Seeing the red flags on time can go a long way in cushioning our hearts to prepare for a break-up. Relationships are so complex and being a success in your profession doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be a top dog when it comes to romantic relationships. Busy professionals who don’t want to waste time with the wrong person should check out the signals to look out for in order to build a better relationship and resolve any issues.  

1. Repeated periods of unhappiness or doubt.

Some relationships are dominated with Statements like ‘I don’t love you anymore’ and ‘I want a divorce’ –such statements don’t just come from thin air. Be attentive and observant in a relationship for non-stop or repeated periods of unhappiness or doubts as this leads to break-ups and divorce in many cases. Always try to evaluate your relationship and cut down on unhappy times and set up some quality time to allow for conversations that get to the bottom of these feelings.

2. Levels of commitment

This is very vital in any relationship –the amount of time and effort you are willing to invest in a relationship can go a long way to sustain a relationship. Remember this is not a one-sided thing as both parties have to be committed in order to make things work. Do you know and respect each other? How much quality time do you spend together? Are you both dedicated? These are some of the routine questions you need to answer from time to time.

3. Understanding

The importance of understanding between partners can never be over reinforced –relationships thrive on the understanding of one another. How well do you understand your partner’s personality and flaws? We all have flaws and learning to understand and accept this is a major step in building lasting relationships. Without understanding, no relationship can work out.

4. Accepting change

At this stage, we all should have noticed that change is constant. Everything changes, this includes us and the environments we live in. Have a discussion about your relationship goals as this will help you to adjust to changes if they come up. If you don’t discuss your goals then you can’t tell if you are on the right path with your partner. I know a couple that has a meeting every two months to discuss their needs and life plans.

5. Bored even when you’re on holiday together 

At this point, nothing is exciting about this relationship –not even a weekend on the beach in the Maldives. Do you still enjoy vacations together or you rather have the vacation alone? Ask yourself these questions or you just might be receiving the bombshell soon –I think I’m tired of this relationship.”

 

With experience, you’ll find that you don’t have to be a victim of relationship traumas anymore. If you find that you can’t break out of past relationship patterns become a member and receive advice from the Dating Experts.

Have you ever noticed how all your communication skills go out the window when you are mad? Or how you say things in the worst possible way when you feel slighted?

There are countless theories and books on relationships out there–exercises for better communication and tips on dealing with power struggles.  So then why do so many relationships fail?

Why relationships fail

It’s been my experience that the root of all relationship problems is NOT incompatibility, different styles of communication, or even different values. It’s a sense of emotional disconnection. Seems obvious, but this often gets overlooked.

The bottom line is that when you aren’t feeling connected to your partner, you are less likely to use your tools.  All the insight in the world is of no use when your subconscious mind thinks your partner is the enemy.

If you don’t trust that your partner is attuned to you–or emotionally responsive in times of distress–you feel like you have no ally. It’s not so much what you are fighting about that matters. It’s that if you don’t feel safe, nothing really works.

Relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson studied this phenomenon and shares it in her book Hold Me Tight.

She challenges the traditional idea that our ability to transcend the need for a secure emotional attachment makes us more mature, and thus better able to have a successful adult relationships.

Instead, she normalizes the primal need for a secure emotional attachment in adult relationships, and argues that we are wired to require emotionally attuned responses from others to keep us feeling safe and preventing “fight or flight” response.

This is why most fights are really a protest against emotional disconnection, and that underneath the distress, partners are really asking each other:  Can I count on you? Will you respond to me when I call? Do I matter to you? Do you need me?

Anger, criticisms, demands, and withdrawal are all attempts to draw our partners back in, and re-establish a sense of safe connection.

Here is a video I created for you discussing this topic:

In this video, I bust the  myth about adult attachment needs, and touch on two things you can do to create greater emotional connection.

Try this out, and let me know if you need support around this by booking a session here: Chat with Monika

If you can create this kind of connection, you will be able to tackle anything in your relationship, from the same team!