On 90 Day Fiance Elizabeth Castravet makes nice with Loren Brovarnik, but only after setting up more conflict by confiding secrets. Darcey Silva walks the catwalk but when it comes to Georgi Rusev, he doesn’t want to talk. Jasmine Pineda breaks down and tells her shocked mother what’s really going on. And Brandon Gibbs makes plans for his European vacation. Let’s take a closer look at the chaos in this recap of Season 9 Episode 16, Boy, That Escalated Quickly.

90 Day Fiance: Elizabeth Stirs up Trouble for Loren

As the 90 Day Fiance couples retreat finally nears it’s end, Elizabeth Castravet can’t resist stirring up more drama for frenemy Loren Brovarnik. Even after a tearful make up hug after rounds of tequila. While Loren Brovarnik thinks things are okay again, she’s about to get backstabbed. It starts with some pre-gaming in Yara Zaya and Jovi Dufren‘s room. Yara has poured herself into some shiny black rubber pants for a night at the bar.

Elizabeth Castravet and Andrei Castravet stop by for a few drinks before heading to the bar. But nobody mentioned it to Loren Brovarnik or Alexei Brovarnik. But Elizabeth uses the time wisely to casually mention to Yara Zaya that Loren makes fun of her style. Suggesting Miami has gone to her head. Yara is hurt, but lets it go for some fun at the bar including shotskis with locals who are definitely a fan of her style.

On 90 Day Fiance a tequila buzz prompts Loren to make amends with Elizabeth Castravet and trade apologies with Andrei Castravet. She even hugs Elizabeth while crying and says she missed her so much. Libby plays along but has already set the stage for more trouble. It blows up when Yara confronts Loren over her bashing her outfits. Loren pleads that she is jealous of her style. While Yara may forgive, it’s clear the friendship between Elizabeth Castravet and Loren Brovarnik is over.

90 Day Fiance: Georgi Rusev Wants to Be Free

On Happily Ever After, Georgi Rusev feels eclipsed by the shadows of Darcey Silva’s stilettos at a fashion show. The twins primp and preen backstage with a glam squad and Darcey isn’t shy about stripping down. While the twins play runway model, Florian Sukaj chats up Georgi outside. He defends his sister-in-law. Suggesting Georgi needs to be upfront and honest. That the marriage isn’t all about him. He suggests fix it or move on.

After the show, the twins self-congratulate yet another instance of “doing it big”. While Florian and Stacey opt to hit the town, Georgi and Darcey go to their room for champagne and arguing on 90 Day Fiance. While Georgi is mesmerized by the bubbles in his drink, Darcey nags and asks him what he wants for their future. He shrugs and says he has some things he wants to do maybe on his own. She claps back and Georgi walks out, saying she just doesn’t get it.

Happily Ever After: Jasmine Comes Clean to Her Mom

On 90 Day Fiance, Jasmine Pineda is coming to the end of her pregnancy. She frolics in a park with loyal pup Coco. Even taking her little dog down a slide. Their fun is interrupted when Matt Branistareanu rolls up in a flat bed tow truck. He spent a cool 150 K on it and plans to start his own business. The only glitch is that he doesn’t really know the first thing about operating the tow truck. So Jasmine rails against it.

But things are worse for the TLC couple when Jasmine decides it’s time to tell her mother back in Panama the truth. Her mom knows nothing about the past year, including the open marriage and pregnancy. Jasmine rings up her mom after saying a quickie prayer. And Matt stays out of range while she spills the confusing timeline. Her mom gets quiet. And isn’t thrilled when Matt does come on screen to admit he’s got no experience with marriage or children. But took on the open marriage because he was single and bored.

90 Day Fiance: Brandon and Julia Hit the Road

After a blowup with his parents, Brandon Gibbs is on board for his European adventure with Julia Trubkina. While Brandon is itching to start a family, Julia wants to see the world before settling down. Brandon eagerly points out countries on a map he’d like to visit. But at the same time he has never been on bad terms with his parents. So he’s a little torn. Julia convinces him that this is about them and their marriage. And not either set of parents.

So the couple are all set on Happily Ever After. But first Julia puts some extra security precautions in place. She slumps a robe over a pillow at their coffee table with a cup of coffee. Suggesting from the outside it would look like someone is home. Brandon laughs suggesting since it looked like a passed out person it wouldn’t stop a thief. Finally the pair head to the airport to begin their trip. Till next time!

Get the scoop on 90 Day Fiance here on Soap Dirt.

On 90 Day Fiance, Darcey Silva runs home to her dad in the midst of marriage turmoil with Georgi Rusev, but he doesn’t want in the middle. Jasmine Pineda‘s bad news continues at an attorney’s office in Miami. Brandon Gibbs breaks down after his parents storm out of his house over his decisions. And Yara Zara admits she prefers shopping over spending time in bed with Jovi Dufren. Let’s break it all down in this recap of Season 09, Episode 15 You’re Not a Kid Anymore, Dorothy.

90 Day Fiance: Darcey’s Dad Says I Told You So

On 90 Day Fiance, Darcey Silva bawls while chopping onions for a pasta dinner. Georgi Rusev is unfazed, claiming she cries so often he doesn’t know if anything is really wrong. Darcey pokes at sausage with her talon nails and tries some small talk with her increasingly bored husband. She complains they seem to be just “living to live”. Georgi nibbles on salad while she rants. But, there’s an adventure to be had.

It seems the twins have garnered an invite to New York Fashion Week for their brand House of Eleven. Translation: Darcey and Stacey Silva will be modeling bedazzled jackets somewhere in NYC during the celebrated week of couture. Darcey and Georgi descend on her dad’s Connecticut house first. Her daughters are there too and don’t seem too excited to see their mom who they suggest is dressed like a fuzzy bowling ball.

Darcey Silva shocks everyone including Georgi Rusev when she suggests she move back home temporarily on 90 Day Fiance. Darcey’s dad tells her no. That they need to maintain separate lives and she needs to quit putting him in the middle of their texts. He even goes so far as to tell Darcey she was a sugar mama to Georgi. And says the dreaded “I told you so”. Later on the way to fashion week, Darcey suggest Georgi not waste “her good years”. And he claps back he’s the one wasting his good years. Ouch.

90 Day Fiance: Jasmine Pineda Gets More Bad News

A very pregnant Jasmine Pineda bawls after Gino Palazzolo threatens her with deportation after accusing her of fraud. Jasmine calls up one of Gino’s family members for support. They suggest she seek legal counsel for her and her unborn child. While Matt Branistareanu stands around making pained faces. They enjoy a frozen treat called Dragon’s Breath and Jasmine laughs as she breathes smoke out of her nose.

But the fun is short lived for the Happily Ever After couple. They meet with an attorney who doesn’t offer much hope for their situation. It seems since Jasmine is still legally married to Gino, he would be considered the father by default in the state of Florida. Regardless of actual paternity. And, if Gino proves any type of fraud on Jasmine’s part and she gets deported before giving birth, her baby won’t be a U.S. citizen.

Matt Branistareanu pushes Jasmine as to why she isn’t more active in starting divorce proceedings with Gino. Jasmine wails about being overwhelmed and pregnant. She grooms her little dog Coco, starting with brushing her teeth and finishing by doing some trimming around Coco’s butt with a razor. And then literally kissing her dog’s butt. Matt revolts but ultimately pouts and rubs her pregnant belly now that Gino could possibly claim his baby as his own.

Happily Ever After Couples Take a Break on Retreat

The most boring ever couples retreat is somehow getting even more monotonous. We pick up after Yara Zaya removed herself from the hot tub after Jovi Dufren implied she was an ugly kid. The others pile on and he sheepishly goes after Yara and convinces her to come back. A weepy Yara is over it all. So, the others put on their resort robes and head to their rooms. With the exception of Elizabeth Castravet who dons a black faux fur coat perhaps vintage House of Eleven?

Back in their room Andrei and Libby munch on charcuterie and discuss the other couples on 90 Day Fiance. In the morning the gang decides to split up. With the guys doing some snowmobiling and the girls hitting up some local shopping. Things are still icy between Libby and Loren Goldstone Brovarnik. But Yara spills that she prefers shopping to sex. Particularly if it’s a luxury item like a Rolex. Because that will last longer. Libby laughs but flexes that her and Andrei have a robust relationship and indulge in quickies.

The guys yuk it up after Alexei Brovarnik acknowledges he could hear Libby and Andrei through the thin walls of the hotel. Back at the shops, Yara settles on a scented candle. The gals hit up a quaint cafe for drinks and lunch. Over more charcuterie, Libby drones to Loren about their falling out. She doesn’t understand why Loren lost trust in her. Maybe because she clearly shared Loren’s private texts with Andrei? They bicker and Yara admits she’d rather be fighting with Jovi.

90 Day Fiance: Brandon Gibbs Breaks Down

Julia Trubkina trims Brandon Gibb’s hair. The embattled TLC couple are headed on an open ended European vacation. But they haven’t told Brandon’s folks Ron Gibs and Betty Gibbs yet. Who weren’t on board with the travel talk from the get-go. Betty barges in with some red wine as a peace offering. But there’s no cheers once they find out the kids are leaving in a few days. And that Brandon already quit his job.

Betty even blows up and suggests that if Julia can’t accept them as her family, maybe she should go back to Russia. Brandon Gibbs hangs his head in his hands. But Julia stands her ground suggesting they step off so they can fix their marriage. The parents storm out and Brandon cries on the floor. He’s never been on the outs with his parents before. But Julia assures him they need to globe-trot first and worry about his parents later. Till next time!

Catch up on all things 90 Day Fiance here on Soap Dirt.

On 90 Day Fiance, Jasmine Pineda refuses to hide her pregnancy in spite of Matt Branistareanu wanting to keep it under wraps. The couples retreat is a bore in spite of the arrival of Elizabeth Castravet and Andrei Castravet. Darcey Silva and Georgi Rusev struggle after returning from Bulgaria. And Julia Trubkina makes a decision for her next steps with or without Brandon Gibbs. Let’s take a closer look in this recap of Season 9, Episode 14 You Play With Matches, You Get Burned.

90 Day Fiance: Jasmine Pineda Refuses to Cover Up

A move to Miami hasn’t made things sunny again for unlikely 90 Day Fiance couple Jasmine Pineda and Matt Branistareanu. The pair build a bassinet for their baby girl. Matt sulks about the bed being pink. Knowing Jasmine is upset at his resistance to having a daughter. Jasmine wants to meet his family. But Matt balks. Suggesting his Romanian culture and religious mother aren’t accepting of having kids out of wedlock. Especially since she’s legally still married to Gino Palazzolo.

But Jasmine Pineda sounds a little hypocritical here. Since her family back in Panama has no idea that she’s pregnant with Matt’s child. And thinks she’s still with Gino. However, it doesn’t stop her from being pious. And pushing Matt to introduce her to his family. He suggests if he does she will have to tone it down. This of course doesn’t go over well. And Jasmine Pineda even says Matt is sounding a lot like Gino at this point.

Later, Jasmine Pineda gets ready to go to dinner and meet a lifelong buddy of Matt’s named David on 90 Day Fiance. He’s a fellow Romanian and a former roommate. While Matt suggests she cover her baby bump, Jasmine goes the other way. Showing out in a skintight dress. Jasmine lays it all out to David. And Matt belittles her. David actually stands up for Jasmine and tells Matt to grow up. But later Gino threatens Jasmine with deportation, accusing her of marriage fraud. So there is a lot at stake.

90 Day Fiance: The Couples Retreat Goes Downhill

When Yara Zaya planned a carefree ski weekend with her Happily Ever After cast mates, she couldn’t have possibly imagined she’d be the one crying in a hot tub. Since Elizabeth Castravet and Loren Goldstone Brovarnik are the ones beefing. Andrei and Elizabeth arrive just after the others finish breakfast. Jovi Dufren and Yara Zaya have made up some what after Jovi joked about Yara’s unfortunate teenage looks.

But Yara dons her best ski bunny look and jokes about how she slays not sleighs. But tobogganing is the activity for the day. And a skittish Loren is a mess when she sees the sleigh hill. An annoyingly overenthusiastic Elizabeth admits she gets some satisfaction from Loren’s squirming. Libby and Andrei go first, followed by Jovi and Yara. Ultimately Loren makes it down the hill with Alexei. The guys go for round two while the girls make awkward chit chat.

It’s hot tub time on 90 Day Fiance. The couples descend into the tub and Yara Zaya brings up Jovi’s dig the night before. Saying he called her ugly and tearing up before climbing out of the tub and leaving. Everyone piles on Jovi, especially Andrei. Jovi really doesn’t seem too bothered by her walking off. Jovi points out that Andrei wasn’t even there. And Elizabeth chimes in that women are affected from these types of comments. Yawn.

Happily Ever After: Darcey and Georgi Hit Bottom

On 90 Day Fiance, Darcey Silva tries to decompress during a yoga class with sister Stacey Silva. The twins moan, groan and burp afterwards. Stacey Silva feigns concern for Darcey’s ongoing marital woes. It seems after the blowout in Bulgaria, Darcey and Georgi Rusev have barely been speaking. Relying on texts. And when Georgi waffled about paying his share of the rent, Darcey added her dad to the text to get his attention to the matter.

The twins head to dinner with their husbands and friends. It’s clear Georgi is over Darcey’s behavior. And tired of her other set of twins being on constant display. Darcey whines about Georgi wanting to travel abroad alone. And secure his own apartment in Bulgaria. Their friends agree this is a bit of a red flag for a married couple. And Darcey even hints at divorce. Georgi denies he is using her and doesn’t appreciate her bringing up the D-word.

90 Day Fiance: Julia Makes up Her Mind

TLC couple Brandon Gibbs and Julia Trubkina are at odds on 90 Day Fiance. Julia took a breather from their problems and headed to New York City solo to see her parents off. During her time away she came to a decision. She will sell her apartment in Russia. And head off to an open ended European vacation. With or without Brandon Gibbs. Julia returns home to find him cutting the grass. And blurts out her decision

Brandon Gibbs is calm. He is in on the travel. So much so in fact that he already quit his job. Julia gets a little defensive rather than excited. Suggesting he could change his mind. But he assures her he’s serious. While Brandon seems eager to put Julia first, he still wants to start a family. But he’s willing to put it aside for now to focus on the marriage. Next hurdle will be telling his parents that Julia wins this one. Till next time!

Get the latest on 90 Day Fiance here on Soap Dirt!

Friends, we’re finally at the end here. After ten episodes that somehow felt like 50 episodes, The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two arrives at its ultimate conclusion with this reunion episode. Below, find my reunion thoughts. And catch up on recaps from the whole season!

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Reunion

Okay, as someone who watches a lot of reality television, I’m a little confused about why they did the reunion the way that they did here. On most Bravo shows, the reunion is filmed after the events of the actual season but also after at least some episodes (often, half a season) have aired for the public so that the cast members can respond not just to what was in the episodes but also how viewers reacted to what was in the episodes. This reunion however was filmed a year after the events of the show but before any episodes dropped for the public. They don’t know what we’re seeing and picking up on!

I mean, let’s go ahead and start with what I think is the biggest shocker of the reunion: Magan and Dayna are still together. I’m shocked that they could have watched episodes one through nine and stayed together, but I have to wonder if once they’re more aware of how their relationship is perceived by viewers that it’ll shift something. I get that we’re seeing something produced and can’t know everything about other people’s relationships as mere reality television viewers…but is anyone watching and NOT seeing Dayna’s behaviors as manipulative and controlling? It’s not subtle! I don’t know how it could be spun in such a way that we’re “not seeing the real Dayna.” But who knows — her middle name is practically Spin!

But I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s get into our updates on each of the couples. This recap is going to jump around the episode a bit, because it’s a chaotic episode!!!!! So instead of going linearly, let’s go couple by couple.

Britney + AJ

These two bring the least amount of drama to the reunion, because they’re still happily together in a way I find entirely convincing and sweet! They are still engaged but not married yet with no date picked. They have a location in mind though, and they’re thinking Destination Wedding. They both look great. They have learned a lot from their experiences on the show, including more work-life balance for Britney and more confidence for AJ. AJ thanks Marita for telling her that if it ever came down to the business or AJ, Britney would choose AJ every time. That gave her the push she needed.

We’re also treated to a clip package of all the times AJ talked about herself in the third person. Did other people notice this as it was happening during the season?!?!?! Because I did not, but seeing it all packaged together really made me laugh!!!! AJ’s just gotta be AJ.

Joanna Heterosexual Garcia Swisher asks the group if they think AJ was too forward during the dating week at the beginning of the season, and Ashley emphatically says yes in a way that suggests Ashley has some resentments about it. What I love about this whole thing though is that Britney doesn’t care at all. She knows AJ is just a charming flirt. She never seemed particularly threatened by it, and even now, she doesn’t care. Again: AJ’s just gotta be AJ.

The strange part of this though is how aggro Marie gets? Like Britney, I struggle to see Marie’s point when she keeps drilling into the fact that Britney and Marita got to have this lovely trial marriage that didn’t really threaten their existing relationships and meanwhile Marie had to see Mel with Dayna while also contending with the fact that Britney and AJ were meeting up. I agree with Britney: It seems like Marie is holding it against her that she ended up in such a good and low-stakes trial marriage with Marita. Marie just wants…empathy from Britney? This feels like such misdirected intensity from Marie, but that’s pretty much her mode the entire reunion.

“I’m trying to be so soft with everybody,” Marie says. If this is soft mode, I’m scared to see hard mode!!!! The vibe is so off. I think she’s just mad at Mel and doesn’t know how to process or direct that anger, so everyone’s catching strays.

Marita + Ashley

Unsurprisingly, these two are no longer together. But their interactions in the reunion are truly shocking. It gets a little confusing, because they both are still pretty bad at communicating and they also both clearly have entirely different ideas of what really happened, but I’ll do my best to summarize.

Marita shares that on decision day she was so heartbroken she didn’t know what to think or feel. She says when they went back home that Ashley was using her (???) and then Marita kicked her out and told her to go back to Indiana. Marita says she broke up with her in May. Ashley chimes in to say they did not get back together after the show but they went to Key West and had a good time. Marita interrupts. She accuses Ashley of gaslighting. Ashley says she was just acting weird on the show because she felt uncomfortable around cameras. This is a mess! And it’s about to get messier.

“Let’s talk about the fact that my grandfather was dying, and this one was cheating on me,” Marita says, pointing at Ashley. Marie asks if they had actually been together when that happened (why is Marie inserting herself here?!), and Ashley says that no they were not together. Marita is so perplexed Marie is weighing in, and same! Ashley says she can name five times that Marita cheated on her, and Marita says the words “I actually fucking hate you,” which MY GOD! I already found Marita to be pretty emotionally immature, but this is bad. There’s something about her reactions to things that just feels so childish to me. Ashley shares that her grandfather is dying right now, and Marita says she doesn’t care. Ashley walks off, and Marita says “yeah, get out!” Mel follows Ashley, and Britney goes to Marita to give her a hug.

I know we, again, don’t have all the details or know what really happened, but it’s hard to really see Marita’s side here, especially knowing Ashley’s history of abusive relationships. Marita’s desperate to control the narrative, and it’s not a good look!

Marie chimes in again to say “I see you. I’m right here. Let’s simmer.” Y’all WHAT is going on with Marie!

Ashley returns, and Marita vaguely apologizes? But it seems more like she’s apologizing to the Straight Host than to Ashley. Ashley says she could never scream that she hates Marita, because she doesn’t. She shares she was bawling her eyes out after Marita blocked her, eventually realized her self worth and tried to pull herself together, but that Marita and her have never been able to communicate about any of it like adults. You don’t say!!!! I don’t think there’s any real coming back for these two.

Straight Lady Joanna Garcia Swisher attempts to at least reorient the conversation back to the events of the show, and Marita sort of tries to blame Bridget and Kyle for talking Ashley into reversing the ultimatum? Bridget assures Marita that Ashley loved her a lot and there was no convincing that occurred.

Marita did not want to marry Ashley when the show began, and I just really don’t understand what Marita wants period! Other than a bouquet of grocery store flowers and some hand holding I guess?

Marie + Mel

If you can BELIEVE it, these two are also broken up. OBVIOUSLY. Marie has a very bizarre agenda at the reunion. First, she asks Dayna if she and Mel had hooked up prior to the conversation Dayna had with Marie at the cocktail party. Dayna says they kissed but that more didn’t happen until after the party that night. I get the impulse to become obsessive about timelines in the wake of being lied to by a partner, but babe, none of this matters anymore! Y’all are broken the hell UP!

Mel says Marie didn’t want to be with her anymore, and Marie confirms she broke up with Mel before the episodes aired, which she’s grateful for because she would have been embarrassed to still be in a relationship with Mel while watching the episodes. Leading up to the breakup, Marie had set more boundaries and didn’t want to do the food truck as much anymore.

Things get weird again. “Did you really think I didn’t know that you couldn’t have kids?” she asks Marie. Listen, I don’t really ride for Mel, but this is a wild thing to use against Mel! Marie then also says something about Mel’s lupus, and Mel never disclosed her actual chronic illness, so it’s kind of fucked up that Marie makes that choice for her! Marie also asks something about where all the lupus books went, and Mel is like I gave them away. I’m sorry…does Marie want credit for buying Mel books about the disease Mel has?

And now Marie wants to move on from lupus to………brussels sprouts. She wants to know what was up with the brussels sprouts Mel made for Dayna. Dayna is super confused. But Marie wants to know one thing: “Did you like them?” she asks Dayna, who is like yeah sure but come on what is this even about. “Who taught you how to make those?” she asks Mel, and Mel says “you didn’t teach me anything,” prompting Marie to call her crazy.

What is going on!!!! Marie is clearly just so mad at Mel that she can’t even really articulate herself. Sometimes when one is betrayed in a relationship, suddenly everything becomes a betrayal or evidence of the primary betrayal. I’ve been there, and I’m glad there weren’t reality television cameras around, but come on! Be mad about the brussels sprouts in your DIARY, don’t air this out publicly because you’re going to sound absolutely unhinged!

Please weigh in on BrusselsSproutsGate in the comments, because I’m still reeling.

Joanna “I’m an Ally” Garcia Swisher then wants us to dig deeper into the question of whether Mel lied to Marie on camera about having sex with Dayna. OBVIOUSLY, SHE DID, though I hear Mel is still defending the lie on TikTok? Can anyone confirm? Joanna asks Haley if the Spotify playlist was the receipt to which she referred when she told Marie there was proof Mel and Dayna were fucking, and Haley does regret using the language of “receipt” and “proof” but says yes that’s what she had been referring to.

We then get a clip package of everyone in the cast reacting to the Spotify sex playlist scandal. The playlist was called “three weeks” with a rainbow emoji and a ring emoji. Haley says it had some horny songs on it and was being played at suspicious times of night. I’m mostly like: HOW DID MAGAN AND HALEY SEE THE PLAYLIST IN THE FIRST PLACE? There was clearly some producer intervention, but I don’t really understand the logistics.

In any case, Dayna wants to make it clear that the playlist had a lot of sad and yearning songs on it, too, and would have made for a depressing sex playlist. She thinks it was none of Haley’s business to bring it up.

And then there’s another clip package, this time of everyone in the cast attempting to define sex, with AJ explaining that the spectrum of what “counts” as sex can be expansive for queer people and lesbians. Dayna is insistent she and Mel didn’t finger each other. Joanna asks Mel outright if she had sex with Dayna, and Mel won’t answer, Dayna interrupting to say it’s no one’s business. Joanna also asks if Mel feels like she lied to Marie, and she says yes but also no? I’m sick of everyone on this show!!!!!!! Just be honest!!!!!

As for Mel and Dayna, Dayna tried to FaceTime Mel after filming, and when she didn’t answer, Dayna sent her a message and then was ghosted for two months. Finally, Mel wrote her back. The not-gay host asks what the tattoos mean to each of them now, and Dayna says they’re just a way to remember their time together. Mel says they were essentially in a competition with each other to see who could make the stupidest decisions. You know…I feel like there’s something about Mel and Dayna that really works. But alas, Dayna and Magan are locked IN. Did anyone else feel like they were GRIPPING each other to show just how strong they are coming out of all this?

Marie has nothing left she wants to say to Mel, and Mel has nothing left she wants to say to Marie. The food truck is fine by the way, I’m sure you were wondering. Mel is running it solo.

Kyle + Bridget

After a clip package featuring everyone’s fur babies (gay!), we move on to Kyle and Bridget for an update. They’re still engaged and living together. They don’t have a wedding date picked yet. Bridget makes a joke about being pregnant and then says no they can’t actually afford that. We get one last monologue about love from Kyle’s mom, who quotes the Wicked song “For Good,” which is sweet, but there’s nothing else to really say here! Good for them for being low drama, but it doesn’t make for the most thrilling reality television!

Haley + Pilar

These two are still engaged as well! When they left the show, Haley promised to propose back to Pilar within the year, and she did it one month later. They’re planning an elopement because of the state of the world and how Haley wants the extra security legal marriage could provide. They might eventually have a wedding.

Pilar did end up sharing her engagement with her parents and has come so far with them. Her entire arc all season was one of my favorite parts, because familial estrangement for queer folks is so common and so hard. She says she started standinf up for herself, which has led to more open doors. When she brought Haley to her cousin’s wedding, which was the first time she had brought her around extended family, she shifted from introducing her just as “Haley” to “my fiancee Haley,” which she said forced them to really look her in the eye and accept Haley’s role in her life.

Magan relates about the family stuff. Even though her family is coming around now, it was so push and pull for years, and she felt rejected by them, but she keeps choosing herself and it pays off. I do love this moment of connection between Magan and Pilar. They both have done really hard things by asserting themselves and their queerness around their family. Pilar has come so far in how she views and deals with her family situation just in the course of this show!

JGS then wants to hear Pilar’s point of view from the night at the club with Kyle. I’m still unclear on what happened here also. Kyle wishes she could have been better about communicating how she felt. Pilar wishes that, too. Kyle cries again about how Pilar was there for her, and they hug. I think these two have closure over the whole thing, but I don’t? And I guess that’s fine! I’m not part of their lives! For viewers, it just went down so confusingly and was hard not to view it as anything other than Pilar ignoring Kyle’s boundaries? But that doesn’t seem to be how either of them are framing it now, so I’m not sure! Thoughts? Put them in the comments, because frankly my brain is just one giant brussels sprout.

Pilar says it was confusing to watch Haley and Magan but that she mainly just didn’t want to look stupid. But Pilar also realized she wasn’t prioritizing Haley by watching Haley with Magan and she was able to figure out what Magan could provide that she wasn’t and then adjust. Okay, I hate to say it, but this might be an instance where the premise of the show actually…worked? And brought two people closer? And helped them fix relationship issues? I can’t believe I’m admitting that!

Joanna asks Haley what it was like to be in love with two people at the same time, and I swear this show exists in a weird world where the words “poly” and “nonmonogamy” cannot ever be said??????? Anyway, Haley says doing the physical stuff with Magan made it that much harder to separate out her feelings. She also just really wanted to make Pilar feel secure after that, which she seemingly accomplished. So I think when everything’s said and done, Haley and Pilar both really handled everything together pretty well!

Dayna + Magan

I am just!!! So put off by these two still being together!!!! They’re still engaged, but they don’t have a wedding date yet. So literally no one has a wedding date yet. I get it, weddings are expensive and take a lot of work but set a date people! I don’t know why this is stressing me out!

We get a montage of Dayna and Magan’s past year together, which would be cute if I were more genuinely invested in this relationship, which I’m not!!! In fact, as the montage played, I wrote in my notes: “I’m scared.”

Magan has been bringing Dayna around her family, which is a big deal! I’m really happy for Magan’s growth she has been doing around her family, much like Pilar. Dayna says Magan has been really brave and believed in herself, and she admits that she finally had to be the brave one in going over to Magan’s mom’s house and acknowledges the bravery on her family’s part, too. Magan and Dayna didn’t anticipate their situations being so dramatic on television and hoped that maybe going on the show could help normalize queerness and queer relationships in some people’s eyes. Now they’re worried people could see their behavior on the show and think queerness is messy and fraught. Woof, I definitely understand that burden of representation!

Magan has previously mentioned that doing the show was the most queer and queer-affirming space she has ever really existed in, which is huge. I think Magan has done a lot of growing into her own queerness through this experience. I’ve watched a lot of reality shows recently where people have essentially used the platform of reality television to come out to family. Lake on Southern Hospitality kind of did it, too. It does seem like even though their drama ended up being pretty heightened, Magan did gain some tools for how to better advocate for herself and meet her family where they’re at.

Magan says that being with Haley was good because Haley was a good listener and gave her space. She found a lot of clarity in talking to her. Magan does say that she was telling Haley all the time that she loves her and wanted her in her life. She thinks Haley would have been an amazing friend to her. So I think this is Magan sort of reframing being in love with Haley to just loving Haley. And maybe that’s sort of what she was getting at when she first tried to backtrack telling Haley she loved her? But it all feels like a a weird spin again, and I can’t tell if Dayna’s the one holding the wheel or if they’re both sort of complicit in this attempt to reframe and control the narrative about Magan/Haley. I maintain that Haley did not use Magan nor does she owe Dayna an apology. And it’s hard not to notice how defensive Magan always has to be with Dayna. We saw a completely different Magan with Haley. I’m confused!

AJ and Britney hope Dayna/Magan and Pilar/Haley can end in a good place, because they’re friends with both couples and would love to have them all at their wedding. Marita hopes everyone can hold hands after, which is a wild thing coming from the only person who screamed “I hate you” during this reunion!

Joanna Garcia “Not a Lesbian” Swisher concludes that it seems like everyone is in a great space. DOES IT? AJ thinks the host deserves more credit for what she does, which prompts ol’ Jo to cry because it means so much to her because she really considers herself such an ally. No, I’m sick of all the attempts to make it seem Actually Good that she’s the host of this show! Get a queer host, I beg!

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Here we go! The final stretch of this first The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two drop! We’re discussing episodes 6 and 7, and you can revisit recaps of episodes 1-3 and episodes 4 and 5. And then we shall collectively wait with bated breath until the next drop on July 2.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 6

Third Week of Trial Marriages (Continued)

Mel + Marie

Yes, we have a rare and forbidden meetup of original partners mid-first trial marriages, but unlike the AJ/Britney meetups, this one is on camera. Marie picks Mel up in her car, and they have the entire conversation right there. Marie says Dayna made it very clear she’s so happy to have Mel as her trial wife. “And then after this lovely conversation, Haley comes and tells me there’s proof that you and Dayna are fucking,” Marie says.

She asks if they’ve fucked and if Mel is lying. Mel says no, that it didn’t happen. Well then where is this coming from? Marie wants to know, because she’s very fucking triggered. “Is this going to soil everything?” she asks. Mel says she and Dayna have a connection and that they kissed but that’s the extent of it.

WHY IS SHE LYING????????????????????????????????????????????? THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT EVENTUALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO SHORT-SIGHTED!!!!!!!!!!!

Haley + Magan

Magan gives Haley the lowdown on Mel confronting her and also tells her Dayna called her to tell her she doesn’t want to marry her. She thinks Mel and Dayna came in ready to protect each other because they know they’ve done wrong. Haley says Dayna was talking about how she and Mel have been holding each other. “Yeah, holding each other or humping each other?” Magan asks. Whatever receipts exist about Mel and Dayna’s physical connection, Magan seemingly has them, too.

“You’re not gonna slander my wife,” Haley says, to which Magan responds “PERIOD!”

Haley says marriage is not the milestone for her anymore, and Magan says she’s so proud of her. She’s showing herself to the world more, and the world could use more of her. Magan then squats Haley’s body? And they roll around on the floor. Okay, these two are simply in puppy love and nothing can touch them.

Dayna + Mel

Mel tells Dayna that Haley told Marie there’s proof they’re fucking, and this sets Dayna all the way off. She wants Haley’s phone number. “Slimy bitch,” she says. I for one would certainly never get on Dayna’s bad side. I don’t want her to run my food truck into the river, and I don’t even HAVE a food truck!

Five Days Until the Changeover

Kyle + Pilar

Kyle introduces Pilar to her mom and dad, who are very cute. Kyle’s upbringing was pretty lax, and as a result, she doesn’t always tell someone like a partner when she’s leaving or where she’s going, and she knows that’s something she should work on. Her mom warns Pilar against becoming Kyle’s therapist, which, fair. Kyle’s mom, almost acting as therapist, asks what issues Pilar has with Haley, and Pilar opens up about her family stuff.

Kyle’s mom actually gave Kyle’s dad a marriage ultimatum when they were first together, and she says you have to think to yourself not can you see your life with the other person but can you see your life without them? Ultimately, most of Kyle’s mom’s advice is geared toward making things work with Haley, which is nice. This is sweet! We could use some sweetness on this show, especially now that shit really is hitting the fan.

AJ + Marie

AJ asks if Marie prefers sunrises or sunsets, and Marie says a sunrise means she was up all night which is never a good thing so she’ll go with sunset. Fair enough! Marie says Mel is incredibly adament that she did not have intercourse with Dayna. She thanks AJ for making a safe space for her to fly off the handle about all of this. AJ says the topic of marriage with Britney feels scary, but Marie has given her the space to express herself. “Not to be gay or cheesy,” AJ says, and Marie calls her gouda, correcting it to “gayda,” the gooiest and cheesiest. At least Marie has AJ, who really does seem like a good friend through all this.

On a lighter note later, the two are talking about sex toys, and AJ notes poetically that she likes her shit swaaaaaaangin.

Dayna + Mel

Mel wants answers from Dayna. “You don’t know that I love you?” she asks. She tells the camera she has told Dayna she has “more than friend feelings” for her, and Dayna admits she wants her but isn’t sure what that means. You know what time it is! Time for People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch!

Mel really wants answers! What the fuck are we doing!, she wants to know. I think she’s probably spiraling after being confronted by Marie and knows she could lose her when the truth comes out so wants to know if Dayna is a viable option walking out of all this. Dayna says she can’t answer her questions without talking to Magan. Fair! Dayna worries that if she doesn’t tell Mel what she wants to hear, then she’s gonna shut down on her. Mel just wants her to be real, and she says every time Dayna talks about Magan she feels like she isn’t focusing on her. Idk girl, I think it makes sense for her to be thinking about talking about the person she has been with for 1.5 years a bit more than the person she has been “with” for < 3 weeks.

Dayna says the “breakup” didn’t feel real with Magan until very recently. Now is when I would normally chime in to remind us all that the breakups indeed aren’t really real and are just a construct of this show’s wild premise, but…in their case? It might be kind of real! I think Magan is kind of done with Dayna!

To avoid making any direct statements about her own feelings, Dayna instead says to Mel she thinks Mel knows how happy she is. Alright, we’ll leave it at that I guess!

Later in the episode, they get…matching tattoos. Matching four leaf clover tattoos. Dayna admits it isn’t the best idea but that she isn’t really a good idea person anyway. Magan and her have talked about getting matching tattoos, so she anticipates Magan getting mad. This is wild! Dayna needs to make up her mind: Mel or Magan? She’s sending a lot of mixed signals to them both. And Mel is really making the decision to get this tattoo with Dayna after Marie’s breakdown?! WHAT IS GOING ON.

Haley + Magan

Magan is meeting Haley’s family! And they’re doing it over a meal at home rather than out, which is pretty cute. Magan is excited to meet Haley’s dad but scared to meet her sister. She doesn’t have a sister herself, and she knows that kind of relationship can be intense. Haley also notes that her niece is like a sister to her. Magan asks if her outfit looks okay. Omg, she really cares a lot about this. Not beating the Falling In Love With Your Trial Wife allegations! Though to be fair, I don’t think either of them are really trying to beat those?

Haley tells her dad, sister, and niece how similar she and Magan are. They all know how different she is from Pilar. “We’ve always been super honest,” Magan tells them (for three weeks, I’ll remind you).

Haley’s sister immediately asks about kids, and Magan notes they discussed it on their first date. She reiterates she wants kids. She’s Lebanese and comes from a culture that emphasizes the importance of it. Haley tells her family that the fact that Magan wants to carry does nudge her a bit. This is not the Haley her sister knows! Haley’s dad is surprised, too, especially by how easy Magan and Haley are making this absurd situation seem.

Haley’s niece says Magan seems really genuine and kind but also starts crying, saying she really likes Pilar. Omg, someone assure this teen! I don’t think teens should be brought into the universe of this show at all! It’s too confusing and weird! If my sister were like “here’s this person I just met who I am considering a life with instead of the person I’ve been with for a DECADE” I would be so perplexed! But Haley does assure her that Pilar will always be in her life.

Magan reiterates that the whole experience has been eye-opening for her, and that not matter what a lot is going to change.

Britney + Marita

Marita wonders if she’ll have to change Britney’s name in her phone from “wifey” to “divorcee.” See, I love that these two are so unserious about it all. Suddenly, they’re crying and emotional, but it’s just because they both know what they want and aren’ sure if they’re going to get it from their partners.

Marita asks Britney what she hopes to see from AJ, and Britney isn’t sure what to expect from her. For what it’s worth, I do think Britney could end up with a ring on her finger at the end of all of this. I feel less sure of it for Marita.

But no one can say Marita didn’t have the best Trial Wife! Britney cooks her OXTAIL. It looks so fucking good!!!! That’s REAL love right there.

Ashley + Bridget

Not too much going on with these two, per usual. Bentley the dog prefers Bridget. They discuss how they need to better advocate for themselves when it comes to their Original Partners. The most interesting thing to me about this conversation personally is that Ashley lives in St. Pete! I’m sure I’ve probably seen her at the Dog Bar with Bentley.

Final Night of Trial Marriages

Dayna + Mel

On their last night together, Dayna and Mel read to each other from letters they wrote. Dayna wrote hers at 5 a.m. “I never knew how much I needed you,” she reads. Mel wrote a letter, too. “You have made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time,” she says. Who knows, maybe these two could go the distance!

Haley + Magan

These two are also NOT ready for The Changeover. They’re crying and cuddling in bed. Magan isn’t sure if she’s happy or sad right now. She has realized how important it is to make decisions for herself and that it’s possible to have the things you want.

Haley then says I LOVE YOU. And Magan says I LOVE YOU, TOO. They are IN LOVE. This, to me, is way juicier than sex.

The Changeover

Joanna “I’m an Ally” Garcia Swisher (yes, that’s her government name) is here to guide the stressed out lesbians through their feelings about The Changeover, during which they will exit their Trial Marriages with the people they chose and enter into new Trial Marriages with the Original Partners they came to the show with.

In a talking head, Pilar reveals her worst fear is that she’s ready for marriage and Haley is in love with someone else, to which I say: YIKES, GIRL. Because that’s indeed what has occurred.

Also heading into this conversation: Magan reiterates that every step she took with Haley was authentic but that she doesn’t necessarily want to close the book on Dayna. Dayna says Mel has promised her things beyond what Magan has promised. She says something about Haley getting her claws in Magan, and that’s such misdirected animosity. Haley has not manipulated Magan lol, Magan has made all her own choices. But I think choosing a narrative where it’s all Haley’s fault probably feels easier for her.

Sitting at the table, Britney shares that her Trial Marriage was amazing and that Marita was a huge cheerleader for her. I think these two are probably some of the only ones here who got real value out of this whole experience, and it’s because it had nothing to do with romance or sex but just personal growth.

Marita agrees. Britney gives her the “romantic antics” she doesn’t get from Ashley. Britney cooked her oxtail last night! AJ interrupts here: “I’m sorry?” She’s like THAT was a boundary! No oxtails were to be made! This is fair. This would be like me making my chai for another woman if I were on this show (in case it needs to be said: I WOULD NEVER BE ON THIS SHOW). Cutting through the brief humor of this moment, Ashley says she can see Britney giving Maria all the things she can’t. “I think they’d be a great couple honestly,” she says. AWK.

Ashley and Bridget have similarly had a very wholesome Trial Marriage focused on personal growth. Ashley compliments Bridget’s style and confidence. Bridget is proud of Ashley for building her self confidence and appreciates that she checks in before she leaves, which as we know Kyle does not. Bridget’s advice to Marita and Ashley is to both acknowledge their own faults. If Marita needs grand gestures, they need to better understand each other’s feelings more, Bridget suggests. Marita does not like receiving this relationship advice. She feels like Bridget is making assumptions. Ashley tells her to chill out, because they’re all in the same boat and probably all making assumptions about each other’s original relationships after the Trial Marriages. Here’s the thing about Ashley and Marita: They just truly don’t seem like a good fit for each other and not for any dramatic reasons. It’s just not a fit!

Pilar and Kyle are back to being in a very good place. Pilar acknowledges they had their hard moments but feels they came out stronger than ever. Kyle says Pilar helped her work through her emotions and be more understanding and mature through conflict. She tells Pilar she has so much time to work through things with Haley. DOES SHE? Because Haley seems to be very in love with someone else!

Okay, FINALLY, it’s time for some drama! Pilar does not care for the fact that Haley posted a quote on her Instagram story that said: “Sometimes you want to disappear but all you want to do is be found.” Now, personally, I think the main reason she should be mad about Haley posting this quote is because it doesn’t really make sense? And sounds silly? But no, Pilar is mad because she feels like Haley is passive aggressively suggesting something about their relationship and her new relationship with Magan. But Haley REALLY gets the kicker here: “You’re gonna talk to me about stories when you posted Kyle with heart eye emojis and then blocked me???????” DAMNNNNNN. Bridget is quietly like “I didn’t know about that.”

BLOCKED?

BLOCKED.

Pilar scoots past this little heart eyes / blocked accusation and asks if there’s really nothing more to Haley and Magan.

“We’re very authentic,” Magan says. “We’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Things just got good. Is it just me or is this season WAY more bonkers than last season? And that’s really saying something…

But oh wait, it’s about to get even wilder.

Next: Ultimatum Queer Love Season Two Recap Episode 7

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On Farmer Wants A Wife, Jordyn Mallory is shocked when farmer Matt Warren doesn’t choose her, and calls him out for leading her on. Jay Woods stays true to his first solo date and chooses Grace Clark. Colton Hendricks remains smitten by his choice Zoe Green. And farmer John Sansone comes full circle and chooses Claire Dirette. Let’s round up the choices and consequences in this recap of Season 3, Episode 11 Final Decisions.

Farmer Wants A Wife: Jordyn Calls Out Farmer Matt

Farmer Wants A Wife season 3 ended in anger for Jordyn Mallory after farmer Matt Warren chose Chelsi Blayne Davis to move forward with. Jordyn didn’t take his rejection well. She reminds him she gave him an out when she suggested they were in the friend zone. Jordyn Mallory says he simply told her what she wanted to hear and led her on. She stomps off in her platform heels on the rough terrain. She has nothing more to say to him. And finds his final remark “I’ll pray for you” to be condescending.

Jordyn Mallory was shocked that he chooses Chelsi Blayne Davis. But Chelsi didn’t seem surprised. Since the two share very similar personalities. Matt Warren admits it’s new for him to date someone just like him. He tells her while he won’t be proposing marriage to her today, he plans to in the future. Since he won’t be dating anyone else but her.

Fox Show Farmers Make Final Decisions

Jay Woods singled out Grace Clark almost immediately on Farmer Wants A Wife. They flirted during their speed date. And Jay didn’t hesitate to choose Grace for his first solo date. They shared a kiss during a picnic on a football filed after watching a game. He even gifted her a jersey bearing his name. However, Jay caught feelings for Karina Sabol during her time on the farm. Karina was hurt but gracious after Jay told her he would be saying goodbye to her.

For farmer Colton Hendricks, his goodbye to Keeley Goldberg got a little misunderstood. Colton explained that he feared he didn’t have time for a relationship due to his young son. Keeley interpreted it to mean he wouldn’t be embarking on a relationship with either woman. When Colton admits he plans to ask Zoe Green to continue dating, she’s pretty hurt. Zoe is pleased with Colton’s offer. She can’t wait to ride off into the sunset with him.

Farmer Wants A Wife: Farmer John Sansone Makes a Choice

Farmer John Sansone hit it off fast with Samantha Riehl on Farmer Wants A Wife. He quickly chose her for the first solo date. And the chemistry between them seemed to put the other women at a disadvantage. But Samantha came with conditions. And soon being one of several women dating John became too much. And she chose to leave the farm on her own. John had no choice but to move forward with the ladies who remained.

He definitely had an attraction to Lily Ayres. They shared similar values and outlooks on life. But he found himself interested in Claire Dirette. The relationship was a slow burn throughout the season. And they have different opinions about a lot of things. In the end John found Claire to be a better match who surprised and challenged him.  Claire agrees to give it a shot for the future.

Check out all the recaps of season 3 of Farmer Wants A Wife on Soap Dirt.