“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay; that’s something to celebrate.” ~Angelica Moone

I’ve had the most unusual, baffling, and frustrating experience with someone recently. And yet, it’s also been a massive catalyst for growth. I’ve seen myself more clearly by observing the behavior of someone who, in some ways, is a lot like me.

For me, it’s been the purest demonstration of the phrase “Others are your mirror.”

This person—let’s call him Simon—has been incredibly toxic.

He’s insulted me deeply, hurled cruel names, and used gaslighting, manipulation, and blame-shifting to twist reality.

At times, he cloaked control in false compassion, pretending to help while subtly undermining me.

He projected his insecurities onto me so persistently, I began to doubt my own sanity—wondering if I really was as terrible as he claimed.

Thankfully, I’m in a strong place mentally right now. I can see how someone more vulnerable could be shattered by Simon. In fact, I know he’s left a trail of broken relationships behind him. People abandon him left, right, and center—the moment they get close, his toxicity flares.

At his worst, Simon has been absolutely vile. He ticks nearly every box for narcissistic traits. He can’t handle even mild criticism. When I offered gentle, constructive feedback, his ego erupted, and he lashed out with shocking viciousness. He claims to want self-improvement, but when real opportunities arise, his ego slams shut. Growth is blocked at the gates.

And yet, despite all this, I feel deep compassion for him. I’ve read enough about narcissists to understand where this behavior might come from. He’s going through hell: job loss, depression, drug use. I’ve been in a scarily similar place. So my empathy kicks in hard. Even though he’s been monstrous, I see pieces of myself in him.

After clashing with him multiple times, I gave it one final try. I knew by then that avoiding narcissists is usually the wisest route—they rarely change—but I extended one last olive branch.

It lasted less than a day. He snapped it in half and flung it back in my face.

It feels like I’m some kind of unbearable truth agent to Simon. His soul just isn’t open enough to withstand my presence. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve worked hard on myself. I try to stay humble, self-reflective, and growth-oriented—and that’s like kryptonite to someone with such a fragile, inflamed ego.

So now, Simon is blocked. I’m proud I tried. It didn’t work. And for my own well-being, I had to let go.

I’ve grieved the friendship that might have been. Because, believe it or not, Simon has redeeming traits in spades. He’s brilliant, creative, charismatic. He seems to care about others—though I wonder if that’s driven more by ego than empathy.

So what good came out of all this chaos? Watching Simon’s worst traits has helped me examine my own.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m pretty sure I’m not a narcissist, and I don’t think I’ve ever been as vile as Simon.

But. I have lashed out. Especially when my ego’s taken a hit.

Back when I was addicted to drugs, I had a devastating fallout with one of my oldest friends—let’s call him Anthony. He was deeply concerned about my behavior. He had a young son, and didn’t trust me—with good reason.

I’d promised I wouldn’t take drugs on a lads’ holiday, then did it anyway. I betrayed his trust. Later, when we tried to arrange a meetup, Anthony did something incredibly difficult: he told me I wasn’t welcome at his home. He couldn’t risk me having drugs on me—in case his son found them.

Anthony tried to handle it with kindness and care. But it crushed my ego. My best friend thought I was a danger to his child.

I exploded. I did a Musk. In a blaze of rage, I told my best friend to go F himself.

That ended a fifteen-year friendship. I was already depressed, but after that, I spiraled into suicidal depths. Deep down, I knew I was to blame—but my ego couldn’t take it. Blaming Anthony was easier than facing myself.

He wouldn’t speak to me for years. Eventually, we reconciled, but something had died. The warmth was gone. He kept me at arm’s length, understandably. Now, we don’t speak at all. It’s clear he’s given up on me again. That still stings, but I accept it.

So can you see why I felt a connection to my new friend Simon?

Watching him lash out recently awakened something primal in me. It reminded me of my worst moments. And I never want to go there again. I want to master myself; build emotional intelligence; stop letting my volatility hurt people.

Simon showed me how bad it can get when you’re spiraling—and it’s terrifying.

All my life, I’ve struggled with emotional volatility. I don’t lose my temper often, but when I do, it’s nuclear. Words are my sword, and when I swing carelessly, the damage is brutal.

Which brings me to a truth I’ve come to believe: Strong men don’t lack the capacity for destruction—they master it.

They walk with a sheathed sword, drawing it only when absolutely necessary. It’s restraint, not weakness. It’s honor. It’s the way of the gentleman, the noble warrior. My blade is my voice—sharp, but it’s best when kept in check.

Weak men lash out at the slightest wound. I refuse to be a weak man.

Meeting someone as damaged as Simon has clarified my mission. I must continue to heal. I must shed the worst parts of myself. I saw my shadow in him—distorted and exaggerated. It horrified me. And it inspired me to rise above it.

I’ve started psychotherapy. I’ve even been using ChatGPT as a kind of therapist—surprisingly helpful. This past month has been a surge of self-development. And I have Simon, of all people, to thank.

Is he doomed to remain toxic? Maybe. The scientific literature suggests that the odds aren’t good. But it’s not my burden anymore. He didn’t want my help. I have to put my own well-being first.

By cutting him off, I protect myself from future pain.

And in doing so, I’ve gained greater empathy for those who once cut me off. They saw someone chaotic, unsafe, emotionally destructive. I wish they could see how much I’ve changed in the last ten years. But I respect their choice to keep their distance.

We can’t change the past. Some bridges are too obliterated and irradiated to ever rebuild.

But if we choose humility and self-reflection, we can always choose to grow.

About Rob Collins

Rob Collins is a tech geek, reviewer, eBay guru, writer/author, dance music enjoyer, runner and mental health advocate.

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Just because you have attracted or are in a relationship with a narcissist doesn’t mean you stay that way. There are many ways to empower yourself against their control and manipulation.

Set Clear Boundaries. You need to establish what your boundaries are and enforce them consistently. Narcissists will push to see how far they can go. When you enforce your boundaries regularly, it teaches them that certain behaviors they engage in won’t get a response from you. So they will either adjust their approach or find a new target.

Try the ‘Gray Rock’ method. Become uninteresting and boring. If they ask you a question, keep your responses brief, factual, and emotionally neutral. Don’t share personal information or potent emotions. This will starve the narcissist of the attention they seek, and they will look for alternative sources of supply elsewhere.

Work on emotional detachment. There is nothing a narcissist loves more than to get you riled up emotionally. Do your best to maintain your distance, recognize manipulation, and don’t share personal information. Also, practice techniques to help you handle the emotional stress and stay calm and focused on what your needs are.

Mirror their tactics. Mirroring their behavior and staying calm will show them they have less control over you.

When You Expose Their Lies, Be Thoughtful. To do this, document your interactions and ask open-ended questions. This way, you can challenge their dishonesty without confronting them. This will help you reinforce your stance and reclaim the narrative of the conversation.

Make sure you focus on self-care and support. Make sure you take part in activities you love and seek support from friends, family, and even professional counseling if you feel you need it. This will help you learn how to foster resilience and manage and recover from emotional exhaustion.

Using these techniques, you can reclaim the conversation, feel empowered, and maintain your inner peace.

If you recognize any of these things in yourself, I encourage you to work on changing to counteract attracting a narcissist. If you are living with a narcissist, I highly encourage you to get help, make a plan, and get out. Your physical, mental, and emotional health is not worth it. You deserve to live in peace, not chaos and upheaval. To live peaceful and free, in all God called you to be.

Read More:

10 Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist

5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

7 Ways to Set Boundaries with Grace

Life can be challenging enough on its own, but when you find yourself entangled with a narcissist—whether in personal relationships or professional settings—the complexity multiplies exponentially. The constant emotional drain, manipulation, and criticism can leave even the strongest individuals feeling depleted and questioning their self-worth.

But there’s hope. With the right strategies and mindset, you can not only survive but thrive in the face of narcissistic behavior. This guide will help you navigate these challenging dynamics, protect your well-being, and rediscover your strength.

Understanding the Narcissist’s Playbook

To effectively handle interactions with narcissists, it’s crucial to first understand what drives their behavior. Narcissism is characterized by:

• An inflated sense of self-importance
• An insatiable need for admiration
• A profound lack of empathy for others

These traits manifest in many ways, from dominating conversations to expecting special treatment in every situation. It’s not just about being self-centered; it’s about a fundamental disregard for others’ thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

For example, a narcissist might monopolize discussions, constantly redirecting attention to themselves. Over time, this behavior can erode your sense of value and importance, whether in personal relationships or professional collaborations.

Narcissistic Traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

It’s important to note that not everyone who exhibits narcissistic behaviors has NPD. Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum:

• Mild narcissistic tendencies may appear in individuals who occasionally act self-centered but can still recognize and adjust their behavior.
• Full-blown NPD is a clinically diagnosed condition involving pervasive patterns of grandiosity and entitlement.

Understanding this distinction helps you tailor your strategies. For someone with NPD, protecting yourself often becomes the priority, as the prognosis for change is typically poor. However, for those with narcissistic tendencies, managed interaction and boundary-setting might yield better outcomes.

The Hidden Toll: How Narcissists Drain Your Time and Energy

One of the most insidious aspects of dealing with narcissists is how they gradually consume your emotional and mental resources. Often, this drain happens so subtly that you don’t notice the extent of it until you’re completely exhausted.

Recognizing the Patterns

Consider how much time and energy is spent on:

• Direct interactions with the narcissist
• Preparing for these encounters
• Recovering from their impact

You might find that what seemed like occasional annoyances actually occupy a significant portion of your day. This isn’t just about time spent in their presence; it’s the mental replaying of conversations, second-guessing decisions, or bracing yourself for the next encounter.

Taking Back Control

Start tracking how much of your energy is consumed by these interactions. This awareness often serves as the wake-up call needed to make changes. Once you’ve recognized the toll, you can:

• Identify opportunities to minimize contact.
• Set boundaries that protect your time.
• Prioritize activities that replenish your energy.

Setting Boundaries: The Foundation of Self-Protection

Establishing boundaries is one of the most effective ways to protect yourself from a narcissist’s behavior. However, it requires strategy, consistency, and resilience.

Steps to Setting Effective Boundaries

1. Clearly Define Your Limits Take time to reflect on what behaviors you will no longer tolerate. Write these boundaries down to make them tangible.

2. Communicate Assertively Use “I” statements to express your needs, e.g., “I need uninterrupted time to focus on my tasks” rather than, “You’re always interrupting me.” This approach reduces defensiveness and keeps the focus on your needs.

3. Anticipate Pushback Narcissists often react negatively to boundaries. Expect resistance and be prepared to stand firm. Consistency is key.

4. Enforce Consequences Follow through if boundaries are crossed. For example, if a narcissist constantly interrupts you, end the conversation politely but firmly: “We can continue this discussion later when interruptions aren’t an issue.”

The Reality of Boundary-Setting

Boundary-setting isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. As situations evolve, so too will your boundaries. Be patient with yourself and recognize that this is a sign of growth, not failure.

The Art of Non-Engagement: Disrupting Their Patterns

One of the most effective techniques for dealing with narcissists is learning the Grey Rock Technique. This involves becoming as uninteresting as possible to the narcissist by minimizing emotional reactions and keeping interactions neutral.

How to Apply the Grey Rock Technique

• Keep responses short and unemotional. For example, reply with “I see” or “That’s interesting” rather than engaging deeply.
• Avoid sharing personal information that could be used to manipulate you.
• Maintain politeness without enthusiasm. The goal is to provide no emotional fuel for the narcissist’s behavior.

By disrupting their expected patterns of interaction, you reduce their ability to draw energy or satisfaction from engaging with you. While this approach may feel unnatural at first, it’s a powerful way to protect your peace of mind.

Reclaiming Your Energy: The Power of Self-Care

Dealing with narcissistic behavior can be emotionally draining. To counteract this, adopt an Energy First Mindset.

Practical Steps to Replenish Your Energy

1. Identify Activities That Rejuvenate You Whether it’s reading, meditating, exercising, or spending time with supportive people, prioritize what truly restores your well-being.

2. Schedule Self-Care as Non-Negotiable Treat self-care as essential, not optional. This ensures you have the energy to handle challenging interactions.

3. Learn to Say No Narcissists often make endless demands. Politely but firmly decline requests that don’t align with your priorities.

4. Recognize Warning Signs of Burnout Pay attention to symptoms like constant fatigue, irritability, or stress-related health issues. Use these signals as reminders to step back and recharge.

Educating Yourself: Knowledge as Empowerment

The more you understand narcissistic behavior, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate it. Empower yourself with resources that provide insights and strategies.

Steps to Build Your Knowledge

• Read books by psychologists specializing in narcissism and emotional intelligence.
• Attend workshops or webinars on topics like boundary-setting and emotional resilience.
• Join support groups to connect with others who share similar experiences.

As you learn, you’ll gain clarity about the dynamics at play and confidence in handling them effectively.

Recognizing When to Leave: Protecting Your Long-Term Well-Being

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the healthiest choice is to distance yourself from a narcissist. This decision is deeply personal and often difficult but can be necessary for your well-being.

Signs It May Be Time to Leave

• Persistent anxiety, depression, or physical health issues.
• A constant feeling of dread around interactions.
• An inability to maintain your boundaries despite repeated efforts.

If leaving is the best option, create a safety plan. Confide in trusted friends or family, seek legal advice if needed, and build a strong support network to help you through the transition.

Thriving Beyond Narcissism

Moving past a narcissistic relationship is challenging but also an opportunity for profound personal growth. Many who have successfully navigated these dynamics report:

• Increased Confidence: Recognizing and asserting your needs can transform how you view yourself.
• Stronger Relationships: With clear boundaries, you attract healthier connections.
• A Renewed Sense of Purpose: Reclaiming your time and energy opens the door to pursuing long-forgotten dreams and passions.

Embracing a New Chapter

Thriving beyond narcissism isn’t just about surviving a difficult relationship. It’s about rediscovering your strength, building resilience, and living a life aligned with your values. Each step you take—whether setting a boundary, seeking support, or practicing self-care—moves you closer to the empowered, authentic life you deserve.

You have the strength within you to navigate this challenge. Trust in your ability to grow, adapt, and thrive. Your journey is not just about managing a difficult relationship; it’s about becoming the best version of yourself.

Featured photo credit: Photo by Julio Lopez on Unsplash via unsplash.com