I swear babies that can’t even flip over yet can teleport short distances when no one is observing them. You put that thing down in one spot, turn your back on it for one second and then it’s moved a few feet away.

They can do this because they don’t understand how it’s impossible. When babies learn enough about physics and object permanence to be able to move and navigate they lose the ability to teleport, because then they know enough to figure out it can’t be done.

ThadisJones , Nathan Walker Report

When I was a kid my mom was watching me play while hanging laundry. When she turned to hang a garment I discovered a “bouncy spot” in the grass and fell down a 100ish year old abandoned well. She said that day took years off her life.

nervousdonut , el cajon yacht club Report

We moved into our new house on Halloween in 2001. Most of the heavy lifting was done, so the wife decided to begin unpacking the important stuff and I would take our 8 year old daughter out trick or treating. We stepped outside and I realized I left my phone.

Standing on the front porch I tell her…”Don’t move, I have to get my phone. I’ll be right back. Do not move.”

Narrator: She moved.

New neighborhood. Kids and parents everywhere. I’m running up and down the street frantically and after about 15 minutes later I spot a family, mom and dad and a handful of rugrats…with mine in tow.

They had a good laugh telling me they just turned around and there she was, having appeared out of nowhere. Decided to stay close assuming some hysterical parent would eventually come running.

catching_comets , Infrogmation of New Orleans Report

I glanced at the salt, and toddler daughter grabbed a whole new potato off my plate and shoved it in her mouth. She then tried to swallow it and choked. Longest 15 seconds on my life getting it out of her. Learn child first aid people! They are suicide machines as toddlers.

Mischeese , stu_spivack Report

It was 23 years ago, but still fresh in my mind.

I looked in my rearview mirror, and my son, in his car seat, was happily gazing out the window, gnawing on a chicken McNugget.

I hadn’t been to McDonalds in weeks.

My memory is fresher than that Mcnugget was.

seattleite4 , GillyBerlin Report

I was making dinner for my twin 18mo when boy twin starts to fuss, so I carefully put the knife about a foot away from the edge of the counter. I intentionally put it away from the edge because my girl twin is NOT to be trusted. I go change my boy and turn around and my girl is casually holding my large, sharp chopping knife. I had to get it from her like a hostage negotiator so she wouldn’t run away with it. I couldn’t figure out how she got it so I looked at the video and as soon as my back was turned she was grabbing the cutting board to pull the knife closer and then immediately skipped over the carrots and peeler to grab the knife. I was clearly correct in not trusting that feral child

try_new_stuff , rick Report

My older brother was the kind of baby that would get into things if you didn’t pay attention to him for second and it drove my parents crazy. My aunt told my mom she was just a bad parent so my mom said “Ok then. You babysit him tomorrow when I’m at work.” The next day my aunt called my mom while she was work freaking out. There was white smoke coming from up stairs and it turned out that my brother got ahold of baby powder and was just going ham on it upstairs. After that my aunt apologised to my mom.

Angelic_Demoness , César Rincón Report

I was shopping in Sears with my son who was 4 years old at the time. I had to speak to one of the employees and I turned and he was gone in a matter of seconds.frantically calling his name, people are helping me look for him 10-15 minutes go by I’m crying I am extremely distressed of course and I hear a man calling and waving “over here over here ” I run over to where he was and there is my 4-year-old sitting on a riding lawn mower that was on display making his vroom vroom noises, happy as a lark.

moogiemomm , Mike Mozart Report

I had been drinking scotch one evening while doing dishes. So I’m standing at the sink. I hear my 3 year old stumble into the room, pull a chair out from the table and climb up. I’m not thinking anything of this until I hear a small voice say “Juice!” as I turn to watch him dump about 1/2oz of single malt into his mouth. This was immediately followed by a gasp, then he turned bright white, then bright red.

He went to bed early that night.

theservman , waferboard Report

Getting ready for my first Christmas party at a company. It’s a family affair. We all looked great. Hubby was already in the car, ran to the bedroom for something I forgot, we were running a little late. Ended up going to to the party with my 3 year old looking like a smurf because he thought my blue nail polish was “just like mommy’s makeup”. Still to this day don’t know how he got the cap unscrewed because he’s 10 now and can’t open an already cracked bottle of water to save his life

Regular_Award_3200 , William Tung Report

Left my son at the kitchen counter while preparing pancakes. One minute he’s there, the next thing I know he’s successfully empties the syrup bottle All. Over. The. Couch. I mean puddles of syrup in our cushions and pillows. First time as a parent I remember calling my mom crying because I was at such a loss for how to clean it all up.

ashleynr12 , mroach Report

Went to the toilet, leaving the newborn asleep on a blanket on the floor (on top of a large fluffy carpet). 3 year old was watching tv nearby. Came back to find baby literally rolled up in carpet like a dead body, 3 year old sitting on top, with a cushion under him too. Still don’t know how he did it at all let alone so quickly, and how the baby was totally chilled and unharmed.

peripateticpeople , Quinn Dombrowski Report

I was the child in question, two years old at the time. We were at the beach, where about two feet into the sea there’s a shelf where it suddenly gets twice as deep. My parents were distracted by my brother, so didn’t notice me wander into the surf. When they next looked up, all the could see was my hat away floating on the water. Panic set in, and my dad sprinted into the sea. Discovered that I was still wearing the hat, and was somehow floating completely vertical with just the hat showing above the water.

Turns out this is not that uncommon! Remember, when you’re near a body of water, never stop watching the kids.

lankymjc , anokarina Report

I work from home. My son is usually with me while I work in the evening. One night I take a call, he was sitting on the floor next to me playing with his cars (he’s three). The next minute, I look over and watching him as he is flying through the air next to me. He had climbed up on our table and just launched himself off! I always mute myself when I’m not speaking when he’s home so thank god the customer didn’t hear my OH MY GOD as i caught him lol

[deleted] , 455992 Report

My daughter said “Ouch” and was looking at her thumb. A few minutes later the same thing happened. That is when I realized she was trying to stick a paper clip in an electrical outlet.

Fortunately no harm. I think that was the last time she was allowed to go to work with daddy.

Morganzata , david pacey Report

I had taken my four year daughter into a public toilet in France, which was next to a main road. As we left, I let go of her hand for a split second as I looked away to close the door behind us. When I looked back she was running into the main road as she’d seen her Mum on the other side. From where I stood, my view of the road was obstructed so I couldn’t see if any cars were coming, and she had gone too far for me to catch her. By a complete miracle, she got safely over the road. It sends shivers down my spine remembering the helpless terror I felt when I saw her in the middle of the road.

Goose-rider3000 , Glenn Beltz Report

When my daughter was little, probably about 3, she went with me to shop for some tools. I turned away to look at something and heard behind me “Daddy, what’s this?” “Uh, honey, that’s an axe. Please give it to me.” She did, and all was well, but I’m glad my wife wasn’t there–she would have panicked.

retailguy_again , Peter Murphy Report

My toddler at the time grabbed a stick of butter out of the fridge and tossed it into the fish tank. Minutes later all the fish were floating dead in the fish tank. Last time we owned fish

earthenfirebrand , David Kinney Report

Went to pee , put my kiddos in there room with the door open and the gate up. I also had the bathroom door open…come out to find a dozen eggs cracked on the kitchen floor and into the butter and my youngest covered in peanut butter naked. My now ex husband was sleeping…I walked into our room woke him up and tagged out..my brain was fried at that point. To this day I have no clue how they escaped, they are 16&18 now.

HolyPallyGirl , J E Theriot Report

Woke up once and my two sons had climbed out of a window onto a flat roof. They were 1 and 3. I still don’t know how they even got the window open.

[deleted] , storebukkebruse Report

My daughter was 18 months old. Standing in between my husband and me in the kitchen, arm distance from both of us. She slipped, fell and broke two front teeth.

Why_So_Slow , Caitlin Regan Report

Growing up we had a shed with our laundry room attached to our porch. My mom had me sitting on the floor of the porch playing with some toys (I was about 2), while she was doing laundry. I was just out of her eyeline for the time it takes to start a load of laundry, but by the time she turned around I had somehow managed to find a snake and had picked it up and was playing with it.

imwalkingafteryou , Bernard DUPONT Report

Telling it on my dad’s behalf. On a fishing trip and I fell in a rapid while playing on the rocks. Never a strong swimmer, just kinda started my travel to the sea. He barely caught me by the arm.

Dangercakes13 , Ralph Daily Report

He was playing outside in the sand box just 10 feet from me. I had the window and door open and could hear him playing. Suddenly I was aware that he wasn’t making any noise. I couldn’t find him. I searched the yard, I asked strangers on the street and made a larger and larger circle and met my neighbors. 10 long minutes and he was nowhere. He had curled up in his stroller and was asleep.

DarrenEdwards , Nenad Stojkovic Report

I was sitting in a high chair, climbed out of it, onto the counter, and stole my mother’s coffee. All she did was to put her shoes at the door, 3 feet away

FANTOMphoenix , Peachyeung316 Report

I used to have a job that rented a lot of houses and properties in Southern California. Part of my job was meeting with property owners and to close a deal with them. One day I go to this man’s house in laguna Beach, as in his house was ON the beach. I was meeting with an insanely wealthy but also insanely nice Asian man who I had met a couple of times before and we had somewhat of a work type relationship. As i begin to bring up the deal to be made, he suggests we walk to the beach first, (I was ready to get home, it was Saturday) so we start walking, talking about life etc. He then proceeded to hold my hand, interlocked finger style, for the whole walk. I was originally wielded out by it but when I brought it up to a coworker he said it’s just a part of their culture. He also made me wear his personal house slippers to be allowed entry into his home. Just cultural differences but it still cracks me up that the most romantic beach walk I’ve ever had in my life was with an 75 yo something man millionaire.

blowhardyboys86 , Joshua Ganderson Report

I was kicked out of a elementary school friend’s birthday party because another friend and I played “witches” in her treehouse. She was Southern Baptist. There was a literal cauldron in her treehouse, I stand by my decision.

erineestevenson , DaPuglet (Tina) Report

When meeting my Finnish fiancées’ family, I was invited to a sauna with her brother. No clothes allowed. 10/10 would sweat with my boy again

MadRadInnit , Pilar Report

I don’t play with this group anymore, but had 3 “friends” who would regularly come over to game. I was the first of us to own a house, so it made sense for me to host.

One Christmas, the group all brings Christmas gifts for each other. They didn’t tell me they were exchanging gifts at my house, and no one got a gift for me either. I was sad because I realized then that I wasn’t their friend but rather a tool for them to play D&D.

Panwall , Sue Thompson Report

When I lived in Antwerp (Belgium), I once was stopped by an elderly, woman on the street. She was asking for help inside her house. Guiding me through a house where the temperature was way too hot, she stopped at every radiator and asked me to turn them down. In the end we went to the kitchen, where some jewish women and children were watching me silently while I was putting all the burning gas stoves on a low heat. Then she showed me out, thanked me and closed the door.

In Antwerp there is a big community of hasidic jews, I can imagine this was during sabbath.

laurens-t , nafrenkel88 Report

I grew up in a highly Mormon area, so most of my friends in school were Mormon, and I was occasionally invited into their more intimate Holiday celebrations for example.

One year, they gave me bags of food and drove me to a random house, then told me I had to go in and Deliver the bags to the people inside (A big family who currently have no means of financial support) as a secret Santa.

It was a wonderful gesture, but I felt really awkward being asked to do this in a stranger’s house, but they asked me to do it for the expressed reason that I was a stranger, and they wouldn’t know who had donated the food.

sezah , Bennilover Report

Went to a friends house for dinner a lovely meal. The whole family cleaned their plates of food then turned them over and ate dessert on the back of their plates like it was the most normal thing in the world. I copied them just to be polite.

Argybargyass , Jonathan Rees Report

I went over to my friends house to play D&D in high-school, and my friends mom mad lunch for the 7 of us. It was really good. We were just playing D&D and eating tacos, and after we all finished the lunch, everyone started pulling out cash. I was super confused.

My friend turned to me and asked, “Do you have your $5?”

So apparently we were supposed to pay for the meal. I was incredibly embarrassed. One of my other friends ended up paying for me. I never played D&D at that house ever again…

Edit: This happened in SoCal. They were just a standard American household as far as I was aware. The food was homemade. D&D is Dungeons and Dragons. It’s a role-playing game. Also, I can confirm that my friend was not taking the money. I literally saw him give it to his mom.

Songovstorms , Gunnar Wrobel Report

As a Greek, i had to challenge the house host to a sword duel because he was a Turk and i had the moral obligation to do so

captain_snake32 , last Report

I work for the ambulance service and I was asked to take my shoes off before attending to their mother in cardiac arrest. Politely reminded them that there was a time and place

phoenixfeet72 , Ravi Kotecha Report

I was prohibited from going to the lobby of the house or get out of the room without giving a warning first because I was prohibited to meet the wife of the host since I am a man. I was 10 years old by the way.

ward_-_ , Felicity Rainnie Report

I used to mentor a girl from Uganda. I walked in on her family discussing the marriage of their daughter (older sister of my mentee) to the son of the other family. They were debating how many cows and dollars she was worth. Women are not allowed to be in the room when it the trading happens. It was my first day as her mentor and I walked in the front door and suddenly I was smack dab right in the room with a bunch of huge guys that were having the discussion of this girl’s worth. It was bonkers.

KDWWW , Luigi Guarino Report

My family is Catholic, Im not. They believe in God but really only go to church once in a while and just wanted me to believe and be a good person as the bare minimum. I’m not religious but I humor them.

Anyways, once when I was younger, There was a kid whose father was friends with my father and my dad and I got asked to come over for dinner. Sounds fine. There are other people there for dinner too. My dad and I thought it was weird. Prolly a dinner party and he forgot to mention.

Meet the guy’s son. Cool kid at first glance. Massive gamer, has modern consoles (for the time) gaming PC, had a Scar L airsoft rifle. We hit it off. Same with the other kids.

Then in the middle of playing, the guys son turns off the TV and ps3 and starts telling us, “alright guys, gather around and we’re gonna do a quiz on the word of God and talk about why you should be saved by praying to him and following his teachings.”

I’m like “nope.jpg” and fake a stomach ache to get out of it. Go to the bathroom and the guys son tells me “hey don’t want you feeling left out.” Then proceeds to slide me the packet; yes packet, and a pencil from under the bathroom door and he tells me “make sure before you come out, you finish it and turn it in so I can check it.”

Luckily, my dad faked a call from my mom saying she wasn’t feeling well and went to grab me. We both got out hella quick. Turns out, it was all some sort of recruitment thing going on for a church of this specific sect of Christianity or something. My dad felt off after being told that he was going to be taught the true values of God and he was expected to force/teach these values to his family. At the time, it all felt like a fever dream.

Never could find that kid on FB or any other social media. So maybe he never existed at all haha.

Insanefox32 , Savio Sebastian Report

I went over to a friend’s house for a sleepover and when I changed into my pajamas her mom started demanding I put something else on and throw my pajamas out. I was really confused, she was yelling about how my pajamas were sinful and bore signs of the devil! I ended up just calling my mom to take me home because I was so uncomfortable, but that woman just kept scolding us for allowing me to wear satantic symbols.

The symbols on my pajamas? Peace signs. She said they were broken crosses, so clearly a sign of the devil.

usernameemma , David Geitgey Sierralupe Report

Late to the game, but here goes.
I had a friend growing up whose parents didn’t allow any snacks in the house. Every time he invited me over to spend the night, I was expected to bring boxes of snack food because it could be allowed if brought in by an outsider.
And yes, his parents would partake, too.
So there was junior high school aged Higestache bringing boxes of snacks for an entire family to have a ‘cheat night’ at my expense.

higestache , Andrew Malone Report

Dated a Lebanese guy.. On Christmas we had to drive around and visit all the aunts and uncles and sisters and brothers and so on.. At the first house I was offered a glass of coke and I kindly refused (coke makes me bloated and I wee a lot). I was told by my boyfriend that’s it’s rude. I had to finish each coke at every house, and if I finished it too soon, I would get a refill. I almost died that day. Also all the woman were mostly standing in the kitchen, did not really mingle with the men.

mickyburton Report

My friends father was a Geordie and his grandad was Scottish. Each hogmanay it was my job to leave their house and re enter bearing a gift of coal. This was my task as I was the only one there with dark hair.

So that’s a thing.

Edit: spelling of Hogmanay.

GabberZZ , Laurence Arnold Report

When the host has been saying grace for 5 straight minutes and we’re all still holding hands in a big circle as if we’re trying to summon a spirit, it feels pretty weird.

Bizarre_Protuberance , Anja Pietsch Report

Must have ice cream after dinner, even a spoonful was enough. My friend invited me for a sleepover and his dad took out a small bucket of ice cream, turns out they have a separate freezer just for ice cream. Friend’s mom didn’t want any so she just took a spoonful from her husband. His dad would offer me ice cream whenever he can. We went for a drive and his dad saw a Dairy Queen we went there and spent an hour inside trying every kind of ice cream they had.

His mom wasn’t any different but it was with making sure the meal was balance, doesn’t matter if you ate a dozen fried chicken but you better eat a lot of vegetables with it.

I thought that they probably grew up poor and ice cream was a luxury his dad never had and maybe his mom wasn’t able to eat much.

My paternal grandma was unwilling to let a guest go home without eating anything.

illogicalfuturity , Alper Çuğun Report

i am reminded of the story on Reddit where a girl went to her boyfriend’s parents’ house to meet them, and they had a ritual where they gather around a table and savagely consume an entire orange, skin and all. She didn’t do it, and she upset the entire family. I think it’s my favorite story from Reddit.

frauleinsteve , JaeHun LEE Report

I once went to have dinner with a girl from uni who came from a super nice but very religious family. Her dad turned out the be the pastor. Absolutely no problem being silent while they’re praying before dinner, however after dinner the whole family got their bibles out, and asked me politely, which my favourite verse was so we could read it together. Eh…?

Qihai7 , George Bannister Report