What You Will Learn

• The rise of dating apps has shifted the focus from traditional dating to digital connections.
• Authenticity is becoming paramount, with users seeking genuine connections reflected in their profiles.
• Gen Z emphasizes mental health and sustainable relationships, reshaping online dating practices.
• Future trends include increased use of AI, enhanced safety features, and the potential for virtual reality dating experiences.

We Want to Hear From You!

As we discuss the evolving landscape of digital dating, we want to know your thoughts! How has your experience with online dating changed over the years? Share your insights below:

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Recap of Key Points

Here is a quick recap of the important points discussed in the article:

• Embrace Dating Apps: Over 40% of adults are using online dating platforms, highlighting a shift from traditional methods.
• Seek Authenticity: Users are prioritizing genuine connections, resulting in more authentic profiles.
• Gen Z Preferences: Younger generations emphasize mental health and opt for video chats over in-person meetings.
• Stay Informed: Follow blogs, subscribe to newsletters, and engage in online communities to keep updated on dating trends.
• Manage Your Digital Footprint: Regularly review your online presence to ensure it reflects your best self and promotes healthy relationships.
• Choose the Right Platform: Identify your dating goals and research niche platforms that align with your interests for a better experience.

A woman is going viral for sharing the roller coaster she went on after finding out the man she was dating was married. 

In a viral five-part series, @mummaemmy_ begins by saying she met the man on TikTok after they started following each other and liking each other’s posts. She thought he was attractive and liked that they were following each other, but one day, out of the blue, she couldn’t find his account. 

She messaged a friend to investigate whether his account was still active and found that it was, meaning he had blocked her. The creator wonders what she could’ve done to be blocked, as they hadn’t even had a conversation. Then, a month later, his account reappears, and he slides into her direct messages. 

This is where it starts

The TikToker says they were bantering when she finally confronted him, asking why he had blocked her.

“Oh, I was hoping you weren’t gonna bring that up,” she recalls him saying. She says he told her that he didn’t actually block her; he deactivated his account and when he reactivated it, some accounts were blocked, including those belonging to colleagues, while others were not. 

The woman accepts this, and their conversation exits the TikTok app and moves to WhatsApp. She says he told him his great uncle had just passed away and his grandfather had passed when he had deactivated his TikTok. She offered her sympathy, and after more talking, he asked her on a date. 

He flew out to her state to take her on the date, and she had a great time, but she wondered how a relationship would work. Not only is he long-distance, he’s older, has children, and @mummaemmy_ has her own child to take care of. However, he convinced her it could work because his company would fly him out to work in her state every other week. They then began talking about what their relationship would look like in the long term, like what it would be like if they had children. She notes that this was “over, like, a course of time,” and not early in the relationship. 

She adds, “Before I met this person, I actually saw a psychic. [The] psychic basically described him, down to what he does for work, tattoos on his body, how many children he had, down to the car he was driving.” It seems that when she met him, she remembered what the psychic said and thought their relationship was written in the stars. 

‘My gut is like alarm bells’

The ideal soon slipped after the couple was touring the city, and the man received a phone call about his parents having been in a car accident. He says he needs to go back to his hotel room so the TikToker gives him space and goes to her own. After she realizes she hasn’t heard from him in an hour, she starts to panic, at first thinking he was buying an illicit substance to use on her. They began messaging and his story wasn’t adding up, but he calmed her down with a phone call and they went on their planned date. 

The TikToker says she’s a very spiritual person and she believes in angel numbers, which she saw a lot during her encounters with the man. There was even one with shared significance to them that showed up several times on the day of the alleged car accident. 

After that, the man went home and the TikToker felt an “energy shift.” After a week, he’s low-contact and telling her he can’t be in a relationship because he has too much going on with his kids and the deaths in his family. 

She accepts this as she wasn’t sure long-distance would work anyway. Then, three months later, she received a direct message from a woman asking if the TikToker knew her husband. 

The truth comes to light

They exchange phone numbers, and the wife calls the TikToker. The TikToker explains that the man told her he was divorced. The wife says they’ve been separated for three years but they’ve been trying to make it work on-and-off. 

Despite trying to make things work, the wife tells the TikToker that she and her husband lived in separate homes—which is at least one thing he didn’t lie about. The TikToker then becomes curious about how the wife found her. The woman says that around the time her husband initially followed the TikToker, he had gone back to her and was trying to make things work. The wife pulled up the TikToker’s profile and confronted her husband about it, and he claimed not to know of or speak with the TikToker. The wife said if he was serious about being with her, he needed to block the TikToker, so he did. 

More to the story

The husband broke up with the wife on New Year’s Eve. Around Jan. 6, he unblocked the TikToker and began conversing with her. His wife says that he had gotten back together with an ex-girlfriend in his city at the same time.

She says she knew about her husband flip-flopping between her and the ex-girlfriend, prompting the TikToker to wonder why the wife is still entertaining him. She tells the woman that, though it must be hard to leave him because they have three kids and were high school sweethearts who met at 15, she should let him go. That’s when the wife drops another bomb: They met at 19 or 20. “I was like, why would you lie about that?” the TikToker questions. 

The wife says her husband wasn’t seeing her while he was seeing the TikToker, but he was seeing his ex-girlfriend. Around the time he flew to her city, he broke up with the ex. She believes that the phone call he received about his parents’ car accident was really the ex-girlfriend calling him out. 

More lies are revealed

She believes this because the wife told her his parents were never in a car accident. The wife then reveals that her husband’s great uncle didn’t pass because he has no extended family and both of his grandfathers had already been gone for about 10 years. Meanwhile, on the day of the supposed funeral, he was texting the TikToker and thanking her for her support. 

The lies didn’t stop there. 

The TikToker continued interrogating the wife and found that, while he told the truth about getting into a motorcycle accident shortly after the birth of their third child, he lied about flatlining and needing two years of physical therapy to learn to walk again. He also lied about Foot Locker buying out one of his businesses and making the cookies for another of his businesses. 

On top of that, while he told the TikToker that the marriage had just fizzled out after his accident and there was no infidelity because he’s “a very loyal man,” his wife says he cheated on her. The TikToker says she figured there was someone else when he ended things with her, so she asked point-blank if he was still married or had a girlfriend and he denied it. 

He also used two different names. His wife used the English pronunciation of his name, while the TikToker knew the cultural pronunciation. 

How did he manage to get away with this?

The two women agree he is good-looking, charming, charismatic, a smooth-talker, calm, and soothing.

“It was really hard not to believe him,” the TikToker says. She adds that with him saying things like he wants her to meet his parents and how quickly he came up with an excuse for blocking her, she never expected that he was still married. “As soon as he flashes that smile, … it’s like a spell’s been put on you,” she says. “It’s ridiculous.”

‘Who the F do you think you are?’

She says the wife asked if she could reveal to the husband that they had spoken and that the TikToker was the one who reached out. She wanted to lie about who reached out because she had contacted her husband’s affair partners before and he threatened legal action if she did it again. The TikToker was slightly uncomfortable with this but ultimately agreed. The wife later called her and said her husband was mad that they had spoken. He called the TikToker, which she missed, and then sent her an angry TikTok message asking, “How dare you contact my wife?”

She says he called her behavior “disgusting” and “slanderous” and that he threatened to take legal action if she continued. He then sent a similar statement via iMessage. The TikToker found this laughable and told him she was within her rights to privately share her experience with someone. She called his repeated messages manipulative and harassing and requested that he no longer contact her. 

‘It just became really draining for me’

The TikToker says she had been regularly talking with the wife since their first call. The wife would call every day around three times a day to talk about her husband and the lies he told the TikToker. The TikToker didn’t mind this at first, but it became draining for her. She told the wife that she had to take a step back from the situation to protect her peace but she hopes the woman leaves him for good and finds someone who values her and will model what a healthy relationship looks like for her children. 

Then, another woman gets involved

The TikToker says a woman direct messaged her and asked for details about the man to confirm his identity. Once they knew they were talking about the same man, they called each other. The woman had not dated him, but was in a friend group with him. He approached her after she broke things off with her husband and used the same lie about deaths in the family. She said she felt like she was being used like a pawn in the husband and wife’s toxic game of getting back at each other, which is how the TikToker felt. The woman also noted that she was a single mother and the man had pursued other single mothers on TikTok, making the TikToker believe this was a habit for him. 

LinkedIn lurking goes wrong

The same day she conversed with this woman, the TikToker Googled the man, which was something he said she could do while they were dating because he had “nothing to hide.” At the time, the top result was his LinkedIn profile, and it still was when the TikToker went to check after they broke up. However, something caught her off guard. When she checked the profile, he still worked for the same company, but he was now working in her city. 

She recalled that his wife told her he would be working in her city for six, nine, or 12 months. Fortunately, she believes they won’t bump into each other because she never goes out. But if they do, “He’s gonna be running the other way, like, tail between his legs.”

‘I guess the psychic forgot to tell you he was married…’

In the comments section, viewers said there were red flags she shouldn’t have ignored and that she should learn to trust her intuition, which is what the constant appearance of angel numbers could have signified. Others said experiences like hers are why they don’t date, especially people they meet on TikTok. Meanwhile, some questioned the psychic’s powers of divination. 

One said, “The psychic told you everything but failed to mention he was married? That’s the MAIN piece. That’s the FIRST thing that draws the line. How evil of the psychic to have missed the most important fact. That could’ve prevented all of this.”

The creator responded, “Psychics pick up on energies, they interpret what’s being presented to them in that moment. It’s still up to the person receiving the message to use their own discretion and intuition. No psychic is all-knowing.”

@mummaemmy_ Story time #storytime #dating #fail #girlproblems #singlelife #fyp #viral #true #story #truestory #thisismylife ♬ original sound – mummaemmy_

What should I do if I find out I’m the ‘other woman’?

If you were unknowingly involved in an affair, you may want to tell the partner who has been cheated on that their partner is unfaithful. However, Business Insider notes that this is not your responsibility. 

In fact, it is probably best not to say anything at all. Often, the desire to warn the other partner comes from jealousy or anger, not from doing the right thing. If you want to do what’s right, you can confront the cheater, tell them to inform their partner, and dump them. They may not tell their partner about the cheating, but that’s not your business. It may be frustrating to see the person never having to take accountability for their actions, but again, that feeling may be rooted in anger or jealousy. Perhaps you are upset that, in doing the right thing, you had to end your relationship while the other one is allowed to continue. Instead of holding on to that, try to move on. 

What if I find out I’m the other woman and I don’t want to do the right thing?

They say, “Don’t let your girlfriend stop you from finding your wife,” implying infidelity is OK because it may lead to a relationship that is seemingly more committed and longer lasting. However, the truth is, if you’re the other woman, a man is unlikely to leave his wife or girlfriend for you. 

Psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Marni states, “The most recent statistics show that only 3 to 5% of married men who have affairs go on to divorce their wife and marry their mistress, and the current divorce rate for second marriages is thought to be around 60%.”

So, if you’re content with being a side-piece indefinitely, feel free to continue a relationship after discovering you’re the affair partner. However, if you don’t want to be the other woman forever but you’re struggling to leave your partner, consider reading Dr. Marni’s 10 harsh truths about being an affair partner to give yourself a wake-up call and the willpower to leave. 

The Mary Sue reached out to @mummaemmy_ via TikTok comment and direct message. 

Have a tip we should know? [email protected]

Sabine Joseph

Contributing Reporter

Sabine Joseph is a contributing reporter to The Mary Sue. Her work has appeared in The Daily Dot, The Miami Laker, and Miami Montage. You can follow her on X at @SabineJ22. You can email her at [email protected].

“Ghosting is cruel because it denies a person the chance to process, to ask questions, or to get closure. It’s emotional abandonment, masquerading as protection.” ~Dr. Jennice Vilhauer

I never set out to ghost anyone.

In fact, I used to hate ghosting with the burning fury of a thousand unread dating app notifications. I told myself I’d never be that person—the one who disappears mid-conversation, fails to reply after a good date (or sends a very bland thank you message), or silently vanishes like a breadcrumb trail to nowhere.

And yet… here I am. Writing a post about how I’ve ghosted people.

Not because I’m proud of it. Not because I think it’s defensible. But because I’ve come to understand why I’ve done it—and what that says about dating culture, emotional patterns, and my own very human flaws.

So, if you’ve ever been ghosted and wondered what was going through the other person’s head—or if you’ve ghosted and don’t quite understand your own behavior—this is for you.

Because behind every silence is a story.

A Pattern Primed by the Past

Let’s start with this: I didn’t begin my dating journey with cynicism. I started like many people— hopeful, curious, wide-eyed.

But after a few rounds of being ghosted myself, misled, or strung along by people who said all the right things but meant none of them, my hope began to erode. Slowly, subtly, like a stone smoothed down by constant friction.

Over time, the pattern looked like this:

• Match with someone promising.
• Exchange funny, thoughtful messages.
• Maybe go on a date or two.
• Then, suddenly… nothing. Silence. A flatline.

It wasn’t always dramatic. Sometimes the conversations just faded. Other times, it was abrupt. I’d be mid-conversation and—boom—gone. No explanation, no closure. Just another digital ghost in the machine.

And while I knew intellectually that this was “part of online dating,” it still landed. It primed me to expect disappointment. To approach each new match not with optimism, but with quiet dread.

Eventually, I started thinking:

What’s the point? They’ll probably flake anyway.

Ghosting as a Defense Mechanism

So, where does my ghosting come in?

At first, it was subtle. Maybe I’d take a little longer to reply. Or I’d go silent on someone who seemed nice but who I didn’t feel an immediate spark with.

I’d tell myself:

• “I don’t owe them anything.”
• “They probably don’t care.”
• “It’s better to fade than force it.”

But the truth is, my ghosting wasn’t about them. It was about me.

It was a reflection of my fear of disappointing someone, my lack of emotional bandwidth to explain myself, and my protective instinct kicking in when I sensed something familiar—and not in a good way.

I had been ghosted so many times that I began to preemptively disengage before anyone could do it to me.

If you leave first, at least you’re not the one being left.

It’s a faulty logic, but when you’ve been conditioned by repeated negative experiences, you start to default to protection over connection. And ghosting—silent and sudden—is the ultimate form of emotional self-preservation.

Cynicism in the Profile Scroll

Online dating is like a mental rollercoaster of judgments, hope, disappointment, and the occasional serotonin spike when someone has a dog and knows how to use punctuation.

But over time, I noticed something about how I was engaging with profiles:

I wasn’t curious—I was critical. I wasn’t open—I was braced for disappointment. I’d read bios looking for reasons to notengage, rather than to connect.

Somewhere along the line, dating apps stopped being exciting and started feeling like a parade of micro-rejections—even when I was the one doing the rejecting.

I became a dating cynic in a world that rewards detachment. I looked at profiles and thought:

“This guy probably lives with his ex and/or is married.”

“He looks like a player and lacks authenticity—even though I was going on very little evidence.”

“He’ll definitely tell me he’s ‘not looking for anything serious’ but still want attention and the accompanying ego boost.”

And even if someone seemed genuinely kind, I’d think: What’s the catch?

That mindset doesn’t just hurt others. It corrodes your ability to be present, vulnerable, or sincere.

Ghosting as Avoidance, Not Malice

Here’s what I’ve realized through self-reflection and a few too many red wines while watching reruns of “Love at First Sight”: ghosting is not about cruelty. It’s about avoidance.

Ghosting feels easier than:

• Crafting a rejection message
• Sitting in the discomfort of someone else’s disappointment
• Risking an awkward reply, or worse, an argument

It’s quick. It’s clean. It’s also emotionally lazy.

But when your emotional reserves are running low—especially from repeated rejection, indifference, or burnout—ghosting can feel like the only viable exit strategy.

That doesn’t make it right. But it makes it understandable.

And often, people ghost not because they don’t care but because they’re overwhelmed by the possibility of caring and not knowing what to do with it.

The Cycle of Ghosting

When ghosting becomes the norm, we all lose. It creates a culture where:

• We dehumanize the people we talk to.
• We second-guess our self-worth.
• We become afraid of emotional exposure.
• We settle into half-hearted connections because we don’t expect real ones to last.

It breeds mutual distrust, and that, ironically, makes ghosting more likely.

I started to see it like a self-perpetuating loop:

Get ghosted → become jaded → ghost others → deepen the culture of avoidance.

And yet, I also realized something else: If I wanted to break the loop, someone had to go first.

What I’ve Learned (That Might Help You Too)

Here’s what’s shifted for me over time:

1. Avoidance doesn’t spare feelings. It just delays discomfort.

Telling someone you’re not feeling a connection is awkward. But not telling them leaves them confused, maybe even hurt. And it leaves you carrying emotional clutter.

2. Emotional boundaries are not the same as emotional withdrawal.

It’s okay to not continue a conversation. It’s okay to end things after a date. But doing so with clarity and kindness (even a single line) is far more respectful than silence.

3. Ghosting devalues human connection, even in small ways.

When you ghost someone, you’re subtly reinforcing the idea that people are disposable. And in doing so, you chip away at your own sense of connection.

4. Cynicism protects, but it also prevents.

Expecting the worst can be a shield, but it also blocks the good. Staying open, curious, and kind—even after heartbreak—is the bravest thing you can do.

What I Try to Do Now

These days, I approach online dating differently. Not perfectly. But more intentionally.

If I’m not interested, I’ll say something like:

“Thanks for the chat. I don’t think this is a match, but I wish you well!”

Simple. Kind. Closure. Done.

And if I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t have the bandwidth to connect, I pause. I take a break. I don’t keep conversations going just for the dopamine or out of obligation.

Because being honest and respectful, even online, feels a lot better than the lingering guilt of another message left unanswered.

Final Thoughts: Honesty and Authenticity Over Evasion, Always

Ghosting may be common, but it’s not benign. And while I’ve done it (more than once), I’ve also learned that it’s often a reflection of internal burnout, fear, or cynicism—not cruelty.

But we can do better. We can date better.

Not by being perfect, but by being aware. By choosing clarity over comfort. By remembering that every profile we swipe on is a real person with hopes, fears, and a heart that deserves kindness. Ultimately, we are looking for love, appreciation and a sense of connection.

So, to everyone I’ve ghosted, I’m sorry. Not just for the silence, but for assuming you wouldn’t care. For using detachment as protection. For forgetting the humanity behind the screen.

And to anyone struggling with the messy world of online dating: you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re just trying to find something real in a world that often rewards pretending and external validation.

Keep showing up. Keep being honest. Keep being you.

Even when it’s awkward.

Even when it’s scary.

Especially then.

About Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a cognitive-behavioral therapist who offers counseling to clients worldwide via Zoom. She believes in spreading kindness: “Being a therapist doesn’t mean that life is perfect—we are all in ‘this soup’ together” as the psychologist Carl Jung famously once said. She also writes a daily mental health blog featuring advice and information on anxiety, depression, mental health, personal development, and relationships. If you would like counseling, contact her via her website: www.thoughtsonlifeandlove.com

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!

Did you know that dating app fatigue is a real thing?

Five years into the onslaught of dating apps, and that smile has truly been “swiped” off our faces…and probably more than once. We were excited, happy, young and of course naive…but did we really think dating apps would change the way we meet people forever?

Of course, the hook-up culture has flourished and for that, the dating app can be applauded! But the majority of people using a dating app are looking for something real and don’t want to waste time on anything more than a virtual pen-pal!

And the burn-out is real, hours spent every evening, robotically replying to somebody you may never even meet!  Was tech not meant to made to make life easier? 

Dating in the digital age. 

When it comes to dating, nobody likes a game player. Yet the whole concept of swiping this way and that, does seem to encourage people to play…

And the gamification of datings apps doesn’t end there. You may as well go ahead and throw the dice…as most apps just bring random people together, with no set formula to improve the chances of creating matches that end up becoming long-term relationships.

For professionals who are more interested in genuine connections with like-minded people, there are very little dating apps to choose from. Mai Tai want to change that!

At 30 years plus, you haven’t gone through life without realising that you can’t judge a book by its’ cover. Yet this is clearly big news to the dating apps which are focused on providing an endless stream of new faces to be perused. However, at Mai Tai, we urge you to be less superficial and take time to discover the attributes that actually matter, such as personality and values.

We want to challenge ideas about romance and first dates and encourage people to meet face to face in a safe environment, good food guaranteed.

A Gap In The Market

Have you heard about these new online dating sites?

Jigtalk – Each time you message someone on the site a piece of the jigsaw is removed from their profile picture, so the more you talk the more them photo is revealed. Great if you are curious.

Clikd – Users create their own questions and to get a match you have to answer the questions correctly.

Coffee meets Bagel – You only get a small selection of potential matches each day so you spend less time swiping. Once a match is made you are connected with IM right away so no need to waste time with chat up lines.

Ok, we need to be clear about one thing, at Mai Tai we are premium dating site so very different to most of the new apps, we just think the purpose of tech needs a little tweaking. We understand that technology allows Londoners to enjoy dating in innovative ways, but we also appreciate that many online connections lead to zero connections in the real world…Human interactions shouldn’t suffer because of online dating sites, they should enhance organic ways of meeting people.

We use innovation and tech to bring people together. If people spend too long online and never meet up it means that it doesn’t offer a solution to modern dating. For us the aim isn’t to have the most sign-ups in a day or to have the latest algorithm, our core business focus is to bring like-minded people together on real dates. 

#GetOnline2GetOffline

Do you remember speed dating? Ironically, possibly now the slowest form of dating in the modern world. And that’s part of the problem. Modern dating apps matches the way things work in society with everyone wanting things quickly, with minimal effort. That is not how finding your soul mate works…

We see Mai Tai Dating as a hybrid between online dating and matchmaking so that people can meet each other offline after we have spent the time finding the best match. Our secret is to add a little method to the dating app madness, basing matches on personality, values, backgrounds and a little intuition.

We put together a dating etiquette code that all members have to sign up to because the endless stories about bad dates and poor manners isn’t so funny when you are dating in your 40’s

Perspective from personal experiences

I have never liked online dating because it’s simply impossible to choose a partner just based on photos along with a fake profile. The process is also way too time-consuming for what you get out of it and you have to be committed to go online and search on a regular basis. It also switches your brain into that consumer format, shopping for a list of attributes. Where is the romance?

At Mai Tai we believe that real connections are made in person. This is why all levels of memberships will allow people to meet others who live in their local area and/or share similar interests.

Take a look at the problems that Mai Tai Dating solves:

Online Dating Safety: Current market problems in regards to safety, information protection, online abuse and scams are potentially very damaging issues for the industry. To register for the Mai Tai Connect service an ID check is done and members have the option to take a live photo. A reporting button will allow members to report any creepers on or after a blind date and members who have been reported three times can no longer be a member.

Online chat: Some online communication is good, but like all good things you can have too much which could ultimately skew expectations and sabotage a match. People tend to read too much into emails and other online conversations, which increases the potential for misunderstandings and disappointment. Our website will only allow a secure 24-hour maximum online messaging service, activated one hour before the blind date. We have also added a profanity filter to prevent sexting, scams and abuse.

Algorithms! Not really a romantic murmuring is it? Do you really think a computer algorithm is the best way to meet a potential match? Psychologists are very pessimistic that there could ever be in principle an algorithm that could match people. The best algorithm is your brain. All memberships allow people to meet each other in person and then make a decision about whether they will meet up again either as friends or romantically 

About us

We launched Mai Tai Dating last in August 2017 to offer a fresh alternative to online dating to take a lead on the trend of the online2offline dating scene. We are unique because we take the time to get to know each of our members.

With plans to become the leading premium matchmaking site offering a fresh alternative to online dating. Something more serious rather than just looking for fun. We have a clear brand proposition. Serious relationships long-term relationships slightly older demographics.

REGISTER FOR FREE

© Mai Tai Group 2018

Dating Apps and sites are giving mixed messages to single parents! Check out this article we found with a beautiful story about a single mum finding love online.

Successful Single Professional With a Child

A lonely divorcée with a young daughter, novelist Louise Pentland thought juggling a double life as a sensible mummy and sexy singleton would be a breeze. But then she plunged into the murky, mixed-message world of dating apps…

Divorced at 28 & Feeling Lonely

When I was small and people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d give the same answers as most little girls – usually a ballerina or pop star (with, if possible, a gorgeous husband, ten children and ten cats). At no point did I say, ‘A lonely single mum, please.’ Yet that was what I became four years ago, at the age of 28, alone with my small daughter Darcy as my four-year marriage came to an end.

It could have been worse: my husband and I had an amicable split and established a good custody routine. After the first challenging year, when I was insecure and broken, we were making it work. I felt I’d mastered the art of single-mum-dom and I loved my work as an online creator and journalist (and, more recently, novelist). But I was still so lonely.

When to Let Your Date Know That You Have a Child

So, in 2015, I dipped my toes in the murky waters of dating – and to my surprise I enjoyed it. I had a few dates but didn’t find anyone I really liked until 2016, when I met Mike through a dating app. He was six years older than me, lived in the next county, had a job in IT and no children. After a couple of days of chatting and inbox banter I told him I had a four-year-old daughter. He seemed fine with this revelation and I explained that I shared custody 50/50 with her dad. I added the disclaimer that Darcy’s dad was very present in her life and I wasn’t looking for a father figure for my child.

Taking the Next Step in the Relationship

I made sure to be clear (in the most painfully breezy fashion I could muster: in the early stages of online communication nobody can be firm or serious about anything!) that I had every other weekend free as well as two nights every week. Just because I had a four-year-old didn’t mean I wasn’t still fun and carefree. He needn’t see me on the days when I was up to my eyeballs in poster paints or ironing school uniforms.

Mike seemed great. He agreed that there was no need for him to meet Darcy straight away. After having a turbulent childhood myself (my mum died when I was seven and my dad brought several women in and out of my life as I grew up), I’d decided I wouldn’t introduce my daughter to new people until I thought they’d be sticking around. Mike said when the time was right he’d love to be a ‘great role model’ in her life. Inwardly I was bursting at how lovely that sounded but outwardly, of course, I was breezy, breezy!

To begin with, everything was pretty great. Half the week I’d be Mummy, driving back and forth for the school run, supervising playdates, taking cute Instas of the two of us; the other half, I’d be sexy girlfriend, legs constantly smooth, going out for drinks and enjoying lazy Sundays in pubs. I thought I had the best of both worlds, leading an almost perfect double life. With Darcy I was happy being Mummy, but it was also lovely to feel desired.

Things were going so well that after four months I suggested to Mike that he might like to meet Darcy. I thought he would be touched that I valued him so highly and would understand what a special moment this was but, alas, he said no.

I respected his decision and didn’t push it (for both their sakes) but I did ask what was worrying him. Every time I asked, he shut me down. He’d get agitated and angry, telling me things were fine as they were and to ‘stop going on about it and just be fun’. With Mike refusing to explain or expand on his ‘no’, it felt as though my little girl was being rejected or as though he no longer saw me as the ‘fun girlfriend’. Being a single mother suddenly seemed very unattractive.

For the full article head over to The Daily Mail.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-6359321/Should-single-mums-love.html

We get a full picture of each members background before we set them up on dates including their family plans. Honesty and transparency mean that all of our members get matched with someone who is more compatible and so the process is more fun and you don’t waste precious time.

Contact us to let us know what you think about our matchmaking methodology.

Online dating makes all of this infinitely easier than ever, but what are the right apps to explore? It depends what you’re looking for. “As soon as I land, I’m on Feeld,” says Jamie, 38, a journalist who works all over the world and generally seeks “casual relationships that veer on the edgy side.” Of course, Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder are the go-to apps, as time-consuming and often disappointing as many find them to be. Not to mention the niche options like LoveJack, a brainy new dating app where people meet, not with selfies, but with five self-authored words and Better in Person, the no-BS dating app that turns more matches into dates by giving users the power to report the “F**boys, catfishers, and the like.”

Alex Green

Beyond online dating, some hotels have become hyper-attuned to the needs of single business travelers looking to meet other singles. “As solo travel continues to rise, thanks in part to the flexibility of remote work and the rise in bleisure travel—business plus leisure—we saw an opportunity to reimagine the hotel stay for today’s traveler,” says Lauren Levin, CMO of Lightstone—owner and operator of five Moxy Hotels in New York, as well Moxy South Beach and Moxy Downtown Los Angeles. “At Moxy, we’ve intentionally designed our public spaces to feel like a social playground. Our lobbies seamlessly shift from co-working hubs by day to lively hangouts at night. Plus, our programming is intentionally social: think watch parties, drag bingo, happy hours, and game nights. These events often draw a mix of neighborhood regulars and out-of-towners, many of them arriving solo but leaving with new friends (or more).”

Why is Levin so committed to helping singles find love? “Throughout my thirties, I traveled for work monthly which made dating challenging. Until one business trip to New York City in 2020 when I matched with a woman on Hinge and invited her to meet me for a drink at Moxy East Village. Ten minutes in… we hit it off. She’s now my wife, we just had a baby, and that was the last time I found myself single in a hotel lobby bar.”

Dalton Freitas, head of programming at Thompson Central Park New York, says his hotel is on the same trajectory: “We’re constantly thinking about programming that encourages mingling, whether it’s art, music, or cocktail-focused. We’ve got a queer designer trunk show later this month, and in general, look forward to creating a larger footprint in the dating scene.”

None of this is to detract from the art of self-love while on a work trip. GetYourGuide recently offered an intimate workshop hosted by Marie Morise, a traveling French sexologist, all about love and desire, which I personally buckled down for in Paris. I write about love and sex, and it’s the core of my career, so it’s important for me to remain curious and ripe, if you will. I attended with the intention of tenderizing my heart and soul—in the name of work—after a relentless year of work and parenting. The sessions were enlightening, not to mention aphrodisiacal. The closeness I felt to the other people in the room had a sense of both innocence and mischief. The wine, cheese, and chocolate didn’t hurt. And yes, I thought to myself: if only.

Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play….And you definitely don’t want to be the one left shaking it off….do you?

Check out our jukebox! Never Again by Kelly Clarkson, Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood….Hold Up- Beyonce!

Hang on, Queen Bey? The very voice of empowerment and strength…but yet still she claims to have attracted the wrong men. So if it even happens to Beyonce, then I guess it will happen to all of us, men included, right?

No, totally wrong! You are in charge of your own destiny, you just need to reboot your thinking. So make yourself aware of the player warning signs and never again will you find yourself nursing a broken heart, spoon deep in a Ben and Jerry’s Karamel Sutra.

Commitment-Phobe

If that’s not a word, then it should be!

Be honest, we know the drill, yet we have a habit of telling ourselves the behaviour is normal, just maybe a tad flakey or laissez-faire…hmm, putting a French spin on a commitment-phobe does not make it any more romantic!

So how long have you been dating? Three months…maybe more? Have a check what’s in the diary. If you have no plans further than tonight’s dinner, chances are it’s time to steer clear!

Meet The Parents!

If you have seen the film, you know that meeting the parents is never going to be completely comfortable the first time around! However, as long as you don’t end up milking the cat or puffing the proverbial magic dragon….in the end, it will be just fine. 

But what if you have never been invited to meet the folks or even their friends, it is not a big deal, right?

Again, wrong!!!!

If they are a keeper, they will already be thinking ahead. They want you to get on with the family and close friends because they know you will be spending a lot of time together in the near future. Christmas, weddings, maybe a special birthday…these people will become a big part of your life and they should want them to love you as much as they do!

Where did you even find this date?

The year is 2018, so by now, we all know someone who knows someone that got married to that person they met on a dating site! Yet in reality, online dating only leads to something more than a quick hook up if you dedicate a minimum of 3 hours per week swiping. Our advice… Avoid the disappointment and meet someone in real life.

Other ways to increase your chances of meeting new singles would be through work, maybe at the gym or  even through a friend. Strictly no swiping

Conversation is king….

“A little less conversation a little more action please!”! Could there be a better motto for the potential player?

The player might appear to be listening to you, but they don’t hear what you say. Their gaze maybe off-kilter, looking for the door, checking their watch or worse…. checking their phone….wondering how long before they can take you home and literally get what they came for! So why waste your breath?

There are plenty of fish in the sea who truly want to invest time in conversation, get to know you as a person and save all the intimate stuff for a later date – which there definitely will be!

The Chase…..

If you are dating a player, you might find you’re always guessing. Undoubtedly the spontaneity can be exciting!  They might whisk you away at a moment’s notice, but only when it suits them. You will never know where you truly stand and that feeling of euphoria will soon be replaced with rejection, hurt and bewilderment! 

So remember, the thrill is not in the chase, but actually in the refusal to do the running.

Enjoy meeting your new dining partners!

This fab Good Men Project blog highlights the highs and the lows of finding the right dating site that is as unique as you are! Niche dating sites can work if you find the right one.

Happy new year guys!

Based on the blog below your new year’s dating resolutions should be:

1. Commitment – Stick to 3 dating sites that cater to what you are after.
2. Mindset – Make sure you don’t have any negative preconceived ideas about meeting your soulmate.
3. Goals – Write down your relationship goals and make sure they are clear and measurable.
4. Social media – Only click on dating adverts that are not generic.
5. Time management – Don’t waste time swiping through profiles on sites that have bots or lots of profiles of inactive users.

For some, it can be as easy as meeting someone who shares the same passion or hobby. Have you signed up to the gym yet? You know that they’ll probably have a discount for the new year… What about tag rugby or football? I’m sure that there are a few local community tennis clubs to choose from. Anyway, enough of stating the obvious because you might think that increasing your social circles and meeting new people is far too much effort for meeting a new partner.

Dating Adverts on Facebook

“Raise your hand if you’re single and you’re on Facebook? Okay. Thanks

Now raise your hand if you’ve ever tried online dating? Great.

One more question. How many single people on Facebook see those BS ads on the right side of the page, click the ad yet somehow never see the person in the ad? Yeah. Same here.

If you’ve never seen these ads, they truly are amazing. Facebook was nice enough to take the time to tailor the ad just for me. Apparently, there are a lot of large breasted women who are looking for 53-year-old single fathers of adult children”.

Facebook has a strict policy about who they allow to adverting dating services and how it is advertised. I guess most advertising will try to elicit an emotional response but if the site just has good looking models and they don’t have a key message that appeals to you don’t bother clicking. I don’t know of any website that would use their member’s pictures to advertise their service bust as best practice they should at least use images that are representative of the offering.

 “I know that Facebook has my back because until last month the women were looking for 52-year-olds. Now that I think about it, the year before they were looking for 51-year-olds.

False Advertising

“When I click on the site (which has pictures of extremely attractive women) I see women, lots of the women. Do they look like the woman in the ad? Not a one them! I call this false advertising. And getting ones hopes up. Neither is cool. Not cool at all.

If you have something that you’re passionate about and are looking for that special someone who also shares the same interest, hit up your favourite search engine and begin typing.

It has to be worth a try, right? You can go through hundreds and probably thousands of profiles on the big, general dating sites before finding someone who shares your passion or you can try and find a site that caters to your personal preferences”.

Christian Mingle & Match.com Are Popular

These sites will always come up on top if you search for best dating sites because they have the marketing budget and the smart thinking to advertise on domains like The top 10 dating sites in the UK.  Reviews and ratings encourage singles to visit trusted dating companies.

If you are have signed up to a dating service that is relatively new it means that you can be described as an influencer or early adopter. 

“My favourite ad for a niche site has to be the one for Christian Mingle. They explain, “If you’re looking for a Christ-centred relationship, the next move is yours.”

The next move is yours? I didn’t think Christians were supposed to have “moves”. I thought the purity rings some wear counteracted the urge to put the moves on anyone. Maybe I was wrong.

I’ve tried Match.com with limited success. The same with e-Harmony. I appreciate the effort that old dude and his company are putting in, but the reality is that I end up running into the same train wrecks that I do on the free sites.

If I thought I was getting something for the cash, I could see forking money over, but I don’t feel like I’m getting anything of value”.

If you’ve ever done any Internet dating, you’ve likely run across PlentyOfFish.com. (POF). I will admit that I’ve met a small handful of nice people there.

When I lived in Canada, I met someone on that site. A couple of someone’s actually. However, the overwhelming majority of people have been either crazy, strange, not honest in their profile or a combination of all three.

I’m sure there are lots and lots of wonderful women on POF, but I can say that I have yet to meet more than a couple of solid ones. I can’t tell you how many women have a profile that says they’re 42, but you would swear in court that she was 60+.

Dishonest Dating Profiles

“Let me disclaim this right now and say: I am in no way making fun of anyone’s weight, whether below average, average or above average. Anything I say is meant to illustrate a point and not ridicule. Hell, I need to lose 45, so no way am I cracking on people’s weight.

That being said, people need to be realistic about what they look like. I tell people that I’m fat and they typically say that I’m not. “It’s no more weight than most people need to lose,” they tell me. I don’t buy that, which is why when I was online dating I put, “A few extra pounds” rather than, “Average.”

Just because everyone in your family is 60-80 pounds overweight, that doesn’t make you average. If you’re a little big, then say so. Some people are looking for that and if you’re stuck in, “Average”, you may get overlooked. If you don’t like being in a certain category, make it your goal to get down to the next level.

Why would you spend months trolling through the big sites looking for the one, when it can be done quicker and easier?

For example, if you’re Jewish, there are sites for you. If you like women with a checkered past, there is a site called Women Behind Bars.

You can correspond with an inmate, then possibly let her beat you, rob you and maybe even kill you shortly after her release. But not until you’ve bought her a new wardrobe and a smooth ride, of course.

Who knew there’s a dating site for Trekkies? I can’t even begin to tell you how lame that sounds to me, but then if there was a dating site for the comic book nerd I’d be all over that and the Trekkies would be calling my comic books lame”.

Warcraft or Genetic Matchmaking?

“If you’re willing to drop a grand for a lifetime membership, you can join Scientific Match and let DNA testing help determine your match. I don’t think Crazy Blind Date needs any further explanation, nor does Bi-Cupid.

Into Ayn Rand?  You can join Atlasphere.com. If World of Warcraft is your thing, then you will want to rush on over to DateCraft.com. As tempting as that may sound to some of you, please wait until you’re finished here before you do so”.

To read the full blog click here 

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-niche-dating-may-work-for-you/

Everyone always said to not judge a book by its cover. But it doesn’t work that way in the world of online dating! We’re sharing the top five things to keep out of your online profile. After all, you’ve only got one first impression.

Forget being “Picture Perfect.”

Let’s face it, we’re all our own biggest fans. We’ve had years to get there. BUT, not everyone else has the chance to. You only have a few moments of someone’s time to make them want to talk with you.

Use your online profile to paint a picture that isn’t overly edited (there is no Instagram filter for life). Start with the photo…say goodbye to the badly cropped or edited picture and say hello to being realistic. Share a range of recent photos.

Remember…the main goal of the photo is to see if it’s someone you’d like to meet. You can’t decide if you’re going to fall in love just from a photo! That’s what the other four senses are for.

Save your shopping lists for the grocery store.

“I like travelling, listening to music, watching movies, and socializing with friends.” So…are you awake still? You’re bored already and probably almost closed the page.

No one gives two hoots about your likes and dislikes. Leave your shopping lists on your “notes” app and ditch them on your online profile. Online shopping may be great for finding the best deals, but it’s a terrible way to online date. If you have this picky mindset towards dating online, you might miss out on some potential suitors.

Use your profile to express your personality (after all, there’s only one you) and share the top 3-5 things that make you awesome.

Save the ice for your cocktails on your date out…as long as you get there!

Spoiler alert: the aim of your profile is to get other singles to talk to you. To do this, it’s essential that you come off as someone they’d want to talk to.

Stray away from cold, “icy” profiles with limited information or off-putting language that make you appear closed off or unfriendly. This is especially helpful for people who will connect with or message you…give them some information to talk about and make yourself easily approachable.

Politics don’t belong in three places…social media, family gatherings, and your online dating profile.

We’ve all got opinions (some stronger than others), but online dating profile isn’t the right place to air your grievances or share your frustrations. Avoid being “that guy” or “that girl” who goes a step too far and overshares.

Your online dating profile should steer clear of potentially negative stances…unless they’re about things like putting your political and religious beliefs in your profile. Then we’re on your side.

Don’t draaaag on.

Last but not least, keep things short, sweet, and to the point. Stray away from excessive use of emojis, exclamation marks, and slang words (you’re not a teenager anymore).

Keep things light-hearted and don’t give up too much information. It’s always good to keep a little mystery. The whole point of dating is to get to know the other person better. Save a little for the real-life conversations.

Happy Dating!

Serious daters don’t realise that a quarter of the people they come across on dating sites are unavailable!

Unavailable as in not single. Imagine the odds when you deduct the percentage of people looking for a one-nighter instead of a relationship. This BBC article gives an insight into why some individuals who are in a committed relationship are drawn to dating apps with a little background about the psychology behind their thinking.

Even though I tell married couples that they aren’t missing out on anything when it comes to online dating they still seem to find it intriguing and feel like they’re missing out on some fun. This interest in the unknown coupled with a need for a deeper connection may lead some people to stray online. Read Sarah’s story below.

Revenge After Being Cheated On

First dates bring on a rollercoaster of emotions including the adrenaline rush of getting to know someone new. Most people make the mistake of going in a bit to strong with personal and dating history type questions but maybe they can’t help it.

Sarah has a strict code of conduct she follows on dates but she only started meeting these guys when her boyfriend cheated a few years ago.

“Do you want kids?” asks the man sitting opposite me. He’s blonde and blue-eyed, not my usual type, but still hot. Other than two guys playing pool, we’re the only people in the dimly lit bar. It’s quiet, the music is low, there’s no other chatter, making my awkward silence all the more conspicuous. “Or is that an odd question for a first date…?”

I laugh nervously. I have a strict policy: I don’t discuss marriage, kids or commitment. In fact, I give as little about myself away as possible. I shrug and say something vague, like, “I guess so. Maybe one day…” I quickly change the subject, praying that my date won’t ask anything else about children.

No matter how well this date goes, I will never see him again.

He’s funny and good looking – we definitely have chemistry – but as soon as I leave the bar tonight, I’ll block him on all messaging apps, delete his number and unmatch him from the dating app that we met on. I don’t want to dwell too much on a possible future, as it seems unnecessarily deceptive to pretend that we’ll have one.

See, I’m in a relationship – but not with the man I’m on a date with. Even though I’ve been in a relationship for six years – with a man I see myself having a future with – every so often, I go on dates with strangers I meet online.

I’m definitely not the only one doing this: according to one recent, wide-ranging study by researchers in the Netherlands and USA, between 18% and 25% of the users swiping on one of the world’s most popular dating apps are actually in a committed relationship – a figure that jumps to 42% in the USA. We’re living in a period where our ideas of what counts as ‘commitment’ are changing.

It started two years ago when I was 26 and went through a really destabilising period in my life. I lost my job as a graphic designer and found out that my boyfriend – despite being kind and wonderful in so many ways – was cheating on me.

The night he confessed, I remember all the air rushing out of my lungs. For a few minutes I couldn’t move or speak, I just stared at him. In so many ways, we had been perfect for each other. We came from similar backgrounds, we had similar goals and ambitions. Almost as soon as we got together (we met at a party, through mutual friends) there had been no question – we were in love. This wasn’t just ‘a’ relationship, it was ‘the’ relationship. We moved in together eight months after meeting.

But four years later, here he was, saying he was sorry. He’d had a three-week‘ fling’ with a woman from his office. I felt sick but made him tell me every detail: all the times it had happened, how he’d hid it from me. He cried and told me over and over again that he was sorry and that he wanted to make it work with me. And I believed him.

He was my best mate. He’d helped me revise for my driving theory test, mopped my sweating brow when I had food poisoning in Bangkok, and he was the first person I called when I got the all-clear after a cancer scare a few years ago. I loved him. And, after a few sleepless nights, I decided I wasn’t giving up on our relationship if he still wanted to fight for it.

But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t tough. That period, out of work and feeling like my whole world had been turned upside down affected me deeply – I even changed careers, retraining so that I could work in the fitness industry. But most of all, I decided that I needed more independence from my relationship. 

Losing Yourself in The Relationship

I realised that the intensity of my connection with my boyfriend had eclipsed everything in my life. I saw friends less, had lost interest in the hobbies I’d done before, and coasted through a job I now realise had been really wrong for me. Instead, I’d been focused on making our home nice and saving for our future. He’d encourage me to go out, to do new things and meet new people, but I just wanted to be with him. It was unhealthy, I guess, but he was my first love – I was only 22 when we met (he was 26).

The first time I ended up on a ‘date’ was about six months after I found out about my boyfriend’s infidelity. And it was kind of an accident. I went out with some new work colleagues and was left with just one of the guys in a bar. I was tipsy and we flirted. I knew nothing would happen, we just had great banter – we bounced off each other, and we found the same things funny. I remember floating home, feeling more confident than I had in months. I enjoyed feeling wanted – truth be told, it was an ego boost – but more than that, it was so nice to have a conversation that wasn’t weighed down by emotion and hurt. 

Addicted to Swiping

A few weeks later, I was at a friend’s house and she let me scroll through her dating apps. It was fun and silly, seeing her get matches and chatting to randoms, but when I left her house that night, I knew I wanted to do it again, properly, on my own.

I’m pretty sure that any expert would agree: this is one of the world’s worst ways to handle a partner’s infidelity, but honestly, I didn’t care.

Looking back, I can see that I was desperate for that same ego boost – a reaffirmation that I was desirable, despite what my boyfriend had done. In fact, in one American survey of almost 10,000 millennial dating-app users, almost half (44%) said they used them as a form of confidence-boosting procrastination. I guess I was hurting a lot and looking for any way to make myself feel better.

Swiping, getting matches and having flirty conversations with guys was also a good distraction from obsessing over whether my boyfriend might cheat again. I once read, though, that dating apps can be addictive – that they are specifically designed to keep us swiping. We get a hit of dopamine – a feel-good neurotransmitter, which is linked to addiction – whenever we anticipate a match. That certainly felt true for me. Before long, I was absentmindedly swiping most days, chasing that high. At that point, I didn’t care if my boyfriend found out about my profile. We were still arguing a lot, and I felt like he owed me. But after a few weeks, the swiping wasn’t enough.

I arranged to meet one of the guys I’d been talking to. I considered telling my boyfriend, being transparent about the fact that I felt I needed to do this, so I could work out exactly what I wanted. I think if I’d been honest then, he’d have been OK with me going – he knew how tough I was finding it to trust him again. After all this time, though, I know he’d now be seriously hurt if he found out. We’ve been working hard on our relationship, trying to do new things together and reconnect – I think he’d be shocked that I haven’t been throwing myself into that process as much as he thinks I have.

Cheating or Flirting?

That first app date was a lot of fun. We ended up going on a bar crawl, doing shots and dancing until 2am. We didn’t have a lot in common, but we both wanted to have a good time. At the end of the night we kissed, but that’s as far as it went. I considered seeing him again but realised that I didn’t really want to. In fact, what I wanted was my boyfriend: our shared in-jokes and familiarity. For the first time in ages, I started to feel like I could get past his cheating.

To continue reading the full blog post click here.