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“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” ~Anatole France

When my cat Squiggles died, I didn’t just “lose a pet.” I lost a part of my identity, my greatest source of comfort, and my sense of home.

Squiggles was the one constant in my life through every milestone, every heartbreak, every version of myself I grew into over the course of two decades. I had her since the moment she was born, and for almost twenty-two years, Squiggles was my constant companion, my emotional support, my soul-kitty.

But no matter how much I prepared myself, nothing could soften the blow of saying goodbye and being forced to live without her.

As a therapist, I tried to apply all of the coping mechanisms I’ve learned over the years. But the human in me wanted to reject them all. I was just too deep in my grief.

So I turned inward. And over the past two years, I’ve been learning how to live with the loss of my soul-kitty. Not get over it. Or try to forget. But live with it.

Here are five things that helped me cope with life without her.

1. I validated the pain of my grief.

I knew the loss of Squiggles was going to be devastating one day, but knowing it didn’t make it easier. What it did do was help me validate just how deeply it hurt.

I didn’t try to hide how sad I felt. I cried every day for weeks. I canceled plans. I moved slowly. And instead of shaming myself for how awful I felt, I tended to the pain.

Even though many people out there might think, “She was just a pet,” to me, she was everything.

There’s a term for this kind of mourning: disenfranchised grief. It’s when your grief isn’t recognized by society in the same way a human loss might be. That doesn’t mean the grief is less real. It just means others may not understand how impactful the loss is.

The bond I had with Squiggles was deeper than many human relationships. I’ve heard countless people say the death of their pet hurt more than the death of a relative. I believe them. I felt it.

So I reminded myself daily: This was one of the most significant relationships in my life. I’m allowed to be this heartbroken.

2. I tried to find balance.

As a therapist, I’m well-versed in the idea that “the only way out is through.” But when you’re in the middle of overwhelming grief, feeling your feelings can quickly turn into drowning in them.

So I did it in small doses. I yearned for her. I cried. I talked to her. I allowed myself to remember.

And I also gave myself permission to take breaks from my grief when I could.

In the early weeks, I couldn’t imagine feeling anything other than sorrow. But slowly, I started allowing myself to step back from the pain. I gave myself a night out with friends. I practiced guitar. I gardened. I let myself laugh without feeling guilty about it.

And here’s the truth of taking breaks: It does not mean you’re moving on. It means you’re doing the best you can to survive.

Joy and grief can live side by side. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

3. I stopped saying “should.”

Grief doesn’t follow logic. Or timelines. Or “shoulds.”

And yet, they still popped up:

“I should be feeling better by now.”

“I should get rid of her things.”

“I should be grateful I had her for so long.”

At some point, I realized those “shoulds” were self-judgments in disguise. So I started replacing “should” with “could,” or “would like.” Sometimes I just asked, “Who says?”

Who says I have to move on quickly?

Who says keeping a box of her things means I’m stuck?

Who says I’m grieving “too much”?

Grief is a unique experience for everyone. No one knows how long the acute pain will last. For me, it has been about two years. My grief isn’t as all-consuming, yet I still have days where it hits me like a wave.

And now, two years later, I cherish those moments when the grief hits. Because it connects me back to Squiggles.

4. I connected with others who understood.

One of the most painful things about losing a pet is how isolating it feels. That one being who knows you in and out is no longer there. It feels incredibly lonely.

Friends didn’t always know what to say. People who had never had a close bond with a pet didn’t understand why I was so shattered.

Talking to people helped, but only if they really got it. The people who had been through their own soul-pet losses were the ones who I felt most comfortable with. And it helped.

Eventually, I created an online community where pet lovers could gather after losing a pet. A soft place to land where you don’t have to explain why you’re still crying six months later, or why it hurts more than you expected. People just get it.

This community has become a huge part of my healing. And I continue to witness the power of connection every time someone shares their story, their pet’s name, or even just their pain.

5. I used creativity and art to express how I felt.

In the beginning, the only way I knew how to stay connected to Squiggles was through my sadness. But as time went on, that love started to move through me in different ways.

I started gardening. Being in nature and witnessing seeds bloom into flowers reminded me of the circle of life and the connectedness of all beings.

When I really missed Squiggles and didn’t know what to do with myself, I’d express my emotions through poetry. Or draw every detail of her little face, the patterns in her fur, the way her paws tucked under her body. I looked through old photos and let my emotions guide me.

These small creative acts didn’t fix the grief. But they gave it somewhere to go. They gave me a way to keep loving her and helped me bring new forms of beauty into my life, even in her absence.

If you’ve lost a soulmate pet, please know that you’re allowed to take all the time in the world that you need to grieve. Our pets are members of our family and a huge part of who we are. The grief you experience is simply the love you have for them, just in a new form now.

“Hope you have plenty of boxes to play with up in kitty heaven.”

Rebekah Harding

Posted on September 10 2025 1:00 pm CDT

Maru, the viral cat who was famous for his love of boxes, died at 18 years old. The internet grieved the loss of the beloved pet behind the meme.

Featured Video

Who was Maru the cat?

Maru, a pet cat who lived in Japan, was certified in the Guinness Book of World Records in 2016 as the most viewed animal on the internet—for an adorable reason.

The cat’s owner frequently shared clips of Maru chilling in empty boxes, sometimes squeezing his box to fit into the cardboard.

The Daily Dot previously reported on one viral Maru moment, in which the Scottish fold cat wiggled his way into a Starbucks bag.

Over the years, Maru went on to garner a huge fan base, including a published picture book and features in several major pet meme blogs.

In a YouTube post announcing Maru’s death, his owner said, “I’m lonely, so be sure to be born again soon! He is by nature a laid-back cat, and I wonder if he is relaxing in the sky now. But he loves to surprise us, so I’ll wait patiently, hoping for a surprise from him.”

How did fans react to the announcement?

In the comments of Maru’s owner’s post, fans from around the globe grieved the loss of the cat, who had previously been diagnosed with cancer.

“There are so many cats on the internet, but Maru was different. I instantly became his fan continued till watching him…He was not just an ordinary cat, he was a legend,” one wrote.

“I knew this time would come soon, given his age. But I still didn’t want it to happen. You took such good care of him, and gave him such a wonderful life. He brought the world much joy. Thank you for sharing him with us,” another said.

“Even though he was a ripe old age, I’m stunned and so sad! It is the end of an era. The greatest kitty ever. You must be devastated; my deepest condolences go out to you,” a third added.

On X, even more lovers of Maru shared their grief and respect on the platform, alongside some epic moments of the cat and his beloved boxes.

Rescued Tabbies Shelby and Tomiko took more than a year to be able to share the same space.

It wasn’t until their pet parents, Debbie Ooi and Jeffrey Louis, took them on a road trip in October 2022 that the cats finally bonded.

“We believe it was because they had to be together in the car with us for hours at a time,” says Ooi.

Back home, their bond solidified. “They slept next to each other, they would sit together and watch the backyard for birds, squirrels, and chipmunks,” says Ooi. They ate side by side and, when Ooi worked from home, “they would both curl up next to each other in their respective beds.”

Sadly, Shelby suffered a series of serious health issues and passed last June.

PHOTOCREO Michal Bednarek/Bigstock

A Cat Grieves the Loss of Her Friend

Ooi and Louis—whose “fur kids” are taken everywhere possible with the help of cat backpacks and an in-car litterbox—took Shelby’s death hard, but three-year-old Tomiko (called Tumi for short) seemed devastated.

“Tumi kept running around looking for Shelby,” says Ooi. “She slept a lot. Then she started meowing whenever she was alone. Over the next several weeks, she started following us everywhere.”

This behaviour isn’t unusual, says Dr. Jennifer Vonk, a professor in the Department of Psychology at Oakland University in Rochester, MI.

Study Looks at Whether Cats Grieve the Loss of Another Companion Animal

Vonk and her colleague, Brittany Greene, co-authored a 2024 study, surveying more than 400 North American cat owners about their cat’s behaviours after another pet sharing the same household—cat, dog, or other—died. The findings, published in a paper titled “Is companion animal loss cat-astrophic? Responses of domestic cats to the loss of another companion animal,” is a boon to anyone wondering if their cat is experiencing grief.

Researchers studied more than 400 cat owners and their pets’ behaviour after another animal died in the same household. 

Vonk confirms that the behaviour Ooi and Louis reported was “consistent with what we might expect if cats were saddened by the loss of their companions.” Specific behaviours Vonk mentions that indicate grief in cats include: “engaged in more hiding, looking for the lost companion, seeking attention from caregivers, and less playing.”

How Long Do Cats Grieve For?

The strength of reactions from the surviving cats were predicted by how much time they had typically spent interacting with the deceased animal and the nature of their relationship. This, says Vonk, “is what you would expect if they were capable of sadness following the death.”

“Cats that had lived with the deceased animal for longer spent more time appearing to look for them after they died,” says Vonk. “Otherwise, the amount of time they spent together in an average day and whether they were considered to have a positive relationship seemed more important than how long they had been together.” Whether they were related did not seem to matter.

Famous Cat Grieves the Loss of Her Canine Friend

Denver-based photographer Cynthia Bennett and her partner Andre Sibilsky can attest. They run the Instagram account @henrythecoloradodog, documenting the adventures of Henry (and now Pan) and his bestie, Baloo the cat, for their 2.4 million followers.

Henry and Baloo

When Henry died from T-cell lymphoma in March 2022, “Baloo ran from window to window looking for him while screaming,” Bennett shared with Modern Cat in a 2023 interview. “When he wasn’t doing that, he would bury himself under things, making it super hard to find him. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve had to watch.”

A couple of weeks after Henry’s death, his family adopted Pan, a Husky/Malamute/Great Pyrenees mix as a friend for Baloo, who had stopped eating completely. (“It got to the point where we were considering seeking medical help,” says Bennett.) “We like to say Baloo picked his puppy. He got to meet a few and Pan ran up to him and licked his face and Baloo leaned in. Baloo never did this with any other dog but Henry, so we knew he really liked him.” Adoption complete, the couple took the pair back to their hotel where Baloo, to the relief of his pet parents, ate a meal. “Andre and I started crying because Pan literally was saving Baloo,” says Bennett. They are now best friends, although Bennett acknowledges it’s a different relationship.

Cat Searches For Feline Friend That Passed

As for Tumi, “I think she is still waiting for [Shelby] to come home,” says Ooi. “A few weeks ago, I pulled out Shelby’s backpack…and [Tumi] quickly poked her head in the backpack to see if Shelby was there… she still looks into the areas that Shelby liked to hide or sleep in.”

Cat Owner Reactions to the Grief Study

Cat owners have found the study validating. Many people who read the reports said it confirmed the concern they had for their remaining animals, says Vonk. “It was reassuring that researchers were taking these concerns seriously and investigating them. People have been incredibly moved by the findings.”

For cat owners, it has been affirming to see that cats are not these detached aloof creatures that non-cat-owners sometimes characterize them to be, Vonk says.

Greene seconds this, noting that cats have been widely viewed as distant and detached. “I hope that this study can alter that mindset, instead demonstrating that cats may actually be more invested in the emotional bonds they form as part of a social lifestyle than originally meets the eye.”

Should You Get a New Pet After a Loss?

Sergio/AdobeStock

Whether owners should get a “replacement” pet to fill the void should be considered on a case-by-case basis.

“It is not possible to have a firm recommendation that will fit all cases,” says Dr. Jennifer Vonk. “I think for young animals that benefit from a companion to play with, it may be helpful. For older animals that may not adjust well to change, it may just add to their stress. For owners who are grieving, this may interfere with their ability to bond with a new animal, so that should be considered as well.” 

This article originally appeared in the award-winning Modern Cat magazine. Subscribe today!