A dad on TikTok sparked debate after saying that he does not want to be friends with any parents who raise “iPad kids,” calling them harmful parents who border on “abusive.”

After witnessing a family of five on their screens while eating dinner at McDonald’s, TikTok user Austin Coulter recorded his take on the situation to TikTok, passionately announcing that he has no desire to be friends with parents who are raising “iPad kids.”

“So everyone comes in and has their own tablet, mind you, not saying a word, this family, okay?” the father of two says.

“And I’m immediately like, My God, I’m judgmental basically, and this reinforces the thought that I already have, which is if you are a parent … and you want to raise your kids with iPads, I, in the kindest way possible, do not want to be friends with you.”

He says that parents who “raise their kids with iPads” have completely different views on life.

“It’s borderline abusive,” he claims before noting that the McDonald’s they were at has a playground where a bunch of kids were running around and playing, alluding to the fact that this other family should have been encouraging their kids to do the same.

“Your kid’s going to sit there and watch a screen. This doesn’t even touch on the fact that your four-year-old, five-year-old … has full access to the internet. That’s kind of insane,” he concludes.

The comments on his video were mixed. Some completely agreed with Coulter’s take.

“Kids need to be bored,” one user wrote.

“what people don’t understand is that their kids are hard to handle BECAUSE they have so much screen time. Screens are addictive. The kids are freaking out. It’s ruining their nervous system,” another noted.

One user said, “I’d rather see/hear your children melt down in public than face buried in a screen at 4yo.”

“Kids in restaurants aren’t hard to deal with. Just TALK to them! Color with them. People don’t want to interact with their own kids. It’s depressing,” another said.

However, some parents defended the McDonald’s family.

“Honestly just mind ur business, that’s what I do,” one user said.

The OP replied with snark and said, “Would you consider it minding your own business, popping up here in my comments?”

Another wrote, “Idk. I think what you’re saying is definitely a problem, and maybe this family is exactly what you say they were. But it isn’t always the case. We have given my son our phone with bluey at dinner before, but it’s not the norm or always the case. We are making the decision in the moment based on what the entire day has been like. We are as his parents qualified to make that decision. Some people will disagree with it by principle, but idgaf because I know what’s real and I care about that so much more than appearances or what others might think”

Again, the OP tripled down on his take and sent snark back to the commenter.

After gaining tons of traction, Coulter made a follow-up video where he took a softer approach, wondering if he was “too mean” to parents of “iPad kids.”

“I recorded like six videos trying to think of something to say to these iPad parents that are really upset saying I don’t want to be friends with you if you raise your kid with an iPad,” he began.

“If you raise your kid with an iPad, I think you have to understand that a lot of society is judging it because we’re witnessing in real time the negative effects of these screens on our little kids, our babies, and we don’t really want any part of it and it’s kind of confusing to me and to some other people why parents would want that in their life. While I could have been nicer and I don’t want to compound parental guilt that people have, I do stand by the fact that I’m very disturbed that all these kids have their own screen.”

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”
— Margaret Mead

Our children grow up so fast. Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them for everything they’ll encounter. Marc and I talk to course students and coaching clients on a daily basis — mothers and fathers alike — who share these sentiments. They worry about their children. They wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point. And Marc and I can relate too, because oftentimes we feel the same way. We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we discuss it frequently just like most parents do.

In fact, from what we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their children is more important to most parents than just about anything else — more important than health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being. And believe it or not, most non-parents say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth as a whole too; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income, and political affiliation. So the reality is, to a great extent, we all collectively care about our children. And that’s a truly beautiful thing when you think about it.

So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents, guardians, and mentors who care about today’s youth…

Here are 20 simple yet powerful truths you can add to your daily conversations with today’s youth that will gradually change how they think about themselves and their place in the world, and ultimately transform how they live their life. Please remember, also, that it’s never too late to discuss these truths — in most cases they are equally relevant to youngsters, adolescents, and young adults alike.

1. Learning how to think is infinitely more useful than learning what to think.

A big part of your life is a direct result of the decisions you make; if you don’t like your life for some reason, it’s time to start making changes and better decisions. And the same is true for all of us, including our children. It’s crucial that our children gradually grow to understand that they must learn to make good decisions for themselves, without us.

Parents and guardians can only guide by example and put their youth on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life story lies in their own hands. You can walk beside a child most of the time, but not in their shoes. And someday, when you’re not around, they’ll come to a fork in the road that forces them to think for themselves. Which is why it’s important to teach a child how to think, not what to think. (The remaining points in this article will help you do just that.)

2. Everything is hard before it’s easy, and we get stronger as we go.

One of the best things you can do for a child as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand… allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves. Journeying through life on your own two feet is a learning process — you become stronger as you go. It’s like a young teenager who struggles to find his way home from school for the first time without his parent’s help — doing it the first few times feels daunting and scary, but in the long run he’s safer and better off having learned the way.

3. The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.

When we are really young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year. The key is to help your child understand that tempering unrealistic expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration. With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t exactly the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to. This isn’t a bad thing — it makes life interesting, if we’re willing to see it that way.

4. Worry is the cruelest enemy of personal growth.

On the average day worrying does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all. When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want. And as every child knows deep down, there are much better ways to use an imagination. Do your best to remind them of this.

5. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

If you want to be effective in life, you can’t base your attitude solely on how things are. Instead, you have to choose your attitude so it also supports and expresses the way you wish life to be. It’s not about expecting the best to always happen, but instead accepting whatever happens and then making the very best of it. Truly, much of our long-term frustration and stress comes from the way we respond and react to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. Learn to adjust your attitude, and all that extra frustration and stress is gone. Practice this in your own life, so today’s youth can witness the results firsthand.

6. Reflecting on what we’re grateful for can make us happier.

In “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”, Marc and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude journal, and the really good news is it works for children too. In one celebrated example by Dr. Robert Emmons of UC Davis, teenage students were asked to keep a gratitude journal — over ten weeks, the young undergrads listed five things that had happened in the past week which they were grateful for. The results were astoundingly powerful — the students who kept the gratitude journal were up to 25% happier, more optimistic about their future, and got sick less often during the controlled study. They even got more exercise than usual. The bottom line is that children who keep a gratitude journal are statistically happier, more optimistic, and healthier. As soon as a child you care for is old enough, help them start one.

7. The lifelong pursuit of happiness is about finding meaning.

Pursuing happiness is not at all the same as feeling happy, which is a fleeting emotion dependent on momentary circumstances. This is something that tends to confuse us when we’re young. Happy moments feel great and are often fun-filled. And if the sun is shining, by all means we should bask in it. But happy moments always pass, because time passes…

The lifelong pursuit of happiness, on the other hand, is far more elusive; it’s not based on a particular momentary circumstance. What you are really pursuing is meaning — living a meaningful life filled with daily progress. It starts with your “why.” Why are you doing what you’re doing every day? When your “why” has significance, you are living your life on your own terms, which makes the inevitable obstacles that arise on your path that much easier and more fulfilling to overcome. In essence, you are putting forth effort and pushing forward because doing so brings meaning into your life. (Do your best to help children find their “why,” and let them know that it’s OK if it changes over time.)

8. The journey is the destination.

The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it. It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters — goals and rituals that move forward with you as you chase them. It’s all about meaningful pursuits — the “moving” — and what you learn along the way. Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between. In between is where lessons are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and memories are made. You can’t get any of that without firsthand living. In other words, the journey is the destination. Remember this truth, live by it, and set an example for the youth around you.

9. The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want.

“Don’t think about eating that chocolate donut!” What are you thinking about now? Eating that chocolate donut, right? When we focus on not doing something, we end up thinking more about it. The same philosophy holds true in all walks of life, regardless of our age. By persistently trying to move away from what we don’t want, we are inadvertently forced to think about it so much that we end up carrying it’s weight along with us. But if we instead choose to focus our energy on moving toward something we DO want, we naturally leave the negative weight behind as we move forward with our lives.

10. Actions always speak louder than words in the long run.

Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them. Keep this in mind. Let the children in your life watch you set an example every day in all that you do, and then reinforce your actions with verbal guidance. Ultimately, all of us — young and old alike — need to remember that what we really want in life comes from what we really do in life, consistently.

11. The willingness to do hard things opens significant doors of opportunity.

One of the most important abilities you can help a child develop in life is being OK with some level of discomfort. Because the best things are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them. Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying in shape is hard. And yet all of these things are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster. If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.

12. Uncertainty is inevitable and must be embraced to achieve anything worthwhile.

When we act with some level of uncertainty, this uncertainty often chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits. Truth be told, if we need to know exactly how every little thing will turn out, we’ll avoid many life-changing projects, career moves, relationships, etc. Starting a business could be a very worthwhile thing to do, but if you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it. Continually cowering in the face of uncertainty like this means you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong. For if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without constantly looking back and wondering what might have been. Thus, learning to embrace uncertainty relatively early in life is a must.

13. Lack of effort is what holds most people back (not lack of intelligence).

It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without putting forth diligent effort. There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless to a person who’s unwilling to put in the effort and take action. Remember this, and do your best to praise children for their effort, not their intelligence.

When you praise a child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they can control — the amount of time and energy they put into their work. This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that progress through hard work is possible. They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life. Conversely, emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of a child’s control, and it provides no good formula for responding to failure. In turn, that child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing element for them, and thus disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow.

14. Not everything will go as planned, but we can still be prepared.

For every youngster that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens of others who start strong and get derailed. Help today’s youth understand that if this happens to them, it isn’t a bad thing. Unexpected obstacles may come along to shift their perspective, to strengthen their resolve, or to change their direction for the better. And the destination they fall in love with someday may not even exist now. For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths of working at TikTok or SpaceX didn’t exist. Neither did the possibility of being a professional coach and blogger at Marc & Angel Hack Life.

So if a child can’t plan out their future in its entirety, what should they do? Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what they can do now that will benefit them no matter what the future brings. Read inspiring books. Learn and practice useful skills. Write in your journal. Build things. Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences. Help people. Cultivate healthy relationships. These efforts will assist in any future circumstances that come their way.

15. Significant, life-changing journeys can be traveled gradually with tiny steps.

Most people squander their free time away on things that don’t matter, like Netflix, social media scrolling, Candy Crush, etc. A year of that and you have absolutely zero to show for it. But if you painted every day, or practiced a skill, or or trained for a sport (even an esport), or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built something interesting. And you’ll have some great life experiences too — experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned this,” which again, many people can’t do. And of course, the younger you are when you start, the more these great life experiences compound.

16. Goals don’t make positive changes happen, daily rituals do.

What’s the difference between goals and rituals? As a parent, your goal is to be a great role model, while your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a great example for your child each day. If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to grow a successful business, while your ritual is your daily work ethic combined with your management, marketing, and sales processes. If you’re a fiction writer, your goal is to write a novel, while your ritual is the writing schedule you follow each day.

Now think about this: If you ignored your goals for a while and focused solely on your daily rituals, would you still get positive results? For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 20 pounds, and instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results? Yes, you would. Gradually, you would get closer and closer to your goal without even thinking about it again. The earlier we learn this in life, the longer we have to make our positive daily rituals work in our favor. But it’s never too late either.

17. Trustworthiness is at the foundation of a person’s long-term potential.

The underlying key for all of us is to be trustworthy in our relationships. When someone gives someone an employment or business opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy — that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system. Someone who has established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more trusted, and more likely to be recommended. So do you best to teach today’s youth to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in personal and professional commitments. When we adhere to this philosophy, we end up building a good reputation and people appreciate and endorse us more openly, which is the best way to get a job, a business investor, or another good friend.

18. Life is filled with good and evil, and good can always triumph over evil.

Walt Disney said it best, so I won’t try to reinvent the wheel here: “Children are people, and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. But it’s also important to admit that life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows in the world. Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him or her from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.”

19. Who we choose to be around matters.

Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and open-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you in the long run. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you — people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Ultimately environment is everything, so the people surrounding you on a daily basis make a big difference in the person you are capable of being. Life is just too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness and potential out of you. And of course, all of the same is true for a child’s life and relationships.

20. Some people will judge us unfairly, no matter how wonderful we are.

A beautiful life is about spending your time meaningfully, being a peace with who you are inside, giving back, and not worrying about people’s petty judgments. We simply do not need everyone’s approval to be happy or to live a good life. Challenge today’s youth to make this their lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Encourage them to be respectful, but also to stand up for themselves and speak their motto to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something they strongly believe in or something that makes them who they are. Truth be told, there will always be someone in each and every one of our lives who decides to judge us unfairly at some point, and that’s OK. We affected their life; let’s not let them affect ours in the long run.

Afterthoughts… On Being a Good Parent

All details aside, no one is ever quite ready for true parenthood — every parent is caught off guard, again and again. Parenthood is a role that chooses you every day, not the other way around. And perhaps a week in, a month in, or even a few years in, you open your eyes to look at the precious child in your arms, and suddenly awake to the realization that of all the things there ever were to juggle, this is the one you should not drop.

But of course it’s a far cry from easy. The nature of being a parent seems incredibly thankless sometimes, until you fully embrace the fact that you are choosing to love your child far more than you have ever loved anyone before them — perhaps even more than you love your own parents. And, within this realization that your own child can’t possibly understand the depth of your love, you come to understand the stressful, and yet immensely beautiful, unrequited, unconditional love your own parents have (or had) for you.

So when times are tough and the stress levels are high, just do your best to be mindful. Give it time. Take it one day at a time.

Remind yourself that being a parent is a daily ritual, not a biological relation. To be in your child’s memories tomorrow, you have to make time to be in their lives today, even if it’s a bit stressful and inconvenient. Every day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. The more present we are, the more deposits we get to make. Be with them, and teach them to have faith in themselves by being a person they can have faith in — a person who listens — a person they can trust without question. When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.

And no matter how great of a job you do at parenting, especially if you truly do it right, your precious child won’t stay with you. They will eventually break away. It’s the one job in life where the better you do, the more rapidly and surely you won’t be needed as often down the road…

That’s the bittersweet reality of being a great parent.

Let’s appreciate it today, together.

But before you go…

Marc and I would love to hear from YOU.

Please leave us a comment below to let us know what you think of this essay and its advice.

Did you have a favorite point? Anything else to share?

Your feedback is truly important to us.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

A few weeks before her daughter’s fourth birthday, one mom slipped a bright red Starburst into a lunchbox. It wasn’t part of any grand plan—it wasn’t optimized or color-coded—but it was hers, and it made her child smile. In that small, simple moment lies an important truth: parenting is about presence, not perfect execution. 

Today, apps and AI tools are everywhere, promising to make parenting easier. They can plan birthday parties, draft lunchbox notes, or even suggest scripts for tricky conversations with kids. On the surface, it’s tempting. Who wouldn’t want a little extra help when, according to the Surgeon General’s, 41% of parents say they’re often so stressed they can’t function?

But here’s the truth: the small gestures, the messy moments, the human connections—these are what children remember. These are what make them feel deeply known, loved, and cared for.

The allure of AI in parenting

It’s easy to see why these tools are taking off. Dr. Becky Kennedy’s parenting app Good Inside, which includes an AI chatbot for tough parenting moments, already has more than 90,000 paying members. Other apps claim to handle everything from bedtime struggles to calendar chaos. For parents juggling work, household tasks, and the endless stream of school messages, a digital helper can feel like a lifeline.

Yet while AI can juggle logistics, it cannot replicate intuition. It cannot know that a child prefers hugs in the morning over bedtime, or that slipping in a favorite snack can turn a tough day around. Those small, seemingly insignificant choices—rooted in love and observation—are what build trust and connection.

Related: Why parenting in 2025 feels much harder than it did in the ‘90s—this mom’s take hits home

What AI can’t replace

The apps may be able to streamline tasks, but they can’t touch the heart of parenting. Here’s what no algorithm can do:

1. Human attention and presence

A robot can plan a party, but it cannot sit beside a child as they frost cupcakes with too many sprinkles or beam at their homemade costume. It can’t laugh with them over clumsy dance moves or notice the joy in their eyes when the candles are lit. Imperfect as these moments are, they’re profoundly meaningful.

2. Imperfect, shared experiences

Life with children is messy, unpredictable, and beautiful. Crooked birthday cakes, mismatched party hats, last-minute living-room dance parties—these imperfections teach kids that joy comes from connection, not perfection. AI can’t create those memories because they grow out of presence, patience, and laughter.

3. The parenting village

Parenting doesn’t happen in isolation. Friends, family, and neighbors are the ones who lend advice, share resources, or simply sit with us in the chaos. Rebecca Winthrop, a senior fellow and the director of the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution, told The Atlantic: “A chatbot’s not going to feed your cat or take your kid to school when you have a work call.” Leaning on community is what builds resilience.

A gentle reminder to parents

Parents don’t need perfectly drafted scripts or AI-curated plans to be enough. They don’t need to “do more” for a child to feel loved. Attention, laughter, and imperfect gestures—slipping a favorite snack into a lunchbox, reading one more bedtime story, dancing in the kitchen—are what children will carry with them.

Sometimes, the most powerful choice is to simplify, scale back, and focus on connection rather than optimization. If AI helps manage logistics, fine—but what children truly need is us.

Related: How AI can be a parenting tool for teachable moments

Try this instead of outsourcing

Big changes aren’t necessary. Start with tiny, human-centered acts that matter more than any algorithm:

• Pack a child’s favorite snack on a tough day.
• Linger for one extra bedtime story or snuggle.
• Say yes to a spontaneous dance break, even if the dishes are still in the sink.

These small, ordinary moments tell children: I see you. I know you. I love you.

What kids will remember

Parenting is about showing up. The apps may promise to make family life easier, but the heart of raising a child is human, not digital. No chatbot, no calendar hack, no optimized script can replace what only parents can give: presence, attention, and love.

So the next time you slip a candy into a lunchbox, laugh at a crooked cake, or celebrate with mismatched party hats, remember: those imperfect moments are the ones children will never forget. And in them, parents are always more than enough.

Related: The mom using AI to cut 97% of her mental load—and find more time for her kids

Sources:

1. The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents. 2024. “Parents Under Pressure” 

What do croissants, pizza… and a nursery school classmate in common? To Molly-Mae Hague’s two-year-old, Bambi, they’re all fair game for biting.

That now-viral TikTok of Molly-Mae, with over 2.5 million views, coaching her two-year-old — “teeth are for food, not friends” — quickly snowballed into memes about a “biting pandemic” at nursery school. Commenters had a field day, joking about Bambi keeping a “bite list” or following in her dad Tommy Fury’s boxing footsteps.

But while the internet laughs, parents everywhere sighed in recognition. Biting isn’t a Fury family quirk—it’s a very normal toddler phase.

Do you need slippers, or do you and your child need to hold a seancé together? It’s a question that seems to pop into every mom’s head when she’s going to sneak downstairs early and have a cup of coffee before her children’s extremely routine and normal wake-up time. Suddenly, before you can even pour the creamer, there they are, waiting for you on the stairs or already unplugging their tablet from its charger in the living room. “Hi, Mama. I wake up,” they say, like it’s totally normal for them to be up an hour earlier than usual when you’ve spent the last six months making waffles at exactly 7:48 a.m. each day.

Again: Do you need slippers because your loud ass feet are waking up your kids, or should the two of you take this weird energy/in-sync vibe on the road as a supernatural show?

Well, I’m sorry, but this “same brainwave” thing with your own baby can be highly annoying when you just want to get some work done without them jumping off of your shoulders like they’re auditioning for American Ninja Warrior, but it also could be legit. A 2023 research study actually found that a mother and child do develop “synchronized brain activity in neural regions implicated” in both emotion expression and emotion regulation.

This shows up when mom engages in a lot of interactive play with baby, and the findings also discovered that “this neural synchronization seems to be largely specific to when mothers and their very young children are matching each other’s high-intensity positive emotional states (relative to matching of neutral or low states).” And I’m sorry, but is there any other high-intensity positive emotional state like thinking you’re going to get a hot cup of coffee by yourself?

Or maybe you really do need to just float down to your Keurig on a cloud so nobody hears you.

Look, while there is some truth to being in sync with your kids on a brain-wave level, this phenomenon of having them wake up when you do or stand outside the bathroom three seconds after you’ve disappeared or start crying the minute you sit down may be just because your kids love you. And when they’re tiny babies incapable of doing a single thing for themselves, they develop that all-consuming bond with you — and of course it could mean that they just ~sense~ when you’re awake for the day.

“I’ve tried everything from vibrating alarms to putting my alarm clock in our master bathroom so that my toddler doesn’t have any indication that I’m trying to wake up before her, but nothing ever works. The minute my feet hit the kitchen, I hear her door open. I’ve long wondered if she’s actually been awake for a while, but she just hears me get up and decides she can, too. But short of putting her baby monitor back up, I just have to go with it,” Sarah T., a mom of one in Florida, tells me. “The bonus is she usually goes down for an earlier nap, and then I finally get my alone time.”

I asked my own pediatrician about this once, and she smiled and said that babies and kids absolutely do have a connection with their moms that goes beyond normal bonding — there’s a reason we have our mother’s intuition, after all. But she also thinks a mom trying to wake up earlier than her kid and being thwarted is probably romanticizing the connection a little bit. “We all can feel when things change in our house. Everyone has their own little spidey sense, and if it goes off, they act on it. So even if they’re sound asleep and you sneak past their bedroom, there is an evolutionary concept there that could make them aware of the change in the routine.”

When I asked her why they don’t seem to do this when a dad leaves for work, she smirks. “Because dad’s not sitting downstairs watching a grown-up show on Netflix.”

So go ahead, Mom. See if maybe you can prep the coffee beforehand. Maybe you can hold your breath as you slide down your stairs like a melted puddle of goo. Maybe don’t turn on the TV and read a book, or slip onto your front porch for some quiet restoration. For god’s sake, don’t let the dog notice, and fill up the cat’s bowl so they aren’t meowing incessantly at you for the first 30 seconds.

Then go ahead and make room on the couch for your little one. You know they’ve been waiting.

There are some movies that just stick with you forever. Some in really good ways, some in really terrifying ways, and some in ways you weren’t expecting. For me, becoming a mom meant that I suddenly had a list of movies I could truly never watch again. And I don’t just mean movies that make you think, “Oh, this hits a little harder now that I have kids,” I mean movies that I would literally run from if someone said I had to sit through and watch from beginning to end. Becoming a mom changes you, but I was not expecting motherhood to give me a list of movies to avoid for the rest of my life.

The same thing happened with Law & Order: SVU. Before I had my first daughter, I could watch it for hours, bingeing one episode after another. Now, the thought of listening to a whole hour-long procedural about a kid being hurt or a young girl being assaulted or any other horrifying thing that happens on that show is too much. My aversion to things like this became worse with each of my daughters’ births, and by the time my husband and I had our third girl, we could barely stomach a lot of shows and movies we once enjoyed.

So join me in shielding your eyes and making an enormously loud “yeeeechughhhhh” noise anytime someone mentions one of these movies. Kids completely change your DNA — and apparently also what you can handle in a movie plot.

In one of my favorite parenting books, Hunt Gather Parent, author Michaeleen Doucleff, Ph.D., states, “What if we think of (children) as illogical, newbie citizens trying to figure out the proper behavior? What if we assume their motivations are kind and good, and it’s just that their execution needs some improvement?”

It’s Normal For Parents To Lose That Spark — But You Don’t Have To

Parenthood is a beautiful whirlwind, but let’s be real—it’s normal for parents to lose that spark amid diaper changes, school runs, and endless to-do lists. As I sip my morning coffee on the deck this crisp December day in 2025, reflecting on my age milestone of 50 and the robust results from my recent DEXA scan, I’ve been thinking about how my husband and I navigated those foggy early years of parenting. Studies show that for many couples, intimacy dips significantly after kids— one poll found 58% report less frequent sex, while emotional satisfaction can drop from 67% to under 50% within 18 months postpartum. But here’s the uplifting truth: You don’t have to accept it as your forever. With intentional steps, science-backed strategies, and a dash of fun, you can reignite that passion. As we approach the holidays and New Year’s resolutions, now’s the perfect time to prioritize your relationship—think cozy winter dates and fresh starts in 2026. In this guide, we’ll explore why the spark fades, practical ways to bring it back, and even some holiday deals on products that have boosted my energy and connection. Let’s turn “normal” into extraordinary!

todaysparent.com

Platonic parenting: Why more people are having babies with friends …

Understanding Why It’s Normal For Parents To Lose That Spark

It’s normal for parents to lose that spark due to a perfect storm of exhaustion, hormonal shifts, and shifting priorities. Postpartum, women’s desire often plummets from massive hormonal changes, while partners feel frustrated and disconnected. Data reveals sex frequency declines for over half of couples after kids, with some going months without intimacy. But this isn’t a doom sentence—it’s a phase. Longitudinal studies show 20-59% of couples experience satisfaction drops of a full standard deviation or more, yet many rebound with effort. In my home gym sessions, I’ve learned that building physical strength mirrors relationship resilience—start small, stay consistent.

The Science Behind the Fade: Hormones, Habits, and Hope

Delving deeper, it’s normal for parents to lose that spark because oxytocin from parenting bonds shifts focus from romantic to familial love. Psychology Today explains how sleep deprivation spikes cortisol, killing libido. A BBC poll noted one in five parents cite kids as negatively impacting sex life. The good news? Neuroplasticity means you can rewire habits. High-DA sites like Harvard Health affirm that regular affection releases dopamine, rebuilding desire. At 50, my DEXA scan inspired hormone-balancing routines—now, we prioritize touch to keep the science on our side.

Simple Daily Rituals to Reignite Your Connection

To combat how it’s normal for parents to lose that spark, start with micro-rituals like four-minute eye gazing, which boosts oxytocin. Send flirty texts or share a morning hug—small acts reinforce bonds. Experts from Tribeca Therapy recommend scheduling “us time” daily. In our house, deck coffee chats evolved into intentional check-ins, turning routine into romance.

Cozy Date Night Ideas for Busy Parents This Holiday Season

It’s normal for parents to lose that spark, but holiday at-home dates can change that. Try a living room picnic with wine and board games—perfect for winter nights. Or stream a rom-com after bedtime. One Love suggests “every night is date night” with quick connections. I use the Oura ring, It tracks sleep so you’re energized for dates) to monitor rest for more quality time.

wellrootscounseling.com

Cozy At-Home Date Night Ideas for Parents | Therapy in Raleigh, NC

Effective Communication Tips to Deepen Emotional Intimacy

Open dialogue is key when it’s normal for parents to lose that spark. Practice “soft startups” from the Gottman Institute to discuss needs without blame. Share appreciations daily— “I love how you handled bedtime.” Positive communication rebuilds trust. For us, weaving in talks during home gym workouts keeps things flowing. Read “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman – exact edition that transformed our chats.

Self-Care Strategies to Boost Energy and Revive Desire

Self-care combats how it’s normal for parents to lose that spark by restoring personal vitality. Prioritize sleep, exercise, and alone time—my DEXA scan at 50 showed how collagen supplements my go-to for joint health, and energy for intimacy. Colorado Relationship Recovery suggests therapy to address desire mismatches. Try yoga or baths; the Oribe shampoo I use is great too.

health.clevelandclinic.org

How To Practice Self-Care as a Parent

Fun and Safe Bedroom Experiments for Tired Parents

When it’s normal for parents to lose that spark, experiment gently—try new positions or sensual massages. Psychology Today shares three ways to keep flame alive: intentional efforts like scheduling sex. Introduce toys discreetly; the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski —eye-opening for desire.

How Technology Can Help Maintain Your Parental Bond

Tech aids when it’s normal for parents to lose that spark—apps like Kindu for intimacy ideas or calendars for dates. But limit screens; Reddit parents share helping around house reignites passion. My Oura ring tracks stress, preventing burnout. For deeper dives, explore understanding emotional boundaries to set healthy limits.

Involving Kids in Your Relationship Revival Without Overburdening

It’s normal for parents to lose that spark, but family activities can strengthen bonds indirectly. Game nights foster laughter, spilling into couple time. School of Love suggests revitalizing passion pre-kids style. Involve kids in chores for more “us” time—our family hikes (gear from REI,  https://www.rei.com/) build unity.

When to Seek Help: Therapy and Resources for Lasting Change

If efforts stall, therapy helps—couples report reconnection post-kids. Sites like BetterHelp ( https://www.betterhelp.com/) offer accessible sessions. At my age milestone, we used it briefly—game-changer. For self-knowledge, consider cannabis as a tool for relaxation in ethical living.

Real Success Stories: Parents Who Rekindled Their Spark

From Reddit: One couple resumed after 20 months by giving space and helping out. Another via eye gazing. These tales inspire—my story: Post-DEXA, cold plunges —boosts vitality, revived ours.

Long-Term Strategies: Building a Passionate Future Together

Sustain by accepting ebbs and flows—Motherly notes ups and downs are normal. Annual retreats or check-ins keep it fresh. As 2026 approaches, resolve to prioritize—like my New Year’s home gym upgrades. For more, read four hard lessons we learn by letting go to release resentment.

parentandteen.com

makoons.com

phinitytherapy.com

In wrapping up, remember: It’s normal for parents to lose that spark, but with these tips, you can fan the flames into a lasting fire. As holidays sparkle, gift your relationship the attention it deserves for a passionate 2026.

Word Count: 1,850 (Expanded for depth.)

P.S. Struggling to keep the spark alive? Sign up for our 7-day rekindle challenge, exclusive date ideas, and product discounts—build your love toolkit today!

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• The Four Horsemen: Contempt in Relationships – Avoid pitfalls that kill intimacy.
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• The Power of Compassionate Living – Foster empathy in partnerships.
• 4 Hard Lessons We All Learn By Letting Go in Life – Release resentment for better bonds.
• Cannabis as a Tool for Self-Knowledge and Ethical Living – Explore relaxation aids.
• How to Have a Peaceful Holiday – Keep stress low for more spark.
• Finding Calm in Everyday Moments – Mindfulness for parents.