Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making a little progress every day.

You’re probably familiar with what’s known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There’s an important lesson here — one that’s very often glossed over…

When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to relieve our anxiety by exerting our will over external things we cannot control.

It helps us stave off one of the most dreaded feelings: complete powerlessness.

With that in mind, I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that generally speaking, almost everything is outside your control. What other people do, whether it will rain tomorrow, whether or not your efforts will be appreciated — all of these outcomes depend on factors that aren’t YOU.

But that’s also the good news.

The friction and frustration created by trying to change things you cannot change is the crucible where a ton of unhappiness is born. Accepting that most things are outside your influence gives you explicit permission to let them unfold as they may.

Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it this way:

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions.”

Overcoming the “three big un’s” that so many of us struggle with daily — unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next — begins with understanding what you can control and what you cannot.

The mental shift here is not easy. Most of us have spent a lifetime worrying about things that we can’t control. Society practically encourages this. For most, it’s a bona fide habit — one that should be replaced with a healthy understanding of how much we can actually change. Again though, it’s hard to get your mind wrapped around all this when you’re constantly hearing…

“Why don’t you just get over it?” or “Just let it go.”

We’ve all heard some flavor of this advice before. And it passes the sniff test, to a certain extent.

I mean, “time heals all wounds,” right? Well, yes… sort of. But wounds heal differently depending on how they’re treated.

Left alone, a gash in your skin will leave a large scar and be vulnerable to injury again in the future. This is why we get stitches — it helps the wound heal in a way that limits the chance of re-injury down the road.

Emotional wounds work the same way. Given enough time, most emotional pain will diminish — that’s true. But…

Just “Getting Over It” Leaves Scars

In the emotional sense, scars equal baggage — baggage we carry with us into every aspect of our lives. These scars grow and accumulate until one day you wake up suffering from one or more of the “three un’s” (unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next).

So, don’t get over it. Go through it, one step at a time.

Honestly, I understand the desire to “get over” difficult experiences or situations rather than facing them. Revisiting painful memories or facing our present demons is really, really hard. And we as human beings are hard-wired to not cause ourselves pain.

However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.

And in addition to the scars, to ignore or downplay a wound puts you at risk for infection, emotionally as well as physically.

Unresolved issues in your life take up residence in your mind and influence your decisions, your relationships, and your attitudes. They rob you of your happiness and potential.

Of course, doing the hard yet necessary things to resolve your issues and heal your wounds can feel impossible. This is how Marc and I felt a decade and a half ago when we were knocked down and stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones — including my dear brother — to self-harm and illness. It was nearly impossible to move anywhere significant when we didn’t feel we had the strength to push forward.

So if you’re feeling this way now — like it’s impossible to make significant progress today — you aren’t wrong for feeling what you feel. In many cases, you’re right: significant progress comes gradually with time and consistency. It’s all about taking one tiny positive step at a time, and staying the course.

Consider the following section, which is an excerpt from “The Good Morning Journal”:

The Power of Tiny Changes

Think about the fact that it only takes a one degree change in temperature to convert water to vapor, or ice to water. It’s such a tiny change — just one step in a different direction — and yet the results are dramatic. A tiny change can make all the difference in the world.

Now consider another example where a tiny change is compounded by time and distance. Perhaps you’re trying to travel somewhere specific, but you’re off course by just one tiny degree in the wrong direction…

• After one mile, you would be off course by over 92 feet.
• If you were trying to travel from San Francisco to Washington, D.C., you would land near Baltimore, Maryland, over 42 miles away from your desired destination.
• Traveling around the world from Washington, D.C. back to Washington D.C., you’d miss by 435 miles and end up landing near Boston instead.
• In a spaceship traveling to the moon, a one-degree error would have you missing the moon by over 4,100 miles.

You get the idea — over time and distance, a mere one-degree change in course makes a significant difference…

This same philosophy holds true in various aspects of our lives. The tiniest and most fundamental things we do each day — positive and negative alike — can make all the difference. They either bring us closer or farther away from where we ultimately want to be. And yet, we mostly ignore this reality. We default to behaving as if our daily actions won’t ever be significant enough. Or, again, we try to exert control over the bigger things we have no control over.

Think about it…

• How many people uphold unhealthy and unproductive habits?
• How many people wait around and procrastinate on the next positive step?
• How many people live every day of their lives moving one degree away from where they ultimately want to be?

Don’t be one of them!

Truth be told, everyone travels 24 hours a day whether they’re moving in the right direction or not.

How much richer would your life be if you committed yourself to making just one degree of effort toward improving something about your situation each day?

And even though it will surely be harder than doing nothing, it doesn’t even have to be anything that hard. You just need to muster up the courage to break free from the status quo and take one small, fundamental step forward today, and then do it again tomorrow.

Pick something tiny and productive to improve upon, and then make it a daily habit.

Doing so will make all the difference in the world — it could literally change your life — just a few short weeks down the road.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to focus on those fundamental yet life-changing steps today. So give yourself some credit right now for how far you’ve come, and then take the next step forward.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

I know many of us are yearning for a simpler and selective range of life experiences right now — the happier days, the normal times, the settings and experiences that make us feel more comfortable. And yet, the full range of our reality often brings something very different. The days and weeks in front of us will inevitably provide an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness and struggle to growth and pride, and more.

So we have a choice starting today. We can revolt against reality — the reality of having to deal with discomfort, of having to cope with uncertainty, of having to feel upset sometimes. Or we can embrace every experience life gives us, including all our highs and lows — all the blissful moments, and frustrating ones, and everything in between. Life is not just happy and comfortable 24/7. It’s well-rounded and it’s ever-changing.

Embracing the full range of life’s experiences means embracing every moment with our full presence, being open and vulnerable to reality, being gentle with ourselves when moments are tougher than we expected, and practicing sincere gratitude whenever possible…

It means accepting life as it is, and accepting ourselves as we are.

It means not expecting the best to happen every step of the way, but instead accepting what happens with each step, and making the best of it.

And it won’t always be easy of course, but it’s worth remembering and practicing daily so we are prepared when a day comes that’s much harder than we expected.

The key is keeping the right thoughts at the top of our minds.

Over the past 15+ years, Angel and I have written various “notes to self” like the ones listed below (some of which are now excerpts from our books), and then we review them daily until they become ingrained in our minds. These memorized notes have helped us stay on track in various areas of life by empowering us to make the best and most effective use of the ever-changing reality in front of us. So starting today, I hope you can find some value in them too. I challenge you to memorize at least a few of these notes over the next few weeks. Turn them into wallpaper on your phone, or simply write the words down on sticky notes and leave them in areas where you can see them daily…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

Now it’s your turn…

Although none of the aforementioned “notes to self” immediately force you to do anything different, they can provide a timely shift in perspective, and good perspective is where progress begins. For example, with the right mindset you can change your posture from one of tension and resistance to one of acceptance and opportunity as you move through the days and weeks ahead. Ultimately, the goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative thoughts, feelings or life situations. The goal is to gradually change your perspective and response to them.

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of these notes. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the notes above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anaïs Nin

I never imagined I’d be fired.

It wasn’t because I didn’t have the qualifications or experience. In fact, I had built a successful academic and consulting career. I had studied leadership, organizational behavior, and human development. I had read the right books, taken the right classes, built the right résumé. I was, by all appearances, doing all the right things.

But after ten months in a role I had left my tenured university position to pursue, I was let go. At the time, it felt devastating. I remember sitting in the aftermath of that moment thinking: How did I get here?

I had always been someone who wanted to become better. That desire had followed me since childhood—where I had a deep yearning to feel loved, connected, and seen. When I was young, I thought getting better at basketball and gaining athletic accolades would bring me that. Later, I thought studying leadership and performance would.

I pursued excellence like a ladder—one rung at a time. If I could just learn more, do more, prove more, I’d be better. Right?

Getting fired shattered that illusion.

The Developmental Path That Most of Us Walk

Looking back now, I can see that I was following a very common path—the one most of us are taught from the time we’re kids. I call it the Doing Better Development Path.

This path tells us that if we want to grow, we need to learn more, improve our skills, work harder, set goals, and check more boxes. And to be fair, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this approach. It can absolutely help us improve in incremental ways.

But the truth I’ve discovered—through my own pain, study, and coaching others—is that the Doing Better path has real limits.

It doesn’t help us heal the parts of us that self-sabotage. It doesn’t address our fear of failure or our lack of self-trust. It doesn’t quiet the voice in our head that tells us we’re not enough.

And it doesn’t help us become the person who can courageously show up in difficult moments.

That was my problem—not a lack of knowledge or competence, but a way of being that was self-protective, hesitant, and reactive. I had the tools. But I wasn’t the kind of person who knew how to use them effectively when it mattered.

What I needed wasn’t a new skill.

What I needed was a new relationship with myself.

The Shift: From Doing Better to Being Better

In the months that followed being fired, I went through a season of reflection. Not just on what happened—but on how I was being in the world. I realized I had spent so much time trying to appear capable that I had stopped being curious. I had been defensive instead of open, self-protective instead of growth-oriented.

That’s when I stumbled onto a different developmental path—one I now call the Being Better Development Path. This path doesn’t start with “What do I need to do?” It starts with:

• Who am I being right now?
• How am I relating to myself and the world around me?
• What mindset or inner story is guiding my reactions?

It was only when I started asking these questions that real transformation began.

I’m not the same person I was when I got fired. And I don’t mean that in a vague, inspirational sense. I mean that how I experience life, how I respond to challenge, and how I see myself has fundamentally changed.

And it all started by turning inward—not to fix myself, but to understand myself.

Three Steps to Start Walking the Being Better Path

The beautiful thing about the Being Better path is that it doesn’t require a job change, a spiritual awakening, or a year off in Bali. It just requires intentional self-exploration.

If you feel stuck, or if you’ve been trying to grow but keep hitting a wall, here are the three steps that helped me begin my transformation—and may help you too.

1. Understand Your Being Side

Most people think personal growth begins with action—what do I need to do to get better?

But real, transformational growth begins with awareness—specifically, awareness of your Being Side. Your Being Side is your internal operating system. It’s the invisible system that governs how you see the world, how you interpret what happens to you, and how you respond in any given situation.

This system isn’t just about thoughts or beliefs—it’s also about how your body regulates itself. Your Being Side controls your ability to feel safe or threatened, connected or isolated, grounded or overwhelmed. In other words, it determines whether you’re operating from a place of trust, compassion, and courage—or from fear, defensiveness, and self-protection.

Here’s the catch: most of us never stop to consider that we have an internal operating system, let alone evaluate its quality. We assume that how we react or what we believe is just “the way it is.” But it’s not. It’s just the way your Being Side is currently wired.

When you start to observe your internal operating system—how you regulate emotionally, how you make meaning, how you instinctively react—you take the first step toward real, lasting transformation. You begin to shift from living on autopilot to living with intentional awareness.

This awareness lays the foundation for the next step: evaluating the quality and altitude of your Being Side, so you can start the process of elevating it.

2. Evaluate Your Current Being Altitude

Once you begin to understand and connect with your internal operating system, the next step is to evaluate its quality.

One powerful way to do this is to ask: Is my internal operating system primarily wired for self-protection or for value creation?

When we are wired for self-protection, we tend to be:

• Reactive
• Defensive
• Focused on avoiding discomfort, failure, or rejection
• Concerned with preserving our ego or image in the short term

When we are wired for value creation, we tend to be:

• Intentional
• Open and non-defensive
• Willing to engage with challenge or discomfort to grow
• Focused on long-term contribution, connection, and learning

Here’s a simple example:

Imagine someone gives you constructive criticism. If your internal operating system is wired for self-protection, you might feel attacked, justify your actions, or get defensive. But if your system is more oriented toward value creation, you’re more likely to receive the feedback with curiosity, reflect on it honestly, and use it to grow.

Or consider moments of failure:

A self-protective mindset might spiral into self-blame, shame, or disengagement. A value-creating mindset sees failure as a teacher, not a threat—and leans in with resilience.

The goal isn’t perfection. We all have moments of self-protection. But the more we become aware of these patterns, the more we can assess where we are on the Being altitude spectrum—and begin to consciously shift upward.

That’s what the third step is all about: the process of elevating your Being Side so you can experience real transformation.

3. Elevate Your Being

Understanding and evaluating your Being Side is essential—but real transformation happens when you begin to elevateyour internal operating system.

Your way of being is like the software that runs your life. If you want to experience new results—not just in what you do, but in how you feel, connect, and show up—you have to upgrade the programming of that system.

Elevating your Being isn’t about forcing change from the outside in. It’s about rewiring how you regulate, perceive, and respond from the inside out. And this often requires intentional, layered efforts.

Here are three levels of development that can help:

1. Basic Efforts: Strengthening Regulation

These include practices like meditation, breathwork, mindful movement, or simply spending time in nature. These activities help calm and regulate your nervous system so you can operate with more presence and less reactivity. They’re foundational for building the internal safety needed for deeper growth.

2. Deeper Efforts: Upgrading Mindsets

Your mindsets are the lenses through which you interpret the world. When you begin to shift from fixed to growth, from fear to trust, from judgment to compassion, you start processing life in a more value-creating way. This level of work helps you move from reacting out of habit to responding with intention.

3. Even Deeper Efforts: Healing at the Source

For many of us, our Being Side is shaped by past experiences—especially painful or overwhelming ones that left an imprint on our nervous system. Practices like trauma therapy, EMDR, or neurofeedback therapy can help us heal, not just cope. They allow us to safely revisit and release the patterns that keep us stuck in self-protection mode.

None of these approaches are “quick fixes.” But together, they help us shift from surviving to thriving—from being stuck in old programming to becoming someone new, from the inside out.

The more we elevate our Being, the more we expand our capacity to create value, deepen relationships, lead with integrity, and live with freedom.

There’s No Finish Line—But the View Keeps Getting Better

I wish I could tell you that once you step onto the Being Better path, everything becomes easy. It doesn’t. Growth is still hard. Life is still life.

But your experience of life changes. You become less reactive, more present. You stop chasing success to feel worthy—and instead create from a place of wholeness.

This has absolutely been true for me.

Over the past several years, I’ve incorporated all three levels of effort into my life. I meditate regularly to calm my nervous system. I’ve done deep mindset work to shift how I see myself and others. And I’ve engaged in trauma therapy to heal long-standing patterns I didn’t even know were holding me back.

These efforts haven’t just changed what I do—they’ve changed who I am. I feel more grounded, more open, more aligned with the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve become a better partner, parent, friend, and leader. And for the first time, I feel like I’m living from the inside out—not trying to prove something, but simply trying to be someone I respect and trust.

Ultimately, the Being Better Developmental Path is not about achievement. It’s about healing—healing the mind that spins with doubt, the body that tenses with fear, and the heart that aches for connection.

And when we begin to heal, we become free.

Since stepping onto this path, I’ve written books, launched a business, and built a community I care deeply about. But more importantly, I’ve become someone I’m proud to be—someone more resilient, more compassionate, more alive.

If you’re tired of doing all the right things and still feeling stuck, consider this:

Maybe the path forward isn’t about doing more.

Maybe it’s about becoming more.

Not someone different—but more you than you’ve ever been.

About Ryan Gottfredson, Ph.D.

Ryan Gottfredson, Ph.D., is a researcher, author, and leadership consultant who helps people elevate their internal operating systems so they can transformationally become better. He is the author of Success Mindsets, The Elevated Leader, and the upcoming Becoming Better: The Groundbreaking Science of Personal Transformation. Learn more at www.ryangottfredson.com.

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“Sometimes, the hardest person to trust is ourselves. But when we do, everything changes.” ~Unknown

For a long time, I thought the key to changing my life was out there—somewhere.

I thought that if I just found the right program, the perfect plan, or the expert with all the answers, then I’d finally feel in control and like I was doing it “right.”

So, I chased every plan, bought the books, signed up for the courses, and followed all the steps.

And for a while, it felt good—safe, even. But deep down, I still didn’t trust myself. Because no matter how much I followed, I was still outsourcing my power. I didn’t believe I could create lasting change without someone else telling me how.

It wasn’t until I hit a moment of pause—when life got quiet and the excuses disappeared—that I finally asked myself: What do I actually want? And can I trust myself to go after it?

The honest answer? I didn’t know. I’d been listening to everyone else for so long, I’d lost the sound of my own voice.

And that realization was equal parts terrifying and freeing.

Because if I didn’t know what I wanted, I had to figure it out for myself—and that meant letting go of what everyone else thought I should be doing. It meant tuning out the noise and tuning in to something I hadn’t prioritized in years: me.

Self-Trust Doesn’t Come from Thinking; It Comes from Doing

That was the turning point.

I realized that self-trust isn’t something you just wake up with. It’s something you build. And for me, that started with the smallest steps.

I began showing up for myself in tiny ways—drinking water first thing in the morning, walking for ten minutes, writing for just a few minutes a day. Nothing fancy. But they were promises I made to myself—and kept.

Each small habit became a tiny brick in the foundation of self-trust.

And slowly, those micro-wins turned into momentum. I didn’t need a full plan anymore. I didn’t need someone to tell me what came next. I was proving to myself, day by day, that I could count on me.

When I first committed to writing ten minutes a day, it didn’t feel like a big deal. But doing it every day—even when I was tired, or uninspired, or unsure—was quietly revolutionary. It wasn’t about how good the writing was. It was about showing up for myself and keeping a promise. That shift became a building block not just for my creativity but also for my confidence.

That consistency created a ripple effect. If I could trust myself to write, I could trust myself to move my body. If I could move my body, I could nourish it better. If I could nourish my body, I could speak more kindly to myself. Each action reinforced the belief that I could do this—that I didn’t need to be fixed; I just needed to believe.

And let’s be honest—it wasn’t always easy. There were days when I didn’t feel like doing any of it. Days I wanted to hide, to go back to following someone else’s checklist. But I reminded myself that this time, I was building something that belonged to me.

Consistency Builds Confidence

It wasn’t perfection that changed me. It was consistency.

Every time I kept a promise to myself—even something as small as sitting in silence for two minutes instead of reaching for my phone—I sent a powerful message: I’ve got you.

And the more I showed up, the more my mindset shifted. I stopped asking, “What should I do?” and started asking, “What feels right for me?”

That’s when everything changed. Not in a dramatic, fireworks kind of way. But in a grounded, real way.

And that realness is what made the change last.

I wasn’t becoming someone new—I was returning to myself. And it felt like coming home.

You Don’t Need Another Plan; You Need to Believe in Yourself

We live in a world that constantly tells us we need to be fixed. That someone out there knows better. That the answers are just one step away—if only we buy the next thing, follow the next leader, or change just a little more.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

You don’t need more noise. You need more trust.

You need to know that you already have wisdom inside you. You just have to give it room to speak—and the courage to act on it.

And that starts with showing up for yourself in small, meaningful ways. Not perfectly. Just consistently.

When you build a solid relationship with yourself—when you become someone who keeps promises to you—that’s where the shift happens. Not because you’ve mastered some fancy process, but because you’ve started living in integrity with the person you’re becoming.

And in doing so, you step into a quiet kind of power—one that doesn’t need to prove itself to anyone.

Start Small, Stay Honest, and Keep Going

If you’re in a season of doubt, or if you’ve forgotten what your own voice sounds like, you’re not alone.

Start with one tiny habit that reflects the person you want to become. Let that be your anchor. Let that be your proof.

Because self-trust isn’t a lightning bolt. It’s a quiet build. And one small shift at a time, you’ll hear your voice again—and this time, you’ll believe it.

And when you do, you’ll find something even better than the perfect plan—you’ll find your power.

And that’s where real change begins.

About Dawn Mariotti

Dawn Mariotti is a mindset, life, and health coach who helps midlife women realign their mindset, identity, and habits to create a life they love. She’s the author of Mindset Shift and believes transformation starts with small, consistent actions—and that self-trust is one of the most powerful gifts we can give ourselves. Visit her at dawnmariotti.com.

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It always feels better to be exhausted from taking small steps forward, than it does to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.

In 1911 two explorers, Amundsen and Scott, embarked on a race against each other to become the first known human being to set foot upon the southernmost point of Earth. It was the age of Antarctic exploration, as the South Pole represented one of the last uncharted areas in the world. Amundsen wished to plant the Norwegian flag there on behalf of his country, while Scott hoped to stake his claim for England.

The journey there and back from their base camps was about 1,400 miles, which is roughly equivalent to a round-trip hike from New York City to Chicago. Both men would be traveling the same exact distance on foot through extremely cold and harsh weather conditions. And both men were equally equipped with experience, supplies, and a supporting team of fellow explorers. But what wasn’t certain is how each of them would approach the inevitable challenges they faced on the road ahead.

As it turned out, Amundsen and Scott took entirely different approaches to the very same challenges.

Scott directed his team to hike as far as possible on the good weather days and then rest on bad weather days to conserve energy. Conversely, Amundsen directed his team to follow a strict regimen of consistent daily progress by hiking exactly 20 miles every day, regardless of weather conditions. Even on the warmest, clear-sky days, when Amundsen’s team was capable of hiking much farther, Amundsen was absolutely adamant that they travel no more than 20 miles to conserve their energy for the following day’s hike.

Which team succeeded in the end?

The team that took consistent daily action.

Why?

Because what we do EVERY day defines us!

Today’s progress is always compounded by yesterday’s effort, no matter how small.

And it all comes down to the power of consistent self-discipline.

Think about the most common problems we deal with in our modern lives — from lack of presence to lack of exercise to unhealthy diets to procrastination, and so forth. In most cases, problems like these are not caused not by a physically present limitation, but by a weakness of the mind — specifically, a lack of self-discipline.

We put the difficult things off until tomorrow — because the “weather” is bad — until we’ve lost our edge. We grow accustomed to the idea that things should be easier than they are, and that waiting another day or two makes the best sense. Then one day we wake up and we’re emotionally incapable of doing the difficult things that must be done — it’s too late.

Let this be your wake-up call!

Your mind and body both need to be exercised to gain strength. They need to be challenged, and they need to be worked consistently, to grow and develop over time. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of little ways over time — if you always avoid doing the difficult things — of course you’ll crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected.

And if I had to guess, I’d say Scott’s team suffered in exactly this way. They tried to make things easier on themselves — the fantasy of “easier” became their mantra — their subconscious goal. But this fantasy was never going to be a reality during a 1,400-mile footrace in the South Pole.

Scott’s team lost the race, not just on the ground, but in their heads first.

They were convinced that waiting made things easier.

Don’t follow in their footsteps — don’t wait until it’s too late!

Remember, many great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow. Take positive action and plant the right seeds in your life right now. Nature herself does not distinguish between what seeds she receives. She grows whatever seeds are planted. This is the way life works. Be mindful of the seeds you plant today, as they will become the crop you harvest tomorrow.

So with that principle in mind, I want to share some key daily practices we’ve seen make all the difference in the lives of hundreds of our coaching clients, course members, and live event attendees over the past 16 years — simple (but far from easy) things they do every day that ultimately move their lives forward.

1. Start letting go of rigid and unnecessary ideals.

When a thought comes to mind, ask yourself if it’s helping you grow or holding you back. Take back control! Make the unconscious, conscious, and let go of what isn’t serving you. This form of letting go is not giving up. It’s surrendering any obsessive emotional attachment to particular people, outcomes, or situations. It means showing up every day in your life with the intention to be your best self, and to do the best you know how, without expecting life to go a certain way. Have goals, have dreams, take purposeful action, and build great relationships, but detach from what every aspect of your life must absolutely look like to be “good enough” for you. Just accept reality and then respond effectively. Focus on what matters — what moves you forward today — and let go of what does not.

2. Start putting your heart and soul into the little things you do.

There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short. Invest daily in meaningful activities. Don’t wait around! Too often we wait, because we think we need to “find” something new or different to be passionate about. But that’s not true. If you want more passion in your life right now, act accordingly right now!

Put your whole heart and soul into the next thing you do. Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but the opportunity right in front of you. Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but today’s tasks. Not into tomorrow’s run, but today’s run. Not into tomorrow’s conversations, but today’s conversations. I’m absolutely certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time, energy, and passionate focus. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of passionate potential within you, just waiting. Stop waiting! There is no tomorrow. Put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you! Become it, let it become you, and great things will happen for you, to you, and because of you.

3. Start stretching yourself to the edge of your ability.

When you’re struggling to make progress, that’s when you actually are. Let that sink in. It’s far wiser to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes stretching yourself, than it is to spend a mediocre hour sitting comfortably in place. You want to be stretched to the edge of your ability at least once a day; it needs to be somewhat difficult and slightly uncomfortable for a little while. But most of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we run from the possibility of discomfort constantly. The obvious problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle with our goals. We keep doing what we’ve always done, and thus we keep getting the results we’ve always gotten. And our true potential falls by the wayside.

Choose differently! Go to environments that expand your mind. Spend time with people who inspire you to stretch yourself. Read books. Grow. Get better. Your life is mostly your choice.

4. Start giving yourself more grace when things don’t go well.

It’s incredibly easy to overestimate the significance of a single decision, outcome, or event in the heat of the moment. But you must remind yourself to take a deep breath when things don’t go your way. Your results in the long run — good or bad — are always the byproduct of many small steps, outcomes, and events that transpire over time.

The truth is we all fail sometimes. The greater truth is that no single failure ever defines us. Learn from your mistakes, grow wiser, and press on. Character and wisdom are sculpted gradually. They come with loss, lessons, and triumphs. They come after doubts, second guesses, and uncertainty. The seeds of your success are planted in your past troubles and failures. Your best stories will come from overcoming your greatest challenges. Your praises will be birthed from your pains. So keep standing, keep learning, and keep living.

5. Start side-stepping unnecessary drama.

Tune out the cheap shots people take at you along the way. Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. Seriously, before you waste it on anger, spite or frustration, think of how precious and irreplaceable your time is today. Give yourself a permanent break from the drama that can be easily avoided — don’t engage in it.

Life is just too short to constantly argue and fight. Count your blessings, value the people who matter, and move on from the drama with your head held high. Remind yourself that calmness is a human superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear, your heart at peace, and yourself moving forward. So take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Listen to others, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

6. Start being true to your values and convictions.

Rejections don’t matter that much in the long run. Accept them and refocus your attention on what does matter. What does matter is how you see yourself. So always make a habit of staying 100% true to your values and convictions, regardless of what others think. Never be ashamed of doing what feels right…

To help you implement this positive habit, start by listing out 5-10 things that are important to you when it comes to building your character and living your life. For example, Honesty, Reliability, Self-Respect, Self-Discipline, Compassion, and Kindness. Having a short list like this to reference will give you an opportunity to consciously invoke and uphold your handpicked traits and behaviors in place of doing something random simply for the purpose of external validation. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

7. Start looking for silver linings.

The most powerful weapon against stress on the average day is our ability to choose one thought over another. Train your mind to see the good. Studies have shown that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities than doctors in a neutral state, which allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster. Similar studies of other vocations have shown that optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%, and university students primed to feel happy before taking math exams statistically outperform their neutral peers. It turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive.

So think a little less about managing your problems and a little more about managing your mindset. Do your best to keep it positive.

8. Start focusing inward more often.

Do your best to focus inward as often as necessary, especially when you need a moment of clarity. And remember that your time spent focusing inward and finding clarity doesn’t just help you — your mind is powerful and your thoughts create ripples in other people’s lives. When you bring clarity into your life, you bring the best of yourself into everything you do — you tend to treat yourself and others better, communicate more constructively, do things for the right reasons, and ultimately improve the world you’re living in. This is why daily praying, or simply reflecting on some positive quotes, can actually make a real-world difference in your life. A heightened level of your conscious awareness — mental clarity — elevates you in countless ways. And then interesting things begin happening — good things that are outside of your immediate purview… good things you haven’t even thought of yet.

9. Start embracing your humanness.

“Human” is the only real label we are born with, yet we forget so easily. To become attached to a loaded label of overweight, divorced, diseased, rejected, or poor, is to be like the rain, that doesn’t know it is also the clouds… or the ice, that forgets it is water. For we are far more than the shape we’re currently in. And we, like the wind, water, and sky, will change forms many times in our lives, while forever remaining beautifully human.

Once we fully embrace our humanness, it’s almost funny to see how quickly we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without… and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Take this to heart. And don’t forget to pause at least once a day to appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for the steps you’ve taken, so you can step forward again with grace.

10. Start taking the next small step, and the next.

Sometimes it’s really difficult to get going again. This is how Angel and I felt 20 years ago when we were stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to suicide and illness. It was really difficult to move when we didn’t think we had the strength to push forward. But we pushed ourselves to take one small step every day — one journal entry, one workout, one honest conversation, and so forth — and it felt good, and we got stronger. And believe it or not, that’s basically what I did again this morning…

Earlier today I was struggling to motivate myself after a pretty significant business opportunity fell through. I was feeling utterly defeated. So I took the tiniest possible step. Just turning on my laptop, opening up the word processing application, and writing a single sentence. Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated. And it showed me that the next step was possible, and the next. And the end result is the article you’ve just finished reading.

Now it’s your turn…

The next step forward is yours for the taking. Just pick one of the aforementioned points and start focusing on it for 20 minutes every day. The key is making sustainable shifts in your beliefs and behavior. That means practicing each point gradually — one at a time, one day at a time, and then letting them build on one another. Go from zero to 10 over the course of six months or so, not all at once.

Will it be easy?

Not likely.

As you marshal forward in life, adversity is inescapable. It’s much like walking into a turbulent winter storm — like the ones Amundsen and Scott encountered on their race in the South Pole — as you fight to push onward, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn. Once you come out of the storm you see yourself as you really are, in raw form, without the baggage that’s been holding you back. And that makes all the difference, because it frees you to take the next step, and the next…

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

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