“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.”
— Mae West

Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”

And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…

“Am I living well?”

“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m close to the end?”

These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I struggled to fully accept my own mortality — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul-searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my grandma on her 90th birthday (she was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).

On what would become one of the last days of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and exhaustion. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a short time before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.

And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m happy right now?” she asked me.

“Because you’ve lived well,” I said.

She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the things she did along the way that opened doors to her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything told me.

Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with readers and clients in the past, today is the anniversary of my grandma’s passing, so I’d like to honor her once more. To do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room just over a decade ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the habits and ways of living that allowed my 90-year-old grandma to sustain genuine happiness all her life:

1. My grandma kept her negative self-judgment in check, and gave every day her best.

One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”

For example, it’s been almost 19 years now that Angel and I have been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my writing and work was sub-par.

“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive thousands of shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.

And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.

Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.

Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.

Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”

2. My grandma consistently did hard things.

Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.

Don’t be one of these people.

My grandma had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!

Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.

3. My grandma focused on the present, and appreciated the little things.

“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.

The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.

But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.

Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.

Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.

Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.

You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.

4. My grandma honed the peace of mind that comes with letting things go.

This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.

Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.

It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!

“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”

Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. (Note: Angel and I discuss this practice in more detail in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

5. My grandma read a lot and was incredibly generous with her knowledge.

My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.

Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

Closing Thoughts: A Benediction

I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this essay, and the overall reason my grandma was genuinely happy for the majority of her life:

“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of children;

Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;

Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;

Who has left the world better than she found it,

Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;

Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;

Whose life was an inspiration;

Whose memory a benediction.”

Now it’s your turn…

Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.

Please leave us a comment below and let us know:

Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

We are not just what we know, but what we are willing to learn.

When my Grandma Zelda passed away a decade ago at the age of 90, she left me with a box of miscellaneous items from her house that she knew I had grown to appreciate over the years. Among these items was an old leather-bound journal that she aptly named her Inspiration Journal.

Throughout the second half of her life, Grandma Zelda used this journal to jot down ideas, thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, and anything else that moved her. She would read excerpts from her journal to me when I was growing up, and I would listen and ask questions. I honestly credit a part of who I am now to the wisdom she bestowed on me when I was young.

Although I’ve shared some of her wisdom in the past here on the blog and with our newsletter subscribers, today is the day she became an angel ten years ago. So to honor her, I want to share some of my favorite excerpts from her journal that I actually remember her sharing with me before she died. I’ve done my best to sort, copyedit, and reorganize her thoughts into twelve inspiring bullet points. I hope you find value in them…

1. Breathe in the future, breathe out the past.

No matter where you are or what you’re going through, always believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Never expect, assume, or demand. Just do your best, control the elements you can control, and then let it be. Because once you have done what you can, if it is meant to be, it will happen, or it will show you the next step that needs to be taken.

2. Life CAN be simple again.

Just choose to focus on one thing at a time. You don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it all right now. Breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you. What you put into life, life will often give you back many times over. (Read “The Power of Now” — a book that once sat on my grandma’s nightstand.)

3. Let others take you as you are, or not at all.

Speak and walk your truth even if your voice and legs shake. By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before. So walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.

4. You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.

You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today. Over the years, so many things have happened — things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed. Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed. That’s what life is all about. But I’m still the same person, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

5. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now.

Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time. So whatever you do, hold on to hope. The tiniest thread will twist into an unbreakable cord. Let hope anchor you in the possibility that this is not the end of your story – that the change in the tides will eventually bring you to peaceful shores.

6. Happiness is a priceless asset.

Don’t just educate yourself to be rich, educate yourself to be happy. That way when you get older you’ll know the true value of things, not the price. You will come to realize that the best days are the days when you don’t need anything extreme or special to happen to make you smile. You simply appreciate the moments and feel gratitude, seeking nothing else, nothing more. That is what true happiness is all about in the end. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Growth chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

7. Be determined to be positive on the average day.

Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude. So give yourself a break today. Instead of dwelling on people who have let you down, refocus your time and energy on appreciating those who lift you up. Remember, you can’t control the impolite things some people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be distracted by them.

8. Pay close attention to people you care about.

Sometimes when a loved one says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.” And don’t be too upset if some people only seem to remember you when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a beacon of light that comes to their minds when there is darkness in their lives.

9. Autonomy is a gift you can give.

Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow. Because, over the course of their lives, it is not what you do for them, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them a successful human being.

10. You will outgrow some relationships.

Sometimes getting the results you crave means distancing yourself from people that don’t serve your best interests. This allows you to make space for those who support you in being the absolute best version of yourself. It happens gradually as you grow. You find out who you are and what you need, and then you realize that people you’ve known for awhile don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.

11. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to listen to your intuition.

It’s usually better to look back on life and say, “I can’t believe I did that,” than to look back and say, “I wish I did that.” In the end people will judge you in some way anyway. So don’t live your life trying to impress others. Instead live your life impressing yourself. Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for anyone.

12. Endings often create beginnings to wonderful journeys.

If you’re looking for a happy ending and can’t seem to find one, maybe it’s time to start looking for a new beginning. Brush yourself off and accept that you have to fail from time to time — that’s how you learn. The strongest people out there — the ones with a genuine smile — are often the same people who have fought the toughest battles. They’re smiling because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down. They’re letting go and moving forward, one step at a time.

Promise yourself…

As I’m wrapping up this short tribute to my grandma, I’m also reminded of a poem excerpt by Christian D. Larson that she used to have hanging on her refrigerator when I was a kid. As soon as I was old enough to understand the poem, my grandma made a photocopy of it for me, and over 30 years later I still have that same photocopy laminated and hanging on my office bulletin board. These are words my grandma said she strived to live by:

Promise Yourself…

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to do the best you can.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forgive the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the present.

To wear a friendly countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too focused for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too at peace to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Now it’s your turn!

Before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of my grandma’s points resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Worry gives small things a big shadow.

Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace on the average day is letting each moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it — less worry and more presence every step of the way.

So go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…

• Think deeply.
• Speak gently.
• Love lots.
• Laugh often.
• Work hard.
• Give back.
• Expect less.
• Be present.
• Be kind.
• Be honest.
• Be true to yourself…

And whatever you do, don’t let the wrong things worry you or consume your time for too long!

Read that bolded line above again. It’s one of the core lessons my grandma shared with me and reminded me of frequently in the final few years before she died in 2008. She did so because she loved me, and because, at 90-years-old, she had lived long enough to know that most of us let the little frustrations, drama, and distractions of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us.

We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.

But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve worried about and wasted time on.

Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.

Here are some things I learned from my grandma’s 90 years of wisdom, that I have also gradually validated for myself over the past decade and a half — things we all tend to focus on and worry about when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought:

1. The inevitable frustrations of an average day.

90 percent of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later you will know this for certain. So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with grace and purpose.

2. The failures you often feel self-conscious about.

When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run. We learn the way on the way.

3. How “perfect” everything could be or should be.

Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life. Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.

4. Having complete confidence before taking the first step.

Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts. On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin traveling a new path, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds. A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc. But it doesn’t happen like that. You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.

5. The details about what’s in it for you every step of the way.

Time teaches us that we keep almost nothing in this life until we first give it away — this is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. Most of the time you have to give to receive. Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST! It’s the giving that opens us up to grace and progress.

6. Being an online-only activist for good causes.

The internet was a lot younger when my grandma caught me debating people in an online bulletin board. And she reminded me right then that while online is fine, if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too. So don’t just rant online for a better world today. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach.

7. The pressures of making a big difference (all at once).

When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of “slow and steady” at work. We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.

8. Quick fixes.

The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix or short cut. Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. It’s our daily dedication that paves the road of progress.

All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life — building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment — one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about that for a moment. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis.

9. Having a calendar jam-packed with plans.

Don’t jam your life with plans. Leave space. Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned. So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.

10. Being in constant control of everything.

The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control. And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.

11. Blaming others.

Have you ever met a successful person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me neither. On the average day successful people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own progress in life is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.

12. Obsessing yourself with the numbers.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — shiny objects and flashy figures don’t matter that much. Don’t just chase the money. Don’t just chase the numbers. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value — the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love and Simplicity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

13. The idea of saving certain people from themselves.

Some people will never understand, and it’s not your job to teach or change them. Prioritize your peace today. Seriously, you simply can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created anyway. They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change, at least not yet — they aren’t ready. And again, it’s not your job to rush them.

14. The selfish and disparaging things others say and do.

If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life, and that just isn’t worth it. At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s opinions and antics.

15. Winning every argument.

Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have confidently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!” Exit swiftly when you must, because not much is worth fighting about for long. And try not to regret the kindness and respect you have shown to the wrong people — your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says more than enough about them. Carry on, with grace.

16. Judging others for their shortcomings.

We all have days when we’re not our best. And the older we grow the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days. Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.

17. Society’s obsession with outer beauty.

As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest. You eventually realize that true beauty has almost nothing to do with looks — it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

18. Fancy and glamorous physical possessions.

Your personal wish list for big-ticket physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller as you age into your sunset years, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.

19. Shallow relationships that just keep you busy.

It’s nice to have acquaintances, and it’s great to be friendly. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.

20. Distant future possibilities.

As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Remember, some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness, and you don’t be one of them. Right now if LIFE! Don’t miss it!

It’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to walk in my grandma’s footsteps — to live a life that moves and shakes and makes you laugh out loud. Because you don’t want to get to the end of it all, or to tomorrow even, and realize that your entire life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises. So count your blessings today, value the people and things that truly matter, and move on from the drama and distractions with your head held high…

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“I have seen and touched and danced and sang and climbed and loved and meditated on a lifetime spent living honestly. Should it all end tonight, I can positively say there would be no regrets. I feel fortunate to have walked 90 years in my shoes. I am truly lucky. I really have lived 1,000 times over.”

Those are the opening lines of the final entry in my grandma Zelda’s journal—a 270-page leather-bound journal she wrote small entries in almost every morning during the final decade of her life. In it she reflected on lessons she had learned, lessons she was still learning, and the experiences that made these understandings possible.

When my grandma entered hospice care on her 90th birthday, I sat with her for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe. Although her body was weak, her mind was still incredibly strong. And the diagnosis inspired her to think about her life, everything she had journaled about over the years, and reflect aloud. So I gave her my undivided attention from sunrise until sunset.

As I sat beside her bed, she thumbed through her journal one page at a time, reading dozens of specific entries she wanted me to hear. She spoke softly and passionately about her life, her loves, her losses, her pain, her dreams, her achievements, her happiness, and all the lessons that embodied these points of reference. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable days of my life.

My grandma passed away shortly thereafter, peacefully in her sleep. The day after her passing I found out she had formally left her journal for me in her will. Since then I have read it from cover to cover countless times.

Although I have shared some of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers, course students, and live event attendees in the past, today would have been my grandma’s 101st birthday, so I’d like to honor her once again. To do so, I’m going to re-share excerpts from the journal entries that she shared with me when I was at her bedside 11 years ago. I’ve done my best to sort, clean up, copyedit, and reorganize her wisdom into 19 inspiring bullet points. I hope you find value in them:

1. Most people live their lives on default settings.

There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t settle for the default settings in life. Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them. Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions. Don’t let others tell you what you want. Design YOUR journey every step of the way! The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

2. The right journey is the ultimate destination.

The most prolific and beneficial experience in life is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it. It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters—goals and dreams that move forward with you as you chase them. It’s all about meaningful pursuits—the “moving”—and what you learn along the way. Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between. In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and priceless life-long memories are made.

3. The willingness to do hard things opens windows of opportunity.

One of the most important abilities you can develop in life is the willingness to accept and grow through times of difficulty and discomfort. Because the best things are often hard to come by, at least initially. And if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them entirely. Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying healthy is hard. But all are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster. Realize this now. If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.

4. Tiny steps can change everything in your life.

The concept of taking it one step at a time might seem absurdly obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into biting off more than we can chew. So, remind yourself: you can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Tiny, repeated efforts will get you there, gradually.

5. Sometimes moving backwards in life is absolutely necessary.

No one wins a game of chess, or the game of life, by only moving forward. Sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. Because sometimes, when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Growth chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

6. The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.

When we are young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year. The key is to understand that tempering expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration. With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t always the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to. This isn’t a bad thing—it makes life interesting, if we are willing to see it that way.

7. We all have pretty darn good track records.

Our character is often most evident at our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between. And on particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.

8. Life changes from moment to moment, and so can YOU.

When hard times hit there’s a tendency to extrapolate and assume the future holds more of the same. For some strange reason this doesn’t happen as much when things are going well. A laugh, a smile, and a warm fuzzy feeling are fleeting and we know it. We take the good times at face value in the moment for all they’re worth and then we let them go. But when we’re stressed, struggling, or fearful, it’s easy to heap on more pain by assuming tomorrow will be exactly like today. This is a cyclical, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future through that same dirty lens, and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that is worn out and false.

9. You can fight and win the battles of today only.

No matter what’s happening, you can resourcefully fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two mind-bending eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly difficult and complicated.

10. Not being “OK” all the time is normal.

Sometimes not being OK is all we can register inside our tired brains and aching hearts. This emotion is human, and accepting it can feel like a small weight lifted. Truth be told, it’s not OK when someone you care about is no longer living and breathing and giving their amazing gifts to the world. It’s not OK when everything falls apart and you’re buried deep in the wreckage of a life you had planned for. It’s not OK when the bank account is nearly at zero, with no clear sign of a promising income opportunity. It’s not OK when someone you trusted betrays you and breaks your heart. It’s not OK when you’re emotionally drained to the point that you can’t get yourself out of bed in the morning. It’s not OK when you’re engulfed in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never known before. Whatever your tough times consist of, sometimes it’s just NOT OK right now. And you don’t have to rush the process of feeling better again.

11. Sensitivity can be a super power.

Although sensitivity is often perceived as a weakness in our culture, to feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness; it is the characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being. It is not the sensitive person who is broken, it is society’s understanding that has become dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring and humane world. Never be ashamed to let your feelings, smiles and tears shine a light in this world.

12. Opening up to someone who cares can heal a broken heart.

Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods—every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you can’t see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed.

13. Solitude is important too.

Speaking to someone can help, but so can solitude. Sometimes the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself. This is one of life’s cruelest ironies. We need solitude, because when we’re alone we’re detached from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us. And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.

14. Most of the time you don’t need more to be happier—you need less.

When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler and more enjoyable when you clear the emotional and physical clutter that makes it unnecessarily complicated. (Read “The Power of Now” — a book that once sat on my grandma’s nightstand.)

15. Beginning each day with grace and gratitude always feels better than the alternative.

When you arise in the morning think of what an incredible privilege it is to be alive—to be, to see, to hear, to think, to love, to have something to look forward to. Realize that it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Make a ritual of noticing the goodness that’s already yours first thing in the morning, and you will see more goodness everywhere you look throughout the day.

16. Who we choose to be around matters immensely.

Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you—people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Ultimately, the people in your life make all the difference in the person you are capable of being. Life is just too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from these people, you free yourself to be YOU. And being YOU is the only way to truly live.

17. Relationship boundaries are key.

When someone treats you like you’re just one of many options, again and again, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride—it’s self-respect. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you’ve earned.

18. Some people will stick with you, and some won’t

It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you. Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.

19. New opportunities are always out there waiting for you.

Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these very losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities. Embrace these opportunities. Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet someone that just might change your life forever.

Promise yourself…

As I’m wrapping up this short tribute to my grandma, I’m also reminded of a poem excerpt by Christian D. Larson that she used to have hanging on her refrigerator when I was a kid. As soon as I was old enough to understand the poem, my grandma made a photocopy of it for me, and over 30 years later I still have that same photocopy laminated and hanging on my office bulletin board. These are words my grandma said she strived to live by:

Promise Yourself…

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to do the best you can.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forgive the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the present.

To wear a friendly countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too focused for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too at peace to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Now it’s your turn!

Before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of my grandma’s points resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

We are not just what we know, but what we are willing to learn.

When my Grandma Zelda passed away a decade ago at the age of 90, she left me with a box of miscellaneous items from her house that she knew I had grown to appreciate over the years. Among these items was an old leather-bound journal that she aptly named her Inspiration Journal.

Throughout the second half of her life, Grandma Zelda used this journal to jot down ideas, thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, and anything else that moved her. She would read excerpts from her journal to me when I was growing up, and I would listen and ask questions. I honestly credit a part of who I am now to the wisdom she bestowed on me when I was young.

Although I’ve shared some of her wisdom in the past here on the blog and with our newsletter subscribers, today is the day she became an angel ten years ago. So to honor her, I want to share some of my favorite excerpts from her journal that I actually remember her sharing with me before she died. I’ve done my best to sort, copyedit, and reorganize her thoughts into twelve inspiring bullet points. I hope you find value in them…

1. Breathe in the future, breathe out the past.

No matter where you are or what you’re going through, always believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Never expect, assume, or demand. Just do your best, control the elements you can control, and then let it be. Because once you have done what you can, if it is meant to be, it will happen, or it will show you the next step that needs to be taken.

2. Life CAN be simple again.

Just choose to focus on one thing at a time. You don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it all right now. Breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you. What you put into life, life will often give you back many times over. (Read “The Power of Now” — a book that once sat on my grandma’s nightstand.)

3. Let others take you as you are, or not at all.

Speak and walk your truth even if your voice and legs shake. By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before. So walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.

4. You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.

You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today. Over the years, so many things have happened — things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed. Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed. That’s what life is all about. But I’m still the same person, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

5. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now.

Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time. So whatever you do, hold on to hope. The tiniest thread will twist into an unbreakable cord. Let hope anchor you in the possibility that this is not the end of your story – that the change in the tides will eventually bring you to peaceful shores.

6. Happiness is a priceless asset.

Don’t just educate yourself to be rich, educate yourself to be happy. That way when you get older you’ll know the true value of things, not the price. You will come to realize that the best days are the days when you don’t need anything extreme or special to happen to make you smile. You simply appreciate the moments and feel gratitude, seeking nothing else, nothing more. That is what true happiness is all about in the end. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Growth chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

7. Be determined to be positive on the average day.

Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude. So give yourself a break today. Instead of dwelling on people who have let you down, refocus your time and energy on appreciating those who lift you up. Remember, you can’t control the impolite things some people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be distracted by them.

8. Pay close attention to people you care about.

Sometimes when a loved one says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.” And don’t be too upset if some people only seem to remember you when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a beacon of light that comes to their minds when there is darkness in their lives.

9. Autonomy is a gift you can give.

Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow. Because, over the course of their lives, it is not what you do for them, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them a successful human being.

10. You will outgrow some relationships.

Sometimes getting the results you crave means distancing yourself from people that don’t serve your best interests. This allows you to make space for those who support you in being the absolute best version of yourself. It happens gradually as you grow. You find out who you are and what you need, and then you realize that people you’ve known for awhile don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.

11. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to listen to your intuition.

It’s usually better to look back on life and say, “I can’t believe I did that,” than to look back and say, “I wish I did that.” In the end people will judge you in some way anyway. So don’t live your life trying to impress others. Instead live your life impressing yourself. Love yourself enough to never lower your standards for anyone.

12. Endings often create beginnings to wonderful journeys.

If you’re looking for a happy ending and can’t seem to find one, maybe it’s time to start looking for a new beginning. Brush yourself off and accept that you have to fail from time to time — that’s how you learn. The strongest people out there — the ones with a genuine smile — are often the same people who have fought the toughest battles. They’re smiling because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down. They’re letting go and moving forward, one step at a time.

Promise yourself…

As I’m wrapping up this short tribute to my grandma, I’m also reminded of a poem excerpt by Christian D. Larson that she used to have hanging on her refrigerator when I was a kid. As soon as I was old enough to understand the poem, my grandma made a photocopy of it for me, and over 30 years later I still have that same photocopy laminated and hanging on my office bulletin board. These are words my grandma said she strived to live by:

Promise Yourself…

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to do the best you can.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forgive the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the present.

To wear a friendly countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too focused for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too at peace to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Now it’s your turn!

Before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of my grandma’s points resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” ~Alan Watts

As I enter the later stage of life, I find myself asking questions that are less about accomplishment and more about meaning. What matters now, when the need to prove myself has softened, but the old voices of expectation still echo in my mind?

In a world that prizes novelty, speed, and success, I wonder what happens when we’re no longer chasing those things. What happens when our energy shifts from striving to listening? Can a life still be meaningful without the spotlight? Can we stop trying to be exceptional—and still feel like we belong?

These questions have taken root in me—not just as passing thoughts, but as deep inquiries that color my mornings, my quiet moments, even my dreams. I don’t think they’re just my questions. I believe they reflect something many of us face as we grow older and begin to see life through a different lens—not the lens of ambition, but of attention.

Some mornings, I wake up unsure of what I am going to do. There’s no urgent project at this time, no one needing my leadership, no schedule pulling me into motion. So I sit. I breathe. I try to listen—not to the noise of the world, but to something quieter: my own breath, my heartbeat, the faint hum of presence beneath it all.

I’ve had a life full of meaningful work. I’ve been a filmmaker, a teacher, a musician, a writer, a nonprofit director. I’ve worked across cultures and disciplines, often off the beaten path. It was never glamorous, but it was sincere. Still, despite all of that, a voice used to whisper: not enough.

I wasn’t the last one picked, but I was rarely the first. I wasn’t overlooked, but I wasn’t the standout. I didn’t collect awards or titles. I walked a different road—and somewhere along the way, I absorbed the belief that being “enough” meant being exceptional: chosen, praised, visible.

Even when I claimed not to care about recognition, part of me still wanted it. And when it didn’t come, I quietly began to doubt the value of the path I’d chosen.

Looking back, I see how early that need took hold. As a child, I often felt peripheral—not excluded, but not essential either. I had ideas, dreams, questions, but I can’t recall anyone asking what they were. The absence of real listening—from teachers, adults, systems—left a subtle wound. It taught me to measure worth by response. If no one asked, maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe I didn’t matter.

That kind of message burrows deep. It doesn’t shout—it whispers. It tells you to prove yourself. To strive. To reach for validation instead of grounding in your own presence. And so, like many, I spent decades chasing a sense of meaning, hoping it would be confirmed by the world around me.

When that confirmation didn’t come, I mistook my quiet path for failure. But now I see it more clearly: I was never failing—I was living. I just didn’t have the cultural mirror to see myself clearly.

Because this isn’t just personal—it’s cultural.

In American life, we talk about honoring our elders, but we rarely do. We celebrate youth, disruption, and innovation but forget continuity, reflection, and memory. Aging is framed as decline, rather than depth. Invisibility becomes a quiet fate.

The workplace retires you. The culture tunes you out. Even family structures shift, often unintentionally, to prioritize the new.

It’s not just individuals who feel this. It’s the society itself losing its anchor.

In other cultures, aging is seen differently. The Stoics called wisdom the highest virtue. Indigenous communities treat elders as keepers of knowledge, not as relics. The Vikings entrusted decision-making to their gray-haired assemblies. The Clan Mothers of the Haudenosaunee and Queen Mothers of West Africa held respected leadership roles rooted in time-earned insight, not in youth.

These cultures understand something we’ve forgotten: that perspective takes time. That wisdom isn’t the product of speed but of stillness. That life becomes more valuable—not less—when it’s been deeply lived.

So the question shifts for me. It’s not just What’s the point of my life now? It becomes What kind of culture no longer sees the point of lives like mine? If we measure human value only by productivity, we end up discarding not just people—but the wisdom they carry.

Still, I don’t want to just critique the culture. I want to live differently. If the world has lost its memory of how to honor elders, perhaps the first step is to remember myself—and live into that role, even if no one names it for me.

In recent years, I’ve found grounding in Buddhist teachings—not as belief, but as a way to walk. The Four Noble Truths speak directly to my experience.

Suffering exists. And one of its roots is tanhā—the craving for things to be other than they are.

That craving once took the form of ambition, of perfectionism, of seeking approval. But now I see it more clearly. I suffered not because I lacked meaning—but because I believed meaning had to look a certain way.

The Third Noble Truth offers something radical: the possibility of release. Not through accomplishment, but through letting go. And the Eightfold Path—Right View, Right Intention, Right Action, Right Livelihood, and so on—doesn’t prescribe a goal—it offers a rhythm. A way to return to the present.

Letting go doesn’t mean retreat. It means softening the grip. Not grasping for certainty, but sitting with what is real. Not proving anything, but living with care.

Carl Jung advised his patients to break a sweat and keep a journal. I try to do both.

Writing is how I make sense of what I feel. It slows me down. It draws me into presence. I don’t write to be known. I write to know myself. Even if the words remain unseen, the process itself feels holy—because it is honest.

I’ve stopped waiting for someone to give me a platform or role. I’ve begun to live as if what I offer matters, even if no one applauds.

And on the best days, that feels like freedom.

There are still mornings when doubt returns: Did I do enough? Did I miss my moment? But I come back to this:

It matters because it’s true. Not because it’s remarkable. Not because it changed the world. But because I lived it sincerely. I stayed close to what mattered to me. I didn’t look away.

That’s what trust feels like to me now—not certainty or success, but a quiet willingness to keep walking, to keep showing up, to keep listening. To live this final chapter not as a decline, but as a deepening.

Maybe the point isn’t to be exceptional. Maybe it’s to be present, to be real, to be kind. Maybe it’s to pass on something quieter than legacy but more lasting than ego: attention, care, perspective.

Maybe that’s what elders were always meant to do.

About Tony Collins

Tony Collins is a documentary filmmaker, educator, and writer whose work explores creativity, caregiving, and personal growth. He is the author of: Windows to the Sea—a moving collection of essays on love, loss, and presence. Creative Scholarship—a guide for educators and artists rethinking how creative work is valued. Tony writes to reflect on what matters—and to help others feel less alone.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!

Worry gives small things a big shadow.

Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace on the average day is letting each moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it — less worry and more presence every step of the way.

So go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…

• Think deeply.
• Speak gently.
• Love lots.
• Laugh often.
• Work hard.
• Give back.
• Expect less.
• Be present.
• Be kind.
• Be honest.
• Be true to yourself…

And whatever you do, don’t let the wrong things worry you or consume your time for too long!

Read that bolded line above again. It’s one of the core lessons my grandma shared with me and reminded me of frequently in the final few years before she died in 2008. She did so because she loved me, and because, at 90-years-old, she had lived long enough to know that most of us let the little frustrations, drama, and distractions of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us.

We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.

But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve worried about and wasted time on.

Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.

Here are some things I learned from my grandma’s 90 years of wisdom, that I have also gradually validated for myself over the past decade and a half — things we all tend to focus on and worry about when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought:

1. The inevitable frustrations of an average day.

90 percent of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later you will know this for certain. So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with grace and purpose.

2. The failures you often feel self-conscious about.

When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run. We learn the way on the way.

3. How “perfect” everything could be or should be.

Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life. Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.

4. Having complete confidence before taking the first step.

Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts. On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin anew, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds. A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc. But it doesn’t happen like that. You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.

5. The details about what’s in it for you every step of the way.

Time teaches us that we keep almost nothing in this life until we first give it away — this is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. Most of the time you have to give to receive. Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST! It’s the giving that opens us up to grace and progress.

6. Being an online-only activist for good causes.

The internet was a lot younger when my grandma caught me debating people in an online bulletin board. And she reminded me right then that while online is fine, if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too. So don’t just rant online for a better world today. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach.

7. The pressures of making a big difference (all at once).

When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of “slow and steady” at work. We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.

8. Quick fixes.

The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix or short cut. Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. It’s our daily dedication that paves the road of progress.

All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life — building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment — one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about that for a moment. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis.

9. Having a calendar jam-packed with plans.

Don’t jam your life with plans. Leave space. Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned. So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.

10. Being in constant control of everything.

The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control. And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.

11. Blaming others.

Have you ever met a successful person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me neither. On the average day successful people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own progress in life is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.

12. Obsessing yourself with the numbers.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — shiny objects and flashy figures don’t matter that much. Don’t just chase the money. Don’t just chase the numbers. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value — the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love and Simplicity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

13. The idea of saving certain people from themselves.

Some people will never understand, and it’s not your job to teach or change them. Prioritize your peace today. Seriously, you simply can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created anyway. They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change, at least not yet — they aren’t ready. And again, it’s not your job to rush them.

14. The selfish and disparaging things others say and do.

If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life, and that just isn’t worth it. At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s opinions and antics.

15. Winning every argument.

Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have confidently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!” Exit swiftly when you must, because not much is worth fighting about for long. And try not to regret the kindness and respect you have shown to the wrong people — your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says more than enough about them. Carry on, with grace.

16. Judging others for their shortcomings.

We all have days when we’re not our best. And the older we grow the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days. Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.

17. Society’s obsession with outer beauty.

As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest. You eventually realize that true beauty has almost nothing to do with looks — it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

18. Fancy and glamorous physical possessions.

Your personal wish list for big-ticket physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller as you age into your sunset years, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.

19. Shallow relationships that just keep you busy.

It’s nice to have acquaintances, and it’s great to be friendly. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.

20. Distant future possibilities.

As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Remember, some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness, and you don’t be one of them. Right now if LIFE! Don’t miss it!

It’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to walk in my grandma’s footsteps — to live a life that moves and shakes and makes you laugh out loud. Because you don’t want to get to the end of it all, or to tomorrow even, and realize that your entire life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises. So count your blessings today, value the people and things that truly matter, and move on from the drama and distractions with your head held high…

And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

My next book, Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, will be published on April 1. In this book, I’ve distilled the lessons I’ve learned (and often re-learned) the hard way. To express these “secrets,” I’ve written more than two hundred aphorisms. 

People have asked me, “Why write in aphorisms?” 

For my whole life, I’ve loved the literary form of the aphorism. An aphorism is a concise statement that contains an expansive truth. Unlike the folk wisdom of proverbs—“A stumble may prevent a fall” or “You can’t push a rope”—aphorisms can be attributed to a partic­ular person.

Brief and sharp, aphorisms distill big ideas into few words; by saying little, they manage to suggest more. The clarity of their language promotes the clarity of our thinking.

As a child, I collected aphorisms in my “blank books”—books with blank pages that I filled with quo­tations illustrated by magazine cuttings. Once I be­came a writer exploring human nature, my admiration for the form grew, because the greatest aphorists grapple with the same fundamental questions I explore in my own work: How can we live happier, healthier, more productive, and creative lives?

The right aphorism, recalled at the right time, can shift our perspective instantly. When my family debated whether to get a dog, I was stuck in an endless pro/con analysis—until I remembered, “Choose the bigger life.” Decision made. We got the dog.

My bookshelves overflow with works by great aphorists: La Rochefoucauld (“It is much easier to stifle a first desire than to gratify all those that follow it”), Samuel Johnson (“All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle”), and Sarah Manguso (“Failure is good preparation for success, which comes as a pleasant surprise, but success is poor preparation for failure.”) Fiction, too, is an unexpected source of aphorisms, such as Iris Murdoch’s “Curiosity is not the same thing as a thirst for knowledge.”

These days, the aphorism is a mostly neglected art—though sometimes it pops up in its lesser forms, like the self-improvement cliché on social media or the office poster’s reminder about the value of teamwork.

This ancient discipline, however, still has tremendous power to communicate.

Because we must decide whether we agree or dis­agree, aphorisms provoke our reflection. We can also compare how different aphorists express a similar idea, as they often do, or contemplate how they contradict each other. For instance, Publilius Syrus observed, “No man is happy who does not think himself so,” while Vauvenargues wrote, “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”

The discipline of the aphorism forces precision of thinking. In my own writing, I’ve found that I can ex­press a big idea in a few words only if I truly under­stand what I’m trying to say.

And, as demonstrated by the haiku, the sonnet, and the thirty-minute sitcom, imagination is often better served by constraint than by freedom.

For years, I’ve refined my own aphorisms, weeding out observations that lack broader truth (such as “The tulip is an empty flower”). My book Secrets of Adulthood gathers my best aphorisms—guidance for those just entering adulthood and those still grappling with its challenges. Some aphorisms stand alone, others benefit from brief stories.

At the end, I also include practical hacks that, while not deeply philosophical, improve everyday life (for instance, “If you can’t find something, clean up”).

What a joy it has been to work on my Secrets of Adulthood, to distill my observations and experi­ences into general truths! After all, work is the play of adulthood.