfect Prediction Is Impossible

Many uncertainty struggles stem from the unrealistic expectation that we should be able to predict outcomes perfectly. Accepting the fundamental unpredictability of life liberates energy previously spent on impossible forecasting.

Notice when you’re demanding certainty in inherently uncertain situations. Practice saying “I don’t know yet, and that’s OK.” Identify historical examples of experts making dramatically incorrect predictions. It can also help to focus on preparing for multiple scenarios rather than predicting a single outcome.

Cultivate Curiosity 

When uncertainty triggers anxiety, our instinct is often to assert control. Replacing this with genuine curiosity creates psychological space and new possibilities.

Ask open-ended questions about uncertain situations. Approach challenges with “I wonder…” statements. Notice when control behaviors emerge and consciously pivot to curiosity. You might also keep a journal of insights gained through uncertainty.

This shift from control to curiosity activates different parts of the brain, reducing stress responses and enhancing creative problem-solving abilities.

Start Embracing Change and Uncertainty to Find Success

Most of us would like a map for life, but life throws curveballs anyway. Rather than fighting the waves of change until we’re exhausted, we could learn to surf them and how to deal with uncertainty. It’s not easy, but the benefits can be tremendous. 

Try the tips and tools above that make sense to you. Your brain might fight you. It’s designed to keep you safe, not comfortable with question marks. Yet, if you ask people who have gone through major upheaval, they may tell you that the unknown became their best teacher.

Look around at the people achieving success. Remember that they’re not necessarily geniuses; maybe they just didn’t fall apart when their plans did. They pivoted. They spotted chances where others saw disasters.

The next time you’re uncertain, consider how to embrace uncertainty in life. After all, the greatest joys in life might be on the other side of fear.

Photo by JLco Julia Amaral/Shutterstock.

You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will gradually pass. So do your best to breathe when negativity surrounds you today. Let calmness be your superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things too personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which ultimately gives you the upper hand.

Also, remind yourself that people are hard to be around when they believe everything happening around them is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them. Don’t fall into this trap. What people say and do is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds, and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about the storms they are going through and how they view the world.

Now I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment, and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things too personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

The underlying key is to…

Watch Your Response

When something stressful happens in a social situation, what’s your response?

Some people jump right into action, but oftentimes taking immediate action can be harmful. Others get angry or sad. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves — perhaps victimized — and left thinking: “Why can’t people behave better?” Although enforcing your boundaries is important, again, on an average day rash responses like these are rarely healthy or helpful.

The bottom line is you’re not alone if you struggle with taking things too personally. We all make this mistake sometimes. If someone does something we disagree with, we tend to interpret it as a personal attack…

• Our children don’t clean their rooms? They are purposely defying us!
• Our significant other doesn’t show affection? They must not care about us!
• Our boss acts inconsiderately? They must hate us!
• Someone hurts us? Everyone must be out to get us!

Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal — things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically.

People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a calm mindset, or not respond to at all.

Here’s what you need to remember:

Quotes for Those Difficult Moments

Like you, I’m only human and so I sometimes take things too personally when I’m in the heat of the moment. To combat this I’ve implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of watching my response. In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself to not take things too personally. Anytime I catch myself doing so, I pause and read a few of the following quotes to myself. Then I take a few deep breaths…

1. You may not be able to control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be continuously distracted by them today.
2. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you; they do things because of them.
3. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things too personally keeps your mind clear and at peace, which gives you the upper hand by putting you back in control of your response.
4. There is a huge amount of freedom (and calmness) that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you respond is yours. (Note: The strongest sign of your growth is knowing you’re no longer stressed by the trivial things that once used to drain you.)
5. Being kind to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you’re mature enough to control your emotions. So be kind, and remind yourself that people are generally kinder when they are happier, which says a whole lot about the people you meet who aren’t very kind to you.
6. All the hardest and coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby, and that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the break that you hope the world will give you on your own bad day.
7. Life is too short to constantly argue and fight. Count your blessings, value those who truly matter, and move on from the drama with your head held high.

More Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People

Some of the points above potentially require a willingness to cordially deal with people who yell at us, interrupt us, cut us off in traffic, talk about terribly distasteful things, etc. These people violate the way we think people should behave. And sometimes their behavior deeply offends us.

But if we let these people get to us, again and again, we will be upset and offended far too often.

So what else can we do beyond calming ourselves with the little reminders and quotes above?

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, but here are three general strategies Angel and I often recommend to our coaching clients and course students:

1. Be bigger, think bigger.

Imagine a two-year-old who doesn’t get what she wants at the moment. She throws a temper tantrum! This small momentary problem is enormous in her little mind because she lacks perspective on the situation. But as adults, we know better. We realize that there are dozens of other things this 2-year-old could do to be happier. Sure, that’s easy for us to say — we have a bigger perspective, right? But when someone offends us, we suddenly have a little perspective again — this small momentary offense seems enormous and it makes us want to scream! We throw the equivalent of a two-year-old’s temper tantrum. However, if we think bigger we can see that this small thing matters very little in the grand scheme of things. It’s not worth our energy. So always remind yourself to be bigger, think bigger, and broaden your perspective.

2. Mentally hug them and wish them better days.

This little trick can positively change the way we see people who offend us. Let’s say someone has just said something unpleasant to us. How dare they! Who do they think they are? They have no consideration for our feelings! But of course, with a heated reaction like this, we’re not having any consideration for their feelings either — they may be suffering inside in unimaginable ways. By remembering this, we can try to show them empathy, and realize that their behavior is likely driven by some kind of inner pain. They are being unpleasant as a coping mechanism for their pain. And so, mentally, we can give them a hug. We can have compassion for this broken person, because we all have been broken and in pain at some point too. We’re the same in many ways. Sometimes we need a hug, some extra compassion, and a little unexpected love.

3. Proactively establish healthy and reasonable boundaries.

Practice becoming more aware of your feelings and needs. Note the times and circumstances when you’re resentful of fulfilling someone else’s needs. Gradually build boundaries by saying no to gratuitous requests that cause resentfulness in you. Of course, this will be hard at first because it may feel a bit selfish. But if you’ve ever flown on a plane, you know that flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before tending to others, even their own children. Why? Because you cannot help others if you’re incapacitated. In the long run, proactively establishing and enforcing healthy and reasonable boundaries with difficult people will be one of the most charitable things you can do for yourself and those you care about. These boundaries will foster and preserve the best of you, so you can share the best of yourself with the people who matter most, not just the difficult ones who try to keep you tied up.

Try one of these strategies next time you begin to notice that someone is getting under your skin. And re-read the quotes above too. Then breathe in serenity, armed with the comforting knowledge that there’s no reason to let someone else’s behavior turn you into someone you aren’t. (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Relationships chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

Now it’s your turn…

Before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

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Photo by: Bless Her Heart