“Maybe you need to lower your expectations – no one is perfect”.

“If you just stop trying so hard and forget about it, the right person will come along”.

 Sound familiar?!?

I’d hear it all so many times during my single life and it all boiled down to the same old “You’re asking for too much”.

Here are some tips to help you shift your mindset and manage your expectations of dating.

1. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised

When you’re dating without a critical eye you’ll be amazed at how wonderful someone can seem. This doesn’t mean that you’re going to end up with someone ‘less than’ it simply means that when you look for the positives in someone you’ll find them.

Put your checklist in your back pocket for a moment so that you can get to appreciate the good qualities in someone else. You’ll be surprised to find that lots of the stuff you have on your list will eventually get ticked off – it just won’t be in exactly the way that you thought it might.

And sometimes the really good things take a little bit of time to reveal themselves, so be patient and take it a little further than the first date.

 

2.  Be flexible about your requirements

So how long is that list of expectations exactly? You’ve probably prioritized the list. This is a good thing.

If your date is making the cut for most of your list, especially the big stuff, then consider taking the pressure off the relationship by finding girlfriends that are happy to do some of the smaller stuff with, like going to the art museum or having monthly picnics.

In this modern day, we expect one person to fill all the spaces in our lives. In reality, it takes a tribe to keep us happy, so expand your social circle, spend time with family and get some of your needs met by someone other than this one person.

 

3. Embrace change

Being intelligent and having a curious mind outweighs not reading three books per week. If the guy you’ve been on two dates with doesn’t have the same books on his bookshelf as you don’t stress. Don’t let the book thing bug you. Yes, reading magazines, blogs and newspapers do count as reading.

Plus, at the end of the day, people change as they get older. Think about you five years ago. Yep! Exactly…

 

4. Look for someone who is Imperfectly human

We’re all a work-in-progress. Life itself is a work-in-progress. This is called the growth mentality. Get into it and life will be one great adventure of doing stuff and having fun. We’re here to learn and grow together. Not to get it exactly right all the time.

It’s more important that the person you’re thinking of spending time with also has a growth mentality. This means that as a couple you have the space to move and change together. You’re in it for the adventure, not to get it perfect.

 

 5. Think about the short-term as well as the long-term

It’s all about balance…. Are you both heading in the same general direction in life? For example, do you both want to stay in the city you are in or move away? How flexible are you with this?

Just remember that your partner isn’t your clone so you shouldn’t expect him to share all of the same interests as you. That said, how do you intend to spend time together? What do you like doing? Netflix and chill? Eating out? Cooking together? Finding a few things that you can do as a couple and this quality time together will bring you closer together.

 

6. Future plans

If your life goal is to live in a big house by the sea it means you both need to be committed enough to put in the hard work required for it to happen. 

Simple goals such as happiness and companionship are powerful when it’s a joint enterprise. Don’t be scared about communicating what you’d like your future to look like. This is likely to bring up what you both value: time over money for example or vice versa. And we all know that shared values equal healthy relationships.  

And no, this is not a conversation you have on your first date.

 

7. Be fully and wholeheartedly yourself with him

Be honest and open and speak your truth with clarity and integrity and sensitivity. Let him know how you feel and what you want because after all, men are not mind readers. And if he is into you he’ll really want to get it right. So, help him get there!

 

 8.  Try not be too demanding

 Men love to succeed in all aspects of life. They like to know that they can be successful in a relationship with an amazing woman. And they want to know that they have what it takes.

When you make demands, like telling him he must reserve that restaurant or buy you that thing, you are not allowing him to do it out of his own love for you.

So, step back. If you want that thing, buy it for yourself. You know you can. And let him show you how he cares in his own way.

Yes, you can ask for what you want when it comes from your heart. But expecting that he serves you like the Queen of Sheeba makes him a servant and not a King.

 

If I went through my checklist and attempted to neatly tick off all the strange and unusual things on it (and there were many), then the incredible man that I’m with now would not be here.

The stuff that I did tick off right from the beginning were the big things like core values and plans for the future.

Luckily, I was smart enough to have the patience to wait so that I could see all the other little things about my current partner shine through. 

Definitely don’t throw away your expectations. Get to know someone and let them surprise you. Life and dating are so much more fun that way. 

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Andrea Balboni, Lush Coaching Xx

If you flipped a coin, then you’d get the proportion of people who are married in the UK. If you’re on the other side of that coin, then you’ll understand the struggles of sifting through the dating pool.

While it can frustrating to go on first date after first date, don’t lose hope. With some savvy, you can make all that time worth it.

Here’s the ultimate dating guide that’ll land you your ideal partner in the modern dating world.

Be Clear About What You Want

Chances are, you want to find a lifelong partner who’s ideal for you. You’re done dating around and having casual flings.

So make sure you’re clear about this in your dating profile.

Risqué and sexy pictures are completely fine to put up and it’s your prerogative to do so. But the truth is, this will attract the men who want to only hook up.

Remember, you want to get quality over quantity. While sexy pictures will surely garner you more attention from men, chances are, you’ll be deleting most of those messages since all they want to do is have a little fun, nothing else.

So choose some more wholesome pictures and make sure to fill out your profile with exactly what you want. Make it crystal clear that you’re not into hook-ups, but instead, something more serious.

Have Some Standards and Stick to Them

You deserve to date men that fit your standards and morals. Of course, it’s very easy to lie on online dating profiles, so you may end up on dates with people who aren’t quite what you expect. And not in a good way either.

If a man you meet up with doesn’t fit your standards, it’s ok to cross him off your list. You don’t owe it to him to stick it out and see if you mesh, especially if he has some questionable beliefs and he doesn’t treat you the way you want and deserve.

Be Yourself

Many women get this notion that men want a certain type of woman. While it may be true for some men, it’s certainly not true of all of them.

Even if you do manage to put on a front to attract a certain guy, will it be worth it in the end when he truly gets to know you and finds out you don’t mesh? You’ll most likely part ways at that point and you’ll be back where you started.

It’s much better to go in with all your cards laid out. If you have confidence in yourself, then you’ll attract the right men to you. Plus, they’ll love how sure you are of yourself!

Use This Dating Guide for Success

Now that you have a brief dating guide under your belt, the next thing is to put it into practice!

While it may be scary to dive into the dating pool again, you never know what you’ll find. It may take a few trials and errors, but if you can conquer your fears, then you just might be rewarded with a partner for life!

Are you ready to see who’s out there for you? Then sign up for Mai Tai’s matchmaking service today. Registration is free!