Whenever you feel a person or situation is unsafe, call it what it is. Don’t sit on the sidelines. You might make your teen upset, but it is worth it to keep them safe. If your daughter is dating a boy who is pushing sexual boundaries, degrading her, or using her to build his rocky reputation, it needs to end. Create space for a calm, respectful conversation and share the hard truth with her. She might not think you’re her friend in the moment, but later, when you saved her from a dumpster-fire relationship, she will recognize you were being her parent and best friend. 

The same goes for your teen sons. If they are ever in a situation or with someone who is unsafe, step in and let them know it’s time to end the relationship. Both teen boys and girls need proper guidance and safety when it comes to dating. Teenage years are hard and can cause them to do things they will regret in the future. Teens are just learning what boundaries, self-respect, and long-term consequences are, but mixed with peer pressure, it’s a hard season to navigate. Choose to be the parent who stands in the gap, guiding and protecting them, even if you lose cool points with your child.

As a mom or a dad to a teen, all you can do is try your best. Monitor your teen’s dating, but don’t be overbearing. Help your teen know that you are not against dating—you just want to ensure they are ready to date and are ready for the maturity it requires.

Nonetheless, remember that you are the parent, and you know what is best. Do what you feel is best for your child and what will bring glory to God. If that means placing an age threshold on the dating period, then that is what must be done. However, if you want to be more flexible and you trust your teen, you can allow them to date with the specific instructions that you have to approve of the person before they start dating them. This will help clear up any questions for you or your teen, prioritizing their safety and the hard season of life they are navigating.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Maskot

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.”
Paulo Coehlo

When you get stuck in the habit of being a people pleaser then that can have a sneaky and negative effect.

Not only on you but also on the people around you.

Because as you try to please the other people in your life:

• You put on a mask and try to guess what to do while getting anxious and stressed.
• You sometimes feel taken advantage off by others who use your people pleasing habit and you often feel out of tune with what you yourself deep down want.
• It can also have an unintended effect on other people as they may see through your mask, start to feel your inner discomfort and stress themselves and get confused or upset because they sense you are not being honest and straightforward with them.

So trying to please others pretty much all the time is often an even worse choice that one may at first think.

But how can you change this behavior and stop being a people pleaser?

This week I’d like to share 7 powerful insights and habits that have helped me with that.

1. Realize that with some people it isn’t about you and what you do (no matter what you do).

Some people just can’t be pleased. No matter what you do.

Because it’s not about what you do or do not do. It’s about him or her.

About how she’s having a bad month, a sick pet or doesn’t have a good chemistry with you.

Or about him being in an unhappy marriage, in too much debt or having a tooth ache that just won’t stop.

By realizing this and how you in the end can’t get everyone to like you or avoid conflict no matter what you do you can start to let go of this ineffective and damaging habit.

2. Learn how to say no.

When you like to please then it’s of course hard to say no.

But it is vital for you own happiness, stress-levels and for living the life you truly want.

Here are 5 things that have made it easier for me to say no more often:

Disarm and state your need.

It’s easier for people to accept your no if you disarm them first.

Do that by, for instance, saying that you’re flattered or that you appreciate the kind offer.

Then add that you, for example, simply don’t have the time for doing what they want.

If they’re pushy, add how you feel.

Say that you don’t feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now.

Or that you feel overwhelmed and very busy and so you cannot do whatever they want.

Telling someone how you honestly feel can help them to understand your side of the issue better. And it’s also a lot harder to argue with how you feel rather than what you think.

Help out a bit.

If possible, finish your reply with recommending someone that you think could help out or would be a better fit for what they need. 

I do this quite often when I feel I lack the knowledge or experience that a reader or a friend is looking for.

Remind yourself why it is important to sometimes say no: You teach people by how you behave.

They learn about you and your boundaries from your behavior.

So if you stand up for yourself and say no and are assertive about what you don’t want then people will start to pick up on that.

And over time you’ll encounter fewer and fewer situations where someone tries to be pushy or steamroll you.

It’s OK to feel a bit guilty about saying no (but you don’t have to act on it).

Just feel it and be with that feeling for a while.

But at the same time know that it doesn’t mean that you have to act on it and say yes or do what they want you to do.

3. Reminder: People don’t really care that much about what you say or do.

Holding yourself back in life and trying to act in a way that is pleasing to others can, in my experience, to a large part come from a belief that people care a great deal about what you say or do.

But the truth is that while you may be the main character in your own life and head you’re not that in other people’s lives.

Because here’s the thing: people have their hands full with thinking and worrying about their own lives.

They have their heads full with thoughts about their kids, career, pets, hobbies, dreams and worries or thoughts about what others may think of them.

This realization can make you feel less important. But it can also set you free.

4. Learn how to handle criticism and verbal lash outs (and the fear of that).

Tip #1 in this article is one thing that’ll help you to handle criticism and the fear of it.

Because sometimes it’s simply about the other person and his or her situation in life right now and not about what you did or did not do.

A few more things that help me to handle negative or critical messages are:

Wait before you reply.

Take a couple of deep breaths in a conversation or a few minutes if you’re in front of your inbox.

By doing so you’ll reduce the risk of lashing out yourself or making a mistake. Calming yourself down a bit before replying is pretty much always a good idea.

Remember: you can let it go.

You don’t have to reply to all the negative messages you may get via email, social media or in real life.

You can just say nothing, let it go and move on.

This does of course not work in every situation but it’s important to remember that you from time to time do have this option.

It’s OK to disagree.

This took me time to really get.

Because I wanted to get people to my side. To make someone see things the way I did.

But it’s also OK to simply have different opinions about things. And to leave it at that.

I found that life became lighter and simpler when I started to accept this idea and perspective.

5. Set boundaries for yourself.

If you say no to yourself, if you set a few firm boundaries for yourself then it will over time become easier to do the same towards other people too.

And these boundaries can also help you to focus better on what matters the most to you.

A couple of my daily ones that have helped me with both of those things are:

• A start-time and a stop-time for work. I don’t work before 8 in the morning and my work computer is shut off – at the latest – at 7 in the evening.
• Work in a no-distraction zone. I keep email notifications and messaging programs off. And my smart phone is on silent mode at the other end of our home.
• Only check email once a day. Otherwise it’s easy for me to lose focus and to have too many thoughts swirling around in my mind while working.

6. Strengthen your self-esteem.

Why’s this important?

Well, with a self-esteem toolbox filled with helpful habits you’ll value yourself and therefore your time and energy more and so it’s becomes more natural to say no when you need to.

And criticism and negative words will bounce off of you more easily and often.

Plus, you’ll be less concerned about getting everyone else to like you all the time.

Because now you like and respect yourself more and your dependency upon what others may think or say drops drastically.

7. Keep your focus on what YOU want out of your life.

If you know what’s most important to you and you keep your focus on that each day then you’ll naturally start to say no and stop being so people pleasing.

Because now your energy and time is mostly focused on your needs and wants.

You’re not just drifting along anymore without a clear focus (which is great because when you lack that then it’s easy to fall into the trap of just going along with what someone else wants).

So how do you do this practically?

Well, fine-tuning what you deep down want might take some time. But a good start is this…

Step 1: Ask yourself: what’s the top 3 most important things in my life right now?

It could be your small business. Your family. Your career, health, dog, photography hobby, soccer, improving your social life or simplifying your home. Or something else.

Step 2: Create 1-3 reminders.

Write down your top 3 most important things on a small piece of paper. And put it on your bedside table so you see it first thing every morning.

You can also create 1-2 more notes with the same answers to for instance put on your fridge and in your workspace.

An effective alternative to paper notes is to use a reminder app on your smart phone (I use the free Google Keep app for my reminders every day). 

These two simple steps have helped me a lot to keep my priorities straight and to remind myself of them every day so I don’t start to drift too much from what matters the most to me.

 

You’re sitting at dinner with your family, and your mom mentions—again—how your cousin just got promoted. Your dad asks when you’re finally going to settle down. Your sister wonders why you’re “still” in therapy. Sound familiar?

The anxiety you are feeling from this conversation is normal but doesn’t have to be the norm. Sometimes the people who love us most can also hurt us most—not from ill intent, but from their own hopes, fears, and dreams for our lives. 

The weight of family expectations pressing down on you, making you question your choices, your timeline, your very sense of self can be overwhelming. But there are ways to navigate these expectations while maintaining both your independence and your connection to your family.

Understanding Where Family Expectations Come From

Cultural and Generational Influences

Family expectations don’t emerge in a vacuum. They’re woven from threads of culture, tradition, and generational beliefs about what makes a ‘good life.’ 

Families who have immigrated in recent generations may place a high value on education while other families may want their children to stay in the family business. Many parents want their kids to have an easier path than they did, and others hope to see their influence reflected in their children’s career and life choices.

These expectations often reflect our families’ deepest values and greatest fears. Understanding this doesn’t make the pressure easier, but it helps us respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.

Parental Hopes and Dreams

Parents want the best for their children no matter how old they are. Sometimes parents carry their own unfulfilled dreams, anxiety about your future, and definitions of security and happiness. When these things don’t align with what you want for your life, it can create a tension. You might feel like they don’t approve of your choices and even of you.

The Emotional Impact of Unmet Family Expectations

Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety

When it feels like we aren’t living up to family expectations, it can be upsetting and difficult to process. Anxiety about disappointing loved ones. Guilt about pursuing our own goals. Shame about not being “enough” in their eyes. This internal conflict—loving our family while needing to live our own lives—can create stress and be emotionally draining.

Loss of Identity and Autonomy

When family expectations start guiding your choices, it’s easy to lose sight of your own direction—blurring the line between who you are and who you were told to be, trading authenticity for approval. Constantly managing family expectations can erode our sense of self. We become so focused on meeting others’ standards, we end up feeling disconnected and unfulfilled with the lives we are living.

Managing Family Expectations with Healthy Communication

How to Have Difficult Conversations

The key to managing expectations lies not in rebellion or compliance, but in honest, loving communication. Here’s how to approach these challenging conversations:

Start with understanding, not defending. Before explaining your choices, try to understand their perspective. “I can see how important financial security is to you. Can you help me understand what you’re most worried about?”

Share your why, not just your what. Instead of announcing decisions, share your thought process. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what fulfillment means to me, and here’s what I’ve discovered…”

Acknowledge their love. Most family expectations come from love, even when they don’t feel that way. “I know you want the best for me, and I’m grateful for that. Let me share how I’m thinking about what ‘best’ means for my life.”

Setting Clear Boundaries 

When we set a boundary, we are not asking anyone else to change. We are taking responsibility and control of the situation by changing our own behavior. When communicating boundaries to loved ones, do so with kindness and clarity. After that, they have a choice in how they want to respond. Remember you are setting boundaries to protect your own well being and independence not to hurt feelings. Here are some examples:

“I value our relationship, and I need to make my own decisions about my career. I’m happy to share updates when I have them, but I won’t be discussing my job search at every family gathering.”

“I love that you care about my future. Comments about my relationship status make me feel pressured rather than supported. Can we find other ways to connect?”

Using ‘I’ Statements and Active Listening

Transform criticism into conversation. Active listening means listening to understand from a place of openness versus defensiveness. You are open to the other person’s point of view rather than trying to formulate a rebuttal as they are talking.

Instead of: “You always judge my choices!” Try: “I feel misunderstood when my decisions are questioned. Can we talk about what’s really concerning you?”

Communicate openly by listening as much as you speak. Sometimes family criticism masks deeper fears or needs that, once addressed, can actually bring you closer together. 

When Your Life Path Differs from Family Expectations

It’s natural for each generation to question the values of their parents and strive to create a life that reflects their own beliefs and aspirations. They want to live life differently—not out of rebellion, but out of a deep desire to define success, happiness, and identity on their own terms. It’s less about rejection and more about figuring out who they are independent of their parents.

Making Peace with Disapproval

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your family won’t understand or approve of your choices. You can love someone and still disappoint them. Managing family expectations sometimes means accepting that love doesn’t always equal approval. In these situations it can be helpful to internalize that perspective and not take it personally. Keep communication open so that there is always a pathway for connection.

Approaches to Handling Family Pressure

When to Seek Counseling or Coaching

Family therapy can be incredibly helpful when expectations create ongoing conflict or anxiety. A skilled therapist can help family members understand each other’s perspectives and develop healthier communication patterns.

Individual therapy is valuable when you’re struggling with:

• Chronic guilt about your life choices
• Anxiety about family reactions
• Difficulty identifying your own wants versus theirs
• Patterns of people-pleasing that leave you exhausted

Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation Techniques

Identifying unrealistic expectations—both theirs and yours—becomes easier with mindfulness practices. When you notice that familiar knot of anxiety before family events, try this:

1. Pause and breathe. Notice the physical sensations without judgment.
2. Name the emotion. “I’m feeling anxious about disappointing them.”
3. Remind yourself of your values. “I’m living according to my own definition of success.”
4. Choose your response. Rather than reacting from anxiety, respond from your values.

Managing Family Expectations During Major Life Events

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Sometimes this requires reframing success and happiness. Unrealistic expectations often stem from narrow definitions. Managing family expectations means expanding those definitions to include:

• Personal fulfillment over external validation
• Growth over perfection
• Authenticity over performance
• Connection over compliance

A realistic expectation might be: “I want to maintain loving relationships with my family while living authentically. This might sometimes involve disappointment or conflict, and that’s okay.”

Career Choices and Education

Career decisions often trigger the strongest family reactions because they touch on core values about security, status, and success. Whether you’re changing careers, going back to school, or choosing a path that seems risky to others, remember that your career is just one part of your life, not the measure of your worth. 

Marriage, Kids, and Lifestyle Decisions

Family expectations around relationships and lifestyle choices can feel especially intrusive. Comments about your relationship status, parenting choices, or living situation touch on deeply personal matters.

It’s okay to say: “I appreciate your concern, and this isn’t open for discussion.” Love doesn’t require sharing every detail of your personal life.

Final Thoughts

Managing family expectations isn’t about choosing between love and autonomy—it’s about finding a way to honor both. Every family system can learn to embrace differences while maintaining connection.

The goal isn’t perfect harmony; it’s having an authentic relationship. Sometimes that includes conflict, disappointment, and periods of distance. And that’s okay. What matters is that you’re living your own life while staying open to love.

When you’re ready to explore how therapy can support you in navigating these complex family dynamics, remember: seeking help isn’t giving up on your family—it’s investing in healthier relationships for everyone.

Your life is yours to live. Your family’s love doesn’t depend on your compliance with their expectations. And finding balance between honoring them and honoring yourself? That’s not selfish—it’s necessary.

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FAQs on Managing Family Expectations

What are common examples of family expectations?

Common family expectations include:

• Educational and career paths
• Timeline for marriage and children
• Financial priorities and lifestyle choices
• Religious or cultural practices
• Geographic proximity to family
• Communication frequency and involvement

How do I deal with judgment from family?

Managing family judgment starts with understanding that their reactions often reflect their own fears, not your failures. Communicate openly about how judgment affects you, setting boundaries around critical comments while reinforcing your love for them.

Remember: You can’t control their reactions, only your responses.

Can I love my family and still say no to them?

Absolutely. In fact, healthy relationships require the ability to say no. Love includes respect for each other’s autonomy and different perspectives. Setting boundaries often strengthens relationships by reducing resentment and creating space for authentic connection.

Today’s pull is The Tower. This dramatic major arcana card represents chaos, sudden changes, and a disruption to the status quo. It’s always a little unnerving when it pops up in a tarot reading, but it’s often exactly what you need to see.

The Tower suggests something you’re currently relying on (like a job, relationship, or friendship) could start to show some cracks today. This shift might be something that happens to you, like an unexpected breakup or an annoying setback at work, but it’s most likely something you’ll notice and start to change all on your own.

This is especially true if you’ve been ignoring tiny red flags or subtle signals that something isn’t quite right in your life. Just like a crumbling foundation, these signs might have started as small cracks that didn’t seem like a big deal, but now they’re growing — and you’re starting to get worried.

It’s so easy — and completely understandable — to stick around in situations that aren’t 100% ideal. For a quick example, think about a friendship that’s zapping all your energy. It might not feel like a big deal that they make back-handed compliments or that you’re always exhausted after hanging out. It’s only when these things happen day after day, year after year, that they start you wear you down.

Today could bring an “enough is enough” moment where you decide to cut someone or something out of your life for good. It might also mean setting boundary that you should have made years ago. Although pivoting can feel daunting, The Tower reminds you to take control before everything gets worse.

Sometimes the change is literal, like ditching someone who consistently brings you down, or more figurative, like letting go of an idea that’s no longer working for you. Whatever the case may be, the inspo to do so will be strong today.

For some, this card could also hint at a desire for a complete rebrand. If you’re sick of the status quo, tired of how you feel, or not seeing the kind of progress you want to see in life, this might be your cue to scrap it all and start over. The Tower may be falling down, but it leaves space for you to build something even better.

For more, check out your horoscope.